


Sleep Is For Dreamers

by unfancyandy



Series: Love And Other Adventures [1]
Category: SKAM (TV)
Genre: Angst, Bad Dreams, Blow Jobs, Bottom Even, Bottom Isak, Boys In Love, Canon Divergence, Crying, Cuddling & Snuggling, Depression, Emotional Sex, Even POV, Fluff and Smut, Grinding, Hair-pulling, Heart-to-Heart, Insomnia, Kissing, M/M, Mania, Masturbation, Mental Illness, Overstimulation, Panic Attack, Partying, Riding, Sex Talk, Shower Sex, Soft sex, Spooning, Strip Tease, Teasing, Top Even, Top Isak, emotional breakdown, even the little spoon, handjob, relationship fight, soft boyfriends
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-16
Updated: 2017-11-05
Packaged: 2018-09-24 21:28:28
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 50
Words: 114,877
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9787697
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/unfancyandy/pseuds/unfancyandy
Summary: Isak's always had a complicated relationship with sleep.





	1. I won't lie and tell you it's alright.

**Author's Note:**

> Chapter title from Beach Fossil's "Sleep Apnea"

Even was completely exhausted when he woke up too damn early that Sunday morning. His cheek was smooshed rather unattractively on Isak’s sleeping chest. He reached the arm he had wrapped around Isak’s waist to wipe the sleep out of his eyes but felt moisture on Isak’s t-shirt. His first instinct was that he was drooling in his sleep again, but when he lifted his fingers to his mouth all he felt was the dry chapped lips he’d been wearing for days. 

Then he felt it again – Isak’s knee slightly flinching into his abdomen, kneeing him hard enough that it woke him from his sleep. Even though he was now awake, his eyelids felt too heavy as he struggled to open them. When he finally did open his eyes, he was met with darkness still. 

Jesus. Isak had woken him up hours before sunrise. He felt his body tremble on top of Isak’s and immediately reached down to bring the warm duvet back around his shoulders then slinked his arm back around Isak’s waist securely, ignoring the moisture on Isak’s shirt.

He had almost drifted back to sleep when he realized that even though he was no longer trembling, Isak was. A jab to his stomach made him groan. Isak’s knee had done it again, this time jerking too violently against him. 

Even propped himself up on his elbow, his other hand draped casually across Isak’s stomach. Heavy breathing seemed to be blowing the hair that inevitably draped over his forehead in quick motions. He brought his hand up to Isak’s now heaving chest and settled it firmly on his heart. It was beating like crazy – way too fast for a sleeping teenage boy.

Isak squirmed beneath the pressure on his chest, knees moving more erratically now. Even’s eyes were beginning to adjust in the dark and he could just barely make out the way Isak’s eyebrows were squished together in a look of unease. He heard the slight thrashing of his boyfriend’s teeth, molars grinding against each other in his sweet mouth. 

“Isak?” he whispered, trying to wake him. No luck. 

He inched up closer, his head resting smoothly at Isak’s neck. His neck was slippery with sweat and he could feel the pounding of his pulse in the vein of Isak’s neck against his cheek. 

“Isak, wake up,” Even said a little louder this time, shaking Isak’s shoulder gently. 

He murmured something Even couldn’t quite make out. His boyfriend couldn’t stop trembling beneath him, still overcome by his unconsciousness. 

“Isak!” Even whisper-shouted, his hand gripping Isak’s jaw, moving his head from side to side. Isak’s breathing was becoming more and more labored. Even had never had such a difficult time waking Isak up before. He pushed the sweaty blond curls off Isak’s forehead and tried one more time, “Isak!” this time raising his voice so high that he worried he could have woken up Linn. 

Isak’s body finally settled beneath Even’s touch. He kept smoothing the damp hair off of Isak’s forehead until Isak finally opened his eyes. 

“Jesus, Even, what time is it?” Isak complained, clearly annoyed. 

“Are you kidding me, Isak?” Even couldn’t believe him. It was Isak who had so rudely woken him up. 

Isak’s eyes, heavy with sleep, still somehow managed to look up at him incredulously, “What?” he moaned trying to turn over deeper into the soaked pillow. “Ugh,” Isak groaned, “Why is my pillow so wet?” 

“You were sweating in your sleep, Isak. I think you were having a nightmare.” 

“A nightmare? A nightmare, Even?” Isak scoffed, “I think I’d remember that.” 

Even sat up in bed abruptly, sitting cross-legged his knee resting firmly on Isak’s hip. 

“What?” Isak complained, still not getting it. 

“Isak, you were literally shaking, you’ve sweat through your clothes, you were mumbling something, and breathing really heavy and your knee kept jabbing me in the stomach!” Even explained, tired and exasperated. 

“I don’t remember dreaming anything,” Isak shrugged. Even dropped his head to his hands, letting out a long sigh as his elbows rested on his knees. “Hey, I’m sorry. I’m sorry I woke you up. Really,” Isak apologized, settling his fingers on Even’s forearm, caressing his skin softly. 

“It’s okay,” Even replied lifting his head, still resting his chin in his hands, “I was just worried about you.” 

“I’m alright, Even. Really. I don’t even remember what I was dreaming about.” Isak grabbed one of Even’s hands, lacing their fingers together softly. “Thanks for caring so much about me,” he teased, squeezing Even’s hand softly. 

Even rolled his eyes and lied down next to Isak, stroking his cheek softly and placing a quick kiss on his temple. “Ugh, I can’t do this,” Even sat up swiftly. 

Isak sprung up with him this time. “What?” he looked nervous. 

“You’re too sweaty!” Even laughed. He leaned over Isak to grab his phone from the floor. A bright screen seared through his eyeballs. “03:28. Go take a shower, Isak. I’ll changed the sheets.” 

“Fiiine,” Isak whined, drawing out the vowels. Even started getting up from the bed when Isak’s hand grabbed his wrist and pulled Even back down. They lied flushed against each other and Isak surprised Even with a hungry open-mouthed kiss on his lips. Isak’s hands traveled down Even’s backside, settling at the small of his back just above the waistband of his pajama pants. Even responded immediately with the equal fervor, cupping Isak’s cheeks with his hands. 

Finally, he raised his head breathing heavy, “Isak. Shower.” He placed a quick peck on his lips then another on his nose before lifting himself from the bed, free from Isak’s grasp. He turned on the lamp and moved over to the wardrobe.

Isak groaned as he lifted himself from the bed. Even was already searching through Isak’s wardrobe for the spare set of sheets. “Pass me a towel?” Isak asked, standing by the doorway. Even pulled one from the clean basket and handed it to his boyfriend, smacking him playfully on the ass when he turned to leave. 

“Jeez!” Isak yelped softly, trying to keep his voice down. “What was that for?” 

“Waking me up, you cheeky bastard,” Even winked. “Now hurry up.” 

 

By the time Even had yanked the sweaty sheets off the mattress, he could hear the water pouring from the showerhead down the hall. He busied himself with replacing the sheets, only slightly annoyed with how awake he was feeling now at 3 o’ too early in the morning. He found extra pillowcases and replaced those as well then bundled up the old sheets in a pile in his arms. 

Even padded softly down the hallway to the laundry room and threw the sheets in Isak’s dirty basket. Washing them could wait for a more reasonable time in the morning. Even yawned as he thought of how nice it would be to just sleep in lazily all day in the warmth of Isak’s fresh sheets. 

He walked back to Isak’s room and made himself comfortable on the bed, squeezing and pounding the pillow until it cradled his shoulders and his neck just perfectly. He could almost feel himself relax back into sleep when Isak appeared in the doorway. The towel tied haphazardly around Isak’s waist paired with his fresh, glistening skin made Even lose his breath for a moment. His boyfriend was so beautiful. Even couldn’t get enough of him. 

Isak strode to the wardrobe and found a pair of clean boxers. He turned around to glance at Even. Even was staring at him intensely.   
Isak smiled, blushing slightly, his head falling just a little, “You going to watch me change?” he teased. 

Even couldn’t believe he still made Isak so nervous sometimes. 

“I can’t help it,” Even grinned. He placed his hands behind his head, trying to look like he was just relaxing on a beach somewhere. “I’m crazy about the view.” 

The smooth curve of Isak’s ass still made Even’s stomach do flips. He bit his lip, watching as Isak towel dried his messy blonde hair and walked slowly over to the bed. Damn, Isak was beautiful, like some kind of demigod. He seemed so relaxed and himself now that it was hard to believe he looked so fragile and trembling just fifteen minutes earlier. 

Even quickly pushed the thought out of his mind when Isak shut off the light and crawled in bed under the covers next to him. Even turned on his side and before he could miss the smooth comfort of the pillow, he was reminded of a much better comfort – Isak’s body wrapped around his. 

Isak had opted out of putting a t-shirt back on. Even’s had ridden up slightly in his movements. Isak’s abs pressed gently against the warm skin on the small of Even’s back. His chest hugged Even’s shoulder blades and Isak’s arms wrapped around Even, one settling underneath Even’s neck and the other draped lazily across his stomach.   
Isak’s fingers played gently in Even’s hair while his other hand stroked soft circles onto the skin of Even’s abdomen. 

“That tickles,” Even murmured, nudging back impossibly closer into Isak’s embrace. Isak’s fingers stilled, his toned arms hugging Even tightly. His nose pressed against the back of Even’s neck. Even was overwhelmed. His soft boyfriend smelled of coconut and lavender. He must have used Noora’s body wash again. 

“Noora’s going to kill you if you keep using her shower stuff, Isak.” 

“Oh shut up, you know you love it,” Isak teased, kissing Even’s warm skin. 

It was true. Isak smelled like heaven and Even was drunk on him. He held Isak’s hand that was draped across his stomach, lacing their fingers together and pulling them to his heart. 

Then sleep came upon them both, slowly then all at once.


	2. Nothing's gonna take you from my side.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eskild tells Even about Isak's nightmares.  
> Even, Isak, Eskild, Noora, and Linn spend a rainy morning inside.  
> Isak tells a lie. Even lets it go, for now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title from Cigarettes After Sex's "Nothing's Gonna Hurt You Baby"

They somehow hadn’t moved at all in their sleep when Even woke again to the sound of rain pattering against Isak’s window. It was overcast outside, but light enough that Even could tell it was morning. Although it was so warm under the covers with Isak’s body flush against his back, Even shivered. A sleeping Isak was snoring softly behind him, little breaths tickling the hair at the nape of his Neck. Even smiled to himself thinking it was good Isak was getting some deep sleep uninterrupted by bad dreams.

Even lifted their still clasped hands to his mouth and kissed Isak’s fingers softly. The boy didn’t even budge behind him, but he heard an involuntary sigh leave his lips. Isak would be the death of him.

Listening to the rain fall gently outside, Even wanted nothing more than to wake up Isak and kiss him senseless. For a moment he seriously considered it, but thought it better to just let him sleep.

He instead focused on the rain for quite a while until he noticed it had in fact picked up outside. The drops pounded heavily on the glass and it almost seemed like time was moving backwards as the sky darkened like it was returning to night. Even gently wiggled loose from Isak and leaned down to grab his phone as Isak let out a particularly loud snore.

The bright screen was less harsh on his eyes this time at 10:18. He settled back into Isak’s embrace. He went to the weather app and smiled to himself when he realized the rain didn’t intend on letting up. It would be storming all day and late into the night.

Even checked his messages. Three from dad:

08:04 - _Are you planning on coming home this morning? We need sour cream._

08:32 – _I suppose this means I’ll be walking down to the market in the rain._

9:47 – _Wow, I must really love my son._

His dad had attached a picture to the last text. It was a selfie of his dad completely soaked from the rain. Even couldn’t believe how “dad” his dad was being. Even’s smile widen as he typed a response.

10:20 – **Sorry dad. I’ll get it next time. I promise.**

His dad replied quickly.

10:22 – _Don’t worry, son. Do let us know when you plan on coming home, though. We miss you._

Even knew he was spoiled with such great parents. His dad knew exactly what to say and when to say it. Another text came in from his mom.

10:22 – _You should bring Isak by again soon, honey._

Even laughed softly to himself. He could picture his parents sitting at the table in the kitchen. Dad was probably relaying Even’s messages to his mom while his mom told him what to reply with. But of course, dad probably wasn’t listening. Mom probably pulled out her phone and sent Even what she wanted him to say.

10:23 – **I will. Soon. I think we’re staying in today.**

His mom replied. She also attached a picture of his dad, soaking wet still, with a piece of toast hanging in his mouth as he typed on his phone, probably a reply to Even.

10:25 – _Sounds like a good idea._

Even laughed without reserve. Isak shifted behind him. He clamped a hand around his mouth to suppress his laughs. Isak had rolled onto his back still sound asleep.

He typed a quick reply.

10:26 – **Thanks, Mom. I love you. Remind me to show you and Dad how to use snapchat when I come home.**

Maybe he would regret having his parents on snapchat. Isak would probably think he was getting manic again, but Even knew better. He realized soon after his diagnosis that his parents were out of this world and should probably win parenting awards. He didn’t have to be manic to love them this way.

Even clicked his phone off and set it on the little yellow bedside table. He turned over onto his back, too, looking over at Isak. His soft lips were parted and his jaw hung slack as he continued snoring softly with his curls a mess around his face. Even leaned over and pecked him on his cheek then finally got up from the bed to leave the room.

He gently closed the door behind him and walked down to the laundry room to start the laundry, but Eskild had beat him to it.

“Getting freaky in the sheets, huh, Even?” Eskild teased as he was moving the sheets from last night to the dryer.

Even laughed, “No, nothing like that. Get this, Isak was having a nightmare. He was sweating all over the sheets.”

“Oh,” Eskild replied. At first Even thought he was just disappointed that Eskild wasn’t going to get any juicy details about their sex life, but when Eskild didn’t say anything more Even became nervous.

“Eskild?” he asked, trying to get him to look at him.

“You know Isak doesn’t sleep well,” he started.

Even nodded his head. His shoulders felt like they were collapsing on himself as he slouched against the doorway.

“Well, he used to have these really crazy nightmares when he lived in the basement. I used to be able to hear him crying in the middle of the night and I would go down there and he would be sweaty uncontrollably,” Eskild explained. “It was really hard to wake him up, but when he came to, he couldn’t really remember anything.”

Even shifted uneasily as Eskild talked. He couldn’t imagine his Isak that way.

Eskild brought a hand to his shoulder, squeezing tightly, “Hey, I’m sure it’s nothing to worry about. They’ll pass. He doesn’t remember them anyway.” Eskild was trying hard to be reassuring, but Even couldn’t shake the feeling that something was becoming wrong with Isak.

“Thanks, Eskild. I’ll keep an eye on him. And thanks for taking care of the sheets. I meant to do them this morning.”

Eskild smiled devilishly. “Oh you think I just did this for you, Næsheim?”

Even clearly didn’t know where he was going with this.

“I’m totally just trying to get some of those delicious eggs this morning!”

Even laughed and relaxed, standing up straighter. “Well come on then,” and he headed toward the kitchen.

Noora must have cleaned the night before because all of Eskild’s dishes had disappeared from the sink and the counter was spotless. Even felt excited to cook. By the time he had the eggs in the pan, Noora’s head peaked around the corner. She was dressed in a gray button up shirt and black trousers and wearing that signature red lipstick. It was 11 in the morning on a Sunday and it was pouring outside. Even and Eskild were in pajamas, but Noora had this thing about not wanting to lounge around in pajamas. She had claimed that it made her lazy and unfocused. Even was fine with lazy and unfocused on a day like this.

“Are those Even Bech Næsheim’s famous eggs?” she had meant it like a question, but the way she cheered made it sound like she knew they were.

“Mhm, I’m making enough for everybody,” Even smiled.

“Why aren’t you helping, Eskild?” Noora said.

Eskild was playing on his phone at the table. “Oh, Even owes me,” he winked.

“Well, can I help?” Noora asked Even.

“Actually, toast sounds really good. Want to make that?”

Noora nodded and got to work. “Where’s Isak?” she asked casually.

“Still sleeping. He had a long, rough night,” Even told her.

Noora smirked and challenged Even, “oh yeah?”

“Oh gosh, not like _that_ , Noora,” he laughed.

“Not like what?” Isak spoke from the doorway. His voice was still strained with sleep and sounded groggy. He had pulled on a shirt and some pajama pants over his boxers. Even thought they were one of his pairs since they bunched a little too much at Isak’s ankles, too long for him.

“Eskild found the sheets,” Even responded, scraping at the sizzling eggs in the pan. “Can you grab the sour cream, Isak?”

Isak must have been too tired to figure out what Even was implying or simply didn’t want to talk about it, but he moved over the fridge and pulled the tub from the shelf. He set it next to Even on the counter. Even felt his arms wrap tightly around his midsection, Isak’s cheek pressed firmly against one of his shoulders.

Isak spoke against his back, “I can’t help it you’re so sexy, sheets be damned.” Isak was definitely implying that they had in fact ruined the sheets from sex.

It seemed bold for Isak to say such a thing with Noora in earshot. Even didn’t really know why Isak was saying it. They hadn’t had sex since before Even’s last depressive episode. Isak never asked for sex after Even’s episodes. He always waited until Even was ready again and told him himself. Isak was careful and sweet, but now it seemed he was making up what he said as a way of avoiding talking about the nightmare with Noora and Eskild. Even respected Isak’s wishes and didn’t comment.

Eventually, the four of them settled on the couches and watched Looney Tunes as they scarfed down their eggs. Around noon, Linn emerged from her perpetually dark room.

“Hey, Linn. There are eggs in the pan in the kitchen for you,” Even told her.

She just plopped down on the couch next to Noora. “Maybe later. Thanks.”

Even didn’t push it. He knew what it felt like to not find the energy to eat. Plus, Noora would make sure Linn had something eventually.

Even had his long legs propped up on the coffee table. Isak’s head rested against his chest. He had finished his eggs in minutes and set the plate by Even’s feet on the table.

Even chuckled at the cartoons, forgetting how funny they were. Every time he laughed, Isak head bobbed on his chest. Even stroked his fingers through Isak’s unruly curls. A smile spread across Isak’s lips as he settled in closer listening to Even’s heartbeat.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments welcome!


	3. Coming home, come unfold babe.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Even shares a memory with Isak, takes a shower, and feels really turned on.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title from "I Know Places" by Lykke Li.

Eskild and Noora left a little after noon. They were supposed to meet Vilde and Chris to discuss a trip they were planning for March. Everybody knew when Vilde said “Rain or shine,” she meant it. The two of them piled on the layers, pulled on their rainboots and grabbed umbrellas from the closet. Even could hear Eskild singing Rihanna’s “Umbrella” as they shut the door behind them.

Linn had eventually gotten up to get some eggs then disappeared back to her room with the plate in her hands. It was some time after noon when Even and Isak were left to themselves snuggling on the couch.

Even’s favorite, Wiley the Coyote had come on and he couldn’t stop himself from laughing every time the anvil fell on Wiley’s head. Even tangled his fingers back in Isak’s hair, brushing them softly.

“When I was a kid in the summers, my mom and I would wake up early on Sundays to watch cartoons. This one’s my mom’s favorite, too. Dad always liked Bugs Bunny,” Even spoke softly. Isak didn’t reply, just nodded his head on Even’s chest to let him know he was listening.

“We would sit up on the couch, sometimes on our second or third bowl of cereal and laugh so loud my dad would coming running from the kitchen or my parents’ room to see what was going on. And my mom and I, we’d just be laughing so hard that she would spill cereal on her sleep shirt and milk would come pouring out of my nose.” Even was smiling so big it almost hurt.

“So my dad would suggest changing it to Bugs Bunny and my mom and I would both yell at him as he reached for the remote. Every time I would jump on him and wrestle him to the ground and he always let me take him down.” Even was kind of laughing as he was telling the story to Isak. They both stared intently as Wiley painted a fake tunnel over a rock face.

“Mom would just jump on the ground next to us and pretend to pound the wrestling mat until I won. And then we were all just laughing on the floor, piled up together – so happy. I think then, I didn’t really think it was weird that my parents were my best friends. I thought I was clever somehow, that you had to be really smart to have grown-up friends.”  
  
Isak didn’t say anything. He just rolled his head over so he was looking up at Even. For a second, Even thought he saw a tear forming in Isak’s eye, but before he could think anything more of it, Isak was leaning up quickly to wrap his arms around his neck. Their lips smashed together hungrily. Isak’s arms held him tight and Even knew Isak needed him close right now. They barely moved apart from each other as they shared open-mouthed kisses. Eventually, Even slowed them down to soft pecks over Isak’s lips as he supported his shoulders, leaning over his boyfriend’s body.

Isak pulled away to sit himself up on Even’s lap. He straddled Even and wrapped his arms around his boyfriend’s shoulders while Even’s hugged him back tightly. Isak buried his face in his own arms, hugging Even so tight. Even rubbed Isak’s back with his palms, trying to ease the tight muscles in his back. He slowly felt Isak relax his clenched body but didn’t stop rubbing circles. Isak turned his head, still hugging Even, to slowly kiss his cheek. His lips lingered softly against Even’s skin.

“Are you going to tell me what’s wrong, Isak?”

He didn’t respond. Even held him tighter. “Isak?”

A pause, then Isak’s lips were pressed against Even’s ear. The words were whispered and seemed to fall out of him, “I just love how happy you are.”

Even gripped the back of Isak’s neck and maneuvered so that he faced him. He rubbed Isak’s cheek gently with his thumb. Isak’s eyes were closed but he leaned into the touch. Even leaned forward, their lips meeting again, this time more gracefully. Their kiss lasted only a few moments before Even was pulled Isak back into a hug.

“I’m with you. Of course I’m happy,” he spoke into his hair.

They hugged until their hearts seemed to be beating in tune. Isak pulled Even down on top of him so that they were lying on the couch, bodies pressed together from chest to thigh. Even’s un-styled hair flopped over his forehead, tickling Isak’s face. They lay there for a while, just looking at each other as Isak brushed Even’s soft hair out of the way gently. Even couldn’t help moaning at the touch. Isak licked his lips, and then they were kissing again.

Isak’s hands roamed Even’s back, softly scraping skin as Even kissed his boyfriend deeper. Their tongues mingled sloppily and then Even was licking down his jaw, pressing wet kisses on Isak’s skin. He reached his neck, and Even was reminded of the way Isak’s heart was racing earlier in the morning. He sucked at Isak’s skin, leaving marks up and down his throat. After each new bruise, Even returned briefly to Isak’s lips, kissing him then whispering, “You’re mine.”

They were both growing quite hard as their make out session continued. Isak reached down, fingers trailing Even’s chest and stomach. His hand cupped Even through his pajamas. Breathless, he looked up at him, “Do you want to?” massaging him through the fabric.

Even’s head fell onto Isak’s shoulder and he tried hard to ignore the way Isak replaced his hand with his own hips, grinding up against him. Of course he wanted to; he was ready, but Isak didn’t seem fully there. Even could tell he was still bothered by something. Even brought a hand to Isak’s heart. He kissed him softly, whispering “shhh” as Isak squirmed beneath him.

“I want to,” another kiss, “but I need a shower,” another kiss, “and there are still dishes to do in the sink.”

Isak nodded softly, knowing he shouldn't beg or protest. Even felt guilty. He really was ready, but he wanted Isak to be fully there with him when they made love.

Even lifted off the couch, holding Isak’s hands, pulling him up with him. He lead them to the kitchen and started doing the dishes. Isak shoved him playfully out of the way. “Go shower, it’s my turn to do dishes anyway.”

Even kissed his forehead, “Thank you.” Isak smiled at him, he seemed sad though.

 

He took his time in the bathroom, stripping his clothes off slowly, standing in front of the mirror. When he turned, he could just barely make out the red lines Isak had left on his back. He dragged a hand over his smooth chest, then up to his pale neck. His last hickeys had faded and he felt incomplete without them.

Even sighed to himself as he turned on the water, stepping lightly into the shower. There was a small window at the top of the shower. He noticed rain hitting the window roughly, but he couldn’t hear it over the water. A flash of lightning lit up the bathroom for a moment.

As he washed his hair and his body languidly, he couldn’t stop thinking about what dreams Isak might be having, or how badly he wanted Isak’s lips on his neck, or Isak’s hands gripping his hips. In no time at all, Even was hard again. He had never had sex during a rainstorm before. The thought excited him. Maybe he was overthinking it. Maybe Isak wasn’t sad about something. Maybe he was just affected by the weather.

He rinsed off and turned off the shower, stepping out to grab a towel. He ran it roughly through his hair, wet strands sticking up everywhere, then dried off his body and wrapped the towel around his waist. Even walked down to Isak’s bedroom after picking up his clothes and setting them in the laundry room.

Isak was lying on the bed, wearing significantly less clothes, maybe no clothes. He leaned against the wall, the duvet draped across his midsection and his legs sprawled free on the mattress. He lifted a finger, gesturing towards Even, “Come here.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> alert: probs smut next chapter
> 
> please i love your comments they keep me motivated


	4. Feels so good when I'm near you.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sex during a rainstorm wasn't at all what Even expected.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title from "Baby" by Ariel Pink's Haunted Grafitti.

He was right. No clothes. Isak had stripped for him and the hunger in his eyes hadn’t receded.

When Even had closed the door behind him, he was almost caught off guard by Isak’s words, “Lose the towel.”

There were no lights on in Isak’s room, but the storm was still raging outside and the sky was deeply overcast. The room lay in dark shadows. It felt like a secret hideout, tucked away and private. Even slowly untied the towel from his waist as he took slow steps toward the mattress. When he reached the foot of the bed, he finally let it fall from his waist. Isak smiled softly as Even ran his fingers through his own hair, an obvious nervous tick, but he loved the way Isak was looking at him.

“You’re so sexy, Even. Come here already,” Isak complained, his eyes moving up and down Even’s body. It wasn’t quite a whine; his voice was so deep and sensual. Even could entirely forget Isak was only seventeen sometimes.

Even crawled up Isak’s legs as Isak lifted the duvet off. When Even settled on Isak’s lap, Isak replaced the duvet, wrapping it around Even’s lower back. Isak reached up with both hands, pulling Even’s face towards his own. His kissed him softly first, just a small kiss to Even’s chapped lips. Even pulled away, their mouths just centimeters apart, sharing the same breath. He moved Isak’s hands to his waist, settling each of them on his hips. He covered Isak’s hands and squeezed.

Isak got the hint, tightening his grip instinctively. Even wrapped one arm around Isak’s shoulders while the other cupped his cheek firmly. A moment later, their lips were crushed together, tongues intertwining in their mouths as they tasted each other. Isak bit roughly at Even’s bottom lip and Even moaned deep, feeling his hips move involuntarily on Isak’s lap.

Isak’s hands gripped tighter as Even grinded down against Isak’s hardness. Isak’s lips trailed from Even’s mouth to his cheek to his jaw, finally settling at his neck. Even hugged Isak against him, lifting his head to give him better access. Isak bit into his neck, eliciting a sensuous grunt from Even’s throat. He sucked softly but with a purpose, creating a fresh bruise on Even’s neck. He pulled back to admire his work and kissed it gently as Even cradled his shoulders.

“More,” he asked, still grinding steadily in Isak’s lap, already hard against Isak’s stomach.

“More what?” Isak teased.

“Isak!” Even groaned.

Isak laughed, “Okay, okay” and resumed his work, pressing more bruises into Even’s neck.

Even could feel himself slipping away into euphoria, but he wanted this to keep going. The rain roared outside as he felt the storm build in his gut. He didn’t want to stop. With his free hand, he dragged one of Isak’s around his hip, sliding it down further until Isak resisted.

Isak pulled away forced Even to look him in the eyes. “Are you sure you want this?” he asked, searching for any hesitation in Even’s eyes.

Even nodded, kissing him deeply, then a breathy, “I’m sure.” He lifted off of Isak, sat next to him and inched down the bed until he was flat on his back, kicking the duvet away in the process. Isak kissed him then reached across to open the bedside drawer to grab what he needed. Even willed himself to relax when he heard the bottle open. Isak rubbed it around in his fingers then lay on his side next to Even. His clean hand settled on Even’s abs while the other circled slowly where Even wanted him. Isak kissed him and lifted his head above Even’s silently asking one more time.

Even nodded and Isak pressed a finger inside him. Even’s eyes closed as his head rolled back on the pillow exposing his marked up neck. Isak moved his finger slowly and placed wet kisses up and down Even’s neck.

Even opened up enough to accommodate two fingers, his groans of pleasure growing louder. By the time he was almost ready for a third, Even had hitched his leg over Isak’s hip and was kissing him hungrily. Isak was a bit too eager sliding in a third finger before Even was ready.

“AH, whoa,” Even panted against his lips.

“Sorry,” Isak whispered, brushing the hair out of Even’s eyes.

“It’s okay, just. Just give me a minute,” Even encouraged him. Isak stroked his fingers through Even’s hair until Even nodded again.

It was much less uncomfortable this time and before much time had passed, Isak’s fingers had curled just right when Even arched his back, their chests sliding against each other. “Okay, okay, okay, I’m ready, come on,” he muttered, eyes closed, heart racing.

Isak carefully removed his fingers, then sat up to grab the condom. Even was lying on his side, admiring the way Isak’s taut arm muscles moved under his skin as he put it on.

“You’re beautiful, Isak,” he sighed.

Isak looked over at him, then leaned down to kiss Even’s trembling thigh. “Even, I feel so good when I’m with you,” he smiled.

Ready, he lied back down next to Even, cupping his cheeks and kissing him softly, “How, um? How do you want to be?” Isak asked, suddenly looking nervous. Even kissed him back then didn’t answer with words but his body.

Even maneuvered so that he was lying stomach down on the bed, face turned on the pillow gazing at Isak. He bit his lip when Isak’s eyes went wide. “Are you sure?” Isak asked, stuttering, “I’ve never… We’ve never…”

Thunder crashed outside as he cut off Isak with a kiss, rubbing his hand at Isak’s hip. Then he pulled away to see Isak’s smiling face, “I trust you.”

Isak crawled on top of Even, kissing down his neck, his back, and stopping briefly at the small of his back to lick lightly at the dimples there. Even lifted up, moaning, “Isak.”  
  
He positioned himself, hovering over Even, one hand on the mattress beneath Even’s armpit, the other guiding himself into his boyfriend.

Even’s mouth fell open as he groaned in pleasure against the pillow then taking short breaths as Isak bottomed out. Lightning struck as Even blinked his eyes trying to focus his breathing, his heart racing.

Isak fell gracefully down on top of him, covering Even’s back with his warm skin. His hands traced over Even’s arms and his shoulders, soothing him until Even had a handle on his breathing.

It seemed like forever had passed when Even finally sighed, “Sorry,” continuing, “It’s just been a while.”

Isak kissed his cheek, “Take all the time you need, babe.”

Even smiled, turning his head up to kiss Isak on the mouth. “I’m ready, go ahead.”

Isak was kissing him again as he slowly moved his hips, pulling in and out of Even is a smooth rhythm. Isak took his time, careful not to hurt Even, not increasing his pace until Even bit his lip softly.

Quickening his pace, Isak’s lips detached from Even’s as Even’s head fell back on the pillow.

“Isak, Isak,” he moaned, “don’t stop.”

Everything Even felt was Isak. Hips nudging against his ass. Chest heaving strong against his back. Hands roaming up his arms, sending shivers down his spine. Fingers prying open Even’s clenched fists, lacing themselves with his own. Warm mouth sucking bruises onto his shoulder.

Even felt his whole body jolt when Isak maneuvered his hips just right to thrust in him, hitting Even’s prostate solidly, three times in succession. Even couldn’t stop the words tumbling out of his mouth.

“Holy fuck.”

_Groan._

“Oh god.”

_A dozen kisses to Even’s hair._

“Don’t stop.”  
  
_Groan._

 

“FUCK, NO,” Even yelled, “what are you doing?” he whined as Isak pulled out of him all the way. Even turned around suddenly, Isak’s lips crashing against his before he could protest more.

“Why would you do that, ugh, Isak!” Even cried.

“I wanna see you. I have to see you,” Isak mumbled. His eyes looked so scared, so clouded.

Even’s thighs opened back up as Isak slid carefully back into him, immediately hitting his prostate. Even arched his back, leaning up against him, nails crawling down Isak’s back. Isak groaned into Even’s neck then lifted his head to kiss him more – hungry open-mouthed kisses.

“Even, Even, open your eyes,” Isak’s fingers brushed his cheek. “Please baby, look at me. Look at me,”

Even looked up into Isak’s watery, red eyes. He didn’t know what to feel. The crushing weight of Isak’s body on top of his, the euphoric end he was chasing, and the sinking realization of Isak’s uneasy emotions slammed into him, pressing down on his chest.

“I’m here. I’m here, Isak. I’m here.” He rubbed his hands on either side of Isak’s face and Isak continued thrusting into him. “I’m not,” a sharp thrust made him gasp, “I’m not going anywhere,” he whispered.

Tears fell from Isak’s eyes and landed like raindrops on Even’s flushed cheeks. He could feel himself getting close. Isak thrust just right and he arched up against him once again, fighting not to close his eyes, trying to keep Isak’s gaze. Words failed Even as a long groan ripped from his throat punctuated with erratic thrusts of his hips against Isak. Seconds later, Isak was coming with him, arms wiggling, trying to keep himself above Even, above water. With one more shallow thrust Isak collapsed on Even’s sweat-slick chest.

They lie there breathing heavily for a minute or so until Even tried to move under him. Isak pulled out as gently as possible, but Even still winced. He tied up the condom and threw it away, grabbing the towel the foot of the bed on his way back.

Isak was quiet as he cleaned up their sticky chests. Even ran a hand through Isak’s curls, pausing to stroke his thumb softly over his ear. The rain outside had calmed, settling to a dull, but steady pattern. Isak threw the towel aside and laid his head on Even’s chest. Even pulled up the duvet to surround them then returned to running his fingers through Isak’s hair, pressing kisses to his soft curls.

Even thought Isak had fallen asleep as he lost himself in the comfortable motion of stroking his hair, but Isak’s words shook him from his daze. So quiet and soft, the words fell from Isak’s lips, grazing Even’s chest, “Please. Don’t leave me.”

Even held him close around his shoulders as Isak gripped his waist, hugging his boyfriend tightly. Even’s vision blurred as he fought to hold back the salty tears his eyes wanted to let go. He rubbed the space between Isak’s shoulder blades, kissing his hair, “Okay.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This got so emotional, so fast. I'm sorry. I needed to let some angst out. 
> 
> Even's starting to scratch the surface of Isak's sadness, but it's going to be a while before he draws it completely out of him.
> 
> I'm curious about how people see Isak and Even's sexual relationship. I've kind of just thought they switch it up, but there is a lot of Top Even fan fic out there, way more than Top Isak.


	5. Won’t you come over and love me?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Even overhears Eskild and Isak.   
> Eskild teases Even.   
> Isak starts making sense, finally.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title from Devendra Banhart's "Won't You Come Over."

Sleep was begging Even to close his eyes. His right hand had stilled in Isak’s hair, so Isak grabbed it and softly pressed kisses to Even’s palm. Isak laced their fingers together. Even was sure Isak could feel the way his chest was rising and falling slower and slower as sleep finally overtook him.

He wasn’t sure how much time had passed when he woke again. The sky had turned darker and the rain poured heavily again. Isak was gone.

Half awake, Even sat up to rub the sleep out of his eyes, movements slow and stiff. A column of light streamed in from the hallway through the bedroom door left ajar. He stood up to find a pair of boxers in the bag he had brought from home and borrowed a pair of Isak’s pajamas pants. They had mixed up their clothes so much that it wasn’t until he had them around his waist that he realized the pants were actually his own.

Even climbed back into bed and bundled up under the covers. He turned his head into the comforting pillow to watch the rain dance on the window pane. Sometimes the rain was his worst enemy. He remembered a time when he was sixteen and had just plummeted into a depressive state after an episode of mania. It rained in Oslo for six days straight and Even thought he would never feel happy or healthy again. By day four, his dad had pulled down the blinds in Even’s room and went to work silently painting a sunny sky on the slats of the blinds.  It had been the first time Even had smiled in days.

As Even lost himself in his daydream, he could just barely make out the sound of Isak’s voice from somewhere down the hallway, “Shh, Eskild, you’re going to wake him up.”

“Well good. Then you can talk to him about them,” Eskild urged.

There was a long pause, then, “I can’t do that. I won’t do that to him.”

“Isak – you know,” but Eskild’s words were cut off by the sound of Isak’s phone ringing. Even untangled himself from the sheets to grab the phone from the bedside table. Jonas was calling. Even grabbed it and walked through the hallway until he found Eskild and Even in the kitchen. He handed it to Isak and Isak thanked him, walking into the living room, “Hey, Jonas.”

Even suddenly felt exposed realizing he wasn’t wearing a shirt and Eskild could clearly see the bruises on his neck. Even raised his hand to his hair, running it through his locks roughly, “Kinda cold in here, I’m gonna go put something warm on,” he half-laughed.

Eskild was smiling wide.  “Getting freaky in the sheets, huh, Even?” he laughed, clutching his stomach. Eskild cracked himself up. Even just laughed and shook his head, turning away from Eskild to go retrieve a hoodie. Eskild’s laugh roared louder now and Even tensed up, eyes clenched shut as he realized Eskild most definitely saw the hickeys on his shoulders.

“I’m never making you eggs again, Eskild,” Even yelled down the hallway over his shoulder. Eskild’s laughs stopped suddenly and Even smiled smugly to himself.

He pulled on Isak’s gray hoodie just as Isak walked through the bedroom door. “Damn, the clothes are back,” Isak teased, pretending to be sad.

“You’re such a goof,” Even replied. Isak strode towards him, wrapping his arms around Even’s neck. He pulled him into a kiss and Even wrapped his arms around Isak’s waist, holding him close as their lips brushed against each other. Eventually Isak pulled away for air, but still held Even close kissing his way all over his cheek and up to his ear where he nibbled his earlobe softly.

Even groaned, “I can’t give Eskild anything more to tease me about. I think he’s become too comfortable around me.”

Isak pulled completely away and shrugged, “Yeah, I’m sorry to say that’s never going to stop now. Welcome to the club,” he laughed then looked down at his feet, leaning against the door.

“Is everything okay, Isak?” Even asked. 

Isak looked up at him, caught off guard, “Yeah, yeah. It’s all good.” He pulled his phone out of his pocket, shaking it in his hands. “Jonas wants to hang out tomorrow since there’s no school.”

Even wasn’t asking about Jonas. He had intended to figure out what he and Eskild had been talking about, but he realized Isak didn’t know he had heard. Or maybe Isak did know but still didn’t want to talk about it. Even didn’t like that Isak wouldn’t talk to him about it. If he was being honest, it really hurt him.

But seeing Isak look so uneasy, he figured that there must be a good reason for it. He hoped Isak would tell him eventually when he was ready. So, he decided to just let Isak avoid it again, “You should hang out with him. That’s a good idea.”   
  
Isak looked sad, “You don’t want to?”

Even went to sit on the edge of the bed. “No, it’s not that I don’t want to, I just think I should go home for a bit. My parents miss me,” he laughed.

“Oh.”

“Isak, is this about…” he sighed. “You know I’m not going anywhere, right?” 

Isak rolled his eyes as if to say _how can you even ask me something like that?_ He wouldn’t look at him. He just nodded his head, not knowing what to say, still not wanting to talk about it.

“You should come to my place, after you hang out with Jonas. Mom wants to see you,” Even suggested.

“Really?”

“Yeah, of course. She’s crazy about you.”

“Must run in the family,” Isak laughed. Then his eyes went wide, “NO, I didn’t mean it like that.”

Even shook his head, “Stop. Isak. It’s fine. You don’t have to be careful about it. I know you didn’t mean it that way.”   
  
Isak nodded his head, “Sorry I’m being so dumb lately. I hate being around myself.”

The last sentence hit Even harder than he thought it would. “Don’t say that.” He looked up at Isak, still leaning against the door. “Don’t say that, okay? That’s not fair. Can’t you see how much I love being around you? You don’t have to be perfect all the time. Everyone has bad days, Isak. You can have bad days, you know?”

“Not fair? Even, my bad days are _nothing_ compared to yours. Can’t you understand why I feel so bad? Why I feel so, so…”

“Guilty?” Even finished his sentence. Isak just nodded, his shoulders shaking. He looked like he was about to cry. “Come here, Isak.”

Isak sat down on the bed next to him, their thighs touching, eyes still downcast. Even took his hand in his, squeezing it gently. “Listen, I love that you’re so strong for me, I do. But you don’t have to have it all together all the time, okay? It’s fine to feel a broken sometimes, Isak. You help me through my bad days, let me help you through yours.” He dipped his head, trying to get Isak to look at him, “Okay?”

Finally, Isak did, “Okay.”

Then, “I’m fine. Really. I just need to get out of my own head, you know?”

“I know,” Even nodded. “You know what I do when I’m too in my own head?”

Isak shook his head, “What?”

“ _Moulin Rouge._ ”

“ _Moulin_  what?”

Even fell back on the mattress hard, “Are you kidding me?!”

Isak laughed, tumbling down on top of him, “Yes! I'm just kidding, I promise. I’ve actually got a list of Baz Luhrmann movies on my phone. I haven’t seen that one yet, though.”

“I seriously almost just dumped you, Isak,” Even laughed, feigning relief.

“Take it back,” Isak shoved him roughly, hands trailing down his sides under the fabric of the sweatshirt, tickling him mercilessly.

“I didn’t mean it! I take it back! I take it back!” he was almost crying with laughter.

“Good,” Isak decided, sitting up. “You get the movie going,” he said, nodding to the TV in his room, “and I’ll go grab a food.”

Even made quick work of hooking up his laptop to the TV and finding the film in his iTunes library. He made up the bed as best as he could be bothered to then settled under the duvet. Isak came back in with a bowl of green grapes, handing them to Even. He pressed play then laid down next to Even.   
  
“Here,” Even said, moving so that he slid up the bed further, his back supported by a pillow against the wall. He wrapped an arm around Isak, pulling him closer so that his head lay on his chest, almost like they had when they were watching cartoons. “That’s better.” Even’s hand laid across Isak’s chest and Isak wrapped his hands around Even’s forearm.

“Thank you,” he sighed. Even replied by giving him a grape. While still chewing, Isak mumbled, “Isn’t that song from Sound of Music? Did you put on the right movie?”

“I did. Just watch, you’ll see.”   
  
“Okay, okay.”

Even smiled like a goon watching the movie. “I swear, Even, they’re singing Nirvana and it’s supposed to be 1899.”

“Isak, just watch. Like, this is a cinematic masterpiece,” Even complained, patting Isak’s chest.

By the time Ewan McGregor was singing “Your Song,” Even couldn’t help singing along into Isak’s hair. He peeked over and saw Isak smiling. Isak looked up at him, lifting his head for a kiss that Even returned immediately. He pecked him softly three times then Isak settled back on his chest.

Isak laughed, “Satine trying to be sexy for the writer guy is so funny.”

“You laugh, but my parents let me watch this when I was ten and I was so confused and asking all these questions and they just laughed at me.”

Isak laughed louder until Even shoved another grape in his mouth to shut him up. After finishing the grape, Isak resumed talking over the movie, “You sure your parents won’t mind if I come over tomorrow?”

“I promise, they’ll love having you. Please come.”

Isak nodded his head, “Okay. I'll be there." 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's raining where I am and I needed to write some "soft" stuff. 
> 
> I have plans for the next 3 or 4 chapters, I just need to write them. Your comments keep me motivated. Thanks for reading, guys!


	6. I want to wrap you up and take you home.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Even is initiated.  
> Eskild and Noora plan party.  
> Isak teaches Even how to do homework early.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Pure fluff. 
> 
> Chapter title from LAKE's "No Wonder I"

“You don’t understand. You can’t just make me choose, Isak.”

“Why not? Is it really that hard?”

“Yes! They’re all so good. Baz is an artist. This is his craft. I can’t just pick a favorite film.”

“Baz? First name basis, huh? Is that what he told you to call him in his reply to your fan letter?”

Even didn’t answer.

“Oh my god, you wrote a fan letter to Baz Luhrmann, didn’t you?”

Still, Even didn’t answer.

“Even?”

“Look, I was thirteen and I just realized how much I loved movies and decided I wanted to be a director so I emailed him…” Even just looked at Isak who was trying really hard to not to laugh at him.

“Oh shut up,” Even murmured, getting up from the bed to shut the TV off.

Isak lost it, laughing on the bed, face turning red, “That’s the cutest thing I’ve ever heard,” he finally managed to speak.

Even folded his arms across his chest, waiting for Isak to calm down. “Done yet?”

Isak chuckled, “Almost,” he stopped laughing, but that toothy grin overtook his face in that way Even loved – crinkling eyes with adorable smile lines. “Did he reply?”

Even smiled, nodding his head, “Dear Mr. Even Bech Naesheim, Follow your own path and you’re sure to make great things. Sincerely, Baz Luhrmann.”

“Wow, Baz Luhrmann sent you, the Even Bech Naesheim - my boyfriend - an email. I can’t believe I’m dating such a big shot,” Isak grinned.

Even unfolded his arms and chuckled, “It was easily the coolest thing that happened to me that year. I was the luckiest thirteen year old in the world.” He sat down cross-legged at the foot of the bed.

“I wish I’d known you when you were a kid,” Isak told him.

“No you don’t. I had like three friends and two of them were my parents.”

Isak was still smiling, but it was smaller now, “I would have been your friend.”

Even crawled up to hover over Isak then leaned down to kiss him warmly on the mouth, “I know you would,” Even smiled against his lips. Isak wrapped his arms around him, keeping Even close as he kissed him back deeply.

They were beginning to lose themselves in each other when Eskild burst through the door. “Well, isn’t that sweet. Hate to break this up, but we’re having a family meeting, boys.”

Isak’s head fell back on the pillow in frustration. Even buried his head in Isak’s neck, placing one more soft kiss there before turning his head to look back at Eskild, “Sure thing, boss.”

 

Linn was the last to join them in the kitchen. She trudged in and slumped at the open chair, eyes glazed over. Noora set a plate with a slice of pizza in front of her. Once Linn took a bite, Noora started the meeting.

“If everyone’s okay with it, I’d like to host a party here on Friday night,” Noora proposed.

“Yes!” Eskild shouted.

“Slow down, slow down, Eskild. It will be small, not too many people,” she continued.

Eskild was basically jumping up and down in his chair.

“Linn?” Noora asked.

Linn just kept eating her pizza. “Linn?” she tried again.

“Yeah, whatever. It’s fine,” she replied.

“Thanks,” Noora smiled and squeezed her hand. “Isak?”

Isak shrugged, “Sure, but what’s it for?”

“It’s Vilde’s idea. She’s dealing with stuff at home and just wants to let loose a little. She wanted to throw this big blowout, but I convinced her to downsize. I don’t know if it will actually be good for her, but I figured it would be better if we host, you know, to keep things under control and be there for her,” Noora told him.

“Is she okay? What is she dealing with?” Isak asked.

Noora shook her head, “It’s not really my place to say.”

Isak nodded, understanding, “Right, yeah. That’s fine. Can we invite the guys?”

“Yeah, of course,” Noora smiled, then, “Even?”

Even just kind of looked at her, surprised, “Are you asking me?”

“Of course.”

“But I don’t even live here,” Even replied.

“You pretty much do, Even,” Eskild interjected.

Noora just nodded and looked at him, “Well?”

“Well, of course I don’t mind. It’s sounds fun,” he decided, wrapping his arm around Isak’s shoulder.

Isak settled closer to him, placing a hand on his thigh. Even was really glad that Noora and Eskild enjoyed having him around enough to involve him in the family meeting. Even Linn seemed not to mind him being there so much.

“It settled then,” Eskild decided. “What kind of booze should we have?”

He and Noora went on about specifics as Linn piled another piece on her plate and retreated back to her bedroom, shutting the door softly behind her.

Isak and Even took some pizza to the living room and Isak grabbed his books from his room. Even just lied his head back on the couch when he saw the Biology book. “Do you have to remind me about school work now?”

“Hey, I didn’t do any homework Friday and I’m going to be out all day tomorrow, I’ve got to do some work now. You should work on your paper for Norwegian, anyway.”

Isak was right. His paper was due on Wednesday and he barely had a page written. His teacher had instructed him to write a 12 page non-fiction essay about a personal experience, but he was really struggling to write anything he felt like he could read in front of the class. That was another thing. He liked the teacher, but he hated her medieval practice in humiliation of making the students read their work for the class.

Regardless, he retrieved his laptop from Isak’s room then plopped back down on the couch with a huff.

“Look at you, being all studious,” Isak teased. Even merely glared at him, put his earbuds in and gave him the finger. Isak laughed and shook his head, returning to his book.

Even wasted time on the internet watching YouTube videos until he finally resolved himself to work on his paper again. Isak was laid on the floor, head in his book as he hurriedly took notes. Every few minutes or so, the tip of Isak’s tongue slipped out of his lips in concentration. Even took a mental note to draw him that way eventually.

The words started flowing out of his fingers easier now. He had turned on his favorite contemporary classical playlist and busied himself with typing. He was so invested in the paper that when Isak sat down next to him, he didn’t even notice. It wasn’t until Isak plucked an ear bud from Even’s ear and listened along. Isak’s head fell to rest on Even’s shoulder as he kept typing.

At first Even thought Isak was reading what he was writing, but then Even noticed the flashcards in Isak’s hands. He was whipping through them quickly. Even didn’t recognize half the terms even though he’d taken biology last year at Elvebakken. It just wasn’t his subject, but he took it to please his mom. She had been way too proud of his 4 in the class. 

Even started to yawn as he reached page nine of his essay. He was rubbing his heavy eyes when Isak sat up. “You should go to bed,” Isak suggested.

He thought about resisting him, but he was starting to lose steam and he had just now noticed it was already 23:30. ‘Yeah, you’re right. I was thinking of heading out early tomorrow to have breakfast with mom and dad. What time are you catching up with Jonas?”

“Around 12,” Isak shrugged.

Even closed his laptop then stood up from the couch, extending a hand to Isak, “Bed?”

Isak held up his math homework, “I’m actually going to try to finish this problem set. I wanna get it done early. I’ll be there soon though,” he assured him.

“Okay,” Even smiled, leaning down to kiss him. He kissed him twice on the mouth, once on the cheek, then finally on the forehead.

Even went to Isak’s bedroom and removed Isak’s sweatshirt as he crawled into bed. Within minutes he was asleep.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This next chapter gets pretty emotional. Sorry in advance.
> 
> Comments welcome!


	7. Kiss me slowly so I can fall asleep.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Even wakes up without Isak.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title from The Frights' "All I Need"

Around 02:45 Even woke up to what sounded like something sloshing. He reached around in the darkness for his phone, checking the time. Isak still wasn’t in bed. 

Even had lost one of his socks in his sleep so he fished around for it under the covers and pulled it on as he got up from the bed. 

Isak was in the kitchen, bulky headphones on, mop in hand, cleaning the floor spotless. Even had thought he remembered Eskild mopping the floor Thursday night when they’d come back from Magnus’ house. Isak was almost aggressively cleaning the already shiny floor. Even came up behind him, nearly slipping on his way over to him, and took his headphones of his ears. Isak jumped with fear. 

“What the fuck!? Don’t sneak up on me like that,” he shouted. 

“Shhh! Isak, do you even know what time it is?” Even whispered. 

Isak looked over to the time on the microwave but he didn’t seem surprised. 

“What are you even doing? The floor’s clean.” 

“I just thought I should clean it. It seemed dirty and I was up, so I just started cleaning it. I’m waiting to move the laundry over anyway.” 

“You’re doing laundry, too? Isak, it’s almost 3 in the morning. Seriously, what were you thinking?” Even huffed, taking the mop out of his hand. 

Isak didn’t say anything, just looked down at their feet. Even had walked all over the wet floor, making his socks damp. Even placed a hand on the side of Isak’s face lifting his head up. Isak’s eyes were bloodshot, pupils tiny. Little red veins looked like they were straining in the whites of his eyes and his under-eyes seemed puffy with exhaustion. 

Isak sighed, “I just wasn’t tired, so I thought I’d clean up.” Even felt himself grow angry. 

“Bullshit.” 

Isak looked at him, startled. 

“Quit lying to me, Isak.” 

“I’m not lying!” Isak shouted, pushing Even’s hand away from his face and stepping back, bumping into the kitchen table. 

“Everybody’s sleeping, keep it down!” Even whisper yelled. 

“Just. Even, don’t call me a liar.” 

“Well, then start telling me the truth.”

Isak hung his head and sat up on the table, feet dangling just above the floor. Even kept still where he was, clutching the mop, trying not to think about the terrible sensation of wet socks. “I just can’t sleep, okay. Like, I tried. I really tried. I came to bed at midnight and laid there for like an hour without falling asleep, so I moved to the couch and I just couldn’t do it. I tried, okay?” Isak looked up at him, annoyance in his red eyes. 

Even shifted uncomfortably on his feet. Isak jumped back up from the table and took the mop back from Even. “If I can’t sleep, then I’m going to do something productive, alright?” he spat, getting back to mopping. 

“Stop it, Isak. I didn’t mean to upset you, I just. I just don’t fucking get it okay?” Even’s voice felt strained with emotions. “You’ve gotta talk to me.” 

“It’s not that easy,” Isak muttered. He shook his downcast head, keeping with the mop. 

Even just stood frozen, wanting to grab Isak in his arms. He knew if he touched him that only two things could happen: Isak would back away from him, still angry, or they would hug it out until they calmed down. Neither option would give him any answers. 

“Try. For me,” he pleaded. 

Isak didn’t say anything, just kept mopping. 

“Isak! Please.” 

No answer. 

“How can you do this?” Even asked, his heart felt like it was breaking apart. “How can you cry when we’re having sex, asking me not to leave you, but then just push me away like this not even a day later? I have a fucking excuse for shit like that, what’s yours?” Isak’s body tensed up as he clutched the mop, knuckles turning white. The last sentence came out of Even much more harsh than he anticipated, but the frustration had boiled to the surface and he could feel the hot tears falling down his warm cheeks. He hated himself for it. “I’m sorry, Isak. I just want to help. I wanna understand. Please. Please help me understand,” he cried. He started shivering, wishing he’d kept Isak’s sweatshirt on. What he really wanted now was for Isak to hug him. He wanted to redo the last minute. 

Isak lifted his sleeve to his eyes, still looking downward. “I can’t explain something to you that I don’t even understand,” He finally looked up at him, eyes watering and breaths shallow, trying not to let the tears fall. “I don’t even know how to explain it to myself.” 

Even pulled his fingers under his eyes, trying to wipe away the tears, sniffling. 

“I just can’t sleep, okay?” Isak softened. “My body doesn’t let me sometimes. My mind doesn’t let me. And sometimes it just makes me feel like shit, okay?” One tear escaped his eye and he wiped it away quickly. “I’m sorry that I’m hurting you.” 

Even was sure his heart was breaking now. “Don’t. Isak, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t push you like that. You never push me and I shouldn’t push you,” Even sobbed. “I don’t want to keep fighting like this. I’m really, really sorry.” 

Isak leaned the mop down against the chair and walked over to Even slowly. He pulled his sleeve to cover his wrist and most of his hand then lifted it to rub the tears of Even’s cheeks. His other hand stroked through his hair. They didn’t say anything for a while and Even just cried, letting Isak catch the tears and stroke his hair. 

Then finally, “Even?” 

Isak looked up into his eyes, stroking his cheek with his thumb, “I don’t want to fight either.” 

Even nodded his head, willing his tears to stop and leaning forward to rest his forehead on Isak’s. Isak wrapped his arms around Even’s bare shoulders and rubbed his back soothingly. Then he spoke into his neck, sending more chills down his spine, “I promise. I’ll figure this thing out and then I’ll tell you all about it, okay?” 

“Okay,” Even responded, raising a hand to stroke through Isak’s curls. “Please come to bed.” 

Isak pulled away. “I’ll put the mop away. You go lie down. I’ll be there in just a sec.” 

Even just nodded and left this kitchen. He peeled his socks off at the bed and climbed under the covers again, lying on his side. A few minutes later, Isak crawled in behind him with an extra blanket from the living room. Even turned around to face Isak. He closed his eyes, focusing on his breathing. 

Isak’s lips pressed soft kisses to each of his eyes as he inched closer to Even. Then he rested his chin on Even’s head, hair tickling his neck, and pulled him into a warm embrace under the covers. Their legs wrapped up in each other’s and Even burrowed himself into Isak’s chest. 

Isak whispered quietly while stroking his hair, “Thanks for trying to understand.”

Even nodded against Isak’s chest. 

“Please don’t give up on me, Even,” Isak’s voice was even quieter this time.

“I’m not going anywhere,” Even replied, pressing a kiss to Isak’s collarbone. 

Minutes later, Isak was still playing with Even’s hair when he drifted back to sleep. He drifted off hoping sleep would find Isak soon.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 8 coming tomorrow!


	8. All those things you never said.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jonas texts Even and Noora makes tea.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title from Stonefox's "All I Want"

8:00 came faster than Even wanted. He felt way too tired as his phone vibrated next to him, waking him up. Isak had somehow fallen asleep, but Even wasn’t sure how much sleep he’d gotten. He could have fallen asleep just minutes ago for all he knew, but the soft snoring made him feel better. He picked up his phone and sat up from the bed, shrugging off the sheets and blankets. There were messages from his mom and one from Jonas.

From his mom:

06:32 – _Never get married, son. When you’ve grown old, your spouse will suddenly decide you should take up yoga._

06:44 – _I’m having withdrawals about that sweet boy Isak you’re hogging away from me._

Even smiled and quickly typed a reply

08:03 – **I’m coming home this morning. Did you and dad have breakfast yet? Also, can Isak come over today and stay the night? I promise we’ll wake up on time for school tomorrow.**

From Jonas:

08:00 – _Hey I hope you know you’re welcome to join Isak and me today._

08:04 – **Thanks, man. I think I’m going to see my parents though.**

08:05 – _No problem. Is Isak awake yet?_

08:05 – _lol probably not huh?_

08:06 – **No, he’s passed out. He needs the sleep though.**

08:06 – _Look, I like you and all, Even, but that’s too much information._

08:06 – _I’m happy for you guys, but you don’t have to tell me every time you stay up all night banging._

08:07 – **No, no, no. Jesus. He just hasn’t been sleeping enough lately.**

More texts came in from his mom:

08:07 – _This must be my good karma for doing yoga with your father. Bring that boy over here. Of course. He's welcome to stay._

08:07 – _We had smoothies around 06:00. Your father can whip up some pancakes, though!_

08:08 – **Isak has plans, but he’ll join us in the afternoon.**

Jonas:

08:10 – _Oh shit, again?_

08:11 – **You know about this, too?**

08:11 – _Yeah man, it’s been happening on and off since we were like seven, but they got even worse a few years ago._

08:12 – **Shit, that long?**

08:12 – _Pretty sure, yeah._

08:13 – _It’s just something that happens. He’s pretty good at dealing with it._

08:13 – **Any advice?**

08:15 – _Don’t ask him about it._

08:15 – **Too late.**

08:16 – _It’s chill dude. Just try to wake him up if he starts like shaking or sweating really bad. He kept getting all these really bad muscles cramps back when we went to summer camp a few years ago._

Jesus. Sleep had always been such a refuge for Even. It killed him to know it hurt Isak so much. He looked over at his sleeping boyfriend and leaned over to brush his curls away from his face gently.

08:17 – **Thanks, Jonas.**

08:18 – _Yeah bro, anytime. Sure you don’t wanna join?_

08:18 – **Parents are pressuring me. Sorry, dude.**

It wasn’t true. Even’s parents wouldn’t mind if he spent the day with Isak and Jonas. But Even didn’t want that. He wanted to see his parents. He wanted to talk to them and spend time with him. Plus, he thought it would be good to have some quality time with Jonas.

08:19 – _Sucks, man. See ya in school tomorrow._

08:19 – **Yeah, see ya.**

He changed his clothes quietly while Isak slept, then padded down toward the laundry room to retrieve his clothes from yesterday.

Noora stepped right in his way with a large green mug in her hand before he could get to the laundry room. She was dressed in brown trousers with a yellow button up top and a black cardigan stretched elegantly across her shoulders. Red lipstick stained her lips and she was wearing just the tiniest bit of thin black eyeliner. She placed the warm cup in his hands, "Here."

“Come sit in the living room with me, Even,” she turned away from him without waiting for a reply.

Even just followed her, and sat down on the couch next to her. She brought her knee up to her chest and sipped from her mug that had been waiting on the coffee table. It didn’t mess up her lipstick, but there was a red imprint on the curve of the cup. Then she rested her chin on her knee. He looked at her hesitantly as he tapped his mug.

“You don’t like chai?” she asked, keeping the mood light.

Somehow, it still startled him. “No, I do. Thanks, uhh, for making me some,” he replied, lifting the mug to his lips. It was a little too hot, but the burning sensation felt good. It woke him up immediately.

“Of course,” she smiled.

They sat there silently sipping from their mugs. It started to feel awkward between them, but Noora had a look of calm on her face, studying him carefully.

“Was there something you wanted to talk about, Noora?”

She kept smiling, “Not really, but I think you do.”

Even just kept looking at her, confused at first, then hesistant.

“Am I right?” she asked.

Even sipped some more chai. Then he nodded and her eyes relaxed from studying him so intensely.

“Good, I’m here to listen.”

He sipped some more and then made himself comfortable on the couch, resting the mug against his chest. “It’s about Isak.”

She nodded, gesturing for him to go on.

“He doesn’t sleep.”

“Yeah, I noticed that.”

“And he, well,” he looked at her, wanting to just tell her everything that was on his mind.

“What?”

“Well, yesterday, he like…”

She didn’t say anything, just waited patiently.

“He started crying when we were having sex and then –“

“Were you hurting him?” she asked, patience thrown out the window.

“No, no, at least not physically, he was the one, you know,” he bowed his head.

Her eyes went wide, “Ohh, oh, okay, gotcha. Go on,” she nudged him.

“So, basically, after he was like, ‘Please don’t leave me’ and I felt really bad and I didn’t really know what to do so I just like held him until I fell asleep, but then when I woke up I overheard him talking to Eskild and I think they were talking about some dreams he’s been having, but he doesn’t remember them. And everything seemed kind of okay after that, like I tried talking to him about it, but he kind of just didn’t want, so I tried not to push it, you know?”

She nodded.

“But then last night, he was up so late, mopping the floor in the kitchen when it was already clean and we just kind of started yelling at each other because he wouldn’t talk to me about it,” Even breathed out in one long sigh.

“I know,” she told him.

Even jerked his head up to look at her, “You heard?”

She nodded again, taking a sip of her tea.

“I didn’t mean to hurt him. I just got so, so. So fucking frustrated that he couldn’t let me help him,” he heaved the words out, clenching his mug tightly.

Noora placed a hand on his thigh and squeezed gently. “It’s okay to get frustrated. William frustrated me a lot when we were together, but that was like part of the package, you know?”

“Yeah, I know. I’ve got a lot of baggage, too, but I try to talk to him about it. I try really, really hard and he’s so good to me, Noora. He never pushes me, and now I wish would just so I wouldn’t feel so crazy about pushing him like I did last night.”

“That’s not the way Isak works, you know that.”

“Yeah, I’m figuring that out. It just sucks that I can’t help him sometimes. I want to be able to hold him and rock him to sleep like he does for me and not worry about what nightmare he’ll have or what shitty things his mind and body will do for him while he’s out.” Even didn’t realize he was shaking. Noora had placed a hand on his shoulder, rubbing softly.

They didn’t say anything for a while. Even just collected his thoughts and felt the way his chest rose and fell with the mug resting there.

Finally Noora said something, “I just want you to know that when you can’t get Isak to hear you out like this, or talk with you about it, you can always talk to me or Eskild. Or even Linn. She told me the other day that she was glad someone else in this place gets depressed sometimes. You know Linn – all heart, no tact.”

Even laughed at that. He placed his hand over hers on his shoulder. “Thanks. Really, I appreciate it.”

“One day, Isak will, too,” she assured. He nodded, smiling into his empty mug.

She stood up to take her mug to the kitchen, “Alright, well, I’m out to meet with Eva, but send me a text if you wanna talk or anything, okay?”

He nodded and she grabbed his mug, taking it with her.

Even felt better having talked things out with Noora. He picked up his clothes from the laundry room and brought them back to Isak’s room. He left a pair of pajamas in the wardrobe then fished around for a dry pair of socks.

In the bathroom, Even hung up the towels on the floor then brushed his teeth with the spare toothbrush he started keeping in the glass cabinet.

When he got back to the room to pick up his bag, he noticed Isak had shifted again, curling in on himself. His fists were clenched against his chest, but his body wasn’t shaking. His eyes were though – moving like rapid fire beneath his eyelids. Even tugged the blankets up around him closer. He quickly wrote a note on a piece of paper sticking out of Isak’s biology notebook: _Please stay over at mine tonight. Mom’s cool with it._ He placed the note on the pillow next to Isak then kissed his forehead.

Even was out the door by 09:00, but it felt awful leaving him while he dreamt.

He pulled out his phone to text Eskild:

09:05 – **Please check on Isak for me today. I can’t be there to fight the monsters under his bed.**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Even's parents in the next chapter!


	9. It was all yellow.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Even returns home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title from Coldplay's "Yellow"

Even smelled pancakes the moment he stepped through the door.

“Honey! He’s home!” he heard his father yell.

Even barely had his shoes off before his mom joined him in the hallway. She grabbed him by his cheeks, “Come here. Let me get a good look at you,” she smiled up at him.

“Ahh, Ma,” Even squirmed beneath her. Even towered over his mom, but she had this larger than life personality that made her seem giant.

“Good. Now I’ve got a mental image of you to recall the next time you don’t come home for five days,” she teased, letting going of his face.

“Missed you, too, Ma,” he laughed.

“Come in. Come eat.”

Even’s dad had pulled out every cookbook they owned. They were strewn across the countertops in between piles of food on plates. “Good to have you home, son,” he beamed from over the skillet. “I made chocolate chip pancakes, banana pancakes, some savory crepes, blueberry muffins, a little bit of French toast, some eggs, and this bacon’s almost done. Oh, there’s coffee in the pot and juice in the fridge!”

“I know I’ve been gone for five days, but that doesn’t mean I haven’t eaten since I last saw you,” Even laughed.

“I thought you might be bringing Isak with you,” his dad shrugged.

“He’s coming over later, but even then, Dad, the two of us couldn’t eat all this.”

His mom had sat down at the table, making a mess of the muffin in her hand. “I didn’t wake up early on my day off to do yoga, try a disgusting protein smoothie, and _not_ partake in this feast your father prepared.”

Even grabbed the orange juice from the fridge and poured himself a glass. “Of course not. Everyone knows you eat until you feel sick right after yoga,” he smirked at her.

“Hey wise guy, pour me a glass.”

Even’s dad chuckled. “Liv, you know we don’t have champagne to go with that.”

“Oh please, hun, we’ve got tequila. I’ve been thinking about this tequila sunrise since you made me watch the sunrise in upward facing dog,” she responded.

Even lost it, throwing his head back with roaring laughter. He finally got it together enough to pour the glass and sit down at the table across from his mom. Her hand reached across and squeezed his, “I’m glad my best friend is back.”

“Uhh, Liv, I’m standing right here,” his dad feigned shock as the bacon sizzled behind him.

“George, honey, you’re my husband, but Even’s my best friend,” she teased.

“I swear, you two are not normal,” Even decided, gulping down some juice.

“Oh and why is that?” his mom pried.

“Because, because no one else my age has parents as in love as you are,” Even replied.

His mom stared at him with hearts in her eyes, but his dad just whipped around, “Oi, don’t go spilling our secrets to a happy marriage. We like to keep our title and we don’t mind crushing any competition.”

“Oh yeah,” his mom agreed, nodding her head, “being in love like this is real ruthless work,” she winked.

His dad laughed and returned to the bacon as Even scooped eggs and a chocolate chip pancake on his plate. His mom took a gulp from her juice before returning to her muffin. “How’s Isak, sweetie? When’s he coming by?” she asked.

“He’s good, er, yeah, he’s good. Probably around 3 or 4, I don’t know. He’s meeting up with Jonas around noon,” Even told her.

“You don’t sound very confident,” she replied.

“Yeah, well, I don’t really know what they’re plans are, just that they’re hanging out, so I don’t really know how long he’ll be.”

She looked at him, picking at the muffin, “That’s not what I meant, Even,” she smiled a little sadly, “Isak’s good?”

“Yeah, Ma. We just like, had a fight, I think, yesterday,” he sighed, “but things are good again.”

“What did you find about?” she asked.

“Liv, lay off. Let him breathe,” his dad interceded.

“He’s my son. I have every right to interrogate him, George.”

Even and his dad shook their head in unison, spooking his mom a little bit.

“It’s nothing. Just communication issues, you know. Nothing we can’t work through,” he smiled, shoving more pancake into his mouth, smearing melted chocolate on his chin.

“That’s the spirit, kiddo,” his dad encouraged. “Communication took us about eleven years to get right.”

“George, if that were true you wouldn’t have woken me up before the sun today,” she mocked.

“Yoga is good for the mind and body. Besides, you should get used to waking up early. Your lectures are at 9 in the morning next semester, love.”

His mom rolled his eyes, “I can get used to that _next_ semester, dear.” She had the look of pure annoyance on her face and Even couldn’t help laughing, but he was also relieved the conversation topic had changed.

His dad brought over the bacon and sat down between them. “How’s school going?”

“Good,” Even and his mom answered simultaneously.

His dad laughed, “You first, Even.”

“Well, math sucks, but Sana’s in the class with me, which makes it bearable. Math is really her thing. Actually, she’s great at a lot of things, but she’s a really big help in class. And Art History is really cool. We just got into impressionist stuff. Environmental science is pretty interesting, too. We calculated our water footprints the other day,” he paused to notice his mom punch her fist in the air. “English is easy. I’m getting a 6, no question. The teacher actually asked me if it was my first language. Norwegian’s just okay though. I wrote a big part of an essay that’s due Wednesday and I’m feeling pretty good about it.”

“That’s great, Even. What’s the topic?” his dad asked.

“It’s a non-fiction essay thing. I’m writing about the time we got lost on our way to Tjome.”

His mom’s eyes widen, “Be sure to mention it was all your father’s fault in that paper.”

His dad rolled his eyes. Even assured her, “Don’t worry, I’ve got it covered. How’s school, Ma?”

“Oh, you know, always grading,” she shook her hand in the air as if to say _I can’t be bothered to care_ but Even knew she really did. “For all the students who want to be doctors and pharmacists, you’d think they that they would, you know, give a shit about biochemistry,” she shrugged.

“Olivia, I don’t think you’re supposed to reveal information about your students like that,” his dad half gasped half laughed.

“Whatever, as long as I don’t say names I can’t be fired,” she remarked. Then, “I have a few students who really care, who actually do the supplemental book problems I assign. They’re going to do great. Really. They make it worth it.”

“Not to mention the nice professor’s salary,” Even added.

“Oh you’re right, who cares about the students?” she volleyed.

“How’s that girl Lea, from your lab?” his dad asked, clearly avoiding Even’s mom’s humor. Even thought to himself that his mom should meet Linn. They’d probably hit it off.

“She’s great. Best grad student I’ve ever had. She’s like a magician with lipids.”

“What’s a lipid?” both Even and his dad asked.

His mom’s face flushed, “Even, review your biology, dear. Ask Isak for help.”

“Yeah, yeah, okay, Ma,” he nodded. He wasn’t actually going to do it, but she knew that, too.

They sat there eating for a while when his dad finally spoke up, “Well, I’m so glad you asked,” he addressed the silence, “Work is going great for me. I just finished a piece I’ve been working on since December for this pretty big commission.”

“That’s great, dear,” his mom kissed his dad.

Even smiled and nodded, “Yeah, dad, that’s cool. Can I see it?”

His dad looked so happy to know Even cared about his art.

 

Later that day, his dad opened the art room’s glass double doors, letting him in. Then Even saw it. It really was a beautiful piece and Even’s was amazed by how many colors he incorporated in the turtle’s shell. “The aquarium’s going to love it, Dad,” he decided stepping closer than farther away from the canvas, squinting.

“Thank you, son.”

Even smiled and sat on the couch in his dad’s art room. The room was supposed to be a spare bedroom for Even’s grandparents when they used to visit every month, but since his dad’s parents had moved to Denmark, his dad had taken over the space.

“When was the last time you drew something, Even?” his dad asked.

Even had to think about it and the pause in his thought probably disappointed his dad. “I think it’s been about a week, but don’t worry, Dad. I haven’t switched to mom’s side or anything.”  
  
“Not yet!” she yelled from the living room, grading papers on the couch.

“Do you want to paint something?” Even’s dad asked him.

“You don’t mind?”

“Of course not, I just cleaned a bunch of brushes yesterday and I have a loads of spare canvases.” He got up to look around for the brushes then presented Even with a mug of them, “Here.” Even was reminded of Noora.

“Are you going to paint, too?”

“Nah, I think I’ll go distract your mother, if you know what I mean?”

“Eww, gross, Dad.” Even winced, feigning disgust.

“Don’t worry, I’m just going to rub her feet. It’s better than communication. You should try it,” he winked, then he left Even on his own.

Even wandered around the room first admiring his dad’s work. Tiny canvases spotted lined the wall, almost completely covering it. There were new paintings in here every time he came in. Eventually he made himself comfortable on a cushioned stool in front of the blank canvas on the easel. Before he got started, he pulled out his phone opened his messages.

To Isak:

13:14 – **I miss you so much.**

13:14 – **Can’t wait to kiss you again.**

13:14 – **I suck at haikus.**

Isak replied almost instantly.

13:14 – _I miss you, too. I’ll see you soon._ _I didn't realize my boyfriend was a poet, too. How'd I get so lucky?_

Even replied sending him the pink heart emoji then clicked off his phone. He picked up his brush and dipped it in yellow deciding he would start with Isak’s curls first. His phone vibrated on the table next to him. Even didn’t unlock his phone, but he could see that Isak had replied with a yellow heart.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Isak's not physically in this chapter, but don't worry. He'll be back soon!


	10. Tell me true, my heart is new.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Isak comes over.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title from Tom Rosenthal's "It's Ok"

Even had forgotten how good it feels to paint. There’s something so soothing about the movement of thick, viscous color on canvas. His back started to feel sore as he had slumped on the stool, leaning toward the canvas with a thin tipped brush dipped in black. He heard his mom’s laughter from beyond the double doors. She kept laughing then his father joined. Even was a little curious but he was too involved, too focused on the painting.

His phone buzzed next to him, but he hands were covered in paint, he could check it when he was finished. Then another buzz. Another. He saw the yellow ghost icon from his periphery view, but he didn’t want to get greasy paint on his phone screen.

Another laugh roared from the kitchen and Even’s phone buzzed once again. Finally, he wiped his hands on the washcloth his dad kept nearby, cleaning off the paint as best he could.

He had a received a snapchat from Isak. Then “oliviabechnaesheim has added you!” paired with the ghost icon. Right under it, “georgethepainter has added you!” Another snapchat from Isak. Even quickly opened Isak’s snap to see a picture of him and his mom with the dog filter on. Isak looked so cute with Dalmatian ears, Even’s heart swelled.

Even burst through the doors and ran to the kitchen throwing himself into Isak’s arms right in front of his parents. He hugged him tightly, gripping him around the shoulders. His parents just laughed. When he pulled away, he saw blue paint smeared on Isak’s cheek. Isak lifted his hand up to Even’s cheek and Even felt him rub the paint around there.

“Oops, sorry,” Even laughed. Isak just smiled back at him with a wide toothy grin, the smile lines on full display. Even’s heart melted.

His dad grabbed a hand towel and ran it under warm water in the sink.

“Isak has showed us how to use snapchat,” his mom grinned up at them from the kitchen table. Isak nodded, still smiling.

“Why didn’t you tell me he was here?” he asked, looking at her dumbfounded, arms still wrapped around Isak.

His mom simply replied, “I don’t like to share.” Isak laughed.

“Thanks for having me over, Mrs. Bech Naesheim.”  
  
“Please, darling. Call me Liv. Didn’t I tell you that last time,” she insisted.

“Yeah, okay. Thanks, Liv,” Isak nodded.  
  
The boys laughed as Even’s dad handed them the towel to wipe the paint off. Even pulled away from Isak, rubbing the paint off his face, leaving the skin on his cheek warm and pink. Isak returned the favor and Even couldn’t help giggling, suddenly feeling embarrassed in front of his parents.

They all sat down at the table, all the food had been put away except the muffins. “Are you hungry, Isak?” his dad asked, “I can whip up something for you.”

“Oh, no thanks, I just had kebab actually.”

His mom’s eyes looked like they had rolled back in her head, “Uhhh, kebab, that sounds wonderful. George, let’s go get kebab tonight.”

“Ma, we just had the biggest breakfast for lunch dad’s ever made and you can think about kebab right now?” Even laughed.

“Waking up early works up quite the appetite,” his dad replied for his mom.

“You woke up early?” Isak asked.

Even groaned, “Don’t get them started.”

Too late. “Oh it was awful, Isak, truly awful. Even’s father here decided we should start doing yoga in the mornings, _before the sun is even up_.”

“It’s a really good way to start the day, Liv,” his dad explained.

“You know, it’s really good to start the day around 11 in the morning, too. In fact, I’m a much happier person at 11 in the morning,” she replied, smiling at Isak.

“Oh we know,” his dad retorted.

“George!” she yelled.

Isak laughed, his eyes darting back and forth between his parents, eyes falling downcast every time he chuckled. Even set a hand on Isak’s thigh under the table, squeezing gently. Isak snaked his hand into Even’s and they sat there nudging shoulders, holding hands under the table. Even leaned over and whispered into his boyfriend’s hair, “I’m glad you’re here.”

“Me, too,” Isak replied softly.

“Well,” Even’s mom clapped her hands together, “How about a game of Scrabble? I’m sick of beating your father every time we play.”

“It’s ‘cause you cheat,” Even’s dad muttered.

Isak laughed, “That sounds great. I haven’t played in years.”

 

Even had gone to grab the board from the game cupboard and when he came back, Isak was laughing so hard his eyes were watering and he was trying to wipe away the moisture. His parents were laughing, too, his mom slumped over on the table holding her phone up. Even caught a glimpse of his dad’s face with that ridiculous snapchat filter that makes your forehead huge. He smiled as he set the game down and his parents and Isak calmed down. Mom must have said something really funny. The picture was funny, but it wasn’t _that_ funny.

Isak and Even had to sit further apart from each other to not see each others’ letter tiles, but it didn’t stop Even from wrapping his ankle around Isak’s.

Even had the worst luck, grabbing all vowels on his first go and then ending up with good letters but Isak would play a word right where he wanted to. Even was more like his dad than his mom when he was losing – he didn’t get upset, just sort of lost interest. He started playing really bad three letter words. He kept looking back between Isak and his mom. Isak was actually giving her a run for her money. He could see the determination on his mom’s face and the smug smile on Isak’s. His dad was still trying, but he didn’t have many good letters either.

“I think Isak might beat you, Liv,” his dad suggested, tallying up their scores so far.

His mom only had four tiles left and Isak had all seven. Isak took his time rearranging the letters on his stand, trying to figure out the best he could do with what he was left with. He bit his bottom lip in concentration and Even couldn’t help himself. He rubbed a hand through Isak’s curls, trying to distract him, but Isak was focused. Even just smiled.

Isak finally lay down the tiles for “joke.” His dad began adding the points to Isak’s score when his mom cheered triumphantly, “No need, George!” as she laid down the tiles for “kayak” on a triple word score with the last “k” on a triple letter score. “This game is over!” she jeered standing up from the table.

Isak smiled up at her. “Ma’s really competitive,” Even told him, grabbing his hand.

“A good Scrabble player, too,” Isak replied, still looking at Even’s mom.

“Thanks for entertaining me, boys,” she said as his dad cleaned up the game.

Isak looked calm, with prominent bags under his eyes, but happy and at ease. “It was fun. Thanks, Liv,” Isak told her.

“Yeah, thanks, Ma,” Even agreed, still looking at Isak.

Even’s dad looked between the two boys, noticing how engrossed Even was in studying Isak’s face. “Say, Liv, how about we go get that kebab, before it gets too dark outside?”

Isak and Even both looked to the window outside. It was already getting dark. The sun must have set within the last hours as the sky was different hues of blue and purple.

Even’s mom jumped with excitement. And within minutes Even was rushing his parents out of the flat as his mom yelled over her shoulder about where the extra towels were in case Isak wanted a shower and how they’d be back in a few hours. “Thanks, Ma, we’ve got it, thanks,” Even yelled after her just before shutting the door.  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you're here for the smut, the next three chapters are for you. ;)  
> I'll be posting the next two pretty close together since they're the same scene cut in two parts.


	11. Beating faster, I recalled your laughter.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's different in the kitchen this time and Even's relieved.  
> Isak's a bit of a tease.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *this is building up to two smut scenes, the first one also being posted tonight*
> 
> Chapter title from The Perishers' "Nothing Like You and I"

When he got back into the kitchen, Isak was sitting on the table, feet dangling above the floor. The energy between them was much different than it had been in the kitchen at Isak’s. There was no anger, no hurt, no confusion. Even just stared at him as he leaned against the fridge. Isak’s legs shuffled back and forth playfully.

But then Isak looked up at him shyly, “Did you ask Eskid to check on me this morning?”

Even bit his lip, a little too hard, wincing when he released it. He raised a hand to his hair, stroking through it nervously. “Uhh, yeah, I’m sorry. If you didn’t want that, you know,” he trailed off.

His boyfriend just shook his head, “It’s okay. Thanks.”

“Did you sleep okay?”

Isak just shrugged his shoulders, looking down at his feet. _No, no, don’t slip away from me_ , Even thought to himself.

“Err, when did you fall asleep?”

“I don’t know. I think around 5 ish,” Isak said hesitantly, looking up at Even.

Even felt sadness tugging at his heart, but just nodded. He didn’t think Isak wanted to talk about it, but he was wrong. “Eskild woke me up around 10:30. I was shaking again. But uh, I feel okay, not too tired,” he smiled weakly.

His feet were moving before he could even process what Isak was saying. He just strode across the kitchen and placed himself right between Isak’s knees, kissing him hard, hands tangled in Isak’s hair. Isak kissed him back hungrily, arms wrapped around Even’s waist.

Neither of them knew how much time had passed. The kitchen was quiet, the only sound coming from them, their mouths, the way their lips pushed and pulled at each other – it was a rhythm they knew so well. Even felt something hard and crunchy in Isak’s hair. He pulled away suddenly and Isak gasped, resting his forehead against Even’s neck, breathing heavily.

“I think I got paint in your hair,” Even spoke, voice groggy with lust.

Isak laughed. And then Even did, too, pulling Isak into a hug. “Sorry about that.”

Soon Isak was nudging his nose against Even’s cheek then pressing kisses to his jaw. Even sighed, closing his eyes, still holding Isak tight. Isak pulled back then to face him, thumbs stroking over Even’s eyelids until they opened. Then he leaned forward and kissed him again. Even’s hands moved their way down to Isak’s waist, then his thighs. He gripped Isak tightly as their kiss deepened again, Isak’s hands cupping Even’s cheeks.

Even pulled him off the table and their lips separated. He grabbed Isak’s hand and started leading him to his bedroom. “Wait,” Isak paused in the hallway, jerking Even back against him. “Show me what you were painting?” he asked.

Even smiled and kissed him on the nose, “Okay, but you can’t laugh. I’ve never tried a painting like this before. I usually stick to mountains and landscapes.”

“How very Bob Ross of you,” Isak teased.

Even looked at him dumbfounded as he started opening the double doors.

“What?” Isak asked.

“How do you know Bob Ross?”

“Uhh, really? He’s totally famous. The Joy of Painting was like my favorite show to watch as a kid. It was always on at like 2 in the morning during the week.”

Even was once again reminded of how long sleep had been torturing Isak. He could easily imagine a little kid with a curly blond mop and tired eyes watching a TV screen intently in the middle of the night, listening to Bob’s soothing voice, while his parents slept. He tried not to let Isak see how much that thought hurt him.

“You’re right,” he nodded, “He is totally famous,” he agreed, letting it go.

Even led him to the canvas slowly, letting Isak take in the amazing paintings his father had hanging all over the wall. He was still staring at the walls when Even stood him in front of the canvas. Even had still been working on some details, but it was nearly complete. Isak’s eyes finally settled on the painting and he gasped.

“Oh wow,” he sighed. “I look…”

“Happy?” Even guessed.

Isak laughed, “Alive.”

It was true. Even had painted him with smiling lips and crinkled eyes, smile lines prominent and beautiful. Even kissed his cheek.

“I can’t believe you painted me. I can’t do anything like this,” he spoke, shaking his head.

“You never have to,” Even nudged him, placing an arm around his shoulders, hugging him close. “You like it though?”

“Like it?” Isak laughed. “It’s really good, Even.” He turned his body to face Even, arms slinking around his waist and pulling him close, “You’re really good.”

Isak leaned his head up and kissed Even again with a smile. Even immediately opened his mouth, lips parting and tongue licking at Isak’s lips. Isak smiled wider and their teeth crashed together awkwardly.

Isak pulled back, “Sorry,” he laughed, but Even had lust in his eyes as he pushed Isak’s hair off his forehead. His eyes searched Isak’s, the whites of his eyes looking healthier. Soon Isak’s smiled faded, replaced with slightly parted mouth as he lifting up once again, lips brushing Even’s lightly. Even let the kiss build slowly this time, fingers curling in Isak’s hair, grazing his ear. Isak’s hands trailed further down the small of Even’s back. Finger curled under Even’s waist band as Even moaned in his mouth. Isak’s hands dug deeper, settling on Even’s ass between his jeans and his boxers. Their hips pressed close against each other, they could both feel how hard they were.

Even released his mouth from Isak’s, but their lips stayed close together, “You should probably wash that paint out of your hair,” he breathed into Isak’s mouth.

“Yeah, probably,” Isak agreed, squeezing Even’s bum gently then releasing himself from Even’s touch entirely.

Even felt so flustered. “Uhh, I’ll go get you a towel. You know where the bathroom is,” and he walked out of the room quickly, his boner straining uncomfortably in his genes.

When he arrived in the bathroom, Isak was leaning against the sink, and stared at him carefully. He grabbed the edge of his shirt, and started lifting it up his waist, eyeing Even the whole time. Even gripped the towel tightly in his hand. Isak completely removed the shirt from his body, his messy hair fluffing around his ears. Isak smiled slightly, the corner of his mouth pulling up in a smile. He reached down for the button of his jeans, unbuttoning it slowly then dragging the zipper down even slower. Even gulped, his stomach doing flips. Isak pulled the jeans down his legs, stepping out of them carefully then piling them on top of the shirt.

“Your parents won’t be home for a couple hours, right?” Isak asked, peeling his socks off.

“Uhh, yeah, that’s, uh, yeah, that’s what they said,” Even stammered, his erection clearly not going anywhere anytime soon.

Isak lifted his hands to graze over his abs for a moment, then his hands slid down to his hips, his thumbs hooked in the waistband of his boxers. Even bit his lip, squeezing the towel even tighter. Isak strode over to him, hands resting on Even’s gently pulling the towel out of his hands, “Thanks.”

He walked backward over toward the sink and set the towel down on the toilet seat. He turned the water on in the shower and before Even could say anything, Isak was removing his boxers, standing completely naked in front of Even, nearly four feet away from him. Even swallowed. Isak moved the shower curtain out of the way and steam blew into his face, his chest and shoulders looking so shiny and beautiful.

Isak smiled wide, looking Even up and down, “Your turn.”

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you don't enjoy reading explicit descriptions of blowjobs, the next chapter is not for you.


	12. Boy your eyes betray what burns inside you.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Isak and Even get intimate in the shower.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title from Woodkid's "I Love You"

Even tore his shirt from his body and threw it on the ground with an eagerness that made Isak laugh. He disappeared behind the shower curtain, pulling it closed. Even ripped his socks off and slid his jeans down his legs with his boxers, stepping out of them too fast and nearly tripping, and catching himself against the wall.

Even closed the bathroom door behind him as Isak peered around the curtain, curls damp. “Careful, Even,” he laughed. He walked up to the edge of the shower, grabbing Isak’s face and kissing the smile off of it. Isak held onto Even’s wrists, guiding him carefully into the shower. They broke apart briefly just to make sure Even didn’t trip.

He had Isak backed up against the wall, pressed tightly against him. The hot water bouncing off his back burned slightly. Even always knew he had an impressive pain tolerance, but he’d never felt so aroused like this before. Isak’s lips nipped playfully at his as Even slid a thigh between Isak’s.

They kissed hungrily, barely coming up for air. Even’s lips trailed down the side of Isak’s face to his jaw. He sucked a bruise right beneath the curve of his jaw. There was no way people at school weren’t going to see it tomorrow. Isak moaned, his head falling on Even’s shoulder.

Even picked up his head, forcing Isak to look at him and then kissed his sweet mouth. Their tongues danced as Isak’s hands slid down Even’s back, settling on his ass. “You’re. So. Hot,” Even murmured against Isak’s lips, punctuating each word with a kiss.

Isak smiled and leaned his head against the shower wall, sighing, “You don’t even know what you do to me, Even.” Even’s lips were on his again, a series of open-mouthed pecks that then traveled all over Isak’s wet face.

Isak’s mouth found its way back to Even’s sucking on Even’s bottom lip. Even groaned, not being able to help the way his hips were grinding up against Isak, creating sweet friction between their straining erections. Isak’s mouth released his lip to bury his head in Even’s neck. He nipping at his skin, reaching Even’s collarbone. He bit softly onto the bony protrusion and Even whimpered.

Isak sucked a bruise right on the teeth marks he’d just created and Even moaned, “Isak,” holding his head there with one hand and reaching down with his other to place a firm hand on his boyfriend’s warm hardness. He stroked him slowly, gripping from tip to base and back to the tip. Isak panted against Even’s shoulder, shaking with how much he wanted him.

But then Even let go and Isak moaned angrily into his neck, gripping tightly around Even’s hips. Even smiled, pulling Isak’s head to face him, kissing him one last time before maneuvering them both to be standing in the middle of the shower. The warm water still struck Even’s back as he trailed kisses down Isak’s neck. When he reached Isak’s chest, Isak’s head fell back, and his eyes closed in pleasure. Even sucked on Isak’s sensitive nipple and Isak moaned, gripping his fingers in Even’s wet locks of hair.

Even lowered himself to his knees, kissing Isak’s stomach lazily, tongue grazing over his smooth skin. Isak’s fingers tightened in his hair and Even smiled against his hip bone. “Please, Even,” Isak whispered through clenched eyes.

Even froze, refusing to do anything until Isak looked at him. Finally, he peered down, eyes filled with lust as he brushed Even’s wet hair off his forehead. Even nudged the side of Isak’s erection with his nose, eliciting the sexiest little whimper from Isak’s mouth.

Even’s hands steadied Isak’s quivering hips as he pressed a kiss to Isak’s red tip. He licked it lightly, sending shivers up Isak’s body. He took his time, licking up and down, tongue swirling around the tip, taking little licks at the precum forming at Isak’s slit. He looked up at him as his tongue gliding languidly beneath the tip, Isak’s eyes straining with torture. He bit his lip roughly, that beautiful cupid’s bow making Even’s erection twitch.

He tentatively took him in his mouth, just barely an inch or so, lips pursed around him, tongue moving gently. Isak moaned, trying to press his hips forward more, but Even held him back. He had plans to drive Isak wild.

Even slowly took more and more of Isak in his open mouth, occasionally removing his mouth completely to kiss or lick him teasingly, earning breathy gasps from Isak. Even took more of him in his mouth, jaw straining to accommodate as much as he could. Isak pulled at his hair a little roughly and Even hummed around him.

“Ergh, it feels, God, it feels so good. Fuck, Even,” Isak cried as Even moved his mouth slowly up and down Isak. He felt himself growing impossibly harder as he worked hard to please Isak.

His head bobbed in and out as one of his hands stroked Isak at the base, closing his eyes to focus. Isak’s hips moved almost imperceptibly with Even’s mouth. His jaw was starting to ache when Isak pulled his hair, “Even,” he huffed, “Even, I think I’m gonna,” he took in some short breaths, chest heaving, “I can’t,” he nearly cried, his hand moving to Even’s shoulder to tap him, trying to warn him.

Even resolved himself to keep at it, deciding now was as good as any time to finally know what it felt like. With a loud grown, Isak came down Even’s throat in short quick bursts. It was a strange sensation for Even, not necessarily bad, just different than what he expected. He kept his mouth on Isak’s tip until Isak’s quick jerks stopped and he felt him becoming a little soft again.

Even lifted himself up off his knees and tried to swallow it down as best he could, bringing his hand to his throat as if it would help him.

“Sorry,” Isak said shyly, leaning back against the wall, “I tried to tell you.”

“It’s okay. I wanted it,” Even assured him, moving closer to press his hardness against Isak’s thigh.

Isak smiled, kissed his cheek and dropped to his knees in a matter of seconds. Even couldn’t help the gasp that escaped his lips as Isak took as much of him in is mouth as he could manage. One hand weaved itself into Isak’s wet hair, the other steadied himself against the wall. Even leaned into his arm and groaned deeply as he looked down at Isak, sucking him off diligently.

Even wasn’t going to last long. He’d been hard for too long now and Isak was working him so good. “God, Isak, you’re so -“ he moaned. Isak’s lips had popped off his tip, making a delicious smacking sound. Isak’s tongue swirled around his tip slowly, then he took in as much as he could again, causing Even to lose his words midsentence.

He found his words again as Isak gripped him a little tighter, “I’m gonna come, Isak. I’m gonna come,” he shouted breathily. Isak removed his mouth just in time, Even’s come splattering his cheek and neck as Isak closed his eyes.

When Even was finished, Isak stood up and leaned his head under the showerhead, gently wiping it off. He ran his hands through his hair under the water and then turned back to Even, staying under the water. Drops ran down his smooth body.

“Sorry,” he said. “I wanted to do what you did, but I chickened out. I’m sorry.”

Even kissed him, water getting trapped in their mouths, “It’s okay. You don’t have to do anything.” He kissed him again, reassuring him.

Isak sighed and they hugged. Isak gripped his back as Even brought his hands to Isak’s hair.

“Here,” he said as he grabbed the shampoo bottle from the shelf. He put a good amount in his hand and gestured to Isak’s hair, “Can I?”

Isak nodded and turned around to face the showerhead, the water hitting Isak’s chest soothingly. Even gently massaged the shampoo into his hair. He’d used a little too much and it foamed up in Isak’s hair really quickly. Even laughed to himself as he used his hands to shape a foamy mohawk in Isak’s hair. Isak turned around and rolled his eyes, but couldn’t keep up the act, bursting into laughter. He grabbed at some of the suds from his own hair and started massaging it into Even’s.

Even laughed, grabbing more shampoo as Isak stepped back into the water, rinsing it all out. They switched positions so Even could rinse his hair, too. Even picked up his loofa and his body wash and started scrubbing his body with soap. Isak wrapped his arms around Even from behind and took the loofa from his hand, softly moving it across his chest and arms as Isak gingerly kissed Even’s shoulder. Then he pulled away from him and Even felt the loofa trail all over his back accompanied by Isak warm hand.

Isak started washing himself as Even rinsed off under the warm water and soon they were both clean, smiling hugely at each other. Even turned off the shower and opened the curtain to grab the towel for Isak. He grabbed his towel from the rack on the wall and they dried off together. Isak started laughing and Even couldn’t help but laugh with him. They ran the towels through their hair and then tied them around their waists. Even stood close to Isak and placed his hands on his shoulders, moving them slowly up the sides of his neck, thumbs resting against Isak’s flushed cheeks. Isak’s looked into his eyes, his skin glowing with sheen. The discolored blue bags under his eyes made him look tired, but Isak’s irises looked alive, a smoldering green. Even leaned in and kissed him, softly, slowly, enjoying the sensation of Isak’s lips on his.

Then he grabbed Isak’s hands and laced their fingers together, leading him out of the bathroom and down the hallway to his bedroom. His parents were still out and Even figured they probably had another forty-five minutes to an hour to themselves, but he didn’t want to make Isak feel like anything more needed to happen. He let go of Isak’s hand and walked away, looking through the shelves in his closet for a pair of boxers.

Isak came up behind him and pressed his chest to Even’s back, wrapping his arms around him tightly, “Don’t bother,” he whispered as he kissed Even’s ear.

Even turned around in his arms, hands settling on Isak’s hips, “Are you sure?”

Isak nodded and pressed their lips together, pulling at the towel around Even’s waist.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Updates are going to be slowing up -probably just one a day or every other day until Friday. I'll work hard tonight to write a lot before I have to focus on school again this week. 
> 
> Thanks for all your encouragement while I've been writing this! <3 I love reading your comments and I'll try to reply to them more, I promise!


	13. Feel this burning love of mine.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Even and Isak can't keep their hands off each other.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title from Keaton Henson's "Take Care"

Isak pulled Even toward the couch under his bed, gripping both ends of the towel. Even kissed him softly, hands cupping Isak’s face.

They broke apart and Isak sat down on the couch, his own towel still wrapped around his hips. Even set his knees just to the sides of Isak’s legs, straddling him and sitting in his lap, the towel barely hanging on around him.

Isak’s hands moved up and down Even’s back, head leaning back on the couch as he smiled up at him. Eventually his hands settled at Even’s hips. Even sat there, one hand on Isak’s shoulder, the other playing with the curls in his hair. He leaned into the touch, eyes fluttering closed.

“I used to daydream about this,” Isak spoke, eyes still closed.

“What? Sex?” Even asked, still stroking his hair, “Me, too. Everybody does.”

“No,” Isak opened his eyes and lifted his hand to Even’s wrist, squeezing it gently, “ _this_. I never, I never thought anyone would touch me this way,”

“What way?” Even looked down at him, happy to still see a smile across Isak’s lips.

“You know, like I was wanted,” Isak told him.

Even frowned. “Well, I don’t know. I bet a lot of girls wanted you, touched you like they wanted you,” his thumb stroked Isak’s eyebrow.

“Maybe,” Isak shrugged, “But it was different. They just, like, wanted to hook up. I never really felt like any of them cared about me. Not like this at least,” he tried to explain.

Even kissed him softly on the cheek, “I care,” he whispered against his skin. Another kiss, “I care. And I want you.”

“I know,” Isak sighed warmly, one hand rubbing Even’s back again. “I want you, too. I care about you so much.”

Even lifted his head up to look at his boyfriend, to soak him up. Isak had been starved of intimacy, only touched by those he didn’t actually want to touch him. Even wanted to make him feel good – loved – because he was. He had told Isak over text, but at the time he thought that would be his last chance. He hadn’t actually said the words to him, yet, but he hoped Isak could feel it.

Even’s hands rubbed the sides of Isak’s neck soothingly as he kissed Isak all over his face. His finger trailed down Isak’s bare chest and traced a heart just beneath his collar bone. Isak’s breath hitched as Even drew a little “i” inside the invisible shape.

He placed his hand over Even’s and dragged it to rest over his heart. “Look, see what you do to me?” he asked. Even could feel Isak’s crazy heartbeat, thumping against his palm. Isak leaned forward and kissed Even’s chest, kissed his heart. It was a soft kiss, but then Isak kept kissing him there. Each time, lips pressing hard, lips lingering longer until he was sucking a bruise into Even’s skin. Even felt his hips move involuntarily on Isak’s lap. Isak smiled against his chest. “When do you think your parents are getting home?” he asked, his tongue licking teasingly.

“Maybe an hour?” Even huffed, grinding down on him, kissing Isak’s temple when he looked up at him. Then a kiss to his lips.

“I want you,” Isak spoke against Even’s mouth. Even kissed him back hard, then bit down on Isak’s bottom lip. He stood up from him quickly and got what they needed from a shelf in his closet. When he walked back over to the couch, Isak had moved both towels to the side and stood, too. He took the bottle from Even’s hand as he kissed his neck.

Even pulled Isak down on top of him as he fell on his back onto the couch. It was almost awkward and not very graceful as they fell on the springy cushions, bouncing up a little. Even threw his head back and laughed as Isak laughed into his shoulder. Isak lifted his head to catch Even’s mouth in a kiss, then breaking away just to kiss the corner of Even’s mouth peppering kisses over to the side of his chin, “I want you so bad.”

Even nodded. Isak made quick work of opening the bottle and massaging some between his fingers. He lifted himself up so that he was lying on his side, propped up on his elbow as he brushed his clean fingers through Even’s hair. “Is this okay?” he asked, lubricated fingers tickling the underside of Even’s thigh.

Even sighed, nodding as he lifted his head to kiss Isak’s lips. Isak slid a finger inside and Even moaned into his mouth, biting down on his lip. Isak smiled with Even’s teeth still around his bottom lip.

Isak kept kissing Even, pulling apart just enough to let him breathe as he carefully worked a finger inside him. He nudged the side of Even’s neck with his nose as he pushed a second finger inside of him. Even’s chest felt like it was falling in on itself as Isak nibbled on his ear, grinding against Even’s thigh. Before long, a third finger was inside Even, opening him up, making his stomach twist with arousal and impatience. He moved his hips with Isak’s fingers, groaning and rolling his head back into the cushion as he was stimulated so intensely from Isak’s touch.

Isak’s voice was filled with lust and care, “Ready?” he asked, kissing Even deeply.

“Yeah,” he nodded, licking his lips.

Isak pulled his fingers out gently and Even sat up suddenly, not giving Isak any time to process it. He tore open the condom and stroked Isak a couple times before trying to roll it on him, hands shaking. Isak sat up, wiping his hand on his chest before he grabbed both of Even’s wrists. “You okay? You seem, nervous, Even.”

Even shook his head, hair falling in his eyes. Isak brushed the loose strands out of the way, stroking Even’s cheek gently. “I’m good,” Even shuddered, grabbing more lubricant to slick Isak up a little more. Isak groaned and leaned his head back on the top of the couch, closing his eyes briefly.

Even was straddling him before Isak could open his eyes. Isak only looked surprised for about a second, then settled his hands on Even’s thighs. Even lifted up, placing a hand over Isak’s heart, the other guiding him in.

Even’s head fall back, mouth involuntarily gaping, as Isak’s head burrowed into his neck. It was almost painful, but Even wanted it so bad, wanted Isak so bad, so he bit his lip until it didn’t feel so uncomfortable. Isak kissed his skin, moving his hands to rub soft circles on Even’s back. Even wrapped his arms around Isak’s shoulders, and focused on his breathing. When he felt himself relax a little, he lifted back up just slightly then eased back down. Isak held him tight, spoke against his flesh, “I got you. I got you,” he urged, kissing his neck relentlessly, “You’re okay.”

Even’s legs were already quivering by the time they’d found a good rhythm, but he couldn’t be bothered. He just wanted Isak close to him, needed Isak to know how blissful this was, how good this felt. They were surprisingly quiet, moans muffled into skin and hair as Isak thrust up into Even.

One of Isak’s hands traveled up Even’s spine, fingers settling in the tufts of hair at the base of his neck. Isak pulled so gently, Even almost didn’t feel it at first. Isak moaned into Even’s neck as Even arched his back. As Isak tugged lightly, Even’s hips moved just right so that Isak hit his prostate. Even’s hands gripped Isak’s shoulders tightly, his fingernails digging into his skin. “Holy fuck, right there,” he moaned loudly.

“You’re so hot. So fucking hot,” Isak mumbled, thrusting up into Even. The pleasuring was quickly becoming overwhelming as Even felt his core and leg muscles tighten. "I want you forever," Isak kissed his neck hungrily.

“Fuck, Isak,” Even gasped, “I’m gonna come.”

One of Isak’s hands circled around to Even’s stomach, grazing the skin, and then wrapping fingers firmly around Even’s straining erection. “Me, too.”

Isak only moved his hand up and down twice before Even’s warm come was painting his chest. Moments later, Isak came, too, squeezing Even’s hips so tightly Even winced.

“Sorry,” Isak shook, cheek resting on Even’s shoulder. When he caught his breath, he finally rubbed the skin on Even’s hips with his palms gently, “Did I hurt you?”

“No, no, I'm good. It feels good,” Even told him. Kissing his forehead. He lifted himself off gently and collapsed on the couch cushion, legs strewn across Isak’s lap. Isak leaned away to reach one of their towels and cleaned off his chest then tied up the condom and threw it in the waist bin beside the couch.

He leaned down to cuddle close to Even, pulling the blanket that was draped over the back of the couch with him. He wrapped one end around Even’s shoulders, the other around his own. The blanket was huge, falling to about mid shin on them. Even tangled his legs with Isak as he inched forward closer into his boyfriend’s warm arms.

Isak stroked Even’s cheek with his thumb and neither of them spoke for a long time, just enjoying the sound of each other’s steady breathing, their foreheads pressed lightly against each other’s.

“I like the way you touch me,” Even told him.

Isak just smiled, kissing him softly. Their lips brushed against each other slowly, again and again and again – waiting for the sensation to lose its magic. It never would. Even was sure of it. He could tune out everything and just bask in the way Isak's warm hands felt on his skin.

They only stopped when Isak froze, eyes wide and filled with worry, “What’s wrong, Isak?” Even asked a little too loudly, a little too quickly.

“I think your parents just got home.”

 


	14. I'm yours.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> cake, confessions, and cuddles

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title from Jason Mraz's "I'm Yours" (because you knew I had to at some point, come on.)

Even’s eyes widen with Isak’s. “Shit. Shit, shit, shit, shit,” he jumped up from the couch fumbling over the blanket and tripping and falling right on his hip. “Ahhh,” he shouted.

Isak jumped up after him, helping Even up by his arms.

“Is that you, Even?” Even’s Ma called from the kitchen. He heard her footsteps and knew she was walking toward the room. Isak must have known, too, because in a second he was across the room pulling clothes from his bag in a rush.

“Uhh, yeah, Ma, I just stubbed my toe,” he yelled a little too frantically as he hopped over to the closet and started pulling on clothes. He whisper-yelled "Isak, get dressed!"

“Oh, well, we brought home some cake from the bakery on the corner,” his mom’s voice was just outside the door. Even could feel Isak’s panic from across the room.

“Just a second!” he yelled at the door. “We’ll be there in a second!”

Even’s mom didn’t reply, but he didn’t hear her move away from the door right away. It was about twenty seconds before she walked away silently.

Isak let out a “holy fuck” as he pulled his shirt over his head.

Even’s face was beet red. His mom must have known. She had to have known. She was the smartest in the room at all times, including this time. In all the time Even had been dating his ex, not a single time did his mom or dad nearly walk in on them. And yet here they were, just the second time Isak had come over and already he knew his mom knew they were doing it.

“We have to go out there,” Even told him.

“I think I’ll die.”

Even nodded, “I’m sorry.”

“Do you think she knew?”

“Definitely.”

“Even!” Isak whisper shouted at him. That hadn't made Isak feel any better.

Even walked across the room, took Isak’s hand in his and started leading him to the door. “It’s okay. It’s okay, it’s gonna be okay.”

The look of dread didn’t leave Isak’s face until they walked in the kitchen. Isak had dropped Even’s hand in the hallway. Even let him. It would probably only fuel the fire if they walked in there holding hands as if to say Oh yeah, mom and dad, we were totally just doing it like ten minutes ago.

Even’s dad scooped up a chunk of cake and shoved it in his mouth, talking with his mouth full, “This cake is delicious, boys. You’ve got to try some,” he mumbled.

Even’s mom cut each of them a slice and handed it over to them, looking Even dead in the eye, but with a soft smile on her lips, “It’s Black Russian cake. The best there is.”  
Isak thanked her and took the plate from her, not even trying to make eye contact and sat down quickly, shoveling cake into his mouth.

“Thanks, mom,” he told her, grabbing the cake and sitting next to Isak, not too close, though.

Somehow Even’s dad had already finished his slice and was setting his plate in the sink, rinsing it off. He yawned, stretching across the kitchen. “Well, I’m turning in. Don’t stay up too late boys.”

“Good night, dad,” Even said at the same time as Isak’s “Night.”

The three of them sat in the kitchen silently eating cake. Well, Even wasn’t eating his, just staring at it, fork sweaty in his hand. Isak ate his slice so fast and Even knew he was just dying to get out of there. He nearly jumped from the table and nearly jogged to rinse his plate off in the sink. “Uhh, I’m gonna go brush my teeth. Good night,” Isak mumbled. He nearly walked right past Even’s mom but stopped to lean down and kiss her on the cheek, “Thanks for the cake.” Seconds later he was gone, Even’s mom calling down the hallway, “Sleep well, dear!”

Even just sat there, waiting for the inevitable.

“Eat your cake, son,” she smiled. So this would be an agonizingly slow torture.

“Oh, yeah,” Even lifted a chunk to his mouth, nodding as he chewed, “It’s good,” he mumbled, mouth full of cake. It really was. Under any other circumstances, Even might actually have enjoyed it.

She kept eating her cake, smiling to herself. “Uhh, how was kebab, Ma?” Even asked nervously.

“Just delicious,” she replied then took another bite, her fork making the slightest sound as she pulled the utensil from between her teeth.

Even nodded, eating more cake.

“What time are you waking up for school tomorrow?” she asked.

“Oh, uhh, probably around 07:30.”

“Make sure you and Isak eat breakfast. There’s plenty of left overs and stuff to make toast.”

“Okay, yeah, I will, Ma,” Even agreed, shoving the last bit of cake in his mouth.

He stood up to take his plate to the sink, but his mom grabbed his arm. “Even. Sit, dear.”

Even eyes lifted to the ceiling. He’d almost gotten out of it. He slumped back into the chair and placed his plate on the table. With his elbow on the surface, he buried his head in his hands, “Sorry, Ma,” was all he could manage.

She lifted Even’s head by his chin, “Look at me, son.”

Even lifted his eyes, looking anywhere but at hers.

“Even,” she urged.

Finally, Even’s eyes settled on hers and he felt… relieved. There wasn’t a hint of disappointment or anger in her eyes.

“It’s okay, you know?” she told him.

“What?” Even couldn’t figure out what was happening.

“Sex, honey. With a girl or a boy.”

Even just blinked at her. He couldn’t stop blinking. What was happening?

“I know we gave you the talk a few years ago, but it’s your father and I’s fault that we didn’t talk about all the different ways you can have sex. We didn’t know, or didn’t consider then, that boys could make you feel the way girls did, too.”

This was borderline awful, Even thought to himself. “It’s okay. I, uhh, I figured it out. You know, the uh, the internet,” Even shrugged, looking back down at the table.

“Look at me, please,” she asked kindly of him. Even obliged, lifting his head hesitantly. “Isak’s a sweet kid, Even. We really like him, your father and I, and we’re glad he makes you happy.”

“He does,” Even finally smiled, “He does make me really happy.”

She grabbed his hand across the table, squeezing it gently. “That’s great, sweetheart. That’s all we want for you.”

Even smiled.

“Well, not all,” she corrected herself. Even thought he knew what she meant, that his parents also wanted him to graduate, go to college, pursue film – all the next big “life” things – but no, that wasn’t what she was alluding to.

“We want you to be safe,” she told him. “We want you to be having safe sex, even if you’re having sex with a boy.”

“Ma,” Even groaned, “You don’t have to worry about that, I promise. I promise, we’re being safe. I promise.” Even just wanted this to stop this torture.

“Good, that’s what I like to hear,” she smiled, releasing Even’s hand finally.

Even stood. “No offense, Ma, but this has been completely embarrassing for everyone involved and Isak’s probably trying to book a one way flight to Australia right now, so if you don’t mind, can I please go now?”

His mom laughed. She actually laughed, eyes smiling as she stood up from the table, grabbing their plates, “Oh go on, dear. Don’t let the poor boy panic.”

Even sighed and turned to leave the room, but stopped in his tracks. He walked over to his mom at the sink and kissed her on the cheek, “Sorry. Thanks, Ma. I love you.”

“I love you, too, honey” she smiled, “Now go. You take good care of that angel, you got it?”

“I got it, Captain,” Even fake saluted her and then he was headed toward his bedroom, just stopping to brush his teeth on the way.

 

Isak had already crawled completely under the covers, but Even knew he couldn’t be sleeping already. He climbed the ladder, lifting the blankets to slide in next to him.

“No,” Isak yanked down the sheets, “Just leave me to die here.”

“Isak, it’s okay,” he told him, wrapping his arms around him, spooning him close.

Isak lifted his head, looking over his shoulder at Even, “She doesn’t know?”

“Oh. No, she knows,” Even replied.

“Ugggh!” Isak groaned again, slamming his head into the pillow, “I’m never leaving this bed. I’m going to die here.”

“Well, you have to leave here eventually. Or else, Ma will think we’re always banging.”

“Oh my God, Even, can you just let me suffer here?”

“Never,” Even teased, tickling Isak’s sides.

“Stop! Stop! Even!” Isak was laughing hysterically, far too ticklish for his own good. “Please! Mercy!”

Even relented, laughing into Isak’s neck, “Alright, alright.”

“How are you in such a good mood when your mom knows we have sex?” Isak complained.

“She’s cool about it, Isak. Really, she just wanted to make sure we’re being safe.”

Isak went quiet. Then, “Really?”

“Yeah, yeah, totally. It was actually kind of sad for a second. She felt bad that her and dad had only taught me about sex with girls when we had the talk. But like, I hadn’t rushed to tell them I liked boys, too. I mean, I was fifteen and manic a lot and felt weird enough listening to my parents say the words ‘penis’ and ‘vagina’ so casually.”

“Wait, your parents actually taught you about sex?” Isak asked, a little quietly.

“Well, yeah. You know, ‘the talk’,” Even shrugged.

Isak didn’t say anything.

“Isak,” Even hesitated.

No answer.

Even peered his head over Isak’s shoulder. He was just staring at his clenched fist.

“Your parents never talked to you about sex.” Even had meant to say it like a question, but his heart sank because he already knew the answer.

“Yeah, well, it doesn’t matter, I figured it out anyway, didn’t I?”

“What, through porn?” Even scoffed.

“Well, kind of,” Isak admitted, “and Jonas. He was always more experienced than me growing up. And then, you know, health in first year,” his voice trailed off at the end.

Even’s heart broke when we was reminded once again that as far as parents go, Isak’s and Even’s existed at opposite ends of the spectrum.

“I’m sorry, that must have been really shitty,” Even told him.

Isak didn’t respond immediately, just laced his fingers with Even’s against his chest, “It turned out okay, though,” he spoke quietly, “Thanks to you.” He kissed the back of Even’s hand.

Even wanted to just hold Isak, let him yell or talk or cry about his parents, but he sensed he wasn’t in the mood for that, so he switched gears mentally, “I haven’t even taught you everything I know,” he teased, whispering quietly against his ear.

Isak laughed, turning onto his back a bit to look at Even, “Oh, is that so?”

“Yeah,” Even nodded playfully, leaning down to place a welcomed kiss on Isak’s lips.

“Like what?” Isak asked, voice a little to breathy for Even not to notice.

“Well,” Even snuggled closer, nuzzling his nose against Isak’s flushed cheek, “I could show you… but Ma would probably hear your screams and then I’d never live it down.”

Isak shoved him jokingly, “Oh shut up,” he muttered. Even rubbed his cheek against Isak’s feeling the blush there.

“What you don’t think I can make you scream?” he challenged.

Isak looked at him, a little confused. Even suddenly tickled him, fingers torturing Isak’s stomach. Isak involuntarily shrieked then clamped his hand over his mouth, “stop!” he  
muttered, glaring at Even as he shoved him away.

“See, told ya,” Even teased. He tried scooting closer, but Isak inched farther away from him, refusing to look at him.

“Isak, come on,” he urged him.

Even could see the corner of Isak’s eye sneak a glance at him. His mouth broke slowly into a smile, “You’re a cheater, Even Bech Naesheim.”

“Yeah, but I got you, didn’t I?” he laughed snuggling close around Isak, twirling his fingers in his hair, his other hand clasping Isak’s.

Isak didn’t talk back immediately, just relaxed into Even’s embrace.

Then, “I’m yours.”

Even smiled, squeezing his boyfriend tight and smelling his hair as he drifted off to sleep.


	15. Get up, stand up.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Even wakes up a sleepy Isak for school and Magnus takes shit from the guys.  
> It's Tuesday morning.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title from tUnE-yArDs' "Bizness"

Even woke up about ten minutes before his alarm with Isak’s head on his shoulder. His mouth was open and soft snores were slipping from his lips. He rubbed his hair gently then eased out from under him, trying not to wake him. Isak’s head moved easily onto the pillow and Even climbed down the ladder, grabbing his phone to cancel the alarm. He figured Isak could use an extra ten minutes of sleep.

Even stretched his body, lifting his arms high above his head, elongating himself as much as possible and sighed. He strolled into the bathroom, took a leak, brushed his teeth and swallowed his pills, washing them down with water from the sink. He washed his face lightly with cool water and patted his skin dry with a hand towel. He stood there for a minute, pinching his skin and moving it around on his face, pulling down on his chapped bottom lip to expose the pinky fleshy skin there. Even then flossed methodically, taking his time to get in between every single tooth. His hair had fallen on his forehead, soft and little shiny. He didn’t feel like putting product in it this morning, deciding he would just pull on a beanie instead.

Isak was still sleeping in bed when Even came back in the room. He stripped off his pajamas and got dressed for the day, pulling on some dark jeans, a plain black t-shirt and an off-white, almost yellow knit sweater he forgot he had.

The clock on the wall said it was 07:37, so Even climbed up into the bed and lay on his side next to Isak, propping his head up by his elbow. Isak actually looked calm. Not like serene or anything by any means, but he wasn’t clenching his fists or furrowing his eyebrows, he was just sleeping. It made Even sad that he had to wake him up since this was the first time Isak was sleeping soundly in days.

Even rubbed his thumb over Isak’s eyebrow a few times, “Isak?”

Isak’s soft snoring stopped and he closed and opened his mouth a few times like a fish sipping water. Even smiled and dropped his head near Isak’s to kiss his temple then spoke against his skin, “Isak, you have to wake up.”

At that, Isak took in a big breath through his nose, eyes fluttering open, arms stretching out in front of him. Even rested his hand on Isak’s chest and Isak sighed, placing his hand over Even’s. “Good morn,” his voice croaked.

“Good morn,” Even replied, leaning down to give him a few quick kisses on the mouth.

“Mmm, minty,” Isak laughed.

Even ran a hand through his wild curls, “How’d you sleep?”

“Pretty good. I think like a solid six hours,” Isak decided.

“Only six?” Even asked, “We went to bed at like 10, or well, I did.”

“I know.” Isak told him, squeezing his hand. “I feel good though.”

Even smiled, trying not ignore the bags under his eyes, “good.”

“Did you know you talk in your sleep?”

Even’s eyes widened in shock. “What? Uh, no I don’t,” he muttered.

“Uhh, yes you do.”

“Oh, yeah, then what was I talking about?”

“You were going on and on about missing a train or some shit. It was actually pretty adorable.”

Even rolled his eyes, “Yeah, whatever, I don’t believe you.” Even definitely believed him. He used to talk in his sleep all the time as a kid, but not nearly as often now that he was older. 

“Dude, it’s cute, babe,” Isak laughed.

Even couldn’t help laughing with him. “Did you just call me ‘dude’ and ‘babe’ in the same sentence?”

Isak challenged, “Yeah, so what if I did?”

Even shook his head, smiled widely, and kissed him on the mouth. Then he lifted himself up and started stepping down the ladder. “Come on, we’ll _actually_  miss the tram if you don’t get up. We have ten minutes. Hurry up, on your feet!” he ordered

Isak groaned then got up quickly, following him down the ladder. "You have way too much energy this morning," he muttered. He changed his clothes quickly then disappeared to the bathroom to brush his teeth. He was rubbing his hair on his way out of the room, making it even messier.

Even moved all about his room getting his school books together and shoving them in his bag. He pulled on some warm socks quickly. When he entered the kitchen to grab a couple muffins for him and Isak, he heard a grown from the bathroom. He walked hurriedly into the bathroom to see Isak with his hands in hair, pulling at it. “You let me walk out of your room with hair like this?” he asked, irritated, looking in the mirror but staring at Even, hands still tangled in his own hair.

Even laughed, walked up behind him and hugged him tightly around the waist. “I think it looks sexy,” he kissed Isak’s cheek.

Isak rolled his eyes, “It looks like a mess!”

Even sighed and pulled away from him, “You can wear one of my beanies.”

Isak grinned, “Thanks. Ow! What was that for?”

Even had smacked him playfully on the ass over Isak’s pajamas. Even laughed, “ _Dude_ , because your cute, _babe_ ,” he teased.

Isak rolled his eyes so hard Even thought they’d fall out of his pretty skull, but then he smiled, shaking his head.

“Hurry up! We gotta go,” Even yelled over his shoulder as he left the bathroom.

 

They rode the tram quietly that morning. A few other people were on the tram, mainly older working type folks on their way to work. Isak and Even chewed their muffins nodding to each other about how good they were. Their mouths were full but somehow they were communicating through chews and nods.

Nissen is just a block from the tram stop they get off on. Isak wipes the crumbs off his jacket and his pants as they walk toward school and it's like a funny dance the way he walks and pats his legs free of the crumbs. He puts his sticky fingers in his mouth to lick them clean of their blueberry muffin remnants.

“Ergh, you’re gross,” Even tells him jokingly.

Isak smiles as he sucks messily at the tip of his ring finger, the finger popping out of his mouth with a wet sound. “At least my fingers aren’t sticky,” he winks.

He’s right. Even’s fingers are sticky and uncomfortable. He sticks his fists into his jacket pockets and Isak nudges his shoulder with his own as they walk together.

Even can hear Magnus before he sees him, “I’m serious guys, why do you never fucking believe me?”

Mahdi and Jonas laughed, “Because you’re full of shit, Mags,” Jonas yells, roaring with laughter.

“Screw you,” Magnus decides just as Isak and Even join them.

Even’s smiling, but Isak has a look of confusion on his face. “Isak, you’ll believe me. You know that dance chick Anna?”

“Uhh, yeah, I guess,” Isak shrugs.

“She was all over me after you guys left on Saturday, like she cornered me in the kitchen and shoved her hand down my pants, it was unreal,” Magnus cheers.

Isak scoffed, “Yeah, sounds _unreal_.” Even knew Isak was joking, trying to get a rise out of Magnus.

“Not you, too!” Magnus complained, voice reaching a decibel Even still didn’t understand was possible. “Even, buddy, you believe me, right?”

“Sure thing. I bet she couldn’t keep her hands off you,” Even replied casually.

“Seriously?” all four of them said, turning to Even.

Even just smiled, “What? We’re talking about some dream you had, right?”

Jonas, Isak, and Mahdi burst out in laughter as Mahdi clapped Even on his shoulder.

Magnus groaned, “Oh, fuck off,” he muttered. Their laughs didn't stop. “Shut up. It was real,” he addressed them all, face turning red with frustration.

“You’re sick, Mags,” Isak laughed, shaking his head. Even was smiling hugely now, laughing with them, too, as they started walking into the school.


	16. Who are you fooling?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Even is distracted.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title from The Districts' "Heavy Begs"

Even sat down in his chair next to Sana who was reviewing her notes, flipping through the pages so fast Even didn’t think she could actually be reading them.

“Ready for the pop quiz she asked?”

“Pop quiz? What?” Even asked her, dumbfounded.

“Settle down, everyone, time for a quiz,” the teacher announced just then.

Even’s jaw just dropped, gaze shifting from the teacher to Sana’s smug smirk. He slouched his shoulders, “Sana, seriously, how do you do that?”

She just smiled at him, closing her notes and tapping her temple, “I’ll never reveal my secrets.”

The quiz wasn’t too bad, but it took Even a while to get started on it. There were way too many different tests to use in statistics. It was hard enough trying to figure out how they were different from each other and then even harder sorting out when to use them.

He felt like he got the first question right and had at least the right reasoning for the second question, hoping for partial credit at least. When he finished, he turned the quiz over on his desk, pulled his beanie further down on his head and stared out the window, letting his mind think about anything but math.

That inevitably lead to Even thinking about sex with Isak, teaching him new things. Which if he was honest with himself, he actually didn’t have a lot up his sleeve. He wondered if doing it with Isak every night would help him sleep better, or at least get to sleep faster, but so far that hadn’t really been the case.

“Earth to Even,” Sana teased, nudging his elbow.

“Huh?”

The instructor had already collected the quizzes and started the lesson for the day and there were about four different topics written on the board. How long had he zoned out? At what point did he get this hard-on?

“Shit,” he muttered, opening up his notebook and trying to catch up on the notes. He scooted his chair forward closer to the desk, grabbing uncomfortably at the crotch of his jeans as inconspicuously as possible. Just then the teacher erased the first two topics on the board to start in on the fifth one. Even almost panicked. He couldn’t fall behind now. Stats was hard enough when he paid attention.

“Relax,” Sana told him. “Write down the card game example and start there.”

Even nodded, “Hey, Sana, could you –“ but she cut him off.

“I’m going to a café with Vilde to work on homework after school tomorrow. Come with us, I’ll help you catch up,” she answered him.

“Thanks, Sana. What would I do without you?” he smiled.

“Probably drop this class,” she nearly snorted with laughter.

 

 

 

Even tried to listen to what Mahdi was saying at lunch, but he was just too distracted by the way Isak was yawining between laughs. He would be laughing along all fine then his mouth would widen into a yawn. By the time Isak yawned a fourth time, Even nudged his thigh with his knee.

Mahdi scoffed, “Jesus, man, am I that boring to you?”

Magnus just laugh in a high-pitched burst. Jonas didn’t say anything.

“No, man, go on, sorry, I just haven’t been sleeping much lately,” Isak admitted.

“Man, Even, give the guy a night to rest, huh?” Magnus joked, flicking his fingers at Isak’s exposed hickey.

Even just rolled his eyes. As far as Even knew, he and Isak had never talked logistics with the guys about what happens in the bedroom, so it always confused the hell out of him when they just assumed Isak bottomed _all_ the time.

Isak just shrugged it off, “Shut up, Magnus. Don’t be jealous just because you have to pretend your own hand is some dance chick’s.”

“Oi, oi,” Mahdi shouted, “That was brutal.”

They all just laughed, even Magnus, returning back to their conversation and Isak tried his best now to at least cover his yawns with his hand.

Even laughed, putting his arm around Isak’s shoulder casually, his forearm hanging lazily on Isak’s chest, “You have no mercy.”

Mahdi and Magnus went back to the conversation casually, but Jonas stayed a little quieter, engaging less and eyeing Isak carefully. Even could see sadness in Jonas’ eyes. He knew he felt bad for his best friend, and not because of all the sex jokes, but because he could see the bags under Isak’s eyes, too. Even made eye contact with him, nodded his head, and smiled weakly. He had a feeling Jonas could see the sadness in his eyes, too.

“Oh, hey, guys,” Isak spoke, “Noora’s throwing a party at ours on Friday for Vilde. You should come.”

“Sounds good,” Mahdi smiled.

“Fuck, is it Vilde’s birthday?” Magnus shrieked, “How could I not have known that?”

“No, chill, Mags. It’s not her birthday. It’s just a party,” Isak assured him.

Magus visibly calmed down. “We didn’t even hook up on Saturday. I don’t know what’s up with her. She’s barely responding to my texts.”

Jonas chuckled, “Jeez, what’d you do to her?”

“Nothing!” Magnus defended himself.

“Maybe she’s just going through something,” Even suggested, shrugging his shoulders.

“Going through something?” Magnus asked.

“Yeah, like maybe she’s just too in her head and is having a hard time connecting with people, you know?” Even asked.

“I’ve never felt that way,” Magnus just blinked at him.

Even and Isak both rolled their eyes. Isak responded for Even, “Well don’t tell her that. If she wants to talk to you about it, she’ll talk to you about it.”

Magnus nodded, “Yeah. Yeah, you’re right.”

Jonas laughed, “We’ll be there to drink with you if she doesn’t, Mags.”

“I’m counting on it,” Mahdi joked.

Even laughed at the unconventional way the guys showed their support for Magnus, but he had this nagging feeling in the back of his mind that Isak’s comment wasn’t just for Magnus. He removed his arm from Isak’s shoulder, suddenly feeling like maybe he was suffocating Isak, but Isak just inched closer to Even’s side and placed his hand casually on his thigh. It was the best thing Isak could do for him just then, his own way of letting him know he was appreciated.

Even just stared at Isak, smiling, then leaned over and whispered in his ear so that only Isak could hear, “You look so fucking hot in my beanie, but I can’t wait to take it off you.” Isak grinned, trying to focus on whatever Jonas had started talking about, and gave Even’s thigh a gentle squeeze.   

 

 

The day at school had felt like it dragged on, so when Even and Isak finally got back to Isak’s, Even wanted nothing more than to push Isak up against the wall and kiss him senseless.

So he did.

Even held Isak’s wrists at his sides against the wall, pressing his body up against Isak’s.

“What are you doing?” Isak asked, laughing a little nervously.

Even answered him with a kiss. It was soft and light, just lips brushing lips – a strange contrast to the forceful way Even was gripping Isak’s wrists.

When Even pulled away and opened his eyes, Isak was smiling at him. “I haven’t stopped thinking about you all day.” Isak wriggled his wrists in Even’s hands. So Even kissed him again, and again, then kissed the corner of Isak’s mouth. He finally let go of Isak’s wrists, but he still had him pinned against the wall from knee to chest.

Finally free, Isak wrapped his arms around Even’s shoulders, smiling against his lips. Even placed his hands on Isak’s hips and they lost themselves in each other’s lips.

Isak breathed out confused when Even suddenly pulled away. “What?”

“I just had a thought,” Even grinned. He grabbed Isak’s hand and led him to the kitchen. They stood over by the sink and Even positioned Isak just right. He finally pulled off their beanies and threw them to the table. Isak’s hair was messy and wild, so fucking hot Even thought, but Isak looked nervous. Even just eyed him, hoping he could communicate what he wanted without words. A look of realization came across Isak’s face. He dropped his head in his hands, laughing silently.

Yes, this was perfect. Even took a couple small steps toward him, leaning his head down. Isak removed his hands from his face, trying to calm his laughing. When he felt composed, Isak’s face barely turned, sporting a huge grin. Even was inches from his mouth when he placed a hand on his cheek. He didn’t say anything. Isak’s face softened, his smile growing small, but still there, tugging at his lips.

This was it. Even leaned in and kissed him gently. Isak froze for a second, enjoying the moment, then kissed him back, mouth opening up. The kiss sent chills through Even’s body. This was what he had wanted those months ago, what he almost had that night when everyone else had left.

When he pulled away, Isak held him close and kissed Even’s chin and neck. Even curled his fingers in Isak’s hair as Isak began sucking at the skin where his neck met his shoulder. Even melted in Isak’s hands, moaning softly into his hair with his eyes closed.

“Oh! Sorry!” someone apologized from the entry way, disappearing behind the door.

Isak’s mouth disappeared from Even’s neck and then Even no longer felt Isak’s body pressed against his. “Eva?” Isak asked, confused.

She peered around the wall, “Uhh, hey Isak. Hey Even.” She was blushing and obviously felt bad for walking in on them.

Even was a bit flustered, missing the feeling of Isak’s mouth on his neck, but he greeted her happily anyway. “Hey, Eva, how’s it going?” he asked casually leaning against the counter.

“Noora and I are just working on our English presentation,” she answered, waving her hand around in an awkward gesture.

“It’s good to see you,” Isak told her, only looking a little embarrassed.

Eva seemed to calm at that, not feeling as uncomfortable. “I was just gonna grab some water for us; we’re in the living room.”

“Mind if we join you?” Isak asked her, “I’ve got to keep studying for biology and Even has a big essay do tomorrow.”

“Shit, I forgot about that!” Even realized.

Eva and Isak looked at Even simultaneously, laughing. “Yeah, no problem, as long as you don’t mind listening to our bad English accents,” Eva told them jokingly.

“Sounds good,” Isak spoke in English.

“Great,” Eva agreed, walking over to grab two glasses from the cupboard behind Even.

She filled them with water and started walking out of the room but then turned to look at Even, “Uhh, Even, you’ve got some saliva on your neck,” she laughed.

Even’s eyes went wide, reaching up to rub his neck, “Oh jeez, thanks,” he laughed and Isak just shook his head.

When Eva left the kitchen, Isak just looked into Even’s eyes, “I think this is the universe telling us we were meant to be interrupted,” he laughed.

"I don't accept that," Even told him, leaning in and kissing him again. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can't stop writing this story. I'm going to fail my Biochem test next week. Liv Bech Naesheim would be so disappointed in me.


	17. Curse the things that made me sad for so long.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Even's heart breaks.
> 
> WARNING: Isak experiences so pretty explicit emotional trauma that manifests while he's sleeping in this chapter. So if descriptive elements of bad reactions to nightmares affects you negatively or makes you uncomfortable, you may not want to read this, or at least you may want to skip to the page break in the middle-ish of this chapter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title from "Blush" by Wolf Alice.

Even had finished his essay around the time Eva left and Noora made dinner. Isak had scarfed down his food, gathering his things and settling in his room to keep studying.

Isak was up late again. The biology exam was Thursday and even though Isak was probably ready, there was no convincing him otherwise. He was sprawled on the rug on the floor, flashcards, notebooks, and textbook all within his grasp. Even had tried to keep himself busy by rifling through his Stats book, trying to make sense of the lesson from the day. Just when he thought he understood one of the topics, he would be reminded once again as he stared confused at the examples which seemed like contradictions. Eventually he gave it up, hoping Sana could help him tomorrow.

Even had gotten up, showered, brushed his teeth, came back to Isak’s room to see he hadn’t even moved. “How’s the studying going?” Even asked as he got into bed.

“Good,” Isak nodded, not even looking up. He lifted up on his arms, stretching his straining back.

“You know you’ve been lying in that position for like three hours?” Even asked him, fumbling with the duvet. “How’s your back?”

“Pretty stiff actually,” Isak admitted, looking up at him then rolling over onto his back, arms stretching above his head, and sighing as he closed his eyes.

Even changed his mind about going to sleep, got up from the bed, and kneeled next to Isak on the floor. “Hey can I try something to make you feel better?”

Isak looked up at Even a smile sprawled on his face, “I’m not having sex on the floor, Even.”

Even shoved Isak’s hip playfully, “Asshole, not that. Just, come here, turn over.” When Even put his hands on Isak’s hips, Isak gave him a look that seemed to say _you sure this isn’t sex you’re trying to initiate?_ Even maneuvered Isak back onto his stomach. “Lay your head on the floor. Just relax.”

Even straddled Isak’s ass, barely sitting on him, using his thighs to keep himself from putting too much pressure on Isak’s lower body. He carefully lifted Isak’s t-shirt, exposing his pale and freckled skin on his back, “Even, are you sure you,” but Isak’s words were cut off by a long groan, “Ohhh.”

Even massaged his palms carefully but firmly into Isak’s skin, rubbing in smooth circles. “Oh Jesus, it feels so good,” Isak sighed.

“You’re really tense,” Even told him.

“Don’t half to tell me twice,” Isak joked.

“Is it just biology?” he asked.

Isak was quiet for a while, not answering Even, but then finally saying, “Yeah, I guess so.”

Even wanted to challenge him, call him out on his lie, but he was reminded of what Isak said earlier in the cafeteria and decided against it. Even switched to kneading with his knuckles, working the muscles in Isak’s back from his waistband to his shoulders. He groaned with how good it felt.

“I feel like an old man,” Isak said in between sighs, his cheek pressed against the rug.

Even stopped moving his hands and Isak lifted his head to look at him, “What?”

Even shook his head, “This isn’t sexy anymore.”

Isak laughed and dropped his head back down, “Knew it.”

“Knew what?” Even responded, moving his thumbs in circles again on his back.

“You’ve been horny all day, haven’t you?”

Even pressed down particularly hard, eliciting a deep groan from Isak. “I can’t help it you’re so hot.”

Isak laughed. “I’m sorry. I want to, I just need to focus on biology for the next thirty-six hours.”

“Hey, don’t apologize. It’s all good, no pressure,” Even told him, meaning it. He never wanted to push Isak to do anything.

“Thursday,” Isak replied decidedly.

“Thursday?” Even asked, confused.

“Thursday, I’m all yours _all night_ ,” Isak smiled.

Even leaned down over Isak’s body and brushed his fingers in his hair as whispered into his ear, “I look forward to it.” He felt Isak’s body shiver beneath him.

An hour later, Even was back in bed and Isak hadn’t moved from the floor.

“Isak, it’s getting pretty late. Do you want to come to sleep?” Even asked from under the covers.

“Sorry, is the light bothering you?” Isak asked, looking up only for a second then dropping his head back down to his studies.

“No, it’s fine,” Even told him, lying down on his back.

“Just like, ten more minutes, I promise.”

Isak actually stuck to his words, spending ten more minutes reviewing then shutting off the light and crawling into bed with Even. Isak lay down his head on Even’s shoulder, his chest pressed against his side.

Even traced smooth circles on his back, kissing his forehead, “Thank you for trying."

Isak just nodded against his shirt. Even tried staying awake, hoping he would feel the way Isak’s chest should rise and fall with sleep or at least hear some soft snoring, but his eyes were tired and he could feel himself drifting. He fell asleep while Isak was still wide awake, tracing shapes on Even’s chest. Even’s last conscious thoughts were those of guilt.

 

When Even woke up in the darkness, he thought Isak was shaking him awake. He would have preferred that to what was actually happening.

“No, no, no, no, no, Isak, please wake up, stop, stop!”

Isak was shaking violently on his chest, hair sweaty and stuck to his forehead, hands clenched tight in Even’s shirt. Even wrenched Isak’s hands free, gripping his wrists tight as Isak shook.

“Wake up, please, please, wake up!” he begged. Isak’s eyes were clenched tight and unresponsive.

Even wiped his face with his hand, unable to differentiate sweat from tears on his cheeks. Even got up from the bed to turn on the lamp and nearly cried when he saw his boyfriend in the yellow light. He looked so small couldn’t stop shaking, tears spilling from his clenched eyes to match his clenched fists, chest heaving with sobs retching from his throat.

Even was back to him in an instant, shaking his shoulders, begging him, “Please, please, wake up.” Even’s vision blurred as his eyes began stinging with his own tears. “Isak!” he cried loudly.

He worried for a moment that he would wake everyone else in the flat before he realized that was what needed to help him, to help Isak. He leaned down and kissed Isak’s shaking forehead, “I’m sorry, I’m sorry.”

Even ran from the room to the living room. Noora was stirring on the couch, waking up. “Noora, it’s Isak. I can’t wake him,” Even heaved, trying to catch his breath.

Noora shot up from the couch, “Get Eskild.” Then she was hurrying to Isak’s room.

“Eskild!” Even banged on the door. “Eskild!” In a moment Eskild flung open the door, looking alert and worried.

“Isak,” was all Even managed before they were both running to join Noora.

Noora had her arms wrapped around Isak’s shoulders as she rocked his trembling body in her lap. “Isak,” she spoke to him, cupping his cheek, “Isak, wake up.”

Even panicked. He’d had nightmares before as a kid, the kinds where he was falling or monsters were chasing him, but when they got so bad, his body would wake him up, and jerk him out of it. Isak’s body didn’t come to rescue him, it let the monsters get him.

“Come on, let’s take him to the bathroom,” Eskild decided, rushing over to the bed.

Even stood in the doorway, stuck, unable to move, unable to look away from his boyfriend’s pained body. Eskild was wrapping his arm under one of Isak’s shoulders.

“Even! Help me!” he shouted. Even had never heard Eskild sound so serious, so urgent, but it worked. His feet started moving and soon Eskild and Even were carrying Isak down the hallway to the bathroom. Noora burst through the door ahead of them and turned on the showerhead.

Fully clothed, they set Isak in the tub under the water, his shaking body finally starting relax. Isak’s eyes opened in fear as he scrambled in under the water, his chest still heaving and mouth taking heavy breaths. Realization spread across Isak’s face as he looked up at Noora, Eskild and Even staring at him.

“Isak,” Even started crying, curling in on himself.

“I’m sorry,” Isak spoke softly, water streaming down his tired face.

“Noora, get him out of here,” Eskild instructed her, kneeling at Isak’s side.

Even’s body was being pulled out of the bathroom but his head was still there, his heart in his stomach.

“Even?” Noora asked him.

“Even?”

He was sitting on the couch, staring blankly at her.

“Even, talk to me,” Noora urged, sitting next to him and pulling his chin so he’d face her.

He couldn’t suppress the sobs any longer as they ripped from his throat. His chest felt like a twenty kilogram weight was pressed firmly on his chest. Noora wrapped her hand around the back of his neck and soon Even was crying onto her shoulder, shuddering with apologizes.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” he sobbed, “I don’t know what to do.” He couldn’t stop shaking as hard as he tried, “Why can’t I help him, Noora?”

“It’s okay, Even.”

“No, it’s fucking killing me,” he cried.

Noora held him close, rocking him gently, brushing the tears off his cheeks until no new ones were forming.

Even finally felt his body and mind settle as Noora whispered gently in his ear, “It’s going to be okay. He’s going to be fine.” Even was sure of it this time – his heart was breaking.

 

 

 


	18. Don't you worry, I'm staying here

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Even keeps trying.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title from "Don't You Worry" by Lucy Rose.

He had eventually fallen asleep with his head in Noora’s lap. When he stirred in the morning, Noora immediately woke up with him. She had had her head resting on the edge of the couch and now her neck looked like it was sore.

Even sat up leaning his back against the couch, “Sorry,” he croaked, his throat feeling sore.

She just shook her head slightly, “It’s okay.”

Even’s head dropped as he stared at the ground, “Is he –”

“Sleeping. Eskild got him to shower and put him back to bed,” she looked at the clock on the wall. “He’s been sleeping for about an hour or so, but he made Eskild promise that someone would get him up for school. Doesn’t want to miss the last day of biology review,” Noora was trying, really trying to make the mood light, but to Even, gravity felt heavier today.

Even rubbed his eyes, not moving from the couch. Noora took his hand in hers and he just let her, sitting there blinking at the floor. Linn walked in with a plate in her hands and neither of them moved. “Umm,” she spoke.

Noora looked up at her. Even still stared at the floor. “Are those?” Noora began.

Linn was walking over to the couch now, setting a warm plate on Even’s lap. Even finally looked somewhere else than the floor. The smallest smile started forming across Even’s lips as tears welled in his eyes. He looked down at the plate of eggs and Linn nudged his shoulder, “I tried to make them like you do, but I don’t know if I got it right.”

“Thank you, Linn,” he told her as he grabbed his hand with his free one. He sat there and squeezed both of their hands tightly before letting go to lift some eggs to his mouth.

After a few bites, Even leaned back against the couch, “Where’s Eskild?”

“Passed the fuck out,” Linn blurted.

Noora tensed at glared at Linn, but Even just laughed. Linn knew exactly what he needed to hear. Eventually, Linn got up and went back to her room as Even went back to eating the eggs. Noora had gotten up to get ready for school, changing her clothes, doing her hair and of course putting on her red lipstick. She peeked around the edge of the hallway.

“I was going to wake up Isak for school, but then I thought maybe you’d want to instead.”

Even nodded, “Thanks, Noora.”

 

 

Isak was lying on his back, head tucked into his shoulder on the pillow, heavy bags nestled beneath his eyes. The blankets were wrapped under his arms and Even noticed his fists weren’t clenched. One hand rested against his forehead, palm up. Even lied down next to him on his side and placed a soft hand on Isak’s cheek, rubbing slowly with his thumb.

Soon, Isak’s eyes fluttered open, but he still seemed half asleep. His open palm gripped lightly around Even’s forearm. “Hey,” Isak whispered, voice strained.

“Hey,” Even replied.

They lay silent for another moment, just looking at each other as Even caressed Isak’s cheek. Finally, Isak nudged closer to Even and rubbed his nose slowly against his.

They both said it at the same time, “I’m sorry.”

Isak sighed.

Even tangled his fingers in Isak’s hair at his neck. He wanted to ask him a million things, starting with _Are you ready to talk about it? What’s going on in your head? Do you remember anything? How can I help?_ He wanted to beg, _Please, just let me in. Talk to me._ But the fear of Isak pushing him away made him decide against it, “How are you?”  

Isak bit his lip so hard it looked like it hurt, but then he released the pink flesh and apologized to Even again, “I’m sorry.”

Even looked him in the eyes, so sad that Isak couldn’t talk to him yet, but he didn’t want to make him feel guilty. “Can I kiss you please?”

Isak nodded, his nose brushing against Even’s. Even’s lips relaxed against Isak’s, brushing slowly back and forth. Isak’s mouth opened and Even sighed into it, focusing on every sensation Isak was giving him. When he finally pulled away, he sat up and moved his hand to Isak’s palm, “Come on, we’ve gotta get to school.”

They brushed their teeth together silently, nudging each other’s shoulders gently.

They dressed quietly, pulling on warm clothes for the day. Isak moved to leave the room when he was fully dressed, but Even stopped him.

“Wait,” he asked. Isak did. Even took Isak’s hands in his, squeezing them gently. He lifted them to his mouth, kissing each palm. His hands moved to Isak’s face, settling at his jaws as Isak closed his tired eyes. He kissed his lips lightly, then each cheek, and placed a lingering kiss on his forehead before pulling Isak into a tight hug, wrapping his arms around his shoulders.

Isak sighed against him, “Thank you.” They held each other as long as they could until they heard Noora calling for them in the hallway.

Even found his beanie in the kitchen and pulled it over his head. Isak grabbed a snapback from the hook in the hallway and they left with Noora for school. Even felt like he was forgetting something, but he couldn’t quite figure out what was. He could only think about the words left unsaid.

 

 

 

They normally stood on the tram, but today they sat. Noora sat across from them while Isak rested his head on Even’s shoulder. About two minutes into the commute, Noora commented, “Has he talked to you about it?”

Isak had fallen asleep and no one else was sitting near them on the shuttle. Even shook his head.

“Do you know what the dreams are about?”

Even, hesitated, wondering if Isak was truly asleep, but he seemed to be, “He says he doesn’t remember them.”

“He _says_? You don’t think he’s telling the truth?”

Even shook his head, “I don’t know what to think.”

They sat silently for a minute, but then Noora had a thought. “Maybe they’re stress-induced. I used to get these really bad stomach cramps when I was stressed first year. Like, Eskild had to take me to the hospital once. Your body does weird things to you when you’re stressed.”   

Even thought about, “Maybe. He has been stressing about the biology exam the past couple of weeks. I don’t know how he can spend so much time studying for it.”

Noora mused, “This is weird to say, but I think the party on Friday will be good for him. A chance to let loose a little, you know?”

Even nodded. Part of him wanted to know what was going on in Isak’s head, but another more selfish part of him just wished the nightmares and the sleepless nights would pass. The thought itself made his stomach twist.

“Are you ready for your English presentation?”

“Oh, yeah. Eva and I are like a power duo. We’re gonna _kill it_ ,” Noora decided, speaking the last two words in English. It made Even laugh which woke up Isak.

“What?” Isak asked, disoriented.

“Oh nothing, I’m just being hilarious, Isak,” she assured him jokingly.

Isak scoffed, “Yeah right, Noora,” but he was smiling genuinely, and it made Even’s heart dance.


	19. You know what they say about the young.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Vilde opens up with Sana and Even.   
> Isak makes a promise.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title from, "Send Me On My Way" by Rusted Root.

Vilde practically jumped from the table she’d saved at the café when Sana and Even walked through the doors, “Even! I didn’t know you were joining us.”

“Sana didn’t tell you? I’m sorry, am I interrupting your study plans?” he asked as they all sat down.

“Oh, no, of course not. We were planning on working on different things. We just like to come here,” she assured him.

“I’m going to help Even with Stats. What are you working on?” Sana asked Vilde.

“It’s a report for Norwegian due Monday. I just don’t want to work on this weekend,” she told her.

“You’re just like Isak, getting work done early. I can never get myself to do it,” Even added.

Sana agreed, “I do my best work under pressure.”

“That’s also a skill I could use,” Even laughed.

“What do you do then?” Vilde asked.

Even shrugged, “Honestly, I wait until the last minute and hope for the best.”

Vilde shuddered, “Ugh, I could never do that. Way too stressful.”

“Yeah, I don’t know why I do it to myself honestly,” Even agreed.

Three cups of coffee later, Even was wired. He was working through the practice problems faster than Sana by the time it started getting dark outside. Vilde went out to take a phone call around 18:45 when Even remembered his phone was on silent still from the school day. He pulled it out of pocket to check his messages. One from Isak and two from his mom.

From Isak:

16:32 – _Miss you._

Even smiled then quickly typed back:

19:47 – **I miss you, too. You know, Sana’s amazing. My stats skills are way better now.**

From his mom:

16:59 – _Found a sweatshirt here that doesn’t look like yours. Maybe Isak’s?_

17:14 – _Are you planning on coming home tonight?_

Another message came in from Isak before he could respond to his mom.

18:49 – _Wow, I love it when you talk nerdy to me._

Even laughed out loud, distracting Sana.

19:49 – **Now you know how I feel ninety percent of the time. How’s the biology studying going? Should I stay at mine tonight so you can focus?**

The reply came in almost instantly:

19:49 – _no_

19:50 – **Are you sure? You can tell me if you need space, you know.**

19:51 – _I don’t want space._

19:51 – _I want you here._

19:51 – _With me._

Even smiled widely at the words.

Sana nudged him, “What’s so funny?”

“It’s just Isak.”

“Everything good in the hood?” Sana joked.

Even jerked his head, trying to keep in his laugh, “What? Did you really just say that, Sana?”

“Oh don’t even try to deny it. You wish you were as cool as me, bro.”

Even laughed but nodded his head, “You really are cool, Sana.”

“I know,” she smirked.

Even sent a quick reply to his mom.  

19:54 – **Sorry, Ma. Is it okay if I stay at Isak’s this week?**

19:55 – _Sure. Are you doing okay, honey?_

19:56 – **Isak’s not sleeping well. He needs me.**

19:57 – _Okay. Remember your father and I are leaving for the weekend. Make sure you eat, shower, and sleep daily before we see you again on Monday. Give Isak our love! We love you, darling._

19:58 – **Thanks, Ma. I love you. See you Monday.**

Even then replied to Isak.

19:58 – **I’ll be there in an hour, babe. Try not to miss me too hard.**

Just as Even put his phone down on the table, Vilde was coming back in the café. She didn’t look like her normal happy self. Her eyes were puffy and red and specs of mascara rested beneath her eyes.

“Are you okay, Vilde?” Even asked.

She smiled at him. “Yeah, of course. Why?”

Even had hoped Sana would help him out. Sana just looked between them.

“You look like you’ve been crying,” he told her.

“Oh,” Vilde said quietly, rubbing her fingers under her eyes.

“You don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to,” he told her.

Vilde sighed and sat back down, clutching her phone between her hands, “It’s just my dad.”

Even didn’t say anything, didn’t want to push her. He just bounced his pencil on his hand beneath the table.

But then Vilde was talking again, “You know how parents can be kind of assholes sometimes?” Even didn’t but she didn’t give him time to respond. “Well, my dad’s just been, you know,” she waived her hand in her face as if that communicated something to Even.

“Uhh? Been like what?” he asked.

“He just doesn’t think about anyone other than himself. He’s putting all this pressure on me to do well and be just like my perfect sister. I missed our family Skype call with her tonight, but he’s been riding me about this Norwegian paper and I swore I told him I would be here tonight, but he just called me a liar and said I was selfish,” she huffed.

“That’s awful, Vilde. I’m sorry,” Sana told her.

“Yeah, well, my mom was on the line and everything and she didn’t say a fucking thing!” Vilde shouted. Her eyes went wide, hand coming up to her mouth, “Sorry.”

“Don’t apologize. Everybody here has headphones in,” Even assured her. “Your mom didn’t say anything?”

“No, she just let him say those shitty things to me. She doesn’t even care. The only time she talks to me is when she asks about what food I’ve been eating lately,” she replied.

“What food you’ve been eating?” Even didn’t get it.

“Yeah, it’s kind of a long story.”

“Okay,” Even nodded, “Go on.”

“I just don’t know what I have to do to make them proud or, like, at the very least, not disappointed,” she sighed.

Even didn’t know what to say to her. His parents were over the moon with pride when he got out of bed in the morning. He didn’t know how to comfort her and honestly felt like shit for not being able to. Thankfully, Sana knew what to say. “Fuck ‘em. You’re a good person, Vilde. Take pride in yourself. I’m proud of you.”

 

 

 

 

When Even got home to Isak’s, he sighed as he walked through the door. He flipped off his shoes, took off his coat and beanie and headed straight for Isak’s bedroom.

Isak was sitting up in bed, flipping through his flashcards in his pajamas. “Hey,” Isak said, scooting over in the bed to make room for Even next to him. Even leaned down to kiss him before settling next to him.

“How was homework with Sana and Vilde?”

“Oh, good, actually. Sana’s seriously magic. I feel so much better about Stats now,” Even replied.

Isak smiled, “That’s good! I’m glad,” he said, nudging him with his shoulder.

“Thanks,” he smiled back and then kissed him again. Even thought about telling him about Vilde, but decided against it. He thought of Noora and how she’d kept it from Isak out of respect for Vilde. Even would do the same. Plus, he figured talking about shitty parens probably wasn’t Isak’s favorite thing to do. Instead, “Ready for your exam?” he asked.

“I don’t know. I think so. I never actually feel ready before an exam, no matter how much studying I do.”

Even grabbed Isak’s biology notebook, “I could quiz you, if you want?”

“No!” Isak yelled, taking the notebook from his hands and settling it on the bedside table.

Before Even could ask why, Isak was straddling him, “If I do anymore biology my head will explode.” He had a nervous smile and his face seemed sort of pale.

“We can’t have that, can we?” Even responded, rubbing warmth into Isak’s cheek with his palm. Isak hands gripped Even’s shoulders as he leaned down and kissed him sweetly on the mouth. Even’s hands moved to Isak’s hips.

Isak smiled against his lips. “I’ll never grow tired of this,” he sighed.

Even’s fingers crawled under the fabric of Isak’s shirt, brushing his skin. “I’m happy you’re feeling better.”

In an instant, Isak was crushing their lips together again, mouth open, tongue licking into Even’s mouth. They kissed hungrily, biology forgotten for the moment. Isak’s body moved slightly above him, enough to make him grow noticeably hard in his pants. He moved his hands around Isak’s waist, settling on his ass, pulling him closer as he kissed him deeper.

But then Isak pulled away and Even groaned. Isak just laughed, pressing a quick kiss to his nose, “Tomorrow,” he told him, "I promise." Then he was hopping off him to clean up his books and notes and stuff them in his backpack.

Even dropped his back against the wall, groaning. Isak laughed, “Go shower. I’m turning in early tonight.”

“Good,” Even told him, getting up from the bed, “You need to catch up on sleep.”

Isak nodded, and as Even turned to leave, Isak pinched his ass. Even turned around so fast but then Isak’s lips were slamming against his and his hand cupped Even through his jeans. He bit Even’s lower lip as he pulled away from him.

Even was full of lust, “That’s not fair.”

Isak just laughed, “I dare you not to think about me in the shower.”

Even groaned, “You’re evil, you know that?”

Isak laughed louder, hopping in bed, “I know.”

 

 

It was a relief to Even that when he came back from the bathroom that night, Isak was fast asleep, lying on his stomach, face smashed in the pillow in a way that Even found way too cute. He settled in next to him, thought about maneuvering him to engulf him in his arms, but decided against it, reasoning that it just wasn’t worth it to wake him up.

Even picks up his phone. It’s not surprising to him when just a few minutes later he’s staring at the bright screen, reading about proposed treatments for insomnia and nightmares.

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One chapter tomorrow, and probably multiple on Friday.   
> Friday's the party and Madhi knows a drinking game that causes some trouble.


	20. Blood is rare and sweet as cherry wine.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Even says something he regrets and does something he doesn't.  
> Isak makes a request.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title from Hozier's "Cherry Wine"
> 
>  
> 
> This chapter's a bit choppy, but it's basically just showing you scenes throughout the Thursday.

When Even woke up, Isak was curled around him, snoring softly at the base of his neck, his hand resting against his stomach under his shirt. Even smiled when Isak’s fingers twitched slightly, tickling his stomach.

Even turned around in bed, stirring Isak awake. “Good morn,” he told him with a kiss.

“Good morn,” Isak replied, kissing him back.

“Hey, listen,” Isak started, and Even visibly tensed. Was Isak finally going to talk to him about it?

No. “Thanks for not like, getting mad that I don’t want to talk about it, yet,” Isak continued. “I know it must be frustrating. I’m really sorry.”

Even sighed, “Of course I want you to talk about it.” Isak bit his lip nervously, “But, I’m not going anywhere. I’ll be right here when you’re ready.”

Isak nodded, carefully taking one of Even’s hands in his.

Even spotted the flashcards on the bedside table behind Isak’s head, so he jumped up, straddling Isak’s waist and grabbing the cards.

Isak laughed, “What are you doing?”

Even just shuffled through the cards, picking one, “Glycolysis, go.”

Isak settled his hands on Even’s hips, smiling, “Metabolic pathway. Converts glucose to pyruvate. Anaerobic process.” He kept going, words tumbling out of his mouth that sounded right and matched the back of the card.

Even threw the cards aside on the floor. “Hey!” Isak yelled, but he was cut off by Even crushing their lips together. Even kissed him deeply, tongue dancing with Isak’s, morning breath be damned. He could feel Isak growing hard beneath him, so he grinded against him, creating sweet friction. But then Even pulled away, “Time for school,” hopping off Isak.

Isak gasped, “That is so unfair.” He groaned, still lying on the bed.

Even laughed, “You’ll get what’s yours after you ace that test at school today,” winking as he left for the bathroom.

Even was in the middle of brushing his teeth when Isak walked through the door. He didn’t look at Even as he placed toothpaste on his toothbrush, when he started brushing his teeth or even when he reached down the front of Even’s pants, gripping him suddenly.

Even nearly choked and leaned over, spitting out toothpaste into the sink. Isak still had his hand around him, moving slowly up and down his length.

“Keep brushing your teeth,” Isak told him through muffled foam.

Even stood back up, lifting his toothbrush shakily to his mouth as Isak worked him.

Isak smiled around the toothbrush in his mouth, carrying on brushing his teeth casually as he kept pumping Even.

Even bit down on his toothbrush and let out a groan, but then Isak’s hand was gone, and Even was shuddering in frustration, “Isak!”

Isak spit into the sink and washed his hands off, smirk forming on the corner of his mouth. Even took the toothbrush from his mouth, trying to collect himself. Isak walked out of the bathroom laughing, so Even quickly spit the foamy toothpaste into the sink and rinsed his mouth, following after him.

He slammed a laughing Isak against the wall, kiss him hungrily on the mouth, then moving his lips down to his neck, sucking hard, grinding against his thigh, still hard. He drowned out Isak’s laughs with pleasure, making him squirm beneath him.

“Well, this is certainly better than yesterday,” Eskild spoke from the other end of the hallway.

They froze and stepped away from each other, looking shyly over at Eskild. Isak looked embarrassed, quickly escaping into his room. Eskild just stared at Even, holding a mug of coffee in his hands. Even shuffled awkwardly on his heels, holding his hands in front of his groin way too obviously. Eskild didn’t move.

“Thanks, Eskild. For everything. I’m sorry I started freaking out yesterday, I was just”

“I know,” Eskild smiled nodded, but his eyes looked sad. He quickly shook it off, “You’re helping me buy beer tomorrow, Naesheim.”

Even nodded, “It’s the least I can do.” Then he hurried into Isak’s room to berate him for teasing him like that.

 

 

Isak ate lunch with Sana that day, doing some last minute cramming at a small table near the guys. Madhi, Jonas, and Magnus tried to get Even’s attention as he just stared at Isak across the way, studying the way his lips moved as he talked with Sana.

“Uh, hello? Even, you here, buddy?” Madhi asked.

“Oh, sorry, what’s up?” he replied.

“Where did you go man?” Jonas asked.

“Just distracted, I guess.”

“Yeah by Isak!” Magnus yelled, laughing.

Isak looked over at them, narrowing his eyes on Magnus, then shaking his head laughing.

“What did he even do to you?” Magnus asked, a little calmer now.

Even just took a bite from his sandwich, smiling. Once he swallowed, he smirked at Magnus, “You could say he went ‘full Anna’ on me this morning.” Even regretted the words as soon as they came out of his mouth. He never would have said that were Isak sitting next to him. He felt like he was disrespecting Isak in some way.

Jonas and Madhi erupted in laughter. Magnus just stared at him, “Wait, are you serious?”

Even nodded. “You’d know all about that wouldn’t you?”

Magnus just laughed, nervously, “uh, yeah, of course.”

“Alright, alright, I need to get that image out of my head,” Jonas decided after a bit of laughter.

“Yeah,” Madhi agreed, “What kind of beer should we bring tomorrow?”

Even made small talk with them about the party, trying to distract himself from the way his jeans felt a little tighter under the table and a nasty aftertaste from his comment lingered in his mouth.

 

 

 

He was already waiting for Isak when he left the classroom after his biology test. He was talking with Sana, arguing about what one of the answers was. Even’s money was on Isak, but he would never tell Sana that.

“Whatever, Valtersen, I’m sure I still got at least a 5,” she rolled her eyes.

“I’m sure you did,” he agreed, smiling.

Even laughed, saying, “Well, sounds like the test went well,” when Isak and Sana finally noticed him standing there in the hallway.

“Hey, shouldn’t you be in Environmental Science right now?” Isak asked, walking over to him.

Even shrugged, “Left early.”

“See you guys tomorrow night,” Sana called over her shoulder has Even grabbed Isak into a tight embrace.

“See you then!” Isak yelled after her.

She rounded the corner and Isak finally let out a sigh against Even’s shoulder.

“You okay?” he asked.

Isak shrugged, “The test was really hard. Harder than I thought it would be. I think I maybe got a 4+.”

“What?” Even was confused, loosening his grip around Isak so he could look him in the eye, “You’ve been studying for like the past ten days. Biology’s your subject. What are you even talking about?”

Isak just shook his head, “I just don’t think I did that great, ok.”

Even nodded, taking Isak by the hand and leading him down the hallway.

“Even, what are you doing?” Isak asked, tripping over his own feet as Even pulled him along.

He turned around quickly on his heels, stopping them abruptly in the hallway. “We’re not going to talk about biology for three full days. You’re going to stop doubting yourself. And we need to go to the market.”

Isak just looked at him, confused, “What the fuck? The market?”

“The market,” Even nodded.

A second later, Even was leading Isak out of the school towards the tram.

 

 

 

When they walked into Isak’s kitchen, groceries in hand, Eskild popped around the corner, “Oooh, you’ve brought food.” He started rifling through the brown paper bags. “Jeez, what is all this for?”

Isak rolled his eyes, “Ask Even,” as he walked out of the room, feigning irritation.

“Rice, pretzels, cheese, crackers, brownies, roasted almonds, cherry juice?” Eskild named them off, “Uhh, Even, what the fuck is this?” he held up the bag of leafy greens.

“It’s kale, Eskild.”

“Why did you buy kale? Why did you buy any of this?”

Even smiled, “I looked it up. They all help you sleep, err, at least make you fall asleep. Well, except the brownies. I just like brownies.”

Eskild just shook his head, “This is too lovely. I just can’t. I’m going to my room to pity how alone I am. Good luck getting him to try kale.”

 

 

 

“This is the strangest dinner I have ever seen,” Isak told Even decidedly.

Even looked across the kitchen table, steamed brown rice in a bowl, cheese and crackers on a platter, tuna sandwiches, roasted almonds mixed with pretzels, a bowl of hummus, glasses of cherry juice, and a bowl of kale, lettuce, and cherry tomatoes. He felt proud, like he'd done something very right. 

“Don’t judge it until you’ve tried it,” he told him.

Isak just looked at him, then back at the table, then back at his boyfriend, “You’ve had a meal like this before?”

Even shook his head, “No, but I like tuna, and rice, and kale, and cheese and crackers –“

“Okay, okay, but don’t you think this is a weird combination?” Isak urged.

“Oh yeah, really fucking weird,” Even agreed.

Isak slouched back in his chair, “I don’t get it.”

Even gave in, “They're all sleep foods.”

“What?” Isak was exasperated.

“Like food that helps you sleep, or puts you to sleep.”

Isak was quiet for a what seemed like a minute. “You made this weird dinner to help me sleep?” he asked.

Even nodded, eying him.

Isak just shook his head, still slouched. But then, he sat up, carefully spooning some hummus onto the side of his plate, scooping some rice and grabbing a tuna sandwich. He picked up the glass of cherry juice, lifting it between the two of them. “Cheers.”

Even picked up his glass, “Cheers,” he grinned.

 

 

 

Isak collapsed on his bed, Even following shortly after him, “I’m never having kale ever again.”

“One and done, huh?”

“One and never should have fuckin happened,” Isak laughed.

Even just laughed with him, then closed the small gap between them, kissing Isak softly. When Even began pulling away, Isak held him close, kissing him all over his face, making Even laugh. He crawled on top of Isak to straddle him.

“Thanks for the weirdest dinner ever,” Isak told him, looking up into his vibrant blue eyes.

Even leaned down, kissing him deeply, “You’re welcome.”

“Even?”

“Yeah, babe?” Even replied, stroking a hand softly through his hair.

“I think I know something else that could make me tired,” he began.

Even liked where this was going, “Mhmm?”

Isak pulled him closer, lips brushing lips. He licked playfully into Even’s mouth, their tongues moving together lightly.

“What can I do?” Even asked, breaking away for air, but keeping his face close to Isak’s.

Isak wrapped his arms around Even’s back, “Make love to me.”  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry I fucked up and promised a chapter Thursday. I didn't post one. But this is what I had planned to post, kind of. As a way of apologizing, the next chapter is smut of top Even.
> 
> pls don't hate me for not sticking to my word about posting!


	21. I know you have a heavy heart.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Even makes love to Isak and it's so soft it really feels like love.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title from Bright Eyes' "Lua"

Isak’s eyes were lustful, looking deep into Even’s, but there was something else there – something soft, a sort of desire that seemed sweet and endearing somehow. Even would be lying if he hadn’t been thinking about this all week. He could hardly focus in school because all he could think about was his skin sliding against Isak’s and Isak’s hands tangled in his hair.

Even gently brushed some of Isak’s hair off his forehead, hand resting at the side of Isak’s face, thumb stroking the high point of his cheek. He thought about how Isak had promised him yesterday. It made him sad. He didn’t want Isak to think he had to just because of words he had said the day before.

Then Even realized he hadn’t said anything back when Isak’s hands pressed firmly on his back. “Hey, what’s wrong? You don’t want to?” Isak asked, looking worried.

Even shook his head, “No, no, of course I do,” he said, and he meant it.

“But?” Isak was visibly less nervous but still confused.

Even sighed, his chest heaving against Isak’s, “I just don’t want you to feel like you have to.”

“Can’t you tell how much I want you?” Isak urged, hips surging up against Even’s.

Even moaned, realizing how hard he was, too, but he composed himself, “Isak, I want you, too, but I want all of you. When we do this, I want your heart and your mind here, too.”

Isak moved one of his hands from Even’s back, trailing across his shoulder and his arms, finally stopping at Even’s wrist to gently pry his hand away from his face. He kissed his palm, closing his eyes as his lips brushed Even’s skin. Even felt his chest tighten with all the love he felt for Isak.

Isak looked back up at him, a soft smile on his lips, “I’m here. I’m all here, Even," then he was leaning up, pressing his lips to Even’s. Even didn’t understand how Isak could still take his breath away, still make his stomach fill with butterflies, or elicit goosebumps on his skin. He couldn’t imagine not feeling this way ever again.

Even broke away, breathing heavily into the skin on Isak’s cheek. Isak moved his hand on Even’s back to his neck, the other he placed over Even’s pounding heartbeat. “It’s okay,” he whispered into Even’s hair, “You’re okay.”

Even let go, kissing Isak’s cheek, his jaw, his neck, tasting his sweet skin, panting uncontrollably. Quick gasps escaped from Isak’s lips. Isak’s hands moved back to Even’s back, pulling at his shirt. He hiked his shirt up Even’s long torso, exposing his skin, hands grazing gently, making Even’s heart race impossibly faster. He let his lips break away from Isak’s skin to help him get his shirt off. Isak got it over his head, laughing lightly at how messed Even’s hair must have looked.

Even shuffled down Isak's body. He pushed Isak’s shirt up his stomach, slowly exposing skin. He pressed an open mouthed kiss just to the left of Isak’s belly button, making him laugh as he tangled his fingers in Even’s messy hair. He smiled against his soft skin.  

Even traveled up Isak’s torso with his lips and his hands, pushing up more of his shirt, caressing the smooth skin of Isak’s lean and muscular form. He pressed his mouth over Isak’s nipple, sucking softly, tongue licking at his sensitive skin. Isak arched his back, leaning up against Even’s touch, moans escaping his thoroughly marked up throat. This was one of Even’s favorite things to do to Isak. He took this as an opportunity to completely remove Isak’s shirt, tossing it on the floor where Isak had thrown his.

Isak’s hair flopped loosely on his forehead. His cheeks were flushed and his eyes half-lidded. Even thought he looked so sexy, so he told him, “You’re so sexy, I can’t take it.” He crushed his lips against Isak’s and their tongues competed for space between their open lips. Even’s hands traveled down Isak’s sides, nails barely scraping his skin, causing Isak to bite down on his bottom lip. When Even pulled away, Isak’s lips were pink and puffy from use. Even couldn’t resist lifting his hand to trace his thumb over Isak’s parted and swollen lips.

Even’s fingers lightly traced over Isak’s perfect cupid’s bow. Isak lifted his head slightly, taking Even’s thumb in his mouth, sucking lightly. “Oh god,” Even sighed, grinding against Isak’s hips.

Isak released his thumb, “I want you so bad.”

Even lifted up on his haunches, maneuvering so that he was straddling one of Isak’s thighs. With trembling hands he tried to unclasp Isak’s belt, his fingers tapping the skin exposed above Isak’s waistband. Isak placed his hands on Even’s, steadying them. “Here,” he said, helping Even unbuckle the belt and loosening it through his pant loops. He then leant backwards, lifting his hips so Even could drag his pants down his legs. Even pulled a little too roughly, dragging Isak down the bed with him. “Easy,” Isak teased, laughing.

Even smiled as he untangled Isak’s pants from his ankles, discarding them on the floor, “I just can’t control myself.” He climbed back up his body, supporting himself by his elbows. Isak leaned up to kiss him, placing his hands on Even’s lower back, slipping his fingers under the waistband of his pants and boxers, pressing firmly on his skin.

Even moaned into Isak’s mouth, deepening the kiss, breathing in Isak. Isak’s hands moved around Even’s waist, quickly unbuttoning his jeans and pulling down the zipper. Even fell onto his back next to Isak, removing his pants and boxers and tossing them aside as Isak leaned away from him to grab what they needed from the drawer.

They climbed under the covers, Even settling himself on top of Isak, lying flush against him from knee to chest. He was grinding against Isak, both of them almost painfully hard, but kissing him softly. Isak started breathing heavily, trying to make sense of how roughly Even was grinding against him at the same time his lips were just lightly brushing against his own. Even hoped the sensation was as overwhelming for Isak. And then those hopes were assured when Even felt the short, quick gasps escape from Isak’s lips, his breath hot against Even's skin. 

“Even,” Isak moaned. It was just a word, but Even knew what he was asking. He lifted himself off Isak, reaching down to fully remove his boxers and then pushing Isak’s thighs apart gently. He reached for the bottle and squirted a little too much on his fingers then settled between Isak’s legs on his stomach.

Even placed his unlubricated hand around Isak, softly stroking the throbbing skin. “Even,” Isak breathed, “Go slow, okay?”

Even kissed the inside of Isak’s thigh, “Of course, baby. Try to relax,” he assured him, Isak’s body almost trembling.

Even circled Isak’s entrance with his thumb, tantalizingly slow, making Isak’s chest heave with want and desire. He rested his free hand on Isak’s stomach, trying to soothe him as he slowly pressed one finger in. Isak let out a whimper, biting down on his bottom lip and gripping the sheets. Even caressed his stomach, kissing his thigh again. “Shhh,” he whispered, “Isak, you don’t have to do this.”

“No, no, I want to. It feels good,” Isak told him, looking down at Even. “Keep going.”

Even smiled, “Okay, but tell me if it becomes too much, yeah?”

Isak nodded, “Yeah.”

Even went slowly as promised, pushing and pulling his finger inside of Isak, twisting slightly and flexing his knuckle until it felt like Isak had opened up a little more. Isak’s breathing steady, soft moans coming from somewhere deep in his chest. “I’m gonna add another, okay?”

“Yeah, okay,” he breathed, forcing his eyes open to look at Even.  

Even was even slower this time, pressing gently into him with his pointer and middle finger. He lifted himself up Isak’s body farther, sucking a bruise into his hip bone as he worked his fingers inside him, scissoring them smoothly. Isak groaned in pleasure, gripping Even’s hand on his stomach. Even could feel his knuckles turning white in Isak’s grasp. “Do one more,” Isak asked.

He added a third finger, carefully opening him up, paying close attention to Isak’s breathing. Isak’s hands instinctively reached above his head, gripping the pillow, his hips lightly grinding against Even’s fingers. Even curled his fingers inside Isak just right, rubbing directly against his prostate. Isak’s back arched and he turned his head, biting roughly into the pillow to try to silence his groans. It didn’t work. They ripped from his throat beautifully. Even stilled his fingers, waiting for Isak to catch his breath, “You ready?”

Isak released the pillow from his teeth, opening his eyes and turning to look down at Even. “I’m ready,” he decided, “but first, kiss me.”

Even complied, slowly removing his fingers, eliciting a tiny gasp from Isak, and crawling up his body, propping himself on his elbows to kiss his boyfriend. Isak nipped at his mouth playfully, sucking Even’s bottom lip into his mouth then releasing him.

Even reached over for the condom. “Can you, uhh?” he gestured to Isak. One of his hands was still covered in lube and couldn’t properly open the little packet.

Isak nodded, “yeah, I got it,” opening it easily. Even sat up and rested on his haunches. Isak followed him, abs and arms flexing as he rolled it on Even smoothly.

Even tangled his clean hand in Isak’s hair and kissed him, lowering Isak back down and pulling the sheets up over them so they fell right above his waist. He grabbed more lube and made sure he was slick. Then positioning himself at Isak’s entrance, he asked one more time, “Are you sure you want to do this? We don’t have to.”

“Yes, I trust you,” Isak told him, smiling softly.

“You have to tell me if it’s too much. I don’t want to hurt you.”

Isak sighed, “It’s not like I’ve never done this, Even.”

“No, but it’s still been a while. I want to be careful.”

Isak lifted up, kissing him once again, “Thank you.”

Even nodded, leaning back down and kissing him softly as he slowly pushed in. Isak’s mouth opened involuntarily and Even tried shushing his moans with his kisses, but he could barely keep himself from moaning. Isak was so tight and warm, “God, you feel so good, babe,” he said once he bottomed out.  

Isak wrapped his legs around Even’s waist, pulling him closer. Even supported himself on his hands which he placed right below Isak’s armpits. He pulled most of himself out then thrust back in.

“Ahh!” Isak hissed.

Even froze, waiting for Isak to accommodate him. “I’m sorry,” he whispered, running a hand through Isak’s hair.

“It’s okay, go on,” Isak told him, wrapping his hands around Even’s neck.

Slowly Even built up his thrusts until he found a rhythm of slow thrusts. He rolled his hips as he thrust inside Isak, mesmerized by the way Isak licked his quivering lips. They continued like that for a while, Isak never asking him to go harder or faster. It felt good, slow and beautiful. It felt like more than just sex. It really felt like making love. Isak pulled Even down, brushing his lips against Even’s, tasting him, breathing heavily into his mouth.

Even rolled his hips just right, thrusting against Isak where he needed him, trying hard not to reach his orgasm too fast.

“Right there, right there, Even,” he moaned. “I’m so close.”

“Me, too,” he moaned into Isak’s neck, only quickening his pace slightly.

Isak gripped him around his shoulders tightly, “I’m close, I’m close,” he breathed, tickling Even’s ear. “ _Ahh, ahh, ahhh_ ,” Isak gasped with each of Even's thrusts, finally nuzzling his face into Even’s hair as he came hard against their stomachs and chests. 

Even finally met his released, groaning, coming with Isak, thrusting in him just a few more times to milk his orgasm before collapsing completely on top of him. Isak released his legs from around Even, but Even was still inside him, trying to control his breathing. Isak kissed his shoulder softly, rubbing Even’s back between his shoulder blades.

Once Even caught his breath, he eased himself out of Isak carefully, Isak wincing slightly. He rolled over onto his back, lying next to Isak. They lied there, chests heaving, looking into each other’s eyes, interrupting the moment to kiss tenderly.

Even reached down to find his t-shirt on the floor, using it to clean them up and depositing it back on the floor. He then removed the condom, tied it and tossed it in the waste bin. 

Isak inched closer to Even resting his head on his shoulder and wrapping his arm up around his neck. Even pulled the blankets up higher on them and holding Isak’s warm body close. He ran his fingers loosely through Isak’s hair, feeling the way his lungs were in sync with his. “Please tell me you’re tired,” Even sighed.

Isak laughed, his chest vibrating against Even’s. He looked up at him, “Exhausted.”

Even smiled and leaned down to kiss his lips a couple times before returning to resting his chin against the bridge of Isak’s perfect nose. They fell asleep together, listening to the sound of each other’s steady breathing.


	22. I can tell how time can bend your ideas.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Friday morning and afternoon, before the party for Vilde.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title from Angus and Julia Stone's "And The Boys"

The sound of a zipper stirred Even awake. By the time he pried open his eyes, Isak was pulling a white t-shirt over his shoulders and yanking it down over his stomach. His hair was wet and dripping. Even looked over at the clock. They had to leave for school in twenty minutes. Even sat up in bed, “I’m going to cook you breakfast.”

“Uhh, no you’re not,” Isak told him as Even stood up from the bed, completely naked in front of him.

“Yes I am,” Even decided.

“Even, you need a shower. You have sex hair,” Isak replied, tossing a pair of sweats at him.

Even ran his hand through his hair, scratching the back of his head. Isak laughed, “It looks even worse now.”

“But I don’t want cereal. I want to make eggs,” Even complained.

“I’ll make the eggs,” Isak offered.

Even froze, tensed up, “Don’t you dare.”

Isak grinned, “What? Worried I’ll fuck them up?”

Without missing a beat, Even replied, “Yes!”

“Well, I suggest you hurry then,” Isak winked as he left the bedroom for the kitchen.

Even quickly pulled on the sweatpants, nearly tripping as he tried to get them up over his knees. He ran down the hallway to the bathroom, turned on the shower and jumped in before the water warmed up, “Oh fuck,” he yelled as he started washing his hair, teeth chattering. Finally the water seemed warm by the time he was scrubbing his shoulders with the loofa, admiring the new marks from Isak’s fingernails on his skin.

Getting out of the shower, Even wrapped a towel around his waist haphazardly then brushed his teeth vigorously, then ran down the hall to throw on some clothes in Isak’s room.

Isak laughed when Even popped in the kitchen to bat Isak’s hand away from the eggs he was about to crack. “Mine,” he told him. Isak smiled, moving out of the way. He curled his fingers around the bottom of Even’s shirt and pulled it up quickly over Even’s back and arms. “What’re you doing?” Even mumbled into the shirt as it passed over his head.

“You put it on inside out,” Isak was laughing really hard now as Even turned around to face him.

“Oh,” Even couldn’t help laughing, too, “Something didn’t feel right.” He kissed Isak on the lips, taking the shirt from him and putting it on right this time, “Thank you.”

Even made quick work of the eggs and they sat down to eat together at the table. Isak began scarfing them down as per usual, but Even complained, “No, Isak! You have to savor them,” he insisted as he slowly chewed a chunk of egg he’d put in his mouth.

Isak rolled his eyes, the spoke with a mouthful of eggs, “We have to leave soon.”

Even knew he was right so he let Isak eat the eggs quickly and escape to his room to finish getting dressed. Noora was in the bathroom, so Even used the mirror in the hallway to finger-comb through his wet hair until he was satisfied with how it looked.

Isak walked by, smacking Even on the ass, “Come on, babe! We gotta go!” he laughed.

“Hey!” Even shouted.

Isak just laughed, “Come on!” Even finished getting dressed in Isak’s room quickly and then he, Isak, and Noora were headed off for school.

 

 

 

The school day felt like it had dragged on. The moment Isak and Even walked through the front door, all Even wanted to do was kick off his shoes and curl up on the couch with Isak.

“Not so fast,” Esklid stopped him as Even started taking off his shoes.

Then Even remembered, “Uggh, okay!”

“What?” Isak asked Even, standing in the hallway.

Eskild answered for him, “Even owes me. We’re going to buy booze.”

“Can’t he just give you money?” Isak whined. Apparently he had been set on spending time with Even, too. “Besides, shouldn’t be buying hard alcohol anyway.”

“But I can’t carry it all!” Eskild complained. “And I can never decide what to get.”

“Even can’t even drink it, though!” Isak told him. Even knew he shouldn’t be drinking, but he’d planned on a having a little to drink tonight. It had been a long week.

Even took Isak’s hand in his and squeezed his palm gently. “I’ll go and we’ll be right back.” Even pushed his heel back in his shoe and kissed Isak quickly on the lips. Isak grabbed Even’s jacket, pulling him closer kissing him hard right in front of Eskild.

When Isak pulled away, he just smirked, “Have him home soon, Eskild.”

“Fair enough, I deserved that,” Eskild sighed, grabbing Even by the wrist and pulling him out the door.

 

 

 

“Eskild, I don’t know how we’re going to carry all this… back to your place,” Even told him, staring down at the cart while they were waiting to check out.

“You can call it home, Even. You’re not going to upset anyone,” Eskild replied easily.

Even shrugged. “Thanks. I have a home though, a really good one. I really appreciate that, though. It’s a good home for Isak that you and Noora and Linn have made,” he smiled.

Eskild beamed, “You’re right, he’s lucky to have us.”

Even laughed. “Yeah, he is.”

He paid for the cases of beer and Eskild paid for the rum, vodka, tequila and fireball. Their arms were straining as they got onto the tram, setting the cases and bags down carefully on the seats. A few older ladies were staring at them, obviously confused by the sheer volume of alcohol they had bought. They were quiet for a minute before Even finally spoke.

“Is he going to tell me about them?”

Eskild was confused at first, “What?”

“The dreams, Eskild. I know you know. It’s okay.”

Eskild sighed, “Ohh, well.”

“Well, what?” Even urged.

“I don’t really know about them,” Eskild shrugged.

“But, I read about night terrors and people who have night terrors don’t remember anything, but it wakes them up. They wake up panicked. Isak doesn’t do that. Which makes me think” Even began but Eskild cut him off.

“That he remembers them?”

Even dropped his head, leaning against the pole. He nodded.

“I think he does, too,” Eskild agreed.

“So he’s told you about them?” Even asked.

“No, not really. But I’m pretty sure they’re about his parents, or his mom at least,” Eskild admitted.

“How do you know?” Even urged.

“Well, the first time he had one, in our basement, I woke him up and he started yelling about his mom. I think he thought I was her at first and he was pushing me away, but then he came to and just kept crying.”

“Jesus,” Even muttered.

“Yeah, I told him he should write them down, but I don’t think he listened.”

Even sighed, “I don’t know how to help him, Eskild.”

Eskild put his hand on Even, squeezing his shoulder, “I don’t think he does either. He won’t tell you anything if you push him.”

Even nodded, “I know.”

Eskild removed his hand, “He loves you. He will.”

Even looked up at Eskild, “I love him, too.”

“Ugh, you two are the worst. I feel painfully single,” Eskild groaned.

Even just smiled, and the smile didn’t leave his face the rest of the night. When guests arrived at the apartment that night, Even was over the moon.  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I felt like it would have been incoherent to jump from Thursday night's smut to Friday night's party, so I had to piece the two events together somehow. This nice little conversation between Even and Eskild came from it.


	23. Feet in the air and your head on the ground.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Madhi and Kasper convince everyone to play King's Cup.  
> Jonas has an unexpected kiss.  
> Eskild gets a kiss, too.  
> Kasper gets a lot.  
> Even makes a questionable choice.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title from "Where Is My Mind?" by The Pixies. 
> 
>  
> 
> It may help to know the order in which everyone's sitting for the drinking game. Here's what I had in my head while writing this. Madhi – Noora – Linn – Jonas – Magnus – Isak – Even – Sana – Eva – Vilde – Kasper – Chris – Eskild – Finn.

“Sana!” Even yelled, “I’m so glad you made it!” He pulled her into his side for a hug then happily went back to opening the rum. “Can I get you something to drink?” he asked. They were the only ones in the kitchen. Everyone else was in the living room.

“Yeah, thanks, Coke?” she nodded, smiling.

“No alcohol?” Even asked.

Sana just shrugged, “I don’t like it very much. Coke is fine.”

“One coke!” Even laughed, grabbing one from the fridge. He handed it to her then decided, “Actually, that sounds good,” grabbing another from the fridge and setting it on the counter next to the rum. He went back to opening the bottle.

“You’re in such a good mood,” she noticed.

Even laughed, “Yeah, it’s been a long week. It’s nice to just relax, you know?”

Sana nodded, “Oh yeah, that biology test was rough. Anyways, I’ll see you in there,” she gestured toward the living room, “Madhi says he knows a good game.”

“Sure thing, be right there!” Even replied.

He finally got the cap off and poured a little rum in his cup. A little wouldn’t hurt. And he’d only had two beers since the party started. Even poured some coke in, too, then went back to the rum, pouring more in. He figured there must have been 50% coke, 50% rum, or maybe 40% coke, 60% rum. Definitely no more than 65% rum.

Sana had sat on the floor next to Eva, leaving a space right between her and Isak for Even to sit. Everyone was sat in a large circle around the coffee table as Madhi shuffled the deck of cards in his hand, “Okay, okay, this is basically just a version of King’s Cup I learned at a Handels party last year.”

“Ahh yes!” Eskild screamed, “I love King’s Cup,” he told Finn, his coworker he’d invited.

“King’s Cup?” Chris asked.

“Yeah, yeah, it’s so fun,” Kasper agreed.

Noora sipped her water and asked, “How do you play?”  

“So you spread the deck of cards out in a circle around an empty cup and you go around and everybody pulls a card one at a time, and each of the cards is their own thing,” Madhi began.

“Their own thing?” Jonas questioned.

“Yeah, yeah,” Kasper started, “Like if you pull an Ace, that’s a waterfall. So whoever pulls it starts drinking and everybody’s drinking and you can’t stop until the person to your left stops. So the person to the right of whoever drew it is fucked.”

Eva cheered, “This sounds like my kind of game!”

“I don’t think I should play this, I’m just drinking water,” Noora said.

Eskild groaned, “No, no, play with water. It’s fine. Sana’s not drinking and neither is Even. You don’t have to drink.”

Even could just slightly feel Sana’s gaze on him. She probably knew he was drinking – either figured it out in the kitchen or just knew in the way Sana just knows sometimes. Isak put a hand on Even’s thigh, giving it a little squeeze. Even laid his hand on Isak’s holding it there. He smiled at him then took a pull of his rum and coke.

“Okay, what’s the rest of the cards?” Magnus asked.

Madhi went on explaining the game. “2 is ‘you’. If you pull it, you choose someone to drink. 3 is ‘me’. You drink on that one. 4 is ‘Never Have I Ever’. Whoever loses first drinks. 5 is ‘guys’. Guys drink. 6 is ‘chicks’. The girls drink. 7 is, well, actually I’ve played this one a few ways. How do you play it Kasper?”

Kasper draped an arm around Chris’ shoulder. “7 minutes in heaven. It’s more fun,” he decided.

Madhi nodded, “Okay, so 7 is ‘7 minutes in heaven’ with the person on your right. 8 is ‘mate’. You choose someone and they have to drink with you any time you drink and vice versa. 9 is ‘chicken with the person on your left’.”

“What’s ‘chicken’?” Vilde asked, confused.

 “Oh, I know this one!” Magnus yelled. “So you basically just do whatever you want to the person next to you until you or they chicken out. So like I could start rubbing Jonas’ leg until he says ‘no’,” but Magnus was cut off.

“Uh no you may not,” Jonas told him, scoffing.”

Madhi nodded, “Right, so if Jonas says no, he drinks. If Magnus chickens out, he drinks.”

Even thought that could make things a little uncomfortable among friends, but there was also something a little thrilling about it. The idea of making Isak nervous in front of his friends both unsettling and weirdly appealing.

Madhi continued, “10 is ‘categories’. Whoever pulls thinks of a category and then you go around until someone can’t think of something. They drink. Jack is ‘create a rule’. So like if I pull a Jack and say you can’t use names then if Linn says Eskild’s name, she has to drink. Queen is ‘question master’. Everybody has to answer your questions with a question or they drink. It’s a lot harder than it sounds. King is ‘kiss’. Kasper, do you play right or left?”

Kasper kissed Chris’ cheek, “Right,” he decided.

“Okay, yeah, kiss person to your right, then you both drink and you add as much to the middle cup as you want. The last king drawn has to drink the whole thing.”

Eskild stopped Madhi, “What about the jokers?”

“You play with those?” Madhi was confused.

Eskild nodded, “Of course, that’s the best one. If you pull a joker you’re in the hot seat! Everyone gets to ask you a question and you can answer honestly or drink.”

“Okay, that’s chill,” Madhi smiled.

“Yeah, yeah,” Kasper agreed.

Noora piped up, “I reserve the right to quit this game at any time.”

Madhi agreed with her, “Yeah, of course. No one has to finish playing if they don’t want to, it’s just more fun. No pressure though.”

Soon enough Madhi was spreading out the cards face down around the cup. “Oh, one more thing,” he added, “If you break the circle,” he said gesturing to the cards, “You drink.”

“This is so many rules!” Vilde screamed, obviously excited.

“We’ll help you remember them,” Kasper told her. “You go first.”

Vilde leaned forward, grabbing a card from the circle, “5!” she showed everyone the card.

“That’s us, boys,” Madhi instructed. All the guys took a drink.

“Your turn, Eva,” Vilde told her.

Eva pulled an 8, choosing Jonas to be her mate. “No surprise,” Magnus laughed a little too loud.

Eva and Jonas leaned across to clink their cups together, “Cheers” they both said, taking two gulps.

“Jeez, slow down, Eva,” Vilde teased.

Sana pulled an Ace. She lifted the cup to her mouth and as soon as she tilted it back, everyone was drinking. She held it there only a couple seconds and Even stopped drinking shortly after her. By the time the waterfall got to Finn, he held it for about five seconds and everybody after him quickly stopped once he did. Eva hiccupped when she put her empty cup down.

“Uhh, I need more,” she laughed. Kasper handed her another beer to refill her cup.

“Your turn, Even,” Madhi told him.

Even pulled a 2. “You, drink up, Mags.” Magnus pulled back some of his drink so quickly that everybody laughed at him. Even nudged Isak and he leaned forward grabbing a card. Even jabbed his side playfully and Isak flinched, breaking the circle as he drew his card. “Sorry,” Even teased.

Isak eyed him, “Fine.” He drank some of his beer. “What’s 9 again?”

“Chicken!” Eskild shouted, clapping his hands.

Magnus laughed, “Go ahead, Isak, I know you’ve been dying to cop a feel.”

Isak looked panicked for a second but then his face calmed. He slowly peeled off his sock.

“No,” Magnus’s eyes went wide. Isak just smiled, lifting his bare foot right in Magnus’ face. “STOP STOP!” Magnus yelled. Everybody laughed as Magnus leaned away and started chugging his drink. Who knew Magnus had such an aversion to feet?

Magnus set his drink down and pulled a 3. “Aww, fuck me.” He drank some more.

“Jonas, your turn,” Magnus told him.

Jonas pulled a King. “Are you kidding me?” Magnus shrieked.

Jonas laughed, “Nope, I am kissing you though.” Before Magnus could stop him, Jonas was pulling Magnus’ face towards his own and he pressed their lips together hard and quick. Even thought it looked like it hurt. Isak started laughing hysterically and everyone else joined in soon after that. Finn whispered something in Eskild’s ear that made him laugh even harder. Both Magnus and Jonas drank. “Drink up, Eva,” Jonas told her. He and Magnus both added a lot to the middle cup.

Eva remembered he was her mate, lifting her drink happily up to her lips.

Once everybody calmed down, Linn drew her card. “Two?”

“You pick someone to drink,” Madhi told her.

“Eskild,” she said matter-of-factly. Eskild smiled and took a sip.

Noora pulled her card next, “Three. Perfect,” she giggled, taking a sip of water.

Next Madhi pulled a Jack. “Okay, okay, new rule.” He thought for a second. “Okay, if you cuss, you drink.”

“Are you trying to make yourself drink?” Jonas laughed.

“Fuck off,” Madhi told him. Everybody laughed as Madhi realized what he did, “Shit, ugh!” he groaned as everybody roared with laughter. He took two big gulps and set his cup back down.

Finn drew his card next. It was a 9. Eskild visibly turned red next to him. Finn’s hand started at Eskild’s shoulder, tracing a line up his neck and across his cheek so slowly, looking at Eskild like he wanted to eat him.

Even leaned over to whisper in Isak’s ear, “Is Finn into Eskild?”

Isak shrugged, “I don’t know. I just met him tonight.”

Finn’s finger moved slowly over Eskild’s lips, tracing his cupid’s bow. Finn smirked devilishly as he moved his finger really, really close to Eskild’s left nostril. “Ahh, stop!” Eskild yelled. Everybody couldn’t help laughing. That wasn’t where Even thought that was going.

“Gotcha!” Finn joked. Eskild was still beet red when he took a drink.

Eskild went next, drawing a King. “Come here,” he teased, leaning into Finn. Finn responded easily, kissing Eskild’s lips like he wanted to. The kiss seemed to last pretty long and when Eskild finally pulled away from Finn, Finn’s hand was still on Eskild’s cheek.

“I think Finn’s into Eskild,” Even decided, whispering to Isak. Isak just laughed.

Eskild and Finn added to the center cup. Chris picked up a 4. “Never Have I Ever,” Kasper shouted. He held up three fingers, and then everyone else was holding up three.

“Okay, okay,” Chris thought for a while, “Alright, never have I ever smoked weed.” Finn, Kasper, Even, Isak, Magnus, Jonas, Madhi and Linn all put a finger down.

“Linn?” Isak asked, almost in disbelief.

Linn just shrugged, “I can’t really feel it.” Magnus’ eyes just widened, like it was the most depressing thing he’s ever heard.

Noora changed the subject quickly. “Okay does Chris go again or does Kasper?”

“I go,” Kasper decided. “Never have I ever kissed a dude.” Everyone except Madhi and Kasper put a finger down.

Vilde still had two of her fingers up when she ended the round, “Never have I ever went to Elvebakken.”

“Cheap shot!” Isak yelled, laughing.

Even just laughed with him, drinking some more of his rum and coke. “Sorry!” Vilde apologized, not looking very sincere.

Kasper pulled a card next. “7!” he shouted. He stood up from the circle, taking Chris’s hand in his. Chris stood up next to him. “Hey, Eskild,” where’s the closest closet?”

“Hallway,” Eskild pointed, laughing.

“Oi, oi!” everybody yelled as Kasper lead Chris out of the room. Isak noticed his drink was nearly emptied so he poured a little more beer in it from the can Eva had set on the table.

Everybody lost themselves in each other’s conversations and Even scooched a little closer to Isak, draping an arm around his shoulder. He kissed his temple then rested his chin on Isak’s hair for a moment before he turned to look at Magnus, “So how’s Jonas as a kisser, huh?”

“Ha!” Magnus shrieked, “Rough!”

Jonas teased him, ruffling Magnus’ hair, “I know you like it rough, baby!”

Eva burst out laughing a little too loud, but then drowned out the sounds by drinking a little more. Even drank some more too. Madhi started talking to Isak about something that happened in their English class and Even tried to pay attention, but all he could focus on was the way Isak’s eyes glinted as he talked animatedly with Madhi. He kept drinking, finishing his cup by the time Kasper and Chris returned. Chris lead Kasper back into the room. His hair was disheveled and his neck spotted red with fresh hickeys.

Even stood up from the circle heading into the kitchen for a refill. He poured some coke in his cup, almost left the kitchen, but then headed back in to add rum to his cup again. He was feeling good and Isak was getting a little tipsy by now. “Even! You’re my mate!” Vilde yelled from the living room. Even could hear everybody laughing, especially Isak’s loud guffaw that began deep in his chest.

Even smiled, “Coming!” he shouted, walking out of the kitchen back towards the living room.  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next chapter will pick up right where this one leaves off!


	24. You've got something coming.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The game continues.  
> Isak ends up in the hot seat.  
> Even makes a quick decision.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title from "God's Whisper" by Raury.

“Okay, okay,” Even sat down, knee resting on top of Isak’s taking a gulp of his drink.

Isak draped his arm across Even’s thigh as he hunched over. “It’s your turn Eva.”

Eva was drinking even before she pulled a card, “6, let’s go ladies!”

All the girls drank and Even remembered that Jonas was Eva’s mate. “Don’t we have to drink too, Jonas?”

Eva screamed, “Yeah, Jonas! Drink up!” She was gone, already beyond tipsy. Even noticed she was literally tipsy, leaning over and trying to find her balance even though she was sitting down. Vilde put a hand on her shoulder to steady her. Jonas just laughed and took a drink. Even did, too.

Sana went next, pulling a Queen. “What does this mean again?” she asked Madhi.

“That’s the question master one,” he told her. Realization hit his face, “oh shit.”

Everybody laughed as Madhi took two gulps. Sana was brutal. She just smirked and Even leaned over toward Isak, whispering in his ear, “Don’t let me talk to Sana.”

Isak laughed, bringing a hand up to push Even’s face away. Even figured he must have tickled Isak’s ear. He kissed Isak’s palm. Isak turned his face quickly in shock, nearly bumping his nose on Even’s. Even leaned in quick to kiss him gently on the lips in front of everyone. Isak’s eyes went wide, but he held Even’s leg even tighter against his own. Even grinned. Isak was getting better and better at PDA with their friends and Even loved it.

“Even?” Magnus laughed from behind Isak. “It’s your turn!”

Even still had his face centimeters away from Isak’s, smiling brightly. Isak pushed his face away now, guiding him to look at the cards on the table again. He pulled a 10. “This is the categories one right?”

“Yeah, what’s your pick?” Kasper asked.

Even didn’t even give himself a second to think, “Baz Luhrmann movies.” Magnus groaned.

A look of confusion came across Finn’s face, “Who?” he asked.

“He’s a director. Moulin Rouge,” Even stated.

Isak went next, “Romeo + Juliet.”

“Fuck, fuck, fuck,” Magnus panicked.

“That’s three drinks, buddy!” Madhi teased. Everyone laughed.

“Ohh, oh, Great Gatsby!” Magnus yelled then went straight to his drink for three gulps.

Jonas just shook his head and took a drink, admitting defeat. “Go on, Eva.” Eva giggled and drank some more.

“I need more,” Magnus excused himself to make a drink in the kitchen.

“Okay, my turn,” Isak said, leaning foreward to take a card. “Shit,” he muttered.

“Drink!” Madhi yelled.

Isak lifted the cup to his mouth as he set the card face up on the table. “Yes!” Eskild screamed. “Joker!”

“I want to suggest an addition to the rule,” Jonas decided. “How about when you’re in the hot seat, you can only drink instead of answer for three questions? Otherwise, Isak’s just going to get too drunk on us.”

Isak rolled his eyes, “You can’t just change rules. I didn’t sign up for that.”

Madhi nodded, “No, I think that’s a good idea.” Isak just kept shaking his head.

Everyone nodded, smiling, looking at Isak like they couldn’t wait for him to reveal all his secrets. Even wrapped his arm around Isak’s shoulders, “Come on, Isak. It can’t be that bad.”

Isak stopped disagreeing, thought about it and looked up at everybody, “Fine!” he yelled, “Just don’t be assholes.”

 “Drink!” Madhi yelled again.

Isak tried to act frustrated, but Even could see the smile on his lips as he lifted his drink to mouth.

Eskild cheered. “You have to answer truthfully! You’re a terrible liar anyway.”

Isak nodded, giving up the fight.

“I’m going first!” Magnus decided.

Isak turned his head to face Magnus, “Go on, do your worst.”

Magnus thought for a while, a terrible smile forming on his face, “Who’s bigger, you or Even?” Even suddenly felt everyone’s eyes on him.

“That’s not fair, that’s asking about Even, too.”

“Actually, I think that’s fair,” Madhi decided.

Isak wouldn’t even look at Even, he just took a drink. Even squeezed his shoulder. He wouldn’t have minded if Isak answered, but he thought it was nice that he thought of him. Isak really cared, even a little tipsy.

Jonas went next, “This is hard. I feel like I know everything about you.”

Isak nodded, “Pretty much.”

“Alright, what’s something weird that turns you on?”

“What?” Isak asked. Even thought about it hard, trying to figure out something. He realized he and Isak kept it pretty tame in the bedroom.

“You know,” Jonas shrugged, “Like what’s something weird that makes you horny?”

“Uhh, I don’t know,” Isak shrugged.

“That’s definitely not a good enough answer,” Eskild objected.

“Umm, I guess hair-pulling?” Isak offered.

Even tightened his grip around Isak’s shoulders, looking down at him, “I’ll keep that in mind.”

“Oi, oi!” Magnus yelled. Everybody was laughing now.

“I like that too,” Eva admitted. More laughter filled the room.

“Vilde, don’t let her drink anymore unless she has to,” Noora advised.

“Ok, Linn, you’re up,” Jonas told her.

Linn was ready, “Who’s your favorite roommate?”

“It better be me!” Eskild yelled.

Isak laughed, “Sure, Eskild. You’re my favorite roommate.” Noora and Linn didn’t look like they even cared about it.

“Ouch,” Noora teased, but she was smiling at him, understanding. “Do you use my body wash in the shower?”

Isak lowered his head, “Yeah, sorry. I’ll buy you more.”

Everyone just laughed. “Dude, no wonder you smell like coconut half the time!” Madhi joked.

“At least I smell better than you!” Isak retorted.

Madhi grinned, “Okay, you have to have a threesome with Even and someone else here, who do you pick?”

“Ahh, jeez, Madhi,” Isak complained.

“Answer or drink,” Madhi challenged. Isak drank, making a point not to look at anyone.

“Alright kid,” Finn straightened up, “When did you have sex for the first time?”

Finn didn’t know Isak well at all, but it was a pretty good question and Even didn’t think everyone there knew anyway. “December,” answered.

“My turn!” Eskild was too excited. “What’s the best orgasm you’ve ever had?”

“I’m not going to describe that, Eskild!”

“What? Why?” Eskild actually looked sad.

“Because, that’s way too private,” Isak took a drink.

“You’ve officially ran out of ‘outs’, Isak,” Jonas reminded him.

“Yeah, I know. Go ahead, Chris.”

“You have to sleep with one girl here, who do you choose?”

“Uggh,” Isak dropped is head in his hands. With his face still covered, he just barely choked out, “Eva.”

“Aww, thanks, Isak!” Eva told him.

“I knew it,” Jonas joked.

Everybody laughed and Even spoke a little too loud, “Oh, fuck off,” Isak retorted.

“Drink!” Madhi cried through his laughter. Isak drank, smiling into his cup again.

“Alright, alright, my turn,” Kasper announced. “Who tops?”

Even felt all eyes on him again, like everyone just knew he topped. Isak tensed under his arm. He didn’t have any outs. He just stared at the middle cup, “Both of us.”

“What? You like take turns?” Kasper asked confused.

Before Isak realized, he was answering a second question, “No, most of the time I do, but sometimes we switch.”

“Holy shit,” Magnus didn’t believe him, “Are you kidding me?”

“Drink,” Madhi told him, but he was already lifting the cup to his mouth.

“It’s true,” Even chimed in.

“But you’re taller?” Magnus spoke hesitantly.

Everyone burst out laughing at Magnus’ ridiculous comment.

“So???” Isak asked Magnus. “That doesn’t mean anything.”

“Yeah,” Even wrapped his forearm around Isak’s neck, like he had him in a headlock, “We like what we like.” He turned to Isak, “And I like you very much.” Isak kissed him, in front of everyone.

Isak pulled back, smiling against Even’s lips, “I like you, too.”

“You are too cute!” Vilde and Eskild yelled at the same time. Even finally released Isak from his grasp, but Isak reached out and laced their fingers together, holding his hand, not even caring what kind of display they were making.

“It’s my turn.” Vilde announced. “What was your first kiss with Even like?”

“Underwater,” Isak told her.

“What?” she asked.

“Yeah, that is definitely not a good enough answer,” Magnus complained.

Even nudged Isak, “Can I answer this one?”

“Please,” Isak sighed.

“Is that okay, ref?” he joked to Madhi.

“Yeah, sure,” Madhi laughed.

“We were riding around on my bike and then we broke into a house. It was the house of someone I went to elementary school with. Anyway, they have an indoor pool in their basement. So we broke in and Isak pushed me in the pool, but I pulled him in with me. And I don’t know if any of you know this, but Isak is shit at holding his breath.” Even stopped to take a drink before Madhi could even say anything. “So I challenged him to a breath holding contest, naturally. And to beat him, I kissed him.”

“Aww,” nearly all the girls, Eskild and even Magnus sighed.

“Yeah, which is totally cheating, so I told him we had to go again,” Isak interrupted.

“And?” Vilde asked.

“Well, that time I kissed him,” Isak smiled at Even.

“And then I just kept kissing him,” Even said, “For like a day.”

“That’s why you missed my fucking birthday,” Magnus figured it out. Everybody laughed.

“Drink!” Madhi yelled.

“Fuck off, Madhi,” Magnus replied. Then he took two big gulps. 

“Okay, your turn, Eva,” Isak laughed.

“Yes! Finally, okay, if you had to have sex with another guy here that wasn’t Even, who would it be?” she grinned.

Isak looked around the room, eyes inevitably falling on Jonas. “The boys already know this – Jonas,” he told her.

“They do?” Even asked.

“Yeah,” Isak laughed, “Long story.”

“Don’t worry, man,” Jonas was talking to Even, “It’s the brows, no one can resist them.”

Even laughed and he swore he could have seen Isak and Eva roll their eyes at the same time.

“Is it my turn now?” Sana asked.

“Yeah, go ahead,” Isak told her. His shoulders dropped, sighing as he lifted the cup to his lips. Sana was too good at that.

“Hmm, when was the last time you cried?” she asked.

Even thought maybe Sana was expecting Isak to say a time when he was a kid. That seemed to be the typical response from guys on a question like that, that it had been so long since they last cried. Most guys always gave a bullshit response, but Isak was on the spot. “Tuesday night or Wednesday morning, I don’t know.” He took a drink.

Even squeezed his hand tight.

“You don’t know?” Chris asked, confused.

“It was the middle of the night, I’m not sure,” Isak shrugged.

“What happened?” Jonas asked.

Isak shook his head, “I’m not obligated to answer that.” A grin spread on his lips and it seemed to help alleviate the tension in the room.

“Fine, Even can just ask you,” Jonas replied.

“That’s not what I’m going to ask though,” Even decided. Isak just looked at him, relief in his eyes. “What’s your favorite thing about me?” he asked.

Isak thought for a moment, eyes scanning Even’s face. “It’s a four-way tie.” Even was becoming lost in Isak’s eyes.

“Four?” a few people asked. Even couldn’t be bothered to figure out who.

“Yeah,” Isak said, “Your hands, your eyes, your lips,” Isak smiled, “and your heart.”

“Holy fuck, that was so cheesy!” Eva blurted out. Everyone laughed as Eva took another sip, even Isak.

Even wasn’t laughing, but instead leaned over and kissed Isak hungrily in front of everyone, his hand lifting up to Isak’s face, cupping his cheek as he crushed their lips together. Isak kissed him back with the same fervor and Even thought it felt so good. He loved that Isak didn’t actually feel weird about kissing him like this in front of everyone. It made Even smile against his lips. When he pulled away, everyone had stopped laughing and they were just staring at them.

“Wow,” Magnus said with wide eyes. “That is so cool.”

Isak rolled his eyes at Magnus, “Your turn, bro.” And just like that they resumed the game - no more interrogating Isak.

Magnus pulled an Ace. He only had a little left in his cup again, so the waterfall didn’t last very long, but Even finished off his drink. Mostly everyone else did too, so they all refilled on beer and Even and Isak refilled in the kitchen.

“Why are you drinking?” he asked when they were standing there alone. _Shit_ Even thought. Isak had totally tasted the rum on his tongue.

“I just want us to have a fun night,” he replied.

“We can have fun without you drinking, Even,” Isak told him back.

Even shook his head, turning to face him, “I know. I know. I just wanted to let loose a little okay?” He sighed, “It’s been a long week.”

Isak nodded, “Maybe switch to beer instead of coke and rum?”

Even agreed, “Yeah, a beer sounds good.”

Isak started walking out of the kitchen, but Even grabbed his wrist, pulling him back to him. He kissed him quick, “Thanks.” Another kiss to his cheek, “You’re the best.”

Isak stroked Even’s cheek with his thumb, “Just be careful okay?” Isak told him. “You can switch to water whenever.”

Even nodded, “I will.”

Isak lead Even back into the living room and they sat down together.

Jonas pulled Queen, “Yes! I’m the new question master!” Sana rolled her eyes.

Linn pulled a 5. The guys and Eva and Vilde drank.

Noora pulled an 8. “Eskild, be my mate.”

“Anything for you baby,” Eskild teased.

Madhi pulled a 2. “You Isak. Drink up.” Isak swallowed the rest of his beer down, no problem. Kasper tossed him another can.

Finn pulled a 10. “Categories, okay, how about rappers?”

“Yes, I can do that!” Madhi cheered, but he didn’t even get the chance. Vilde lost once it got to her.

So many people were shouting at her.

“Come on, Vilde? All you know is Jay Z, Snoop Dogg and Kanye?”

“What about Nas?”

“Yeah, or Childish Gambino?”

“Nicki Minaj!”

“Jeez, jeez, I’m sorry!” Vilde laughed. “Sorry!”

Eskild pulled a jack. “Does this mean the no cussing rule is gone?”

Madhi looked down, “yeah, yeah, okay.”

“Great! Okay, no more names,” Eskild decided.

Everybody nodded. It seemed easy enough. Chris went next, pulling a 3. She drank.

Kasper pulled a 4 and everybody lifted up three fingers. He started, “Never have I ever been suspended from school.” Even, Linn, and Jonas put a finger down. “Interesting,” Kasper mused. Even could feel Isak’s eyes on him. He knew he’d be asking about this later.

Vilde went, “Never have I ever had sex with a girl.” Madhi, Jonas, Magnus, Even, Kasper and Finn each put a finger down. Even put his free hand on Isak’s thigh, tracing the smallest little heart on his jeans. Isak smiled.

Eva took a while to think of something, “Never have I ever had lice,” she looked over at Jonas.

“Your evil, Eva,” Jonas laughed, taking two gulps of his beer.

“When did you have lice, bro?” Madhi asked.

“I was 11!” Jonas defended himself. “Plus, lice like clean hair anyway. I’ve got clean hair, okay?”

Even was starting to think maybe Isak didn’t care as much about his hair as Jonas did. Vilde drew a card, “Another 5.” She, Eva, Noora and the guys all drank.

Eva drew a card, the last 2. “You drink, Vilde!” Vilde and Even both took a drink.

Sana pulled an 8, surveyed the room and chose Isak. “Be my mate?” They cheered, Isak touching his can to Sana’s cup across Even, each of them taking a drink.

It was Even’s turn again. He reached out a picked his card. “Oh,” he said, looking at the King in his hand.

“Uhh,” Sana said, actually looking nervous for the first time in her life.

Even figured it was best not to make a big deal out of it. If he declined, that could make Sana even more nervous, but he figured Isak would understand. Quickly, he decided. He draped an arm around Isak’s shoulders again, and joked lightly, “Try not to get too jealous.” Then he was leaning over pressing a soft kiss to a very surprised Sana’s lips.

No one said anything when Even pulled away, arm still tightly wrapped around Isak. Sana looked away, taking a few gulps of her coke. Isak just looked at him, no emotion on his face. Even drank a little of his beer. Sana leaned forward at the same time Even did and they poured some of their drinks into the cup, adding to the gross looking brown liquid. Still, no one said anything. Even was beginning to doubt whether or not that was the right thing to do. He felt a little sick and like everyone was looking at the three of them. Everyone was. Isak leaned forward and grabbed his card. He set it on the table, face up, - 7 of hearts.

Finally, Isak smiled and the uneasiness in Even's stomach started dissipating. “My turn,” Isak whispered, standing up and pulling Even up with him by his hands.

The last thing they heard before they left the living room was Magnus' whooping holler, "Atta boy!"  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Brace yourselves for some angst and some hurt.


	25. Admitting isn’t fixing.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Something's wrong with Isak and Even doesn't know how to help him.  
> Jonas does.  
> Isak reveals something.
> 
> WARNINGS: panic attack, brief mention of psychological abuse

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title from, "My Heart Goes Bum Bum Bum" by Flatsound.

“I’m sorry, I,” Even starts, but before he can finish his thought, Isak’s slamming his body against his in the hallway, out of sight from their friends, kissing hungrily at Even’s lips – Even’s lips who were just on Sana’s lips.

Isak’s hands are resting against Even’s abdomen, under his shirt, fingers lightly caressing Even’s skin. Finally, he releases Even’s lips. Finally, Even can catch his breath when, “I know,” Isak tells him, “It’s just a game. I just, I didn’t realize I would.”

“Be jealous?” Even asks, still panting.

Isak looks from Even’s eyes to his lips then back to his eyes, “Yeah,” he admits, lowering his hand to curl his fingers beneath the waistband of his jeans.

Even’s smiling like a maniac, he leans down and kisses Isak again, sloppy, hungry. He pulls away, breathing into Isak’s mouth, “I’m kissing you right now and I’m jealous of me.”

Isak laughs, shaking his head, “What? That doesn’t make-“ This time Even’s the one cutting him off with his plump lips brushing against Isak’s, his adventurous tongue mapping out Isak’s warm mouth.

“Come on,” Isak breathes as he starts pulling Even towards his room.

Even resists, “Haven’t you ever played 7 minutes in heaven before?” He’s laughing, “We do this in the closet.” Even grabs Isak’s hands in his, pulling him the other way down the hallway.

“No, I” Isak starts, but Even’s crushing their lips together once more, pulling Isak’s body tight to his, heavy hands guiding Isak as he walks backwards.

“Even,” Isak nearly whimpers.

“Come on, it’s fun,” Even smiles, opening the closet door, “Let me make you feel good.”

A moment later, Even shuts the door behind Isak and they’re nearly surrounded by darkness. A sliver of light escapes from the hallway, sneaking its way under the door and just barely casting light on Isak’s socks. Even still has one of Isak’s hands in his. As he sits down, he’s pulling him with him.

Isak tumbles ungracefully, ass landing right next to Even’s thighs with his legs strewn across them. Isak’s breathing heavily and Even’s so turned on right now. He wraps an arm around Isak’s shoulders, one settling on Isak’s trembling thigh. “Even,” Isak tries again, but he’s silenced.

Even’s lips move hungrily against Isak’s. He’s licking at his lips, kissing Isak’s jaw, nuzzling his nose against Isak’s cheek. It feels so good to be alone with Isak. Even loves him so much. His hand is massaging Isak’s thigh, getting closer and closer to where he knows his lips will end up. Isak’s still breathing heavily, choking out, “Ev-, Even.”

Even can feel his chest heaving, “I’m here, babe,” he kisses his jaw again, “I’m right here,” he lowers his lips to Isak’s neck, pressing a light kiss there before grazing his tongue against the hot flesh. He moves his hand on his thigh to Isak’s hair, tangling his fingers there and pulling gently as he sucks a bruise into Isak’s skin.

Isak’s finally remembered how to move, his hands coming up to rest on Even’s chest. “Even!” he shouts.

“Isak,” Even returns.

Suddenly Isak’s hands are pushing hard against Even’s chest, dislodging his lips from Isak’s neck. And then he hears it – “Even, stop!” Isak’s yelling. No, he’s sobbing. Even’s hand moves back to Isak’s leg when he realizes he’s not just trembling, he’s shaking. Isak’s shaking.

“Isak?” Even asks, but he’s only answered with Isak’s sobs.

“Stop, stop,” he takes in a big breath between his sobs, “I can’t,” _Inhale._ “can’t.” _Inhale._

“Isak, you’re scaring me,” the words coming rushing out of Even’s mouth. He moves Isak’s legs to the side, moving his hands to either side of Isak’s sweaty face.

“I can’t,” _Inhale._ “Breathe!” Isak shouts while gasping for air, sobs wrenching from his throat.

“I can’t! I can’t! I can’t!” he’s shouting. There’s no way the others can’t hear him.

Even feels the hot tears streaming down his own cheeks as he just holds Isak’s shaking head in his hands, “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I don’t know what to do! Please, Isak, just breathe!”

Nothing seems to be working. Finally, Even’s shouting at the closed closet door, “Help!” He’s about to shout it again when the closet door swings open, spilling light across their bodies and Even finally sees Isak – trembling, panicked Isak, gasping for air.

A pair of arms are reaching under Even’s as Even still holds onto Isak’s face. The arms are pulling Isak away from him, pulling him toward the light, pulling at Isak’s back and his shoulder. It’s not until Even lets go of Isak’s face when he realizes it’s Jonas.

Jonas has had a lot to drink but right now he looks as clearheaded as ever, completely sobered up. “I don’t know what happened,” Even tells him as Jonas plops on the floor, back against the wall in the hallway across from Even. Jonas says nothing to him.

He’s pulling Isak’s back against his chest. Isak’s situated between his legs. Jonas’s left arm settles around Isak’s stomach, his right extending around Isak’s arm, holding him close, a hand pressing firmly over Isak’s heart. Finally, Jonas says something. Even’s still frozen, body trapped in the closet. He brings his knees up to his chest, clenching his fists into the floor. He feels like he can't trust his hands ever again.

“Isak. Isak listen. Just breathe. Come on, breathe like me,” Jonas is taking long, unwavering breaths. Even can see the way his chest is heaving against Isak’s back. He’s holding him close, Isak’s head leaning against Jonas’ shoulder. “You can do it, come on. Breathe with me. Breathe just like me.” Jonas isn’t looking at Even. He’s looking at Isak’s hands, gripping tight on Jonas’ jeans.

“Jonas,” Even urges.

Finally, Jonas looks at him, “It’s a panic attack.”

“I don’t know what I did,” Even admits.

The way Jonas looks at him sitting there in the closet makes Even feel small, but his words don’t match the way Even feels, “It’s not your fault, Even.”

Isak’s not crying anymore, his hands still clenched in the denim, heaving against Jonas.

Jonas moves the hand around Isak’s stomach to his forehead, brushing the sweaty strands of hair off his skin in a way that looks so familiar Even can’t help but feel like Jonas has done this before.

“Isak, breathe,” Jonas tells him. “Come on, bro. Breathe.” Jonas presses his hand tighter against Isak’s heart. “Feel me,” Jonas takes another long breath, “Just like this,” another.

It’s then that Isak takes in a big breath, eyes meeting Even’s. Even crawls out from the closet. He finds Eskild and Sana in the hallway, looking at the same scene Even is. “Just wait,” Eskild instructs, his hand pushing someone away beyond the hallway entrance.

Isak’s hand reaches out and Even’s relieved when he realizes he’s reaching for him. Even removes himself from the closet, closing the door behind him. He kneels in front of Isak, taking his hand in his. He’s moving his free hand to move the hair that’s fallen in his face back the way Jonas did.

“That’s it,” Jonas encourages, “You’re doing great.” Even finally notices Isak’s breathing is readjusting, no longer such a great effort to get air.

“You’re okay,” Even tells him, squeezing his hand, cupping his cheek.

It’s finally when Isak has his breathing under his control again that Jonas lets his chest go. Isak barely leans forward, but Even’s already there, hugging him close, clutching at his back. Jonas inched around slowly, removing his legs from around Isak.

Even looks over at him, still holding Isak against him.

Jonas shrugs, “My sister used to get them, when we were younger.”

“Thank you,” Even tells him.

Jonas stands up, “It’s fine. I’m just glad he’s okay,” he smiles weakly.

Isak pulls away from Even, his eyes closed lightly, still focusing on his breathing.

“Umm, he should rest,” Jonas tells him.

Even nods, “I’m gonna take him to his room.”

“Magnus pulled the last King.” Jonas gestured down the hallway. Sana and Eskild were gone. “I’m gonna go check on him.”

Even nodded, wrapping his arms under Isak’s, helping to lift him up. When Isak stood, he wavered a little. Even steadied him.

Isak finally looked up at Jonas, “I’m sorry,” he said quietly.

“Hey man, it’s okay,” Jonas replied. “You’re okay.”

Isak nodded.

By the time Even got Isak down the hall, closed the door behind him, and laid Isak down on the bed, he could hear the soft beats of music coming from the living room. Isak laid on his side, and Even crawled in next to him, pulling the blankets up over him. He took Isak’s hand in his.

Isak looked up at him after saying nothing for a while. “Hey,” Even said.

Isak swallowed, “Hey.” He looked back down at nothing. Even just held his hand tight and ran his fingers through Isak’s hair. Isak’s eyelids fluttered with comfort.

Even thought maybe Isak was falling asleep when he just barely heard him. Still not looking at Even, Isak spoke.

 

“She used to lock me in the closet.”


	26. Touring your mind, you'll get lost every time.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Even breaks a promise, but his head tells him it's the right thing. 
> 
> WARNINGS: talk of childhood abuse, mania, fighting, mental illness

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title from "Talking In Code" by Margot & the Nuclear So and So's.

Even’s hand stilled in Isak’s hair. He loosened his grip around Isak’s hand. The words just stuck in his head – _She used to lock me in the closet._ Isak still wasn’t looking at him, still wasn’t moving.

Even fully removed his hands from Isak, folding them in tight against his chest, prepared to listen.

“When I was seven, sometimes she would wake up and not recognize me. She’d just look right at me and not know who I was,” Isak began.

Even felt like he was holding his breath.

“She thought I was a kid from the neighborhood and thought I broke in to steal something. So she’d be really angry and didn’t know what to do,” a tear slipped from Isak’s eye, rippling across the bridge of his nose.

“The closet downstairs locked from the inside. So that’s where I hid until papa came home, until he could calm her down.” Isak closed his eyes and Even swore it felt like Isak left his body for a moment, his mind taking him back to that closet. “She would just bang on the door about how she was going to tell my mama how bad I was being.”

“Eventually papa would come home and I’d unlock the door. He’d ask me if I was alright and then he and mama would go to their room for a long time. Sometimes they’d fight. Sometimes I could hear her crying or shouting,” Isak sniffled.

Even felt the salty tears welling in his eyes.

“One day when papa was at work, it happened again. So I hid in the closet and this time she didn’t bang on the door. I just heard this really weird sound. I didn’t know what it was until I tried to open the door again,” Isak sharply inhaled.

“She used a power drill and put a padlock on the outside. She locked me inside. And I freaked out. I was crying and pounding on the door and screaming, trying to get her to remember me, but there was nothing on the other side of the door. I’d cry until I passed out and when papa came home he found me.”

The tears spilled from Even’s eyes.

“I could hear papa yelling at her to give him the key, and eventually he let me out.”

Isak paused, “He removed the lock from the outside, but then next time it happened, she chased me in there and put a new lock on. I don’t know how many times it happened, but one day papa made a copy of the key, and he’d come home from work and unlock the door.”

Isak was rubbing the tears from his eyes, “I missed a lot of school that year, but papa said I shouldn’t tell the teacher what happened, that he would take care of it and Mrs. Eriksen, my teacher, wouldn’t understand what was wrong with mama.”

“So I listened. And I didn’t run to the closet anymore, and papa quit his job and started a new job working from home. About five years later, in the summer, he went away on a business trip and the day he was supposed to come back mama didn’t recognize me again. She thought I was trying to hurt her and so she shoved me in the closet and locked it. When papa finally came home and let me out, he tried to hug me and tell me that it was okay, but I just ran passed him, out the door to Jonas’ house. I stayed there for a few days and when I came back, the entire door to the closet was gone. We never talked about the closet anymore. And when mama couldn’t understand that it was me, I just ran to Jonas’ house.”

Even sat up and swung his legs over so he was just sitting on the side of the bed. He hung his head in his hands and let the tears fall, “I’m so sorry, Isak. I’m so sorry.”

Isak sat up and moved to hug Even from behind, wrapping his arms around Even’s waist, his cheek pressed against the back of Even’s shoulder. “No,” Even told him, standing up from the bed, “No, how can you do that?”

“Even,” Isak looked like he was in so much pain, so much pain Even inflicted.

“I was forcing you. I wasn’t listening. I’m so sorry. I should have listened to you. I’m gonna fix this, okay?” Even was wringing his hands in his hair, pacing the room.

“You didn’t know,” Isak couldn’t stop another tear from trickling down his face.

Even was shaking his head, “I can’t believe I did that to you. I don’t know how to fix this, but I’m gonna figure it out, okay? I’m sorry. I feel like I can never touch you again.” He walked over to the other side of the room, picking up his sweatshirt and pulling it over his head.

“What are you doing?” Isak asked, shifting in bed.

“I have to go. I can’t just lay here and look at the pain I’ve put you in. I can’t do it. I’ve gotta figure it out” Even was walking toward the door now.

“No, Even wait! Please!” Isak begged, “Please, I don’t want you to leave me.”

“Isak-” Even started.

“I love you. Stay, please,” he cried.

Even froze at the door, “You can’t do that.” He was speaking to Isak but staring at his hand on the doorknob. “You can’t tell me you love me just to get me to stay. You can’t let people who hurt you keep hurting you.”

He turned around to look at him before he left the room, and for once, Isak looked so small, like a fraction of himself, no longer exuded that Isak personality that was bigger than his body. He looked like a shell, with pink cheeks and red eyes. “I’m not going to let myself hurt you like that. I have to be better, and I won’t let myself touch you again until I am. I promise, I’m going to be better.”

“You leaving is what’s hurting me!” Isak yelled. “Don’t you understand? Don’t leave! You said you wouldn’t leave,” Isak cried.

“I love you, Isak,” Even sighed, “But I’m not going to keep shutting you in the closet – that’s not love. You don’t understand. I have to fix this,” and then his body was leaving the room, his feet taking heavy steps down the hallway to put on his shoes. He was wrapping his scarf around his neck when he felt Isak’s hands on his shoulders.

“Isak, please, I don’t want to hurt you!”

“Then don’t!” Isak shouted, “Don’t! I need you!”

Even pushed his hands off his shoulders, “Please. I can’t. I have to fix this,” He saw Magnus at the end of the hallway. A moment later, Magnus was behind Isak, gripping him around his waist pulling him away from Even.

“You fucking liar! You liar! Liar! Liar!” Isak was shouting, the alcohol mixing violently with the pain in his system. Magnus looked at Even, his eyes filled with fear.

Even wiped the tears from his eyes, “I’m sorry. I love you. Please believe me. I’m gonna fix it. I can figure it out,” he lifted his finger to his head, “It’s in here somewhere.”

Isak and Magnus were joined in the hallway. Twelve sets of eyes stared at him as he left. Isak’s eyes fell to the floor with his knees.

 

 

 

Even walked home in the biting cold, tugging the scarf close to his face. He’d forgotten gloves. _Remember to buy gloves_ he told himself. When he got to the market on his way home, he tried opening the door of the store, but it was locked. He knocked on it, looking up at the apartment over the storefront, “Hello!” he shouted.

No answer.

“Hello! I really need to buy gloves, please!”

A light turned on in the window.

“Hello!” Even yelled up.

A woman appeared at the window. “Hello!” Even yelled again, waving with both hands.

She lifted the window and peered out over him, holding her robe close to her body. “It’s one in the morning!” she shouted. “What are you doing?”

“I really need to buy gloves, can you let me in?”

“Son, the store’s closed-”

“I have to buy gloves!” he shouted, “I need to help my boyfriend and I don’t have gloves! I need to buy gloves, please!”

“Okay, okay, stop shouting,” she called down. “Stay there.”

Even smiled up at her, “Thank you!”

She disappeared from the window and turned off her light. Even pressed his face against the cold glass and looked inside to see a woman coming down the stairs in her slippers and robe with a flashlight in hand. She shuffled over to the door and unlocked the door.

“Thank you so much,” he told her. “I really need gloves.”

She picked some up from the display. “Here, son, just take them, okay?” She looked down at his purple and pale hands, “Oh dear, put them on now.” She helped him get the gloves on his hands and Even finally noticed they were shaking.

“Are you sure?” he searched his pockets, “I have money somewhere.”

“No, just take them. Take them and get home, safe, alright?”

Even nodded, hugging her, “Thank you,” he told her and then he was out the door, walking home, nearly there.

He climbed up the stairs to his parents’ apartment in leaps. Once he finally got to the door, he bit one of his gloves off to fit the key in the lock. He burst through the door, leaving the key in the open door and a glove on the floor. He flicked the lights on the kitchen and searched the cupboards for the massive phonebook he knew they had somewhere. When he finally found it, he opened it up near the back, flipping through the pages quickly until he found ‘V’.

“Valtersen, Valtersen, Valtersen, Valtersen, Valtersen,” he said to himself over and over, taking in the sheer number of Valtersen’s in Oslo. He grabbed the phone from the hook and started dialing the first number.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yoooo, I'm sorry. Just know eventually it will be okay.
> 
> Basically, I took a lot of inspiration from the conversation Magnus has with Isak about not having contact with his mom when she's manic. Level-headed Even wouldn't walk out on Isak, but I think manic Even with a goal set in his head might. I feel like when he's manic, he gets a one track mind.


	27. It feels like there's oceans.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Even makes some calls.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title from Seafret's "Oceans".

It was 02:57 when Even calls the fourth Valtersen on his list. The first one had answered angrily, “Do you even know what time it is?”

“Not really,” Even had replied quickly, “Is your son Isak Valtersen?”

“No, fuck off!” her voice yelled back, hanging up.

Even wasn’t fazed, he just dialed the next number. No answer. He tried seven more times before moving on to the next number. He called three times before giving up and moving on.

Even listened to the phone ring methodically in his ear four times when a voice finally came through from the line, “Hello?” It sounded tired. Exhausted and mildly grumpy. It reminded him of Isak. Even froze.

“Hello? Is that you, Marianne?” the voice asked, the grumpiness gone. “Ruth, is everything okay?”

“Hello,” Even said.

“You’re not Marianne.”

“No,” he told him. “Is Marianne Isak’s mother’s name?” Even asked, hearing how small his voice sounded.

The voice was quiet for a moment, “Who is this? Do you know what time it is?”

“Are you Isak’s father?” Even asked, ignoring his question.

“Who’s asking?” the voice asked, confused. “Is this a prank? Is Isak there?”

“I just don’t understand,” Even admitted to him.

“Who is this?” Isak’s father asked once again.

Even stood at the counter, leaning his head against the cabinet in front him. He lifted his hand up to his hair, running his fingers through it. He switched the phone to his other ear nervously when he finally answered, “This is Even.”

Isak’s father didn’t say anything for a while. “Even? Are you…?” he began, trailing off.

“Isak’s boyfriend,” Even finished for him.

“I, I don’t understand. Why are you calling so late? Is Isak alright?”

Even shuffled on his feet awkwardly, lifting his head from the cabinet door, “No.”

Isak’s father sounded more awake now, “What’s wrong?”

“I hurt him. I didn’t mean to. I didn’t want to. I wasn’t listening. And then he told me and it hurt to listen and then I left him. I couldn’t stay and keep hurting him, you understand, right?” Even released in one long breath.

“Whoa, slow down, what’s going on?” he encouraged.

Even bit his lip, “Is that why you left him?”

“Excuse me?” he asked.

“Is that why you left him? Was it hard to see him in pain? Was it hard knowing you hurt him?”

Isak’s father didn’t answer.

“I hurt him. I hurt him, but I love him. I didn’t mean it.”

Isak’s father still said nothing.

Even kept going, “But that’s all he knows, isn’t it?”

Still nothing.

“Isn’t it?” he repeated.

“I don’t know what you mean,” Isak’s father sounded small, quiet.

“The people who love him hurt him. Isn’t that it? Jesus Christ, I wanted to be different. I wanted to show him I was different, but I can’t.”

“Even, I need you to slow down,” Isak’s father pleaded.

“I’m sick, you see. I’m sick, too. It’s not just his mom. I’m sick, too.”

Isak’s father sounded really worried now, “Listen, is there someone I can call? Where are your parents? Can I call them?”

Even didn’t say anything. He felt the tear trickle down his cheek as he sniffled into the phone.

Isak’s father paused, “I’m sorry, too, you know. I couldn’t protect him. Marianne and I… we love him, Even. We never wanted to hurt him. Just like you.”

“I’m not like you,” Even cut him off, “I don’t want to be like you.”

“Okay,” Isak’s father conceded. After a moment, “Don’t be like us. You can fix it before it’s too late, Even.”

Even nodded, more tears falling from his stinging eyes, “I can fix it.” He yawned through the tears, wiping vigorously at his cheeks.

“You need to get some sleep.” Isak’s father told him.

“Yeah,” Even replied, holding the phone tight. “How do I do it?”

“Do what?” Isak’s father asked.

“How do I fix it?”

Isak’s father said nothing for a while, “Just keep trying. Try hard, Even.”

“Okay,” Even agreed, nodding even though Isak’s father couldn’t see him.

“Give Isak my love,” he told him.

“Okay,” Even said, hanging up the phone.

Even dropped the landline on the counter and stared out the window of the kitchen. It was a full moon and the building across the way was lit up so he could see every aspect of its architecture. He thought it was beautiful.

A few minutes later, the phone rang again on the counter. A part of him hoped it was Isak. He sighed, picking up the phone, “Hello?”

“Even?” It was Vilde. “Even, you’re home!”

“How’d you get this number?”

Even could hear Vilde whispering, “Eva! Call Jonas, Even’s at his house.” Then, “I looked it up in the phone book. You’re the only Bech Naesheim in Grunerlokka. You left your cell phone here.”

“Oh,” Even replied.

“Are you okay, Even?” Vilde asked. Her voice was calm, quiet, not like her usual voice. She sounded like honey. Even said nothing.

“Are you going to stay there? They’re out looking for you. With Isak. No one knew where you were going.” Even looked over at the door leading into his apartment. It was still wide open, key in the slot. He walked over, phone pressed to his ear, removing the key and shutting the door. Vilde must have heard the sound of the lock.

“Even, wait. Don’t lock the door.”

“It hurts, Vilde. I can feel it. I’m falling into it. I can’t stop it." Tears from his swollen eyes ran over his pink cheeks.

“It’s okay. It’s going to be okay. Isak found your pills in the bathroom. He’s coming. He’s going to be there soon,” she told him.

“I have to go, Vilde. I have to go,” he hung up before she could finish her next sentence.

Even ripped his scarf from his neck as he walked back to the kitchen. He tossed the phone on the counter and peeled off his jacket, leaving it in the hallway to his bedroom. Once inside, Even took off his sweater and jeans, standing in the middle of his room in his boxers, socks and a T-shirt. He could hear the phone ringing from the kitchen as he climbed the ladder to his bed. He tangled himself up in the duvet, smushing his tear-stained cheek into his pillow.

Even decided gravity was crueler here. His exposed leg was growing colder, but he couldn’t bring his limbs to readjust the duvet. He felt his back aching, the pain spreading through his spine to his chest. He listened to the way the breath from his nose created soft sounds against the fabric of his pillows. He could almost feel Isak’s hands on his shoulders, the way he pulled him back, trying to keep him with him – trying to get him to stay.

He fell asleep, the thought never leaving his mind – _Why didn’t you stay? Why did you leave?_

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, this took me longer than usual to update and that this chapter's on the shorter side. It's a little daunting to write Even's mania, and I'm worried I'll do an even poorer job of describing the depression that's taken hold. Let me know what you think?


	28. We all know why it stings to open up your chest.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Even has a bad dream.  
> The door is unlocked.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title from Luke Sital-Singh's "Nothing Stays the Same"

Even doesn’t know he’s dreaming when he’s sitting on the tram alone. It’s late and it shouldn’t be running at this time. He finally stands up, moving carefully through the moving metal monster, gripping the support bars to find no one else on the tram. No one else is riding it. No one’s even driving it. He hears the overhead automated voice announcing the next stop but it sounds different than it normally does. It sounds like his mother’s voice but digitized and robotic. He shuffles over to the exit doors, noticing the buildings outside are whipping by faster than they should be. Flickers of muted yellow, nearly orange street lights paint his vision in long streaks. The tram is barreling along the track at an intense speed and Even’s heart is pounding through his chest. He matches the beat of his heart, pounding heavily on the stop request sensor. “Stop!” he yells, “Stop!” He just wants to get off.

The voice comes through the intercom louder this time. He instinctively wraps his hands around his ears, trying to drown out the sound of the voice that’s his mother’s but not his mother’s. “Stop!” he cries. “Stop!” he begs.

A terrible screeching hits his ears next, the tram suddenly applying the breaks. He’s hearing the wheels screeching along the track and swears he sees sparks fly outside the window until he can’t help but clench his eyes closed. A yell rips from his throat so loud it somehow penetrates his hands desperately plugging his ears. The tram lurches to a stop, knocking Even off his feet and sending him flying backward.

In terror, Even opens his eyes to see Isak staring right at him. He’s lying right next to him. He has no idea how Isak got through the locked door.

Even’s hands are clenched around his ears while Isak’s warm hands lay right on top of his own. Even’s breathing heavily, trying desperately to catch his breath. Isak’s eyes are calm – green and soothing – showing no signs of any emotion. Even stares directly into Isak’s pupils as he slowly but surely brings his breath to a steady rhythm. Isak’s hands loosen their grip over Even’s as Even releases the pressure on his own ears.

“Bad dream?” Isak asks softly.

Even gulps anxiously, lowering his eyes to Isak’s nose, his lips, then his chin. He nods faintly.

Isak pauses, moving his hands to Even’s warm, pink cheeks. They settle there. “I get them, too.”

Even says nothing. He doesn’t know what to say. Isak’s almost whispering now. “Sometimes in my dreams, mama locks me in the closet.” Isak’s eyes look so calm it’s unsettling for Even. “I used to have nightmares about papa leaving,” Isak tells him.

“Now, when I have nightmares, it’s _you_ leaving.”

This time Even’s body lurches forward as he bolts upright finally waking from his dream. Isak’s not next to him anymore. He never was. Even’s alone.

It happens all over again, the tightness in his chest, the inability to breathe. What’s different this time are the tears. They’re streaming down his cheeks as Even wipes them away around his mouth. Once again, the gravity is punishing up here as his back slouches him forward and Even cries with his head between his knees, stretching his back a little painfully. He didn’t think he was this flexible. He cries until he can’t anymore and he’s forced to breathe.

With his head still between his knees, Even realizes how bad he needs to pee and how much his head hurts. He looks up behind his shoulder to see light streaming through his window. It could be 08:00, noon, or 15:00 – he can’t really tell. He pulls the duvet off his body, climbing carefully down the steps of his bed until his feet reach the cool floor. He’s lost a sock in his sleep and the other is slipped down his foot a little. He shuffles over to the windows and pulls the blinds shut. This time a painted sun staring him in the eye. He wishes he could smile. He tries it out, but it doesn’t happen for him. He lifts his hand up to his jaw trying to soothe the muscles there. His head’s still pounding and he can feel his bladder about to burst.

Even makes his way down the hallway to the bathroom. He doesn’t bother shutting the door behind him as his adjusts his boxers to finally relieve himself. He breathes out through his nose quietly, his eyes fluttering closed as he pisses in the toilet. This feels good – this function of his body his head can’t reach, that can’t be fucked up. His body just knows he needs to pee, so he pees. It’s a pure, uncomplicated fact of his life.

He flushes the toilet and washes his hands, leaving his momentary peace in the bathroom. He’s back to the hallway walking toward the living room when he hears the voice, “I think he’s awake. I heard him.”

Even stops in his tracks. “The toilet, I heard the toilet,” Jonas says.

Even moves quietly into the living room, gathering every blanket he can find as he hears knocking at the door. “Even?” Jonas calls to him through the door.

Another knock. “Even, buddy, can you let us in?” Magnus calls after Jonas.

Even collapses on the couch pulling four blankets over his suddenly cold body. He’s pulled the blankets up to his chin and curled in on himself, pressing his back deep into the crevice of the couch when he hears Jonas, “Did you get it? We heard him.”

It’s then he hears Isak’s voice, “He’s awake?”

“Well, he used the bathroom,” Magnus tells him.

Even can hear Isak fumbling with the lock. Even’s heart is beating in his chest. He wants to see Isak. He wants to feel him. But he doesn’t think he can trust himself. He doesn’t understand how Isak can let him hurt him and then come back for more. Isak is both the only person he wants to see and the last person he wants to see.

His chest tightens with heartache while his eyes close when Isak gets through the door. He hears three sets of footsteps walk through the door until they stop. They’re in the living room now and Even supposes they can see his feet hanging off the end of the couch.

He hears Magnus whisper quietly, “We’ll go make some food. In the kitchen.” Jonas and Magnus leave the room, but he doesn’t hear Isak move. He doesn’t even hear Isak breathe. It feels like a century when he finally hears the crinkly noise of socks on carpet.

Even’s breath hitches and he just knows Isak’s in front of him. He can feel his eyes on him as if they were hands, studying him. There’s slight pressure added to the cushion Even’s laying on. He slowly opens his eyes, meeting green ones.

Isak’s sitting on the floor. Resting his chin on the back of his left hand as he leans on the cushion, looking at Even carefully. “Hey,” Isak whispers.

Even says nothing. He doesn’t know what to say, what to think. The headache is becoming stronger now. Isak tentatively lifts his right hand toward Even’s face. “Can I?”

Even doesn’t answer him, just closes his eyes, not moving away from him. His cold body feels a little warmer when Isak’s hand, textured with soft smoothness and calloused patches rests on his cheek. He rubs his thumb against Even’s cheek, his other fingers brushing through Even’s hair slowly. Even lets out a sigh. It feels so good, but everything still hurts.

Isak leans forward and presses a kiss to Even’s forehead. His hand doesn’t move from Even’s face as he lifts himself up off the ground and lies down next to Even. He runs his hand through the hair above Even’s ear and kisses the crown of his head. A tear falls from one of Even’s eye and Isak catches it with his thumb as it starts rolling across Even’s nose. Even sniffles and he feels small.

He’s reminded of a time when he went home sick from school. It was just a bad head cold, from a time when he didn’t know how bad his head could get. His dad made him soup that day and let him nap on the couch in between cartoons.

Isak’s still running his fingers through Even’s hair when Even leans toward him. He knows what he wants and he knows he’s selfish for thinking it. But he just wants Isak close and he doesn’t want him to leave him. Isak knows it. He wraps his arms around Even’s shoulders, bringing him close to his body as Even nuzzles softly against Isak’s chest. His eyes are stinging and he feels his shoulders shaking as he can’t stop the salty tears from escaping this time. He cries into Isak’s chest, gripping Isak’s shirt close.

“Shh,” Isak calms him, “Shh,” he tells him as he continues caressing his hair, “I’m sorry, Even.”

The heaving tears come harder now. Even doesn’t understand. What does Isak have to be sorry for when Even was the one who was hurting him? He’s sniffling against his chest when Isak’s hand moves to Even’s back, rubbing his shoulder blades firmly over his shirt.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hopefully the updates start coming faster as Even climbs out of this depression.  
> It's so much easier to write happy Even. I'll get there again. I promise. I just get so worried about not writing his depression well enough that it keeps me from writing. I don't know why I did this to myself. I might just need to write a fluffy one-shot before I get secondhand angst.  
> Thanks for all your comments. I literally love them so much. I love your validation but I'll take your criticism, too.


	29. Now it's blacker than black.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Even is low.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title from Neutral Milk Hotel's "Two Headed Boy"

Hours go by without Even or Isak saying another word. Eventually, Even had fallen asleep in Isak’s arms. Once he had stopped crying, Isak didn’t move away from him at all. If anything, he held him tighter, closer to his body, his comforting hand never leaving Even’s back. It was too easy for him to shut his eyes, calm his mind, and drift to sleep.

When he woke up again, Isak had shifted onto his back. Isak still had his right hand between Even’s shoulder blades and his left hand tangled in his hair. Even’s cheek was resting against Isak’s chest, which slowly rose and fell as Isak slept. Even’s hands were still clenched and drawn up close to his own chest. He looked up at Isak’s slightly parted lips for a while before deciding to remove himself from Isak’s embrace. The guilt had become too much. He hated himself for indulging in Isak.

Carefully, he rolled over, nuzzling closer to the crevice of the couch, turning away from Isak. He closed his eyes as he heard Isak stirring, knowing his movements would wake him up. Isak shifted slightly on the couch, whispering, “Even?”

Even didn’t reply. He just kept his eyes closed. He didn’t have the energy to talk right now. Isak’s warm hand found Even’s shoulder, rubbing up and down his arm, trying to comfort him. Even didn’t move. He tried his best to steady his breathing when he felt Isak’s lips brush the back of his neck, giving him goosebumps.

Isak got up from the couch and left the living room. Even pulled the blanket up closer to his closed eyes, falling back asleep.

 

 

 

When he woke up again, he was lying more on his stomach than his side, cheek smashed into the cushion beneath him. There was a stitch loose on the lining of the cushion he was facing. Very carefully, he brought up his hand from under the blanket to pick it at, pulling the white thread between his long fingers.

“Thanks, Liv. Thank you,” he heard Isak say from the hallway. Even pulled his fingers away from the cushion, shutting his eyes.

Isak must have entered the kitchen because then he heard Magnus’ voice ask, “What did they say?”

“Their flight doesn’t come in until late tomorrow night, but there’s talk of delays. They don’t know when they’ll be back,” Isak replied.

“Well, we can stay with him,” Jonas offered.

“I don’t think he really wants anyone around right now,” Isak told him.

No one said anything for a while. “Did they tell you which ones he needs to take?” Magnus asked.

Even knew exactly what he was talking about. He knew the answer, too.

“Two of the oblong blue ones and one of the round white ones,” Isak replied.

The thought made Even sigh. The blue pills were hard enough to swallow when he didn’t feel drained of energy. “Does he need to take them now?” Jonas asked.

“No, his mom said with some food later tonight is probably better,” Isak said.

“Hey, uh, we made some cheese sandwiches earlier. You want one?” Magnus asked.

Even figured Isak must have nodded or shook his head no, but then he heard the familiar sound of a shaker. Jonas sounded hesitant when he said, “Isak, I think that’s enough cardamom.”

 

 

 

He didn’t even notice himself falling asleep this time, but sleep found him again. This was how it worked most of the time, drifting in and out of consciousness. When his head really felt like being an asshole, Even would have dreams of being awake when he wasn’t. Luckily, he just had the tram nightmare immediately followed by the Isak nightmare.

“You know, you guys don’t have to stay here. It was really nice of you to help me get the door open, but you don’t have to stay,” he repeated.

“Isak,” Magnus started, but Isak cut him off.

“It’s okay. I can take care of him. I’ve got it,” Isak said firmly.

“We know you do,” Jonas replied, “But who’s going to be there for you?”

“We know you love him, but he’s not fully here right now,” Magnus explained. “He’s like, under water. It's all murky down there. But he's gonna come back up for air. That's how papa always explained it to me, when mama was down. But you don’t have to wait for him to come back up all alone.”

Isak said nothing, so Magnus repeated himself, “You don’t have to do this alone, Isak.”

Even didn’t realize he was crying again, a few wet tears welling in his eyes. Then he heard Isak’s soft voice, small and tender, “Thanks, guys.”

 

 

 

“What even happened? In the closet?” Jonas asked. It could have been from just waking up, but Even felt like their voices were closer now.

“He was… We were just making out,” said Isak.

“No, I figured that, but like, why did you freak out?” Jonas asked again. “Did he?” he started asking.

Even clenched his eyes tight, being brought back to his actions in the closet – the way he practically forced himself on a panicked Isak.

“No, not,” Isak sighs loudly, “Look, we’d both been drinking, and”

 _That’s no excuse,_ Even thinks to himself.

“I thought Even wasn’t supposed to drink?” Magnus interrupts.

“He can drink if he wants, he just doesn’t do it a lot because sometimes it brings on his mania,” Isak answers him. “Anyway, it’s not like I didn’t want to, you know, do anything. I did. I really did. When we were in the hallway, I was so freaking turned on.”

“So then what happened? Why did that change?” Jonas asked.

Isak must have paused because for a lingering moment Jonas’ question went unanswered. _I’m sorry I hurt you,_ Even wallows to himself in his head. But then, “He just didn’t know, okay? You have to understand that first. He wasn’t doing anything wrong on purpose. It’s just. I kind of… I have really bad memories associated with closets. They freak me out.”

“Bro, there’s a closet in my bedroom, but you’ve never freaked out,” Magnus said, not understanding.

“Yeah, but have you ever shoved me in your closet and locked the door, Mags?” Isak didn’t mean to sound so angry when the question came out.

“He locked you in the closet?” Jonas asked, confused.

 _No, but I pulled him,_ Even thinks to himself, filling with disgust.

“No,” Isak huffed, “No, Even didn’t lock me in the closet. My mom used to lock me in the closet so when the door shut I just started to panic. But he didn’t know!” Isak explained, “He couldn’t even see how off I was. He had no idea.”

“It sounds like some PTSD shit right there,” Magnus tells Isak.

“I don’t have PTSD,” he tells him back, but Even can practically imagine Isak rolling his eyes.

Jonas clears his throat, “Maybe not PTSD, Isak, but that’s still pretty fucked up. I’m sorry your mom did that to you.”

“She’s sick,” Isak said matter-of-factly.

 _I’m sick, too,_ Even thinks.

“So why did he leave then?” Jonas says after a while.

“I told him about my mom. I explained the closet thing to him and he freaked out. He was convinced he was hurting me,” Isak says, then, “I didn’t see the mania coming on. I didn’t even notice.”

“He probably doesn’t want you to notice,” Magnus told him. “I’m sure it fucks with his head. You don’t know how many times I’ve seen my mom spiral because she couldn’t figure out if an episode was coming on or if she was just happy. It’s gotta suck.”

“I think he thinks he’s too much like my mom,” Isak admits. Even bites his lip, fingers returning to the loose seam of the couch cushion. That’s exactly what he thinks.

“But he’s not,” Isak tells Magnus and Jonas. “He’s not. But he didn’t want to stay. He said that he didn’t want to hurt me anymore and he had to leave.”

 _I’m sorry, Isak,_ Even thinks to himself.

“It just fucking hurt,” Isak says exasperated. “I finally opened up to him about stuff and he left me.” Even swears he hears Isak sniffle. Fuck, he can’t stop making his Isak cry. “But I know he wouldn’t have done it if he wasn’t manic. He wouldn't. I should have been making sure he was taking his pills every morning.”

"It's not your fault, Isak," Jonas tells him. 

"Dude, it's no one's fault," Magnus adds, "Not even Even's head. Don't let him tell you that. Don't let him think that."

Even lets out an audible sigh. He silently hopes to himself that what Isak believes is true. He drifts back to sleep feeling a little warmer knowing Isak has Jonas and Magnus to be there for him.  


	30. Can't control the heart that beats under the bone.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Isak tries.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title from "Indiana" by Adrianne Lenker.

The next time Even opens his eyes, he’s completely flipped around on the couch. The room is darker, the natural sunlight having waned. He blinks his eyes a few times, adjusting to the new lighting when he sees Magnus sitting on the couch to his right, slouched scrolling through his phone. Even opens his mouth to say something, but it’s so dry. He ends up coughing.

Magnus notices immediately, getting up from his couch to grab a glass of water from the coffee table for Even. “Here,” Magnus hands him the glass as Even props himself up on his elbow.

Even takes several gulps before coming up for air, staring at the ground, then deciding he’s not done and gulping more water. “Easy there,” Magnus kind of laughs.

Feeling like maybe his thirst is quenched, Even lowers the glass and mutters, “Thanks.”

One more time he lifts the glass for few sips. Then, “What time is it?”

“Uhh,” Magnus doesn’t know. He reaches over to grab his phone, then, “18:27.”

Even nods, scooting higher up on the couch to lean his head against a pillow that definitely wasn’t there the last time he was awake.

“Are you hungry?” Magnus asks.

Even thinks maybe he is, but ignores it. “Just tired,” Even says.

Magnus nods, a small smile on his face. “More for me then,” he winks.

“Hmm?” Even’s confused.

Magnus gestures towards the door with his thumb, “Jonas went to get take out. He should be back with food soon. You like Chinese?”

For a while Even doesn’t say anything. He shrugs. He does like Chinese. Magnus doesn’t push it. Just sits there with him and goes back to his phone. “Where’s Isak?” he finally asks him.

Magnus clicks his phone off. “Oh, he’s in your room.” Magnus says nothing more, just smiles at Even. Magnus is good. Really good and trying to get him to talk without pissing him off; it must be from experience. Even’s not really in the mood for whatever game Magnus is playing. Magnus gets up from the coffee table and goes back to his spot on the couch, lounging lazily. He’s back to scrolling through his phone, watching snapchat stories. Even thinks he can hear Chris’ voice from Magnus’ phone.

Even sighs, staring up at the ceiling, debating going back to sleep or going to his room. Obviously Magnus doesn’t want him going back to sleep. He gets up slowly, scratching the back of his head. His hair feels gross and greasy and as he yawns, he catches a whiff of his bad breath. He feels dead, like he’s been rotting from the inside and it’s reached his surface. He rubs at his eyes and feels crust fall off from his eyelashes onto his knuckles.

“Hey, you mind if I turn this on?” Magnus asks, picking up the TV remote.

Even shakes his head as he stands up, wrapping the blanket around his shoulders, “Go for it.”

He trudges out of the living room down the hallway when he hears Magnus turn the TV on, settling on a football game. Even makes his way down the hallway, getting closer to his room when he hears Isak on the phone again, “Fuck, I think Magnus just turned on the TV and Even’s sleeping out there.”

Even stops outside the doorway, leaning against the wall, listening in, “I don’t know, Madhi, like fourteen hours. If he wants to sleep, he’ll sleep.” Madhi must be saying something because Isak pauses. “No, yeah, Jonas is bringing food and then he and Magnus are leaving I think.” Pause. “Yeah, okay, I’ll talk to you tomorrow. Thanks, man.” It sounds like the end of the conversation. Even peeks his head around to see Isak let out a sigh from his tired body, head hanging back on his shoulders. He has one of Even’s shirts in one hand and his phone in the other. He pockets the phone and gets back to folding Even’s laundry. That’s when Even notices how clean the room actually is.

It wasn’t like this earlier today. Even had clothes all over the floor, half-empty glasses of water on the window sill and the little table by his couch. His books were strewn on the couch and his bed was definitely not made, the sheets ready to fall off from repeated use. His room had been a mess and now it was spotless. The floor has even been swept and it smells pleasant, like lemongrass. When he walks through the threshold, Isak finally hears him, caught off guard.

“Oh, you’re up. Sorry if Magnus woke you up. I told him to leave you alone,” he talks quickly, a little nervous.

Even shakes his head. Magnus didn’t wake him up, but he probably wouldn’t have cared if he did. “You cleaned,” he states the obvious, his voice sounding scratchy and weak.

Isak shifts on his feet nervously, wringing the shirt in his hands, “Uhh, yeah. I, err, Eskild says he feels better when his room is clean,” Isak gestures awkwardly to the rest of Even’s room.

Even doesn’t say anything.

“Besides, I, uhh, I mean helped make the mess, kind of,” Isak tells him.

Even takes in the full scope of his room. He doesn’t think he’s ever seen his room this clean, or even Isak’s room this clean. Even really appreciates Isak’s efforts. What he’s done, everything he’s done to make him comfortable and cared for, it feels like too much. Even feels like he doesn’t deserve it. Everything in him wants to cry right there in front of Isak, but he holds it back as best he can, averting his eyes, “Thanks. You didn’t have to,”

Isak cuts him off, “I know. I wanted to.”

Even just nods, looking at the ground, holding the blanket tight around him. “How are you feeling?” Isak asks him, setting down the shirt in the unfolded pile and walking toward Even, stopping at his side.

Even doesn’t say anything, just shrugs. He closes his eyes involuntarily when Isak’s warm hand rubs his back through the blanket, almost pushing him off balance. Even can’t help the way his head ducks down a little to the side, leaning toward Isak. Isak wraps his other hand firmly around the side of Even’s neck. “I’m sorry,” Even tells him. He wants to apologize for everything. _I’m sorry for pulling you in that closet. I’m sorry for leaving you. I’m sorry for forgetting my pills. I’m sorry for drinking. I’m sorry for being depressed. I’m sorry I don’t feel better yet._ But all that comes out is another, “I’m sorry.”

Then Isak’s nudging his forehead against Even’s cheek, holding him close. “It’s okay.” He leans in, kissing him on the cheek once, his lips lingering there as he continues rubbing Even’s back. Just one tear falls down Even’s cheek, but Isak wipes it away with his thumb.

A few moments later, they both hear the front door open and close and the familiar sound of plastic bags. Isak leads Even to sit on the couch below his bed when Jonas and Magnus walk through the door with plates, utensils and six Chinese takeout boxes. Jonas and Magnus make small talk about the match Magnus was watching and Even tries his best, nodding along to their conversation, but mainly focusing on the way Isak’s knee is touching his leg.

Eventually the conversation moves to Jonas telling Magnus that Madhi needs them for something so they should probably go soon. Isak nods, slurping down his noodles. The tiniest little smile pulls at the corner of Even’s mouth. Isak’s a terrible liar. He’s sure Madhi’s fine, but Isak is just worried about overwhelming Even. He puts a hand on Isak’s thigh, a gesture of saying thank you, and Isak looks up at him, a small smile on his lips.

When the boys leave, Isak walks them out, carrying the food plates to the kitchen. He comes back with a new glass of water and three pills in his hand. Even hasn’t moved from the couch. Isak walks over and sits down, “Your mom said,” but Even cuts him off by taking the pills from his hand and swallowing each of them one at a time, split up by quick gulps of water. He sets the glass on the table and wipes at his mouth with the back of his hand.

Even stands up and walks toward the ladder, leaving Isak behind on the couch, “I’m tired. I’m gonna sleep.”

“Okay,” Isak tells him, not moving from the couch. “Do you want me to,”

Even cuts him off again, climbing the ladder, “You can sleep there, if you want.” Even doesn’t want to banish Isak from the room, but he knows he won’t be able to stop hating himself if he lets Isak sleep with him in his bed. Not so close that he won’t be able to help himself indulging in Isak’s embrace that he doesn’t deserve. The thought of knowing he’s close is comforting, though. He just hopes Isak understands.

Isak says nothing back, just gets up to turn off the lights and settles back on the couch. Then, “Good night, Even.”

Even finds it in himself to whisper back, “Good night.”


	31. Sick of losing soulmates, won't be alone again

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Isak gets through to Even.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title, "Sick of Losing Soulmates," by Dodie Clark.  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8qGFAkyfjDU

The sunlight isn’t as harsh Sunday morning when Even wakes up in his bed. He stretches out on his back, twisting his hips to further stretch his spine, a small groan escaping from his throat. He remains on the bed for a while, lifting his hand to his hair to scratch. It feels truly disgusting. He should have showered sooner, but sometimes it’s just too hard to give a shit.

After a few minutes of staring at the ceiling, Even leans over the edge of the bed, looking for Isak. He’s not asleep on the couch there and a pang of guilt hits Even’s chest. He lies back down, wondering how much sleep Isak got, if any, alone there on the couch. He wonders if Isak would have slept better if he’d let him sleep with him.

Part of Even wants to ask Isak to leave just because he’s sick of hurting him. He’s sick and tired of doing this to Isak. But another part of him knows that he’ll just be a bigger asshole if he asks his boyfriend to leave. The biggest part of him doesn’t want Isak to leave. He wishes he could go back to Friday night and do things differently. He wouldn’t have drunk anything. He wouldn’t have pulled Isak into that closet. But maybe the mistakes started earlier. He should have felt the mania coming on. He should have set reminders on his phone to take his pills. There’s a lot of things he feels he should have done differently that it’s entirely overwhelming. He crawls in on himself, wrapping the duvet around him, facing the wall, wishing he could do it all over so that right now in this moment, Isak could wrap his arms around Even without Even hating himself for it.

Even hears the door creak open and it takes everything in him not to turn around. Maybe Isak will think he’s sleeping and just let him keep sleeping. But no. He feels the bed shift slightly beneath him. Isak’s climbing the steps, slowly, slower than it should take him. Even succumbs, turning over just enough to see Isak climbing the ladder with a glass of water and three pills in one hand. “Hey,” Even tells him.

Isak looks up, a little surprised, “Hey,” he smiles. His hair is wet and his face looks fresh with his cheeks slightly pink. He must have showered. He’s high enough now that he can lean against the bed with his chest to hand over the water and pills. “It’s uhh, it’s almost 12. I don’t want you to get too off schedule with these.”

“Thanks,” Even tells him, propping himself up on his elbows and taking the water. The pills go down easier this morning than they did last night and the water feels good against his throat. He hands the glass back to Isak.

Isak doesn’t make his way down the steps yet, “How are you feeling?”

Even leans back down, shifting his head to look up at his boyfriend. “I think I need a shower,” he tells him, not really answering the question.

Isak’s mouth twitches into a small smile, “I think that’s a good idea.”

Even sighs, lips curling into the softest smile, “Are you telling me I smell, Isak?”

“Dude,” he scoffs, “You reek, babe,” Isak laughs slightly. Even chuckles at him, rolling his eyes and settling his gaze on the close ceiling. He tries to hold the smile, but it falls from his lips. Isak clears his throat, “I washed your towels yesterday. They’re all clean. Except for the one I used.”

Even sits back up, resolving himself not to lie back down again, “Thanks,” he says, waiting for Isak to move so he can climb down. Isak doesn’t move, just looks at him, looks in his eyes like he’s trying to look Even’s depression in the eye and will it away. “Isak, I’m gonna get down now,” Even tells him.

“Oh, right.” Isak climbs down, hopping onto the floor and backing out of the room.

 

 

 

 

The shower water feels nice and soothing on Even’s skin. He dips his head under the steady stream of water, letting it wet his hair and run down his face. He stands there for a while, focusing on breathing through his mouth, distracting himself from everything beyond the shower walls. He rubs soap over his body like it’s a chore.

Finally, he decides to sit to wash his hair, a little too tired from standing. It takes him a while to wash it. His arms feel heavy like bricks each time he lifts his hands to his hair. He has to take breaks to let his arms go limp on his legs. Eventually he leans forward with his head in his hands to rinse out the suds. He stays there until the water turns cold and his fingers become pruney, forcing him out of the shower.

When he comes out from the bathroom, he walks down the hallway and puts on some clean pajamas Isak’s folded up neatly in his closet. He finds a pair of warms grapy socks and pulls on a sweatshirt. He considers going back to bed when he hears the sound of the TV.

In the living room, Isak’s lying on the couch, feet propped up on the coffee table, watching Looney Tunes. Elmer Fudd is hunting Daffy when the TV cuts to a commercial. Briefly, Isak can see Even standing behind him in the black screen. He turns his head quickly, “Hey, how was your shower?”

“Good,” Even nods, leaning against the entryway.

“You smell good,” Isak smiles.

Even feels the corners of his mouth tug up into a smile, too. “Wanna come sit?” Isak asks, patting the space on the couch next to him. Even doesn’t reply, just walks around the couch and the coffee table to take the spot next to him. He’s careful not to touch Isak, pulling a pillow into his lap and squeezing it gently between his arms. They watch in silence as different commercials flash across the screen. Then the channel announces that the next two episodes are Wiley the Coyote. Even can see Isak smile from the corner of his eye. The episode with Daffy and Elmer resumes while Even and Isak haven’t moved.

Isak’s laughing at the way Elmer says “rabbit” when he reaches over and takes one of Even’s hands in his. Even lets him. Isak’s hand feels so good wrapped around his own. He never wants to let go. But then Isak’s running his thumb along the back of Even’s hand and his chest tightens with how guilty he feels. He can’t do it. He pulls his hand away, saying, “Isak,” as if it's synonymous with "stop.

Isak turns his head to look at Even, but he can’t bear to look. He keeps staring at the screen. “Even,” Isak says. Even can tell he’s trying to keep his cool, but there’s a hint of anger in his voice. “Even look at me,” Isak demands.

Slowly, Even turns his head to look at Isak next to him, focusing a little too hard on the way Isak’s fist has started to clench as he presses it into the couch. “Why won’t you fucking touch me?” Isak asks, pain in his voice.

Even doesn’t say anything. He wasn’t ready for this conversation. He should have just gone back to bed. “Even,” Isak continues, reaching across to gently pull Even’s chin, forcing him to look at him. Even winces. His heart hurts. “I’m dying over here,” Isak begs, dropping his hand from Even’s face. “I know it’s hard right now, but why won’t you let me help you?”

“I can’t, Isak,” Even tells him.

“Can’t what?” Isak asks. His eyebrows are scrunched in frustration and confusion. “I don’t understand what I did wrong,” Isak says. Even’s heart breaks. He shakes his head, dropping it down, unable to look at him. Isak didn’t do anything wrong. “What?” Isak asks. “Please, baby. Please talk to me.”

“Stop,” Even tells him, still looking down. “I can’t do this.”

Isak’s breath hitches, “What?” He thinks maybe Isak thinks Even means he can’t do this anymore, like their relationship.

“I just feel so fucking guilty,” Even tells him. He more like heaves it out of his chest. “It’s not fair to you, okay?” He looks up at Isak’s tired, red eyes. “I fucking hurt you and you’re being… perfect to me.” He feels a tear fall down his face. He quickly wipes it away angrily, “You should be so fucking mad right now.”

“What?” Isak does sound a little angry still, “Are you kidding me, Even?”

“I don’t have any control!” Even shouts. “I love you so much and I want to be with you, but I keep hurting you and you can’t even,” he takes in a breath. _Shit_ , now he’s sobbing, “You can’t even,”

Isak cuts him off, “What? Stay away from you?” Even doesn’t say anything. “Like that will make me feel better?” Isak scoffs, “ _Jesus Christ_ , Even. What? You want me to hate you? You want me to get mad and leave you?” Even can’t reply, he’s just wiping the tears from his face, “Is that what you want?” He lowers his head, forcing Even to look at him, “Is it?”

“No!” Even cries. “No, I want to just, _fuck_ , I want to hold you and kiss you and tell you I love you and I never want to hurt you again, okay?” He takes in a breath, “But I don’t fucking deserve it! I keep hurting you! And you can’t just, you can’t just keep rewarding me for breaking your fucking heart.” His chest is heaving now and he can feel all the blood rushing to his face.

“You’re not hurting me, Even!” Isak shouts, standing up from the couch. “Did it ever occur to you that maybe I don’t _want_ to push you away? Can’t you just think, for one second, that you’re _not_ hurting me?”

“Isak,” Even begs.

“No, no, listen. I’m saying this, okay? Even. EVEN! Look at me when I say this,” Isak demands. Even looks up at him through bleary eyes, his throat suddenly feeling sore. “Even. You are _not_ hurting me. You’re not. I don’t care how many times I have to say it until you finally start to believe it. I know what hurt feels like. I know what it’s like to be hurt. My parents hurt me for a long fucking time. And, and I spent so much time hurting. So much time, just a kid, hurting like hell. And then I grew up, and that hurt turned to bitterness. I was bitter, and angry, and alone, for so fucking long. Yeah, I had Jonas. And Eva. But, but I wasn’t really me. I couldn’t really be me,” he says, placing his palm against his chest. Even knows this is good for Isak, to just let him get it out. It’s still strange have his loud voice directed at him this way.

But then Isak’s voice softens, “And then I met you. I met you and it stopped. Alright? The hurt stopped. And, I -- I started being honest, you know? With myself, and with my friends, and _fuck,_ I even was honest with my shitty, fucking parents. But I felt better. And I felt, like. Like. Like I didn’t have to be alone anymore. Like I _wasn’t_ alone anymore.”

Now Isak was wiping his own tears from his eyes, behind him Daffy and Bugs yelled back and forth about what hunting season it was. “And you did that, Even. Okay? That was you. Tell me how that’s fucking hurting? Go ahead and try,” Isak huffed. “To me that’s love.” Even’s breath hitched.

“You want me to hate you, Even?” Isak asked, walking towards him, “Too fucking bad. Sorry. Not happening. So you can stop apologizing. You’re done apologizing to me. You’re done feeling sorry for me. And you can stop fucking punishing yourself.” Isak’s voice felt even softer now, “I spent my time hating people, and I’m fucking done with it, alright? I’m not doing that again, never again. Especially not with you.”

Isak crouched down in front of the couch, caressing his hand gently on Even’s cheek, placing the other on Even’s knee. “Because I love you, Even Bech Naesheim.”

Even couldn’t stop himself this time. He launched forward, wrapping his arms around Isak, hugging him close, “I love you, too.”

Isak did the same, holding tight onto Even’s back, pressing his face into Even’s damp hair, breathing him, “I’m not letting you go.”

“I love you so much,” Even whispered into Isak’s shoulder.

Isak pulled away gently from Even, but still kept his arms wrapped tightly around him, “I’m going to kiss you now, okay?” Isak told him. Even nodded. And then Isak’s lips were on his own, pressing softly against his chapped lips. Isak moved his hands to cup Even’s cheeks and Even’s hands moved to Isak’s waist, pulling him closer to him. Isak maneuvered to sit on the couch next to Even, never removing his hold on him, kissing him with everything he had.

Even pulled away to take a breath and Isak kissed his cheek, “I love you,” he spoke against his skin, sending a shiver down Even’s spine, making him feel alive. Isak kissed him again, warmly, teasing all the tension out of his tired body. He licked at Even’s lips, coercing them open, tasting him. Even’s tongue sprung to life, and met Isak’s between their mouths. He moaned into the kiss, pulling Isak down on top of him. Isak slid down easily, pressing his body firmly on top of Even.

Even wrapped his arms around the small of Isak’s back, kissing him deeply, holding him close, relishing in the way Isak’s whole body comforted him, immediately regretting that he had deprived himself of this at all.

Isak pulled up, running a hand through Even’s hair, giving him another quick peck on the lips, kissing his nose, his forehead, then his temple. He settled in close on top of him, ducking his head down to rest on Even’s shoulder. Even shifted slightly, bringing a hand up to tangle in Isak’s curls, kissing his hair. They both had their heads turned, looking at the TV, watching Wiley chase the roadrunner.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this felt so good to write
> 
> let me know your thoughts?


	32. Shall we look at the moon, my little loon

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Even's parents come home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title from Sufjan Stevens' "Fourth of July"

Their bodies became tangled together, moving around, and readjusting on the couch throughout multiple episodes of cartoons. Eventually, sleep found Even again.

He woke up to Isak’s chest pressed firmly against his back, spooning him as Even faced the familiar crevice of the couch. Even rested his head on the arm Isak had snaked around Even’s neck while Isak’s other arm wrapped tightly around Even’s abdomen. Isak had laced his fingers with Even’s and held his hand close to Even’s chest. At some point when he was asleep, Isak had muted the TV and pulled a blanket over the two of them.

A heavy sigh escaped from Even’s throat when he blinked his eyes open. Isak was awake. Even wasn’t sure how long he’d been out, but he figured Isak didn’t fall asleep anyway. “Are you okay?” Isak asked softly at the back of Even’s neck. Even didn’t answer with words. He couldn’t find the energy to talk, just lifted his head from Isak’s arm to kiss the pale underside of his forearm. He set his head back down, nodding slightly, his eyes closing once again.

“It’s okay. Sleep some more,” Isak told him, pulling his body closer to Even’s until they were flushed together and their legs intertwined. So Even did.

 

When Even woke up, it was to the rumbling of his stomach. The smell of potatoes wafted in from the kitchen. Isak’s body was no longer pressed against his and as he turned around quickly, searching for him, he immediately felt a heavy but comforting hand on his cheek. “I’m right here. I just got hungry,” Isak told him, sitting on the edge of the couch. Even breathed loudly through his nose, his eyes fluttering as he lifted his gaze to Isak. “Do you want to eat?”

Even nodded his head, propping himself up on his elbows, “Yeah. What time is it?”

“Around 18:00,” Isak replied, not moving his hand from Even’s cheek, “You slept a long time.”

Even reached up to grab the back of the couch, lifting himself upright when Isak’s hand slipped from his face and instead moved to his back. Every touch from Isak, no matter how small felt so good, like they were making up for touch temporarily lost.

“I just fried some potatoes. I’ll bring you some,” Isak told him, rubbing his back.

A moment later, Isak was returning to the couch with two plates with forks in hand. He sat back down on the couch next to Even, their arms firmly pressed against each other’s as they ate.

Isak really had just fried potatoes, seasoning them with salt. They were breaking apart,  crumbling and mushing beneath his fork. The starchy warmth felt good on Even’s tongue. He scarfed them down. “You like it?” Isak asked, smirking.

Even spoke with his mouth full, “It’s good.”

Isak laughed, “Well, it’s one of like six things I can make.”

Even smirked back, “Cereal doesn’t count, Isak,” he teased as he lifted a forkful to his lips.

Isak’s jaw dropped, mocking offense, as he shoved Even’s shoulder. The warm potatoes smeared on Even’s chin and cheek and the fork just slightly poked his skin, not enough to puncture, just enough to startle him, “Hey!” he whined.

“Oh, sorry,” Isak told him sincerely, though he couldn’t help the small laugh coming from his chest. He set his plate on his lap as Even lifted his hand to wipe away the food from his face. Isak stopped him, grabbing his hand and squeezing it. He lifted his free hand to Even’s chin, wiping the potatoes away with his fingers before he placed his potato-covered thumb in his mouth, smiling around the digit as Even watched him intently.

“I really love you,” Even said, a little fast, resolving himself to become lost in Isak’s green eyes.

Isak smiled, leaning in and kissing him, the taste of potato in both of their mouths. “I love you, too,” Isak murmured against his lips. Isak moved their plates to the coffee table and wiped his sticky hand on his sweats. He kissed Even again, deeper this time, wrapping an arm around his shoulders and pulling him close, the other hand resting on Even’s hip.

Even wrapped his arms around Isak’s waist, kissing him with everything he had, putting all his energy into caressing Isak’s lips with his own. Their noses brushed back and forth as they maneuvered around each other’s mouths, exploring each other’s lips and tongues. Isak pulled back, breathing heavily against Even’s cheek. “Sorry,” he swallowed. “I should give you a break.”

Even wanted to argue with him, wanted to tell him he was wrong and crawl into his lap, but then he noticed how heavily he was breathing, too, not just from arousal but also from exhaustion despite the numerous hours of sleep he’d gotten. He sighed, ducking his head into Isak’s neck, pressing his forehead against the warm flesh. Isak kissed his forehead, tightening his arm around Even’s shoulders as Even hugged Isak around his side. There was nowhere else Even wanted to be. Isak free hand stroked the skin on Even’s arm wrapped around his front, “Your parents will be home soon,” Isak said. “Your dad called about an hour ago.”

The thought both calmed Even and worried him. He knew there was school tomorrow. The thought of going just made him more tired, but Isak would have to go. He would have to go to school. He probably hadn’t gotten any homework done this weekend. He knew Isak would have to go home tonight and he was probably just waiting until Even’s parents got home to finally make his exit. Even didn’t want him to go, but he knew that it would happen. He didn’t want to keep Isak from school.

They both knew Isak would be leaving soon, but they decided not talk about it. “Okay,” Even replied, nuzzling his nose into the skin of Isak’s collar bone, trying to will his eyes not to close, but he couldn’t help it. He fell asleep upright smelling Isak’s warm and soft skin.

 

 

Things went about as Even had predicted. When his parents came home, Even awoke to the sound of the door. Isak had removed himself from the couch, where Even’s mom then sat. She hugged her son tight, telling him she loved him and that she was sorry they weren’t there for him. He told his mom it was okay, offering her a small smile, a sure sign that he was on the upswing.

“Is that potatoes?” Even’s dad asked, standing idly by the hallway.

Isak laughed slightly, “They’re in the kitchen. Probably cold by now.” Even’s dad nodded, heading toward the kitchen.

Soon Isak was telling Even’s mom everything relevant that happened, conveniently leaving out all their declarations of love from the weekend. He filled her in on what medications Even had taken and when he took them, trying to organize every detail smoothly. Even braced himself. Isak would be leaving soon. He could feel it. His chest started to cave in.

“Thank you for taking care of him, Isak,” Even’s mom told him. “George can give you a ride home if you’d like,” she offered.

Even’s dad peered around the edge of the hallway, obviously chewing cold potatoes.

“Oh, no, I don’t mind the tram, Liv,” Isak answered, but Even’s mom wasn’t having it. Neither was Even’s dad.

“Nonsense,” Even’s dad said with a mouthful, “I’ll just grab my keys and we’ll go.” He disappeared to find them. Even’s mom followed behind him after giving Isak a warm hug and thanking him again. Then Even and Isak were left alone.

Isak stood froze for a moment. “Do you think you’ll be in school tomorrow?” he asked.

“I don’t know,” Even replied honestly.

Isak nodded, nervously playing with the hem of his shirt. “Right, just, you know, see how you feel in the morning.”

Even dropped his head, nodding, “Yeah.”

“Hey,” Isak told him, walking around to join him again on the couch. He stroked Even’s cheek with his thumb, “It’s okay. If you’re not ready, it’s okay.” Even took Isak’s hand in his. “I can come by after school tomorrow, if that’s alright?”

Even looked up at him with tired eyes, “Please.”

“You go it,” Isak told him, leaning in for a kiss Even was ready to meet. When Isak started to pull away, Even chased his lips, taking every kiss he could before his parents came back.

“Isak! You ready?” his dad called from the hallway.

“Uhh, yeah!” Isak called, “Good to go,” before meeting Even’s lips with his own one last time.

“I’ll see you tomorrow, babe,” he told Even.

Even sighed, releasing Isak from his grasp, “Yeah, see you tomorrow,” he replied when his dad came back in the room. Isak had his shoes and coat on in less than a minute and then he disappeared behind the door, giving Even one last smile.

Even sat on the couch for a minute before getting up and walking to his room. He stopped in the bathroom on his way to wash his face and brush his teeth. When he got to his room, his mom was sitting on the couch, water glass and pills in hand. Even sighed, sitting down next to her, knowing she’d want to talk. He took the pills quickly and set the glass down on the table. She ran her fingers through his hair, “How you feeling, Ev?”

Even shrugged, “Better than yesterday.”

His mom nodded as if Even had just revealed a slew of information. She didn’t say anything more so he turned to look at her, “What?”

“Isak’s a sweet boy,” she said.

Even nodded, “yeah.”

“I mean, I’ve never seen this room so clean,” she mused.

Even looked around quickly. “Oh, yeah. He cleaned.”

“Well, I knew _you_ didn’t, son.” Even smiled softly, letting his mom just run her fingers through his hair soothingly.

“You said he has trouble sleeping?” she asked him.

“What?”

“Your text on Wednesday. You said something about Isak not sleeping well,” she urged.

“Oh yeah. He just can’t sleep sometimes, or he gets these crazy nightmares. It’s kind of scary sometimes.”

“Is it stressing you out?” she asked.

“What?” Even was confused, “No, like, why would you think that?”

Even’s mom didn’t say anything for a while. “Even. I’m worried about you.”

“I know. I’m sorry, Ma.”

“This is your third episode in two months,” she sighed, settling her hand on his shoulder.

Even’s eyes went wide, he pulled away from her to face her straight on, “Ma, you’re not serious? Are you seriously going to try to tell me Isak’s making my bipolar worse?”

Even’s mom mirrored Even, eyes growing wide, too, “Jesus, no! Even, that’s not what I’m saying at all.”

“Then what? What are you thinking?” Even was confused.

“Honey, I think Isak’s really good for you. I think it’s great you can depend on him,” she said.

“Yeah, me, too.”

“But I also think you’ve been stressed lately. Whether it’s Isak’s not sleeping or graduation or school work – you’re stressing too much,” she continued. “And I think it’s time you start seeing someone again, more regularly. I think maybe your meds need some readjusting.”

The thought made Even feel sick. He hated when his meds changed. The change was never a quick fix. It always took weeks of figuring out the balance and small adjustments while his head was swimming with fog and heaviness. But he also knew his once a month visits to a clinical psychiatrist just weren’t cutting it lately. He knew his mom was right. It just wasn’t something he wanted to think about right then.

“Son?”

“Yeah, okay. I know,” he said abruptly. “I, yeah, I’ll go see someone.”

His mom smiled, pulling her son in for a hug, “I love you, Even. I’m proud of you.”

“I love you, too, Ma.”

“Good, alright,” she stood up from the couch. “Why don’t you hop up in bed? I’m going to call the clinic tomorrow. School or no school tomorrow?”

Even sighed, rubbing his eyes, “I don’t know. I think I’ll just see in the morning.”

“I like the optimism,” she smiled.

She started walking out the door when she turned around quickly, “Oh! Isak must have charged this for you,” she said, tossing Even’s phone in his lap.

“Why don’t you text him?” she suggested, “Make sure your father isn’t boring him to death with the fish story?”

“Fish story?” Even asked puzzled.

“I’m sure you’ll hear all about it from him tomorrow,” she laughed.

“Thanks, Ma,” Even climbed the steps, crawling in bed.

To Isak:

20:12 – **Hey, I hope driving with my dad isn’t too weird. Thanks for everything.**

Isak didn’t reply for a while. Even figured he wouldn’t want to text in front of his dad, probably worried it would be rude or something.

20:23 – _He has some good stories. Don’t worry about it._

20:24 – **Hopefully no embarrassing ones about me.**

20:25 – _Only cute ones, babe._

20:25 – _I’m back home. Vilde’s here with Noora. They’re cooking something weird in the kitchen. She asked about you._

Even smiled at the thought of Vilde caring about him so much.

20:26 – **That’s nice of her. Tell her I’m sorry for hanging up on her?**

20:28 – _I’m sure she understands._

Even didn’t know what he did to end up with such great friends. He thought back to the night before his first day at Nissen. The plan was just to keep his head down and make sure he graduated so that his _real_ life could start. He wasn’t expecting much, but the relationships he’d made with Isak and their friends was as real as they get. This was real life and sometimes it was messy, and sometimes it hurt, and sometimes he just felt so loved. Then, as if one queue:

20:32 – _I love you, Even._

20:33 – **I love you, too, Isak.**

20:33 – **Good night.**

20:34 – **Sleep well.**

20:34 – _I’ll try. I promise._

 

 

 


	33. You got that look in your eye.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Even goes back to school. He welcomes back the normalcy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title from "Yours Forever" by The Generationals

He had snoozed his alarm that morning and went back to sleep, exhausted. At the time, Even couldn’t tell if he was _depressed_ tired or just _tired_ tired. Either way, he didn’t put up any fight in letting his eyelids flutter closed again. Without another body next to him, Even was upset to be awake, an irritated sigh escaping his dry lips. It’s then he decides waking up alone is absolute shit. He focuses on the imaginary sensation of Isak’s limbs and chest wrapped around his body, trying to imitate it with his duvet, hoping he’ll dream of Isak.

So when he wakes back up again, he’s unsure of how much time has actually passed, but Isak is still not in his bed with him. He’s woken up on his own this time, his biological clock seemingly returning to normal which comes as a surprise to Even since it normally takes longer than that to wake up feeling like himself again. But the bigger surprise is when Even shifts uncomfortably and realizes he’s painfully aroused. He’s pitched a tent in his sleep. He can’t even remember the last time this has happened nor what he was even dreaming about. Though since his first waking thoughts give him a hint that it was probably about his Isak. Isak who he loves. Isak who loves him back. He can’t help the smile that creeps on his face when he thinks about how nice it sounds when he says love and Isak in the same sentence. It sparks a thrill in his heart and can feel himself twitch under the tent. He actually laughs at himself, looking at his morning wood standing tall. It’s not going to go away easily, so he gives in and strokes himself a bit, finding a rhythm.

The sunlight streaming through the blinds is brighter and whiter than it was last time he woke up. It could be 8:00 or 15:00 or anytime in between, based on the light outside. But then Even realizes that his dad would have woken him up to take his pills sometime before 10:00 anyway. Even’s hand feels particularly good this morning and he can’t help bringing his free hand to his mouth to bite on his knuckle, stifling the moans. It’s been a while since he’s done this to himself. And it’s then, with his hand wrapped around himself under the sheets, carrying out the very obvious deed that his door opens and his dad walks in with a water bottle and pills in hand. “Fuck! Jesus!” Even yells, quickly turning over in bed, but it’s too late. It’s already painfully aware between the two of them exactly what Even was just doing.

“Ah, shit,” his dad reacts, “Sorry, son!” he’s pulling the door shut as he backs out of the room. The door shuts abruptly leaving behind the overwhelming feeling of embarrassment. Even groans, pulling his pillow over his head, trying to sink into the mattress. “I’m just gonna,” his dad speaks through the door, “leave these in the bathroom.”

Even knows what he’s talking about. Knows he means the pills and the water. And it’s a kind thought, his dad bringing him his pills, but he still feels thoroughly annoyed. His parents had taken the lock off his door after his first episode after the diagnosis. The low period had lasted weeks and Even kept locking them out. His parents had to break down the door and replace it later. After all, a door with no lock was better than no door. After letting himself calm down beneath the sheets, he swats himself, still half hard, muttering, “This is your fault.”

He pulls out his phone to text Isak when he sees he already has seven messages from him.

7:03 – _Just woke up after 6 solid hours of sleep. Be proud of me._

Even laughs at. He can just imagine Isak saying that, demanding that he be proud of him.

7:47 – _There’s these two girls hardcore making out on the tram right across from me, like not even being sly about it. Magnus is gonna flip._

8:12 – _Magnus flipped his shit._

8:12 – _His eyes were literally popping out of his head when I told him. Wish you could have seen it._

8:16 – _Oh Jesus Christ, I mean Magnus’ reaction, not the girls making out._

Even actually bursts out laughing at the text, but then tries to stifle the laughter, thinking he’s probably really concerning his dad right about now.

8:51 – _You’re probably still asleep. I miss you at school. Hope you’re having a good morning._

8:52 – _Love you._

Even’s heart warms at that, but then he’s twitching beneath the sheets again. He lifts the duvet angrily, looking down at the telling bulge in his boxers. “Are you series?” he scoffs.

9:10 – **Morning, babe. I love you, too.**

9:10 – **My dad just walked in on me jerking off.**

9:11 – **Not exactly a good morning.**

Even knows Isak’s still in his Norwegian class, so he doesn’t expect him to answer, but then:

9:11 – _Naughty ;)_

9:12 – _Miss me that much?_

Even smiles.

9:12 – **You have no idea.**

9:13 – _I’ll talk to you at lunch. Mr. Eriksen’s on the war path today._

It’s then Even decides that if he showers quickly he can make it to the 9:30 tram and he’ll get there with plenty of time for his third class. He debates it for a while, considering just staying in bed, but then he’s propping himself up on his elbows and climbing down the ladder steps.

In the bathroom, he quickly takes his pills, brushes his teeth and jumps in the shower. He’s in the middle of shampooing his hair, thinking about the smile on Isak’s face when he surprises him at school when he feels himself growing hard again. He knows he doesn’t have time to take care of it if he wants to catch the tram in time, but he can’t help it when his slick and soapy hand slides down his chest, heading toward the destination that has been begging for his attention. When he leans against the shower wall, warm water hitting his side, he also can’t help imagining the sensation of Isak’s pretty lips around him, taking him into his mouth. His hand has found a good speed, and it’s nowhere near as good as Isak’s mouth would feel, but his head falls back in pleasure anyway, his mouth parting and a low moan escaping. When his eyes flutter closed and he’s panting heavily, he can’t help but imagine Isak’s beautiful green eyes staring up at him. Just the thought sends him over the edge and he’s convulsing slightly, painting the inside of the shower curtain. “Fuck,” he exhales, thoroughly spent. Once he catches his breath, he cleans off his hands, angles the shower head to rinse off the curtain and returns to washing his hair.

It’s 9:27 when he steps out the shower. Oh well, he can catch the 10:15 tram instead.

 

 

Even’s dad is making eggs when Even nervously walks in the kitchen. He’s fully dressed and ready to go, but he knows his dad will be worried that he wants to go back to school already. Plus, there’s the whole walking in on your son while he’s choking the bishop thing.

He must hear him behind him. “Good you’re up. I made eggs.” His dad turns around, “Oh, going somewhere?”

Even sits down at the table, fiddling with his phone in his hands. “Yeah, actually. I thought about going to school. I can still make it to my fourth class in time,” he shrugs.

“You’re up for that?” his dad asks, scooping some eggs onto a plate for him.

Even nods, accepting the plate, “I think so. I just want to get back to normal as quick as possible,” he admits.

His dad nods, speaking for him and his mom who has already left for the university, “We don’t want you to push yourself, Even.” And Even’s chest tightens a little when he realizes his dad may not let him go to school. “But it’s your decision to make,” he decides.

At that, Even smiles, eating up his eggs. “Thanks, pops.” Then he sets his fork down nervously, “Uhh, about this morning.”

His father just kind of looks at him and laughs, giving him the “shit happens” look and shaking his head. He stands up from the table and starts heading toward his art room. He’s laughing when he slaps his son on the shoulder, “Get on to school, Ev.”

Even relaxes, smiling as he eats the rest of his eggs and is out the door within minutes.

 

 

 

There’s ten minutes left of third period when Even arrives at Nissen. A few people are walking around the halls either on their way to the bathroom or wasting their time during their free period. He decides to go to Isak’s locker, and wait in the hall there. He gets a snapchat from Isak. He’s in his chemistry lab and it’s a picture of him and his lab partner with their goggles and lab coats on making nervous faces. Even decides the look on Isak’s face is one of his favorites now. The next snap that comes in is the set up of their experiment. Even has no idea what’s going on, but based on the brown smoke funneling up into a cone above the small little flash, he decides it’s not good. He replays the snaps, taking a screenshot of the first one and saving it away for later. Science nerd is a good look for Isak.

When students start to fill the hallway, Even’s stomach starts to twist in knots. Then he sees him, walking with Jonas, looking down at the ground and laughing. Even can see the imprint of goggles still on Isak’s forehead and on his cheeks beneath his eyes, and he feels like his heart is literally melting. Jonas notices Even first, smiling as he elbows Isak in the arm. Isak looks confused at first, trying to figure out why Jonas just shoved him, but then he looks up.

Even swears the look Isak gives him is enough that he could live on it for the rest of his life. Within a few quick strides, Isak is shoving himself into Even’s arms, wrapping his arms tight around his neck as Even’s arms grip him at his lower back. “Hey,” Even laughs, smiling into Isak’s hair.

Isak pulls back a bit, arms still wrapped firmly around Even. “What are you doing here?”

Even shrugs, “Same as you.”

Jonas joins them when Isak finally pulls all the way apart from him.

“Even, hey man, how are you feeling?” Jonas asks.

Even nods, “Good, real good. I woke up feeling good.” He swears he can see the telling smirk on Isak’s lips.

“That’s good to hear man. You freaked us out for sure,” Jonas admits.

Even knows Jonas doesn’t mean it, but he feels a little guilty at his words, “Yeah sorry about that. Thanks for everything,” he tells him.

Eventually, Jonas leaves for his next class when Isak and Even are left standing in the hallway, completely alone. Most people are in their classrooms already. Isak’s standing with Even outside his fourth period class when he grabs Even’s hands with his own and holds them tight. “I’m glad you’re here,” Isak tells him, looking in his clear blue eyes.

“Me, too,” Even tells him. And he can’t say much more because then Isak’s leaning forward, still holding onto Even’s hands down at their sides as he gently kisses Even. It’s open-mouthed but chaste, and everything Even needed in that moment. He just needs to make it through his next class and then he can enjoy lunch with Isak and the boys. Even pulls his lips away from Isak but Isak chases them pecking him a few times as Even says, “You’re going to be late for class.”

Isak shrugs, “It’s just gym. I can be late,” as he kisses him again. His lips move to Even’s jaw and Even’s knees literally wobble.

“Alright, alright. I have to go in, now,” Even tells him, as Isak’s lips press firmly into his neck. Even could die like this. “Baby,” he whines.

Isak finally surrenders, releasing Even from his torturous touch. “I’ll see you at lunch, love you,” he agrees, walking away from Even, leaving him with a stomach of butterflies. He’s standing still just outside the door as Isak walks away.

“I love you, too, Isak!” he yells and there’s no way everyone in the nearby classrooms haven’t heard him. But he can’t be bothered to give a shit. He’s in love.

 

 

 

At lunch, Magnus is asking Isak to describe the girls on the tram again. “Come on, man,” he pleads, “Don’t skip any details.”

Jonas is shrugged down so that the back of the chair is digging into his neck, still sad about his physics test score. He had sat down in a huff, “It’s bullshit. I studied so hard for that shit.”

Madhi sarcastically reminds him that reviewing the night before doesn’t cut it and that not everything is going to come as easy to Jonas like writing essays.

“Jesus, Mags. I already told you twice this morning,” Isak rolls his eyes.

“You should have gotten a video,” Magnus complains.

“Oh yeah, fuck, just like interrupt them and ask if I could videotape them? That’s real smart, Mags,” Isak burns him.

Even just laughs shaking his head as Magnus tries to reason with Isak. But then he notices Vilde sitting with Sana and Chris nearby them in the cafeteria. He thinks about all the pressure Vilde’s under from her parents and his chest tightens a little. Chris and Sana have stood up to get some food when Even decides to go join her. Isak’s confused, looking up at Even as he stands up. “I’ll be right back,” he tells him.

Sitting down to join Vilde, Even slides comfortably into the chair. It startles her. “Hey Vilde,” he smiles at her.

“Even! Hey, how are you?”

“I’m doing better,” he tells her.

“That’s good. I’m glad,” she assures him, setting down her phone to give him her full attention and folding her hands in front of her.

“Listen, I’m sorry for hanging up on you. It was really cool of you to call and make sure I was alright,” he says sincerely.

Vilde smiles brightly at him, “Of course.”

Even reaches over and puts one of his hands on hers, “It really does mean a lot to me,” he gives her a gently squeeze. Then he takes her phone and opens up her contacts.

“Uhh,” she starts, confused.

“You should have my cell number. Who even calls home phones anymore?” he says lightly.

“Oh, okay,” she goes along with it.

“So, have you seen Arrival, yet?” he asks her casually.

“What?” Vilde’s never heard of it.

“Oh, Vilde,” he sighs, “It’s this crazy good movie about this bad ass linguistics professor. And there’s aliens, and love, and it’s just amazing. You gotta see it,” he gushes.

She smiles, “It sounds really cool. I mean, love and aliens?” she laughs, “My two favorite things.”

“Good. You should come over Friday and we can watch it,” he decides.

“Like, to your house?” she asks, a little thrown off.

“Yeah,” he smiles, hoping she wants to. He wants to spend more time with Vilde. This is a friendship he really wants to happen. “Bring Sana. I think she’d like it. We can have a movie night. You, me, Sana and Isak.”

“That sounds great!” she agrees.

“Awesome,” Even says, standing up, “Pajamas only.”

Vilde laughs, “Pajamas only.”

He’s about to turn and walk away when he hears her softly say, “Thanks, Even.”

“No, thank you, Vilde,” he returns.

 

 

 

The rest of the school day is rather uneventful. Magnus has asked Isak to explain the girls making out on the tram about seven times. Isak makes a comment to Even as their walking to the tram after school about knowing exactly what kind of porn Magnus will be watching tonight and Even feels the laugh ripple through his body. It feels good.

At Even’s home, they’re sitting in his room, Even on the couch and Isak working at Even’s desk when he tells her about the movie night with Sana and Vilde. Isak thinks it’s a great idea. He even suggests they have it his apartment, but Even rather not. He wants his parents to meet more of his friends. Isak understands.

A few hours later, Isak’s rifling through his books when he remembers, “Oh! Even, guess who got a 6 on his biology exam?” he grins ear to ear, holding the exam up with a 6 circled in red at the top.

“What!?” Even acts surprised, “I never would have thought. I didn’t think you studied enough,” he joked.

Isak scoffs, “Oh shut up, ya dick.”

“What was that?” Even asks, faking offense. “What did you just say?”

“I called you a dick,” Isak says bravely.

Even jumps up, “Give me that!” He grabs the test from Isak’s hand and runs out the door before Isak can stand.

In the kitchen, he hands the paper to his mom, “Ma. Look, Isak got a 6 on his biology exam.”

“That’s fantastic!” she says to both of them as Isak joins him in the kitchen, fear on his face.

“Even!” he complains.

“This is so great, Isak. Even never got a 6 in biology. You must be proud of yourself,” she tells him, smiling.

“Uhh, thanks, Liv,” Isak says nervously. Just then Even’s dad walks in the kitchen.

“George! Look, Isak’s a biology genius!” She shouts, not a hint of sarcasm in her voice. She’s genuinely proud of Isak.

“Wow, good job!” Even’s dad exclaims. “We ought to put this one of the fridge,” he grins.

Even beams at Isak. His face is tomato red, not doing well with all the positive comments, like he doesn’t know what to say or do. “Oh, no, you don’t have to do that,” Isak says, but Even’s mom talks over him.

“Oh, yeah, this is definitely one for the fridge,” she smiles, pinning it to the fridge door with a magnet.

Even puts his arm around Isak in comfort has Isak buries his head in his hand in embarrassment. He’s happy he can do this for Isak – show him how proud he is of him. A sad thought crosses his mind that maybe his parents never put one of his tests on the fridge. Even’s parents use to pin his 4+'s like they were amazing feats. He tries not to let the sadness nag at him, rubbing his hand on Isak's back. 

But then the phone rings and Even suspects he should have seen this coming. His father answers, “Hello?” _Pause._ “Even?” he asks the voice on the phone. _Pause._ “He did what?” _Pause._ “Yeah, he’s right here,” his dad says, looking over at Even and Isak. Even’s sure it’s the lady from the market on the corner telling his dad about the gloves. But no, it’s worse.

Even’s dad extends the phone across, not sure whether he should hand it to Even or Isak. “It’s Terje Valtersen.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the slow updating lately, guys. School is rough. Hopefully the next chapter will be up by Friday.


	34. In my mind I call you home.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Even explains.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title from "Call You Home" by Kelvin Jones.
> 
> Also, smut alert.

Isak’s shoulders tensed under Even’s arm and he felt himself remove it as Isak barely inched away from him. He couldn’t look at Isak. He just stared at the phone then looked at his dad, then back at the phone. Isak did the same, except he was looking at the phone and Even. His eyes felt like lasers on his skin. He waited for his arm to reach out for the phone but it never did.

“Uhh, boys?” Even’s dad asked. Now they both looked at him.

Even thought he heard the faint sound of Isak’s father asking, “Hello?”

Finally, Isak grabbed the phone. Answering the same way, “Hello?” Even looked over at him.

Isak waited a few seconds, his lips in a thin line, accentuating his prominent cupid’s bow. Then he hung up the phone, tearing the phone from his ear and pressing the end button hard with his thumb. He handed the phone back to Even’s dad then turned around and walked down the hallway to Even’s room.

Even panicked, unease flooding his chest, making it hard to breathe. He couldn’t look at either of his parents. His mom sighed. “I don’t know what you did, son, but that was not a _suggestion_ to follow him.”

His dad nodded, “That was a _demand_ , Ev.” He finally looked up at his mom and dad, feeling like a child who had just been told he was grounded.

As his parents left the kitchen, his dad placed his hand warmly on Even’s shoulder, as if trying to convince him it would be okay. Even’s feet felt heavy and his shoulders drooped as he walked down the hallway to his room where Isak hadn’t shut the door. He figured that was a good sign at least.

Isak was sitting on the couch, waiting for him, but Even couldn’t tell if he wanted him to sit or not, so he just stood awkwardly with the table between them, looking at everything but Isak’s eyes. “Uhh, what did your dad say?” He couldn’t help lifting his hand to the back of his head, nervously brushing his fingers through his hair.

“I’m sorry he called here,” Isak apologized. “He’s been calling me for days and I just didn’t want to talk. I can’t believe he just called here like that.”

Even didn’t know what to say. Isak was literally apologizing for actions Even had provoked.

“Please say something. I’m so sorry. I’ll talk to him. He won’t call here again,” Isak said sadly. Even felt the guilt burn in his stomach, crawling up his insides.

“Oh, Jesus,” Even dropped his head into his hands. “Just stop. Please.”

“Even?” Isak asked confused. “I don’t… I don’t understand.” He got up from the couch, walking toward Even.

Too overwhelmed with guilt, Even stepped away from him, but then he felt the pain strung between them. “I’m sorry,” he sighed, stepping closer to Isak and pulling him into his arms. He wrapped his arms around his back and Isak gripped his shoulders.

“Even?” Isak spoke into his shoulder, still confused.

Even closed his eyes, angling his head to smell his soft hair. He swallowed thickly, still gripping him tight. “I uh, I called him.” Isak’s body tensed. “I called him when I was, you know…”

Isak pulled away from him and Even didn’t dare open his eyes. He couldn’t bear to see the hurt on Isak’s face. “Please don’t be mad,” he whispered. He hated himself for sounding so small. Isak put his hands on the sides of Even’s face, coaxing him to look at him. When Even opened his eyes, he was surprised that he wasn’t met with anger. Isak’s green eyes were calm and clear.

Isak shook his head. “I’m not mad.” Even sighed, nodding his head gently. Then, “I just don’t understand why?” he asked.

“If you just call him back, he’ll tell you everything,” Even admitted. Almost as if he predicted it, Isak’s phone rang in his pocket. He dug it out to find his father was calling him. Isak immediately rejected the call.

“Isak!” Even was confused.

“What?” Isak shrugged.

“Why?” Even urged.

Isak shook his head, “I don’t want him to explain anything to me.”

“But?”

“I want to listen to you. I want you to tell me.”

Even tried his best not to roll his eyes as he walked over to the couch and slumped in defeat. “Look, I just, I fucked up, okay?” Isak said nothing, just looking at him. They’d switched places. “Like, I know I shouldn’t have done it. I’m sorry. I just, I don’t know.”

“Just try. Start from the beginning,” Isak said.

Even bit his lip hard, trying to figure out just where to start. He thought of the phone call with Isak’s father, the unsuccessful calls before them, the woman who gave him gloves, leaving Isak’s apartment, feeling like shit on Isak’s bed as Isak told him how much his parents had hurt him and how Even had brought all that pain back.

“Even?” Isak asked, still waiting.

“Yeah, okay. Um, I guess. Well,” he paused. “I just, I felt so bad. I was, I was so mad that I did what I did to you. And then you told me about your parents, and I, like I’d been waiting for you to open up to me about them for so long and I could just feel myself slipping away. And I just kept thinking, like, ‘I’m just the same. I hurt you, too.’ And I just lost it. I, you know, so I left.” Even winced at the memory. “I shouldn’t have left you, I was just, you know, so in my head.” Isak nodded. “And, so I was walking home and it was so fucking cold, I went to the market on the corner and basically demanded gloves.”

“Even, it was like 1:00 by that point. Wasn’t the market closed?” Isak asked, trying to make sense of Even’s words.

Even nodded, “Yeah, I just yelled up at the second story. The owner lives up there. I woke her up and she came down and gave me gloves, didn’t even let me by them.”

“Wow, okay, go on,” Isak decided.

“Yeah, so, I got home and I don’t know. I think I just though the solution would like, come to me if I just went home to think, but then I was grabbing the phonebook and I started calling every Valtersen. And your dad, he was the fourth one,” Even replied. He tried to shake off the uncomfortableness from his shoulders. “Look, I don’t know why. I don’t know what I was thinking. It was just all I could think to do. I just couldn’t understand how they could hurt you like that, I mean. Well, I get that your mom, I guess, you know, like I don’t want to blame her for being sick. I would never do that.”

Isak nodded.

“But your dad?” Even started sounding angry now. “How could, how could he just leave you like that?” He could feel his face warm up with anger and pain. “You were just a kid, and, he, he like knew your mom wasn’t well, and he just kept leaving you.” Isak sniffled. _Fuck._ Even couldn’t bear to look at him, trying to stop his own tears. “I think, I just thought, like if I could talk to him, maybe I would understand what he was thinking, or I don’t know, find a way to fix it. Fix what _I_ did.” _Shit._ A tear rolled down his cheek. “I, Isak, I’m so sorry I hurt you. I, I didn’t want to be like him. I didn’t. I couldn’t believe I let myself leave you like that. I, _fuck_ , I was mad at him, and I was mad at me, and then, I just crashed. I got low, and I just couldn’t stop picturing you in that _fucking_ closet. God, I’m so sorry,” Even wiped his wet cheeks angrily, sliding further and lower into the couch. “I guess, that’s just. That’s just it. That’s everything.” Finally, he looked up at Isak.

Isak’s cheeks were pink and streaked with tears and Even couldn’t help but notice the way Isak’s arms curled around himself, like he was giving himself a hug. He didn’t think he could look any more vulnerable. “I’m sorry, Isak. I don’t think I can fix it. I can’t just go back and make the right decision. I wish I could. I wish I didn’t leave you like that. But, I’m going to try to be better. I’m going to try really hard. And I want to listen. I want you to be able to talk to me, about your parents, about the nightmares, all of it, and I’ll listen. And I won’t leave you. I, look, as long as I’m controlling my head, I promise, I won’t ever leave you again.”

“Even,” Isak started, but then his phone started ringing again and he quickly pulled it out of his pocket to end the call. He set it on the table after changing it to silent, and walked around to join Even on the couch again. He pulled him into his arms and Even’s couldn’t help the way he dipped his head towards Isak’s chest, gripping Isak’s t-shirt so as not to let him get away. Isak rested his chin in Even’s hair as he hugged him tightly, "There’s nothing to fix, baby. It’s okay.”

Even nodded, trying to get his breathing under control. Isak put his arms back on Even’s warm cheeks, forcing him to look him in the eyes, those beautiful, welcoming green eyes, “You’re nothing like him, okay?” Isak asked. “You’ll never be anything like him.”

Even didn’t know what to say. He couldn’t explain the warm relief that flooded his body. “You’re so good,” Isak told him, smiling at him with wet eyes. “Even when you weren’t in control, you were still thinking of how to help me. My papa’s never done that. He’s never been able to help anyone but himself.” Isak paused wiping some tears from Even’s cheek. “I’m sorry I chose such a bad time to unload all that shit on you. I should have known you were slipping. I should have recognized it.” Even shook his head, lifting his hands to grip Isak’s wrists in comfort. Isak kissed his cheek and the act had never felt so good to Even.

“It’s not your fault,” Even told him.

Isak dropped his hands to hold Even’s between them, “We’ve got to stop carrying this guilt with us, okay?” Even nodded. “It’s just too much. We can’t do it to ourselves anymore. We make mistakes, okay?”

“Yeah,” Even sniffled, “Okay.”

“ _Jesus_ ,” Isak laughed slightly, “I think we’re all cried out.”

Even laughed, too, “Yeah, I know.” Even lifted his thumbs to wipe the moisture from Isak’s cheeks.

“I need to show you something,” Isak decided. He stood up and grabbed his biology notebook from the desk.

“Are you seriously going to make me quiz you in biology right now? You like just had a test, Isak,” Even complained, but he was smiling.

“No, I’m not,” Isak smirked, sitting back down next to him, their shoulders and knees touching. “Okay, so, every time I have a bad dream, I write it down here,” he said, patting the notebook in his lap.

“Oh,” Even didn’t know what to say. Isak opened up the notebook to the back. Pages were filled with messy writing.

“I have others at home, but I just. Every year it’s a different notebook,” Isak admitted.

“Do you, do you want to read some?” Even asked carefully.

Isak nearly laughed, “No, god no, I just. I wanted to show you. I didn’t want to keep it from you anymore. I didn’t want to keep doing that to you. We can talk about them some other time?”

Even nodded, “Sure. Whenever you’re ready,” he placed his hand on Isak’s.

“Thanks,” Isak replied, intertwining their fingers. He shut the notebook and leaned over and kissed Even warmly on the mouth. Even kissed him back, reveling in the feeling of Isak’s lips on his.

He wasn’t sure how long they’d been kissing before it turned frantic, Isak’s hands tangled in Even’s hair and Even’s hands on Isak’s hips – both of them hard and uncomfortable in their jeans. He bit down on Isak’s bottom lip teasing it between his teeth as Isak let out a breathy moan.

“Oh, god, Even. I want you so bad,” Isak panted.

Then, it was all Even could think about, “So take me, then,” he whispered back, looking at Isak’s lips.

“Wait, are you sure?” Isak searched his eyes.

“So sure, baby. I want to be close to you,” Even urged.

“But, your parents are here…” Isak hesitated.

“It’s okay. They won’t hear. I’ll be quiet,” Even assured him. Isak bit his lip as he looked as Even’s swollen pink lips and then nodded quickly. That was all it took for Even’s lips to be back on Isak’s. Even’s fingers curled under the hem of Isak’s t-shirt, yanking it up his slim torso, grazing his sides with his fingernails, making Isak shudder. They broke apart momentarily for Even to lift the shirt over Isak’s head. Even’s lips were back on Isak’s, wet and sloppy. He trailed down Isak’s face, nipping gently at his jaw then pressing his lips firmly on his neck as his hands explored Isak’s bare skin.

“Wait, wait,” Isak breathed and Even immediately pulled back, removing himself completely, worried he had overstepped some bounds.

Isak just smiled and kissed him, face flushed with lust. He stood up to shut the door then rifled through Even’s closet to find the condom and lube. “Get in bed,” he smirked from the closet door.

Even jumped up immediately, tearing his shirt from his body before climbing the ladder to wait for Isak. When Isak climbed the steps, his jeans were gone. He surged down, covering Even’s body with his own, kissing him hungrily. Isak’s skin felt so warm on Even’s body. He was like a drug and Even never wanted to come down from him.

Isak was grinding down against Even’s hips in the most devastating way, destroying Even in the best way possible. He involuntarily opened his mouth, just to pant helplessly into Isak’s hair and Isak’s lips trailed down to his neck. Isak sucked softly at the skin there as he caressed Even’s stomach, finger tips dancing lightly on his skin. It was driving Even crazy.

“Come on,” he urged, his hips surging upward. He could feel Isak smile against his collarbone. Then he lifted up to rest on his haunches so he could finish undressing Even. Even followed him, leaning up to wrap his arms around his neck, tongue licking across his lips. “Relax, baby, I got you,” Isak laughed, unzipping his jeans and pulling them down his thighs. He pulled his boxers down with them and shoved the jeans over the side of the bed. They thudded lightly on the table.

Neither of them could help the laughter that escaped from their mouths, cheeks burning. “Shhh,” Isak told him, smiling against Even’s lips, “Your parents,” he reminded him while continuing laughing. Just then, they heard Even’s father shout from what Isak guessed was the kitchen, “We’re going out to the movies! See you later boys!”

“Bye!” Even yelled, trying not to let his voice betray him, “Bring back your popcorn!” Then he heard the front door shut and lock.

“Oh my God,” Isak’s eyes went wide. “Your parents are so fucking chill, what the fuck?” Isak laughed a little louder this time.

Even smiled, “I think they just don’t want to hear the sounds we’re about to make, babe.”

“Even! Jesus, you said you could be quiet,” Isak complained lightly.

Even lifted up to pull Isak back down on him, “Now we don’t have to,” he said before planting a kiss on Isak’s gaping mouth, licking into the warmth. Isak toppled back down to press their bodies closer together while grinding down steadily on Even. Even’s hands reached around Isak’s smooth back and down the curve of his ass, settling there, squeezing gently. Isak moaned.

“Isak, I need you, baby,” Even moaned back, guiding Isak’s hips against him to create some of that sweet friction they were both chasing. Then Isak was licking down Even’s neck, kissing at his collar bones, and trailing his lips across his chest as he gripped Even firmly around his base.

“Oh god, _fuck_ ,” Even arched up against him as Isak kissed his stomach. Isak’s lips came teasingly close to his hand wrapped around Even when Even tangled his fingers in Isak’s hair. Isak sucked a delicious bruise into Even’s hipbone. Even lifted his arm that wasn’t grasping for Isak’s hair behind his head to support his neck as he craned down to look at Isak who gently pushed his legs further apart to settle between them.

Isak stroked his base languidly when he took the tip between his lips, his eyes fluttering closed and eyelashes fanning beautifully beneath his eyes. Isak’s tongue stroked Even’s slit, eliciting sounds from Even he didn’t even know he could make – soft and high-pitched whimpers, heavy breathy gasps. He was too incredibly turned on to be embarrassed. Isak reached for the lube while Even crumbled beneath him, consumed by pleasure.

A cold wet finger teased Even’s entrance causing Even’s breath to hitch. Isak popped his mouth off of Even, Even’s fingers still tangled tight in his blonde curls. “You okay?”

Even nodded, “Yeah, yeah, just, come on, please,” he urged angling down on Isak’s finger.

Isak pressed his middle finger deep in Even, making him breathe erratically, chest heaving. Isak’s lips were back around Even as he slid his finger slowly in and out. Even removed his hand from around his neck as his eyes rolled in the back of his head, searching frantically for Isak’s hand, “ _Isaaak_ ,” he groaned. Isak removed his hand from Even’s base to meet Even’s outstretched hand, lacing their fingers together. Somehow, holding his hand like this felt like the most intimate thing ever, even when Isak was literally inside him.

Isak inserted another finger and took Even in his mouth as deep as he could, hallowing out his cheeks. Even hit the back of Isak’s throat and his shoulders sprung from the mattress, looking down at Isak, “Oh fuck, baby, holy fuck,” he cried. Isak’s head bobbed up and down on Even a few times as the pads of his fingers rubbed tauntingly against Even’s prostate. “I can’t, Isak. Shit. I’m gonna –“

Isak quickly removed his mouth entirely, his fingers stilling inside his boyfriend, “Fuck!” Even yelled, dropping his head on the pillow in frustration.

“Sorry, babe,” Isak whispered against Even’s thigh, electrifying his skin with goosebumps even though he was so warm and sweat-slick already.

“Mmm,” Even whimpered, “Please, I. _Shit_. I need you inside me. Isak, please.”

“You’re not ready yet, Even.”

“No, I’m ready. Please, just. Isak, please,” he repeated, literally begging for it.

“Just let me – “ Isak spoke, pressing a third finger in with the other two very slowly, trying his best not to hurt Even who was positively wrecked and wanting beneath him. Even groaned at the added intrusion, and he hated to admit it, but Isak was probably right. He needed a bit more time to get used to the feeling and accommodate the burn of the stretch before Isak could enter him the way Even really wanted him to.

It’s not too much longer though when Even’s running his hands through Isak’s hair, letting him know, “I’m ready. Isak. I can’t wait any longer. I’m ready, come on.”

Isak eased his fingers out of Even, kissing his trembling thigh again, “I’ve got you,” he assured him, sweetly. He lifted himself back, Even releasing his hair, to roll on the condom smoothly and slick himself up. Once he felt he was ready, he rubbed his lubed hand on the sheets to get off some of the excess and then gracefully fell back down on Even. They lied flush together from thigh to chest as Isak kissed Even’s accepting lips. “God, Even, you’re so fucking beautiful.”

“I love you so much,” Even replied, voice thick with desire.

“I love you too, baby,” Isak sighed against his cheek. Even’s knees lifted up, travelling up Isak’s sides when he hooked his incredibly long legs around his torso, lining Isak right up so that his pulsing tip pressed right at his entrance, right where he wanted him. Isak’s hands caressed Even’s chest and stomach, reveling in the soft warmth of his skin, as he finally started pushing in.

Another wave of heat flooded Even’s body as Isak slowly eased himself into Even. A guttural groan escaped from Even’s throat. He was experiencing so many sensations all at once. Isak stilled inside him, “Shit, am I hurting you?”

“No!” Even shook his head, “Don’t fucking stop,” he told him, wrapping his arms around Isak’s strong shoulders.

“Just tell me if it hurts, okay?” Isak asked, running his fingers through Even’s sweaty hair soothingly.

“Yeah, okay,” Even nodded. “I’m good. Go on,” he convinced him.

Seconds later, Isak was fully inside him, filling up Even in the most satisfying way. Even wrapped his forearms tightly around Isak’s back, feeling the way his muscles flexed and moved under his skin as he slowly started to pull out then move back in. Isak rested on his forearms, placing them on either side of Even’s head. He buried his face next to Even’s right in the pillow, suppressing his groans.

Even shuddered when he felt Isak’s lips on his ear, teasing him with his wet lips. He whispered in his ear as he picked up his pace, slowly, “You feel so good, baby. Just for me. I can’t believe I get to do this with you. I love you. I love you.”

Even whimpered, moving his hips to meet Isak’s angling them just so that in his next thrust, he hit that sensitive spot within him, sending a wave of pleasure through his body. “Isak!” he yelled, overwhelmed. “ _Shit!_ Don’t stop, right there.”

“I got you, I got you,” Isak whispered back, breathing heavy. He kissed Even wetly on the cheek. Despite what they were doing, it felt all too sweet and innocent.

The mantra spilled from Even’s lips, “Don’t stop, oh god, yes, yes, oh fu _uuck_ , yeah, right there, don’t stop.” He turned his head to kiss hungrily at the sweet skin of Isak’s neck, sinking his teeth in and sucking diligently.

“Even,” Isak moaned.

Even released his lips, running his hands up and down Isak’s back, “Isak! Ahh, ah, hard – harder, Isak.”

“Even,” was all he could reply, “Even, Ev – Even!”

Even removed his warm hands from Isak’s back, reaching up by his head to find Isak’s hands as he thrusted harder and faster into him. Isak got the hint, intertwining their fingers, holding Even’s hands into the shaking mattress lovingly. He lifted up his chest to look at Even, continuing his quick pace of thrusts. Even arched up at him, pressing his lips firmly on Isak’s. They groaned into each other’s mouths, so caught up in their pleasure, they kept missing each other’s mouths. It could hardly be called kissing, but it was the best they could do as they both came apart for each other. Isak angled his hips just so and began pounding deep in Even, rubbing his prostate successively, eliciting a whimpering scream from Even, punctuated with “Ahhs.” If his parents were home, they definitely would have heard that one.

Isak pried his right hand away from Even’s trailing down his body to grip Even. “I can’t make it much longer,” Isak panted.

“Me, me neither,” Even nodded, gripping the pillow with his free hand. Isak lips crashed back into the skin on Even’s long, exposed neck, sucking hungrily as he moved his hand up and down Even’s shaft, thumb slipping over his slit. It took four strokes to push Even over the edge, convulsing and orgasming below Isak. “Fuck, fuck, fu _uu_ –“ he cried.

Isak could barely get out, “I love you,” before he was joining Even in his euphoria, thrusting erratically into Even, holding his hand so fucking tight, and groaning into his neck. He collapsed onto Even, Even’s come sticky between their stomachs. They lied like that, Isak still buried deep inside Even as they focused on their breathing, chests heaving against each other.

Eventually, Isak lifted his head, moving to kiss Even’s cheek and his lips. He smiled against his skin, “You thought you could be quiet, huh?” he teased.

Even laughed, “Shut up. I was desperate.”

“I know,” Isak laughed back. “You just love my dick so much, kept begging me to fuck you.”

“Oh, fuck off!” Even laughed, pushing Isak up off him, “You’re such a dick. Don’t shame my kinks.”

“Oh, my dick is a kink now, is that it?” Isak smiled.

Even reached up and bit Isak’s bottom lip between his teeth. He released him and let his head back down on the pillow, “No, but ‘begging for it’ might be.”

“You love it,” Isak teased, nuzzling at his cheek.

“Yeah,” Even sighed. “Yeah, I love you.”

Isak lifted up, smiling at him, eyes crinkling around the corners, “And my dick,” he insisted.

Even ran his hands over Isak’s back, “And your dick,” he agreed. “Which, by the way,” he looked down between them.

“Oh, right,” Isak laughed, then he was gently easing himself out of Even. Even bit back his wince, still really sensitive down there. Isak lifted completely off of him to take the condom off and tie it up. He pulled on his boxers that had been kicked to the foot of the bed then climbed down the steps.

Isak threw away the condom and Even tossed him the lube, “Here, catch!” throwing it down to him. Isak caught it easily, putting it away in the closet and finding a towel. “Hurry up, get back up here!” Even teased. Isak laughed. He climbed back up the steps, towel in one hand, Even’s boxers from the table in his other. He wiped up both their stomach with the towel then threw it over the edge to land on top of Even’s jeans. Even pulled on his boxers and then laid back down. Isak laid down on top of Even again, resting his head on Even’s chest and shoulder, wrapping one arm across his chest, the other lifting up to Even’s hair. Even pulled Isak’s knee up so he was even closer, Isak pressing firmly into his side. He picked up the duvet and pulled it over them. He kept one hand on Isak’s thigh, the other traced lazy patterns on Isak’s back, making Isak sigh against his skin.

“Hey, will you give me one of those backrubs later?” Isak asked, eyes closed and lips resting on Even’s warm skin.

“Sure, baby. Later. I’m fucking exhausted,” Even agreed.

“Thanks. Me, too,” Isak said softly. It felt like a small win for Even. But minutes later when he could feel the steady rise and fall of Isak’s chest against his and the tell-tale snoring coming from Isak’s perfect nose, Even was over the moon. He couldn’t stop himself from leaning down to kiss Isak’s golden hair.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think this is the longest chapter I've written yet. Sorry it took my so long to get it posted! Let me know what you think in the comments!


	35. I want you back, back, back.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Even and Isak try sleeping in their own beds. It doesn't work.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title from "Airplanes" by Local Natives.
> 
> Some fluff followed by some angst.

He tried his best to arrange the pillows so his bed wouldn’t feel so empty, but it just wasn’t the same – not without Isak next to him.

It was Wednesday night and Even had had his first session back with his old doctor at the clinic hours earlier. It was a pretty simple session where Even just had to update his doctor on everything that had happened and then they talked for a while about how he was feeling and sleeping lately. His doctor prescribed new doses and a different mood stabilizer that would likely make him excessively tired. He made sure to fill the prescription at the clinic pharmacy and would start the new regimen in the morning. Isak had needed to work on a group project with Jonas for English.

It had made sense for them to spend the night apart, logistically. Or at least that’s what Even told himself when Isak kissed him goodbye at school. It felt kind of surreal, the way Isak wrapped one hand around Even’s waist, the other tugging him closer by gripping his jacket. It was like Isak didn’t even care to notice the dozens of other students in the courtyard watching them intently when he assertively pressed his lips to Even’s. When Isak pulled away, Even couldn’t stop the grin that formed on his face. He grabbed Isak’s cheeks between his palms and kissed him sweetly on his lips again, then his cheeks, and last his nose – and that’s when Isak finally shoved him away playfully, grinning wickedly. It was leaps and bounds compared the threshold of PDA Isak was comfortable with just months ago. Even felt proud of Isak, but he almost felt more pride for Jonas, Madhi, and Magnus not teasing about it. In fact, the guys hadn’t even commented. They just nodded and said “see ya later, Even,” as he started walking backwards away from the four second years.

So yeah, that exchange had appeased Even for a few hours, but by the time he got home and was having dinner with his parents, he couldn’t help but fall a little quiet. His dad thought it might have been the thoughts of going to the clinic regularly again that were getting him down, saying, “There’s no shame in going back, Even. Doesn’t mean you failed, just means you’re gonna keep trying.” Even had smiled and shoved more lasagna into his mouth, agreeing with his dad.

But now Even’s bed felt much too large. He hated how the only breathing he was hearing was his own. He tossed and turned, trying to get comfortable. He arranged the pillows around him so that they were hugging him from all directions, but of course, they were too lifeless. The pillows didn’t laugh carelessly, yawn adorably, or make any dick jokes, and Even wasn’t sure if he should be worried that he didn’t think he could ever sleep without Isak again – not when it was this fucking hard. He resolved himself not to text Isak after exchanging good night texts, refusing to wake Isak from any sleep he could have found without him. Somehow, he had managed to doze off hours after laying down for the night. When he heard his phone going off, he groaned loudly, not believing it was already time to wake up for school. He hadn’t even started the new medication yet and he was already feeling exhausted.

But when Even saw he had six missed calls from Isak, his heart dropped. Just as he grabbed his phone, it started ringing again, Isak’s name appearing across the screen right below the time: 00:37. Even coughed answering the phone, trying to get his groggy voice to work properly, “Isak? Are you okay?”

“Shit. I’m sorry,” Isak sighed. Isak hadn’t sounded nearly as tired as him.

“What?” Even asked, still waking from his sleep.

“I thought maybe your phone was on silent,” Isak stated, as if that made any sense to Even.

“Uhh, what?” Even asked.

“Well, I just wanted to hear your voice and so I’ve been listening to your voicemail message,” Isak said quickly. Even couldn’t see him, but he could imagine the way Isak was probably biting his bottom lip in a mixture of embarrassment and anticipation.

“Isak,” Even smiled, sitting up in bed, “That is definitely the sappiest shit I have ever heard.”

“Oh, fuck off,” Isak retorted quickly.

Even was laughing now, “You are literally the full of sap, Isak Valtersen.”

“I’m hanging up now. Piss off,” Isak warned. But he didn’t hang up.

“Relax. I love it, baby. This is hard,” Even assured him.

“What? Your dick? Been dreaming about me?” Isak teased, not even missing a beat.

“You’re such a shit,” Even replied, “I meant trying to sleep without you. Dick.”

Isak didn’t say anything for a few minutes, but then his voice came through sounding much softer this time, “I can’t sleep.” Even was climbing out of bed then pulling on socks and sweatpants while he waited for Isak to say more. “Do you think-“ Isak started, but Even cut him off.

“I’m already getting dressed. I’ll be there in thirty minutes.”

“What? Even, no. Shit. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to make you do this.”

“You’re not making me do anything, Isak. I miss you, too. I’m coming over, okay?”

“Okay,” Isak complied.

“Yeah?” Even asked again.

“Yeah. Yeah, get over here,” Isak agreed. Even could feel the relief in his voice.

He made sure to grab his new pills and shove them in his backpack. He left an explanatory note on the fridge before leaving his parents’ apartment quietly and making his way to Isak’s in the frigid cold of early morning.

 

 

 

 

 

When Even got there, Isak was already waiting inside the outside door, ready to let Even in. As soon as Even walked through the door and into the warmth of the stairwell, he took Isak in his arms, burying his face in Isak’s soft hair.

Isak laced their fingers together and led him up the stairs wordlessly to the door of his apartment. They quietly removed their shoes and Even hung his coat in the hall. They took soft steps down the hallway to Isak’s room and shut it behind them delicately. Even raised his cold hand to Isak’s cheek, stroking his skin softly. Isak’s tired eyes fluttered closed as he lifted his own hand to cover Even’s trying to transfer some meager warmth. Even took his sweatshirt off over his head and lead Isak to bed. The covers were already pulled down from when Isak had been laying there alone and there was even warmth on what had become Even’s side of the bed. “Have you been warming up my side for me?” Even smiled, waiting for Isak to get his socked feet under the covers.

“Maybe,” Isak returned, the corners of his pretty mouth turning upwards.

“Come here,” Even shifted down the bed, pulling Isak on top of him and kissing him gently, tasting his minty breath. Isak sighed into his mouth.

Even maneuver them so that Isak wasn’t on top of him anymore. He laid Isak down on the warm spot of the bed, on his stomach. He snaked his arms around Isak and lifted one of his long legs to drape across the small of Isak’s back, pressing firmly into his side. Even kissed his cheek quickly then resumed nuzzling Isak’s nose with his own. He felt so close to him, both physically and emotionally. They fell asleep listening to the steady rhythm of their synced-up breathing.

 

 

 

It was the vibrations that woke him up initially. The way Isak’s body shook and his shoulder blades seemed to rattle beneath his skin. Then it was the whimpers and whines he surely couldn’t keep from leaving his throat. Even didn’t think twice about the thin layer of sweat seeping through Isak’s shirt and dampening his curls. It was happening again, and there wasn’t anything Even could do to prevent it. He sat up quickly, removing himself from Isak’s shaking frame.

“Isak, Isak, baby,” Even tried to soothe him, running a hand through the sleeping boy’s hair. It felt wrong. Sleep shouldn’t look this volatile. “Isak!” Even spoke louder, but Isak’s eyes were clenched tight, his mouth pulled into a snarl.

“Please,” Isak whimpered in his sleep. “Please, don’t!”

Even didn’t know what was going on in Isak’s head, but it broke his fucking heart. He lifted his stressed body and flipped him over so that Isak’s back was pressed to Even’s chest as Even leaned against the wall. Isak’s fists clenched at the fabric of Even’s sweat pants on his thighs. Isak’s legs kicked erratically and Even tried and eventually succeeding in pinning them down by wrapping his legs around Isak’s. “Don’t! No!” Isak cried out violently.

He held Isak across his shoulders with one strong arm and cupped his cheek with the other, whispering into his ear, “Isak, I’m here. Isak, wake up. Wake up, baby. Isak.” He rocked him side to side on his chest, stroking his thumb across Isak’s wet cheek. He couldn’t tell if it was from the tears, the sweat, or both. The sweat seeped through Isak’s shirt onto Even’s but Even couldn’t be bothered. He just needed to wake up Isak. That’s all that mattered.

He gripped Isak’s cheek a little more firmly and gently shook Isak’s head. “Isak,” he spoke loudly, “You’re having a nightmare. It’s not real. It’s not real. Wake up, Isak. Come on.”

Even repeated every encouraging phrase he could find, kissing gently at Isak’s ear. He was still rocking him gently when Isak’s body seemed to calm down and the door to Isak’s bedroom pushed open abruptly. Eskild stood in the doorway, light from the hallway flooding in. Eskild looked Even straight in the eye, concern and worry painting his irises.

Even looked at Eskild, still holding Isak close, “You’re okay, Isak. I’m here. It’s okay. I’ve got you.” Eventually Isak’s shaking stopped and his eyes fluttered open. His chest still heaved with heavy breaths, but his hands loosened their grip on Even’s sweatpants. Eskild nodded slightly and gave Even a sad smile before shutting the door and the returning to his own room. “You’re safe, Isak,” Even told him, kissing his temple.

Isak said nothing in return, void of energy. He lifted his hand to hold onto Even’s forearm that still rested across his chest. It was the best he could do to say what he wanted to say.

Minutes later Isak’s breathing returned to what Even deemed normal. Isak shifted slightly between Even’s legs. Even moved his hands to rub the sides of Isak’s arms. “Go shower, Isak. I’ll change the sheets,” he told him. Isak nodded against Even’s chest. He stood up from the bed and walked toward the bathroom like a zombie.

Even got up from the bed, too. He first tore off his sweat-soaked shirt then removed the sheets from Isak’s bed. He found the other set in the wardrobe and made quick work of changing the sheets. He busied himself with picking up the laundry in Isak’s room. He was straightening up Isak’s desk when he walked back in the room wearing a pair of red plaid pajama pants and a matching button up pajama shirt. They looked like pajamas a kid on the Polar Express would wear. “Hey,” Isak spoke softly.

“Hey,” Even replied, looking at his boyfriend, trying not to make him feel like he was more fragile than he was. Even turned around and grabbed the biology notebook from the desk and found a pen in the drawer. “I thought maybe,” he held them out to Isak, “Did you want to?” He didn’t really know how to say what he was trying to say.

Isak shook his head, “I don’t want to write it down.”

“But I thought?” Even started, he was confused.

Isak played nervously with the hem of his shirt, looking down at his feet, “Can we just talk?”

“Of course,” Even nodded. He put the notebook and pen down then strode over to Isak and hugged him tight. Isak’s hands roamed gently up Even’s spine and he burrowed his face in Even’s neck. Even lifted away just to pull Isak back into bed. He lied next to him, waiting for Isak to decide how he wanted them to lie.

Isak shifted to be on his side, facing Even. He propped his head up on his hand, bending his elbow to rest on the gray pillow beneath him. Even mirrored him, waiting for Isak to talk.

“It starts on a busy street,” he breathed.

Even listened intently, looking at Isak’s eyes that just couldn’t meet his own. That was okay.

“It’s a street fair and the road is closed off. People are walking all around, families, teenagers, old couples. All the vendors are out selling their stuff,” he bites his lip, then releases it. “I’m eight.”  

Even lifts his free hand to rest it on Isak’s neck, right at his jawline. It’s a great comfort to Isak and helps him continue.

“Papa and I are looking at these handmade wooden boxes with really intricate wood-burning designs. But then he notices Mama’s not with us anymore. She wondered off somewhere. He starts calling for her, looking around for her and leaves me with the vendor. The vendor has another customer so he moves to the other side of the tent. I’m playing with one of the boxes, opening and closing it.” Isak stops to think for a moment, his breathing a little uneasy. Even can tell he’s trying to decide whether he wants to continue with this or not.

“This older man with greasy brown hair comes up to me and asks me if I’m lost and I start to tell him no, but then I realize Papa’s gone. I can’t see him or Mama. And I think the guy can tell I’m alone because I start to feel really nervous. The vendor’s not even paying attention,” Even’s stomach twists. He doesn’t like where this is going, but he can’t interrupt Isak. He can’t take this from him.

“He puts his hand on my back and starts ushering me through the crowd, telling me he’ll help me find my parents and I’ve still got this stupid box in my hand. He pats my head and plays with hair and it makes me feel so sick.” Instinctively, Even pulls his hand away from Isak’s skin. “No don’t,” Isak tells him, lifting his hand to hold Even’s on his cheek. He continued, “It’s like I finally remember I control my feet and I stop. And I start backing away from him, holding this box really close to my chest that the corner’s digging in, right here,” Isak points to the spot on his chest, prodding it with his shaky finger. “The guy looks at me like I just freaking murdered his dog or something and starts walking after me, so angry. But then he turns away quickly and Papa’s pulling me by my arm, pretty hard. He’s yelling at me, really angry. Telling me I shouldn’t walk off like that. Mama’s with him and she starts yelling, too. She tells me it’s wrong to steal. Neither of them even give me a chance to tell them what happened. Mama just yanks the box from my hand and tells me I’m grounded. Papa takes the box back to the vendor and we leave the street fair. I go to bed without dinner that night and I don’t see Jonas for a week.”

“Jesus, I’m sorry, Isak. That sounds awful.” Even finally tells him. “Is it just a dream or did that really happen?”

“It’s not just a dream,” Isak admits.

Even bites his lip. He’s trying really hard not to get angry about Isak’s parents. “Did you ever tell them? Did you tell them what happened?”

Isak winces. “I told them later that summer and Mama said it was bad to lie. She thought I was lying to her.”

“ _Jesus_ ,” Even repeats. He doesn’t know what to do. “Is that what you dreamt about? Tonight?”

Isak shrugs, opening his eyes finally, “No. This time Papa never found me again. This time the guy got me.” Even doesn’t want to think about what could have happened in Isak’s dream to elicit such cries of “Please don’t” from him. It hurts. It hurts to listen, but he does it anyways. He does it because he knows this is how Isak needs his help right now. Isak continues, “Other times Papa does find me, but then he backhands me and no one notices. My papa never hit me, but sometimes I dream that he did. In another version, the guy never finds me. Instead, Mama steals me away and Papa never finds us.” The tear falls from Isak’s cheek almost imperceptibly, sliding down his skin so quickly.

Even’s heart is breaking, but he’s trying hard to keep it together for Isak. He thinks back to the last time Isak opened up to him like this, how he left him. He doesn’t make the same mistake again this time. This time, he pulls Isak close to him, hugging him close, running his fingers through Isak’s damp hair. He runs his hands soothingly over Isak’s back. He doesn’t know what to say. He’s not sure there’s anything he can say that would actually help Isak right now. So he sticks to the soft caress and the warm embrace. He leaves light kisses in his hair and presses all his warmth into Isak’s body.

It’s minutes later when Isak mumbles a thank you into Even’s neck that Even finally lets himself silently cry. He wishes he could take on Isak’s nightmares. He wishes he could make them stop. He doesn’t know what to do, so he does all he can do – he holds Isak tight and tells him he’s never letting go.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So sorry this took me longer than expected to update! I've had such a stressful week with school and family issues. I'm not sure when I'll get the next chapter up, but hopefully not too long.


	36. Near and far closer together.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title from "Always Forever" by The Cults

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> morning tickles,  
> a conversation with Sana,  
> fluff and banter and blowjobs,  
> and brownies with the kollektivet

Even wakes up about ten minutes before their alarm. It feels abrupt, like he hadn’t even been sleeping, just lying there with his eyes closed. He doesn’t even feel tired. Then he realizes he doesn’t even feel Isak. He sits up quickly in bed and looks around when his eyes finally settle on him. He’s lying on his stomach, face turned away from Even, with his hands loosely gripping the gray pillow beneath him. He’s so still, Even’s amazed his sudden movements haven’t woken him. Isak’s back rises just slightly, his lungs filling up with air and releasing it back out again with a soft snore.

Even smiles, lying back down next to him, maneuvering on his side to snuggle up to Isak’s body. He carefully rests his head on Isak’s shoulder and snakes an arm up under his pajama shirt, tracing soft shapes on his skin. His fingers slip on the slope of Isak’s side, eliciting a twitch from a sleepy Isak. He’s ticklish here and Even knows it. He shimmies his fingers up and down Isak’s side, tickling him awake.

“AHh!” Isak laughs, waking up and shuffling away from Even. Even lifts his head from where he’s pinning Isak down and Isak quickly jumps on top of him, grabbing Even’s hands by his wrists and lifting them up above his head. Isak lies flat against Even’s chest, Even who’s laughing uncontrollably now. “Stop that,” Isak warns, a huge smile on his face. “No tickles before 8:00,” he grumbles.

“Oh yeah?” Even flinches slightly underneath him as if to warn Isak that he’s going to tickle him again.

Isak’s flash wide and he tightens his grip on Even’s squirming wrists. He leans down slowly to press his lips to the curve of Even’s jaw. They linger there a bit too long and then they’re trailing down Even’s neck, giving Even goosebumps. Even can feel Isak’s tongue peeking out between his lips when he lets out a whimper. Isak holds his hands tight as his sucks at Even’s pale skin, his mouth inflicting the sweetest pain Even’s ever known. Even melts underneath him. His wrists stop struggling and he’s breathing heavily as Isak’s warm mouth moves all over his neck. “Okay, okay,” Even gasps. “You win. Fuck!”

Isak lifted up off of him. A toothy, prideful grin on his lips. He leaned down and kissed Even’s lips softly. Even’s eyes fluttered closed just as the alarm went off on Isak’s phone.

They both groaned together, Even’s head falling back on the pillow and Isak’s face falling perfectly into his neck. “Can’t I just stay in here with you, forever?” Isak asked, his lips tickling Even’s skin. Isak had released his wrists and was now holding Even tight around his chest. Before Even could say anything, Isak replied, “Don’t answer that. We have school.”

A moment later, Isak’s body was gone and Even was groaning once again, “Isak!”

“Come on!” Even leaned up on his elbows as Isak’s eyes looked up and down his body. Isak yelled from the doorway, “We’ve got time for a shower,” he winked, and then he disappeared from the door with a laugh.

Then Even was running down the hall, laughing too as if he just learned how.

 

 

 

-

 

 

 

 

“Ey! Watch where you’re going!” she yelled. Even had run right into Sana. He was surprised he hadn’t hurt her. If anything, she hadn’t moved at all and Even was staggering backward, his phone falling out of his hand.

“Shit,” he muttered, afraid to pick it up from where it had landed on the floor, “Sorry, Sana,” he told her as he bent down to pick it up. Miraculously the phone had survived the fall without any breaks or scratches.

“You know you shouldn’t let your boyfriend’s nudes distract you in school like that,” she smirked.

“Ha ha,” Even mocked her. “I don’t need nudes when I get the real thing,” he smiled.

“What a romantic you are, Even Bech Naesheim,” she retorted. “Come on, let’s get inside.”

Statistics would easily be Even’s least favorite class were it not for Sana Bakkoush.

“So, a pajama party, huh?” Sana smiled as they sat down. “Vilde told me.”

“Yes, pajamas required for entry,” Even nodded.

“Even, I’m not taking the tram in my pajamas,” she argued.

“Fine, you can change when you arrive then,” he conceded. “Here,” he said, leaning over to write in Sana’s notebook, “This is my address. We’re making pizza. Are you allergic to anything?”

Sana deadpanned, “Tomato.”

“Uhh,” Even didn’t know what to say. That certainly changed things.

“I’m just messing with you!” Sana laughed. “Shitake mushrooms make my tongue swell. Other than that, I’m good.”

“You’ve got it, no mushrooms,” Even smiled.

Their instructor had them doing a worksheet this class which Even found odd since they normally only did worksheets before a test. _Shit._ “Hey Sana, do you know when our next test is?” he asked, hopeful it wasn’t too soon, but worried that it was.

“Tuesday,” she told him. Even groaned. It felt like they had just had a test not too long ago. “Where do you go, Even?” she laughed, “Is it purple there?”

It was true, Even spaced out more in Stats than any other class. More often than not, he was playing catch up trying to understand the lessons. “Listen, Sana, what would it take to get you to study with me this Saturday?”

She played with her pencil between her fingers, eyeing him like she had already thought of something but wanted to watch him squirm a little more. “How about a movie night with pajamas and mushroom-free pizza?” she offered.

“Sana, you’re already coming. Come on, you help me so much in this class. I don’t know what I’d do without you. Seriously. Is there anything I can do?” he pleaded.

“Even, seriously. I need to study, too. Besides, what are friends for?” she smiled.

“Thank you, Sana! I could kiss you right now, you’re the best,” he hugged her.

She laughed but squirmed slightly in Even’s arms, “I have a strict one kiss policy.”

Even was confused at first until he remembered, “Oh yeah!” He shook his head. “Sorry about that. I should have asked first before doing that.”

She shook her head, mirroring him. “It was a game. You didn’t mean anything by it,” she shrugged.

“Still, I should have thought before I put you in that position,” he fiddled idly with his thumbs on the desk top.

Sana reached over and put her hand on his, “Thanks, Even. We’re all right, alright?”

“Alright,” he nodded in agreement.

“Good, now help me out with this worksheet before you space out again.”

“Aye Aye, captain!” he laughed.

 

 

 

-

 

 

 

Isak stared at Even, clearly amused, as Even shoved his cheese toastie in his mouth so quickly he nearly choked. “Slow down, Ev, jeez,” Isak laughed.

Even moaned, “Holy fuck, I’m so hungry.” The cheese tasted so good on his tongue.

“You’re making me jealous over here,” Isak teased, sipping his water.

“What?” Even laughed, wiping the crunchy crumbs from his chin, “I only make those sounds for you and cheese toasties, babe,” he winked, immediately returning to devouring the bread.

Isak scoffed, “Oh good, I was starting to feel underappreciated,” he rolled his eyes, unable to keep his smile at bay.

Even quickly finished up his toastie and rinsed the plate in the sink. “How are you feeling? Tired?” Even asked.

Isak shrugged his shoulders.

Even turned off the water and dried his hands on the towel, “Isak? You only slept for like three hours.”

“ _We_ only slept for three hours,” Isak sighed, setting his water down.

“Hey, don’t do that. It’s not your fault,” Even assured him, turning to look through the cupboard for the brownie mix.

“Brownies?” Isak asked, “Seriously?”

“I like my brownies,” Even smiled.

“Even,” Isak deadpanned, “You have the munchies like crazy. Are you high?”

“What?! No!” Even laughed. “But we could make this weed brownies if you want?” he winked.

Isak laughed, “No! Noora would kill us.”

“Eskild would thank us,” Even countered.

“Regular brownies,” Isak ordered.

“Yes, sir!” Even saluted.

“Seriously, though, why all the cravings? Babe, are you pregnant?” Isak teased.

“Yes, dear,” Even laughed, “I just haven’t quite known how to tell you.”

“Well shit,” Isak strode over to him, wrapping his arms around Even and settling them around his abdomen, “I don’t think I can be a dad at 18,” he laughed into Even’s neck.

“Piss off,” Even shoved him away playfully, “Just don’t let me skip breakfast. It makes me hungry if I miss it,” Even told him.

“Mhm, next time I won’t blow you in the shower,” Isak considered.

“No!” Even said a little too quickly. “Come on, why can’t we have both?”

“Breakfast and blowjobs?” Isak laughed.  

“Why not? Bed and Breakfast and Blowjobs,” Even snickered. “It’s all the rage in Sweden lately.”

“Wow, it’s a shame we aren’t Swedes,” Isak laughed.

Even deadpanned, “It’s an outrage.”

Isak was giving him that toothy grin he just melted for. “Come here, Isak. Help me make these,” he said, pouring the mix into the bowl.

They made quick work of mixing the batter and set the oven to preheat, spilling a little over onto the counters. Even began pouring the brown muddy mixture into a greased pan. Isak hoped up on the counter and grabbing the whisk from the bowl. He licked it while bouncing his legs on the cupboards. A little of the chocolate mix smeared around his mouth.

“You’re so fucking cute,” Even smiled. He closed the pan inside the oven and set a timer then found a place between Isak’s thighs. Isak smiled and licked some more chocolate off the whisk, smearing more on his chin.

Even kissed him, purposely missing his lips to lick up the spillage on his chin. “Mhm,” Even groaned, “So good.”

“Hey, you said you only make those sounds for me and cheese toasties,” Isak teased.

“That was for you, babe,” Even grinned, his hands gripping Isak’s hips, his fingers pressed against the back pockets of Isak’s jeans.

Isak didn’t know what to say to that. His smile faded a bit when he slowly lifted the whisk to his mouth again. He sensually licked the chocolate covered metal, never breaking eye contact with Even.

“Oh god,” Even groaned. He grabbed the whisk out of Isak’s hands and threw it in the bowl causing it to spin across the counter. He crushed his lips against Isak’s. Isak scooted across the counter, until their groins were pressed against each other. His hands gripping firmly in Even’s hair, Isak let out the sweetest moan as Even grinded against him. Chocolate and desire mixed between their mouths and Even moved his hands to grip underneath Isak’s thighs. He pulled him off the counter and Isak jumped at the movement.

“Whoa, Even, what are you doing?” Isak asked, separating his lips from Even’s.

“We’re going to your room,” Even told him, holding Isak tight as he walked them out of the kitchen and down the hallway.

Even shifted his hand slightly on Isak’s thigh to support him better, making Isak gasp. “Shit, don’t drop me.”

“I’m not gonna drop you,” Even assured him, kissing Isak’s chin as he walked them through the door to Isak’s bedroom. Even kicked the door shut behind them and sat on the edge of Isak’s bed. Isak’s shins settled comfortably on each side of Even’s thighs, straddling him.

Even’s hands trailed up Isak’s back, underneath his shirt as Isak leaned down to kiss Even’s lips. He was relentless, barely letting Even or himself come up for air. He finally broke apart just to let Even pull his shirt over his head and arms. “Come on, scoot up,” Isak told him as he stepped back and off Even.

Even obeyed immediately, scooting back to the center of the bed. He started taking off his shirt but Isak’s caught his hands. “Nope, that’s for me,” Isak told him. He grinded down against Even and that’s when Even realized how hard he was.

“Please, Isak,” Even groaned.

Isak kissed Even’s neck, sneaking one hand down to palm him through his jeans, “I’ll take care of you,” Isak whispered against his skin. Even’s hands ran up and down Isak’s back then settled in his hair as Isak kissed down his stomach, pushing Even’s shirt up. His lips felt warm and smooth against his skin.

Isak made quick work of Even’s belt, unbuckling it then unbuttoning and unzipping Even’s jeans. He pulled down his jeans with his boxers and then Even was fully exposed, holding onto Isak’s hair. Isak pressed his lips to the side of Even’s sensitive skin, then carefully licked up his shaft from base to tip, keeping Even’s gaze the whole time just like the whisk. Even moaned, “Oh my god, Isak.”

He smiled and then without warning, Isak swallowed him down, taking all of him in his mouth. It knocked the air out of Even’s lungs. He’s trying to breathe and talk at the same time, his hands gripping too tightly in Isak’s curls, “Shit, baby, _fuck_ , ungh.”

Isak lifts his head, removing his mouth and Even’s hips involuntarily thrust upward, nudging Isak’s chin. Isak smiles, “You’re going to pull my hair out, babe.” He pries Even’s fingers from his hair and laces their fingers together, holding his hands at the side of his hips.

Even holds on tightly as Isak takes him in his mouth again. Isak’s tongue is magic, or at least that’s all Even can think about. He’s moaning and groaning and squirming beneath Isak, but Isak’s relentless, helping Even get to that climax. With a particular flit of Isak’s tongue over his slit, Even feels himself losing it. “Isak, baby, Isak, I’m gonna come,” he warns.

Isak still going at it, cheeks hallowed, lips pink and swollen, eyes closed. “Isak,” Even squeezes his hand tighter, shaking it. “Shit, fuck,” he cries.

Isak holds onto Even’s hands, squeezing as he looks up at him. That’s when Even realizes Isak has no intention of releasing him until Even releases. “Oh my god, shit, shit shit, mmmh aangh,” Even shudders, his orgasm hitting him like a train. He’s nearly whimpering as he slowly moves his hips, Isak still attached to him, milking him through it. When Even finally settles, Isak lifts his lips off of him. He stops holding one of Even’s hands to wipe his mouth with the back of his hand. He opens and closes his mouth like he’s trying to get used to the sensation of Even’s come in his mouth and down his throat. He coughs a little bit and releases Even’s other hand. Even sits up on his elbows, peering down at him, “Are you okay?”

Isak nods, “Yeah, yeah, I’m good.”

“You know you didn’t have to do that,” Even tells him.

Isak shrugs, “I wanted to. I liked it,” he smiles, standing up from the bed.

“Yeah?” Even’s a little surprised.

“Yeah,” Isak laughs, “You kinda tasted like pineapple.”

Even laughs, sitting up further and pulling his pants up, “It’s gotta be dad’s pineapple upside down cake. I had like three slices yesterday.”

“That’s crazy that it, you know, that it can do that,” Isak laughs nervously. He shoves his hands in his pockets.

That’s when Even notices Isak is still clearly very hard. Even stands up from the bed, fully pulling his pants up around his hips. He doesn’t bother with the button on his jeans or the buckle on his belt. He’s right in front of Isak now. Isak’s lips are so pink and inviting he can’t help but press his lips softly to Isak’s. Soon enough Isak’s panting into his mouth and Even thinks he might be imagining it, but his tongue tastes slightly of pineapple. Even’s hands settle on both of Isak’s hips and then he’s walking him back and pressing him up against the door. He palms Isak through his jeans, “Is this for me?”

Isak can’t bring himself to roll his eyes. His chest is heaving and all he can do is scoff. Even palms him harder and attacks Isak’s neck with his lips, sucking hard. He’s fully intent on leaving Isak with a few marks but Isak’s impatient. Even’s working on the second hickey when he feels Isak’s groan through his throat. Isak’s palm finds Even’s shoulder, urging him downward. Even gets the hint, kissing Isak’s bare chest and stomach as he leans down to unbutton his jeans. He lets his tongue tease Isak’s skin on his stomach as he slowly pulls down the zipper, falling gracefully to his knees in front of Isak. Both of Isak’s hands have settled on his shoulders, massaging him gently.

Even pulls down his jeans and presses a chaste kiss to his throbbing tip. “Ahh, Even,” Isak moans, his head falling back against the door. Even replies by licking him slowly, torturing Isak a little bit. “Come on. Even. I-“ Isak’s words are cut off by a sharp inhale. Even’s taken him in his mouth and is sucking consistently, his cheeks hallowed and warm on Isak’s sensitive skin.

Isak’s hands move to Even’s hair, his fingers pulling gently at the hair on the back of Even’s head and it makes Even groan. Isak can feel the groan that’s swallowing him and his chest heaves a bit heavier now, “God, it’s so, _shit_ , it’s so fucking good.” He looks down to see Even bobbing his head in rhythm now. His hand works Isak at his base and his tongue and lips torture his tip. “Oh, fuck,” Isak shudders.

Then they both hear it, the sound of the front door opening and shutting. Isak panics, his hands in Even’s hair stilling. “Shit, Even. I think someone’s home,” Isak pleas.

They can both smell the brownies baking in the oven. Eskild calls out, “Noora!” but Noora’s not home. Eskild goes unanswered. He walks down the hallway toward Isak’s room. Even holds his hips steady against the door as he continues sucking off Isak.

“Hey, my little buddy,” Eskild knocks on the door, “Are these your brownies?”

“Even,” Isak whimpers. He’s both answering Eskild and begging Even.

“Isak? Are you?” Eskild asks. He tries to open the door and it barely budges, but Isak quickly locks it.

“Uhh, I can’t, I can’t talk right now, Eskild,” Isak pants.

Eskild’s silent for a minute. “Those brownies are gonna be in there too long.”

Isak whimpers, looking down at Even. Even finally releases his lips from Isak and yells through the door. “If you take them out when they’re done you can have some, Eskild!” Even shouts, hoping it will get him to go away.

“Yes!” Eskild shouts back just as Even’s lips are back on Isak.

“Oh _fuck_ ,” Isak yells.

“Having fun, little buddy?” Eskild laughs through the door.

“Oh, f-fuck off, Eskild!” he yells back.

They can both hear Eskild’s footsteps. He’s walking away and laughing. Even should feel a little embarrassed, but he’s way too stubborn to stop pleasing Isak now. He sucks and sucks until Isak’s hips are thrusting forward, fucking into Even’s mouth.

Isak’s fingers tighten in his hair, “Shit, Even, Even, I’m gonna come. I’m gonna come. Shit. Even. I’m coming.”

Even nods with his lips still tight around Isak and then he feels the warm stickiness coat his mouth and slide down his throat. Isak shudders and groans a few times, his body shaking against the door. Even keeps his lips on him and his hands on his hips until he’s done. Once Isak’s finally relaxed and focusing on his breathing, Even releases him and helps him pull his pants back up. Even stands up in front of him and kisses him softly. “Come on, brownies are gonna be done, soon,” he smiles against Isak’s lips, patting his hips lightly.

Isak nods and smiles, moving out of the way of the door. Even leaves the room first, strolling into the kitchen where Eskild’s sitting at the table on his phone. Isak follows him in a moment later, still pulling his shirt back on over his head.

“Uggh, don’t rub it in like that, Isak,” Eskild groans.

“It’s your fault for being nosy,” Isak retorts. Even looks over at him and his cheeks are still red and his lips swollen. He imagines he looks pretty similar. Just then the buzzer goes off and Eskild jumps up from his seat.

“Not so fast, Even,” he pushes Even out of the way from the oven, “I’m taking those out. I’m getting my brownie.”

“Relax, you’ll get your brownie anyway Eskild,” Even smiles.

 

 

-

 

 

 

“You’ve really outdone yourself, Even,” Noora tells him, clearly enjoying the brownie. They’re all sitting on the couches – Even, Isak, Noora, Linn and Eskild. Linn just nods her head agreeing with Noora.

“Thanks, Noora,” he smiles back.

Even’s sandwiched between Linn and Isak on one couch while Noora and Eskild share the other. The pan of brownies is on the coffee table. They’ve each been taking turns cutting off pieces of it and throwing them on napkins. They haven’t even bothered with plates.

Even puts his arm around Isak and shoves more brownie into his mouth. A few crumbs fall on his shirt and Isak picks them up and licks them off his finger. No one’s even cooked dinner. They’re just eating brownies. Maybe later tonight Noora will actually cook something healthier, but for now, they’re all content to just eat their brownies and enjoy each other’s company. Their conversation finds its way to asking Eskild about his latest hookups with Finn.

Linn makes a sly pun about his name that makes everyone bark out in laughter. Even nudges her shoulder and compliments her, “Jeez, that was good, Linn.”

Linn offers Even the smallest smile on the corner of her mouth.

A few minutes later, the conversation has lulled. Isak is leaning into Even’s side, his hand resting on his stomach after his fourth brownie. “I think I’m gonna sleep good tonight,” he decides.

Everyone just looks at him, like they want to believe him, but maybe they don’t. “What?” Isak asks, confused.

They just laugh. Even pulls him tighter into his side and kisses his temple, “I think I’m going to sleep good tonight, too.”

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fuck a scene transition.  
> I got lazy and anxious, so this is basically their Thursday in three parts. 
> 
> The last chapter will be at Even's place with Isak, Sana, and Vilde.  
> I think I might upload an epilogue in the future, but who knows. I'll probably be too deep into Season 4 by that point.  
> Thanks for reading, everyone!


	37. For stars will rise again.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Even and Isak have a pajama movie night with Sana and Vilde.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title from "The Youth" by MGMT.

“You’ve got to be kidding me, Pops,” Even was almost angry. “You made a pizza for lunch? I was going to use that dough!”

“Hey, it’s fine, we can go to the store and get some more,” Isak told him, putting a hand on Even’s shoulder.

Even’s dad held his hands up in defeat, “How was I supposed to know you were going to use it, Ev?”

“They’re going to be here in like 10 minutes. We have to make it, I promised Vilde!” Even worried.

“I’m sure she won’t mind if you make something else,” his dad offered.

“Food isn’t that simple with Vilde, Papa. You don’t understand. We agreed on pizza, it has to be pizza,” he slammed his fist into his open palm, making his point.

“Even, look, I’ll go buy a pizza at the shop down the street, you don’t have to make, it’s fine. No sweat,” Isak offered.

Even closed his eyes, “Isak, you did not just say that.” Wasn’t he just listening?

“Faen, what is going on?” Isak was at a loss.

Even’s dad let out a laugh and it kind of pissed off Even even more. “He’s got beef with the pizza shop around the block,” his dad filled in the blanks.

“What?” Isak scoffed. He turned to Even, pushing his shoulder so he’d face him, “How the hell do you have beef with a pizza shop?”

“It all started on a summer day in 2006,” his dad started.

Even huffed, “No, don’t start in on it now!” he yelled at his dad.

He just widened his eyes and feigned shock. “You reap what you sow, kiddo,” he mocked.

“I’m so confused,” Isak admitted, sitting down at the table.

Even sighed, rubbing his hands across his face in frustration, “I was nine. Kids make mistakes. The manager needs to let it go.”

“He has let it go son!” his dad laughed openly, “It’s you who needs to get over it.” He was smiling hugely now and then started collecting his phone and keys from the counter. “Look, I’ll go buy some more dough, you get started on the rest of the prep.” Then he turned to Isak, “And Isak? Get Even to chill, will ya?”

“I am chill!” Even protested.

Even’s dad shut the door softly on his way out and Even opened the fridge in frustration, grabbing the tomatoes. He tried to hold too many in his arms and three tumbled to the floor, “Fuck!” he muttered, leaning down to pick them up.

“Even,” Isak approached him. Even felt like he was about to cry. He just shook his head, his vision blurring as he reached for the tomatoes at his feet. Isak crouched down next to him, placing his hand back on Even’s shoulder. “Even, Jesus, look at me!” Isak pleaded.

Even tried to compose himself as best as he could when he finally gathered all the tomatoes in his arms. He looked up at Isak and he must have seen the tears forming in his eyes because then Isak’s hands were on his cheeks, his own eyes full of worry.

“Okay,” Isak took some of the tomatoes from Even’s hands and stood both of them up. He guided Even to drop the tomatoes on the counter then lead him over to the table. “Sit,” Isak ordered.

Even slumped into the chair, biting his lip so hard he didn’t know if it was fighting back the tears or bringing them on. Isak stood before him, placing a hand on the side of Even’s face, “Just breathe.”

All it took was those soft words and Isak’s firm hand for the first sob to retch from Even’s chest. His head fell forward to his hands as he propped his elbows on his thighs, the sobs rolling through his body. He sniffled in a way he was sure sounded absolutely disgusting and buried his fingers in his hair.

“Baby..” Isak shushed, slipping to his knees in front of Even. “Baby,” he held onto Even’s wrists, trying to pull them apart so he could look at his face, “Let me help,” Isak pleaded. “Tell me what’s wrong, Even.”

Even sighed, “I just,” his sobs still weren’t under control. “I’m just trying to do something nice for Vilde. And, and, I just knew it would get fucked up somehow.” He heaved, still not able to look at Isak. “And my dad, he didn’t mean it, but he doesn’t understand. Vilde doesn’t just eat like anyone else. And I promised her. I told her we could stick to her routine. And now,” he cried, “Now she’ll think I didn’t care. And I swore, I swore I told him. I think, fuck, I can’t remember.”

He finally looked up to see a very confused Isak. “Jeez, I’m sorry,” Even huffed, wiping angrily at his face.

“I have to say I’m glad you’re not crying about the pizza shop incident of ’06,” Isak joked.

Even released a sound somewhere between a laugh and sob. “Hey,” Isak shushed him, leaning forward to kiss his forehead. “You’re okay. I know you care about Vilde. She knows you care,” Isak told him.

Even wrapped his arms around Isak’s shoulders, burying his face in the curve of his neck. Isak rubbed his hands over his back in the most soothing way possible. Neither of them heard the front door open.

“Uhh, boys, is everything okay?” Even’s mom asked.

Even pulled back from Isak’s embrace, looking up at his mom in the doorway of the kitchen. “Just having a breakdown, Ma,” Even tried to joke, but it just came out sad and pained. Isak stood up but kept an arm resting on Even’s shoulder.

“What’s your appetite been like?” his mom asked. Even couldn’t tell if she was asking him or Isak since she wasn’t looking right at him.

“Bizarre,” Isak spoke immediately.

“And his mood?” Even’s mom asked.

Isak looked down at Even, letting him answer.

“All over the place,” Even decided. It was the truth. Then he realized why his mom was asking. It made sense and he felt himself sigh in relief. “It’s the new prescription,” he told Isak. “Changes mess me up a little bit until my brain gets used to them. It’s just been a while since they’ve changed. I kind of forgot this could happen.”

Isak looked to Even’s mom, “Yeah, it’s pretty normal, actually.” She then looked to Even, “If you don’t feel better about them in a week or so, though, they’ll probably need to be adjusted again. Even nodded, remembering now how very uneasy it was to deal with prescription changes.

“What set this off?” she asked them both.

“Uhh, George used the pizza dough,” Isak replied.

“Oh, no,” Liv sighed. “I thought I told him you needed that, Ev.”

Even shrugged, “Me, too.” Then he stood up from the chair, running his hand through his hair, “It’s fine. He went to get some more.”

His mom nodded, “Alright, I’ll make sure to give him hell again when he comes back,” she smiled softly. “I have some grading to do, but I’ll join you kids for dinner.” Then she disappeared to her bedroom.  

Isak shuffled awkwardly next to him, “Why is it so important that Vilde has pizza?” he asked.

Even looked at him, wondering how much of his text conversation with Vilde on Wednesday he should reveal, “Vilde has a weird relationship with food,” he decided.

“Like I have a weird relationship with sleep?” Isak asked, confused.

“Yeah kinda,” Even admitted, “Sometimes you don’t sleep. Sometimes Vilde doesn’t eat.”

“Oh,” Isak went quiet. “Jesus, I don’t know how I never noticed,” Isak seemed a little sad.

“I didn’t either, not until she opened up to me about it. Which, by the way, don’t bring this up tonight. I’m not sure how much she wants people to know.”

“Okay, yeah, of course,” Isak nodded.

“She’s been getting help from Noora. She’s doing better lately. She just has a routine and it’s easier for her to stay healthy if she sticks to it. She makes everything she eats herself and she feels better about it if she can plan ahead.”

Isak nodded, taking in all this new information.

“Sorry for freaking out,” Even apologized, avoiding Isak’s gaze.

“Even,” Isak lifted his hands to his face, stroking his cheek gently, “You’re such a good person, you know that?” He kissed him lightly on the mouth. “You know that, right? How good you are?” Isak nudged his nose against Even’s.

Even smiled, nodding slightly and kissing Isak back, “Thanks,” he whispered against his lips. “Really, thank you.”

 

 

-

 

 

Even’s dad didn’t take too long to bring back some new dough for the pizzas. Sana and Vilde arrived a couple minutes before him. When they walked through the door, Vilde looked mildly irritated, but Sana was smiling.

“What’s up, Vilde?” Isak asked, noticing her discontent.

Vilde huffed, “Sana here didn’t inform me she wouldn’t be wearing pajamas until we got here. We rode the tram dressed like this!” she shrieked, gesturing to herself. Vilde was wearing some yellow very pajama-looking pajamas. Even and Isak had changed once they got home from school. Even insisted that Isak wear his red plaid pair from the other night. After several eye rolls, Isak finally conceded. “Yours are great by the way. I wish Eva could see this,” she softened.

“Thanks!” Isak replied. Even smiled. Isak seemed to be owning his cuteness. He really looked delicious in his matching pajamas.

“Oh come on, Vilde. You know it was more embarrassing for me to ride the tram standing _next to_ someone in their pajamas,” Sana teased.

Even laughed, wrapping his arm around Vilde’s shoulders and winking at Sana, “I think you look great, Vilde.” He nodded to Sana, “You better go change before we kick you out for not following the rules,” Even teased her.

“I’ll show you to the bathroom,” Isak offered, walking away with Sana.

“Well, you must be Vilde,” Even’s dad appeared around the corner from the kitchen. “Unless, it’s Sana?” he tried to correct himself, holding out his hand for Vilde to shake.

“Vilde,” she smiled.

“Even hasn’t been able to shut up about you all week,” he smiled.

“You’ve been talking about me?” Vilde asked, confused.

Even’s dad answered for him, “Hasn’t stopped. Apparently, it’s a great honor to meet the heart and soul of the kosegruppa.” He nodded his head a little in respect. Even laughed. His dad was so over the top sometimes. He knew he could be a lot like him sometimes.

Vilde blushed, “Oh it’s nothing.”

“Not nothing,” Isak interrupted them. “Even and I met in kosegruppa thanks to you two,” he said to her and Sana. Sana was wearing a simple set of charcoal gray sweats.

“Ahh, and you must be Sana, then?” his dad asked, walking over to shake Sana’s hand.

She nodded and smiled, “Nice to meet you, Mr. Bech Naesheim.”

“Please, it’s George,” his dad insisted. Even’s dad was doing so good at this – making Sana and Vilde feel welcome. Even almost forgot he was mad at him just twenty minutes ago.

“And I’m Liv!” Even’s mom peeked around the corner. “Hi dear, so glad you could come over. We’ve hardly met any of Even’s Nissen friends. I was starting to think he only talks to sweet Isak here,” she smiled, hugging Sana. Sana looked a little uncomfortable at first, not expecting the forward introduction from Even’s mom. But then she mouthed over Liv’s shoulder at Isak, _sweet Isak_?

Isak rolled his eyes but couldn’t keep back his laugh.

“I told you I made friends, Ma,” Even replied, shaking his head.

“Yes, dear, but you didn’t say they were so pretty,” she smiled, squeezing Sana’s hand.

Sana smiled back warmly, “It’s nice to meet you, too.”

“This is Vilde,” Even gestured.

“Right!” Even’s mom nearly hopped over to them. “So glad to finally meet the kosegruppa queen,” she beamed. Vilde just smiled brightly, clearly loving the positive attention.

Isak sidled up to Even’s side, wrapping and arm around his waist. “So, should we start the pizza?”

“Yes! Pizza!” Even’s dad yelled. “I’m starving.”

“Oh George, the pizza is for the gang here,” Liv scolded him. “Come on, we’re going out. I can’t be assed to grade anymore sub-par lab reports.”

“Don’t burn down the kitchen, kids!” Liv yelled over her shoulder as she and Even’s dad left.

“Even, your parents are so incredibly sweet!” Vilde complimented him. “How did you get so lucky?”

“I ask myself that every day,” Isak shook his head.

Sana grabbed four tomatoes and casually started juggling them in the kitchen. “Are we making this pizza or what?” She did a quick trick where she threw one behind her back like it was nothing.

Even, Vilde and Isak just gaped at her, clearly amazed at her skills.

“What?” she asked, mid-juggle, smiling like crazy.

“Show off,” Isak laughed.

“That’s seriously so cool, Sana,” Even smiled. “How did you learn that?”

She caught all the tomatoes and lightly tossed them on the counter, “YouTube,” she shrugged.

“Don’t show my pops or he’ll try to trade me in for you,” Even laughed. "But seriously, can you teach me?" 

Sana nodded, smiling, "I can try. No promises," she winked. 

"Me, too?" Isak asked. 

"Isak, you can't even toss a pizza," Vilde shut him down. 

"Jesus, Vilde. Break my heart why don't you?" Isak feigned annoyance. 

They quickly got carried away making the pizza and they even took a few turns trying to spin the dough in the air. Sana and Even, and even Vilde, got the hang of it pretty quickly but Isak kept messing it up, the dough flopping on the counter. “Faen, that’s no fair,” he muttered, accepting he wasn’t going to get it.

“It’s alright, we can’t all be impressive, Isak,” Sana teased.

Isak wasn’t about to back down. He was smiling when he retorted, “I’m sorry, who did better on the biology test?”

“You’re so fucking smug,” Even replied for Sana.

“My thoughts exactly,” Sana smiled her Sana smile.

 

 

-

 

 

By 21:30 they were all sitting on the couch, huddled under blankets eating pizza and watching _Arrival_ in the dark room. Even and Isak sat on one couch while Vilde and Sana sat on the other. Even and Vilde were close to each other, sitting on the edges of the couch. She kept leaning over to ask Even questions about the film. Under any other circumstances, Even would probably be annoyed, but she was asking really good questions and every once in a while she would lean over and whisper, “Wow, that shot was really pretty.” Even was proud.

Sana was really engrossed in the film, hugging a pillow close to her, her eyes never leaving the screen even though her phone kept lighting up with notifications.

Isak was leaning against his shoulder, his fingers laced gently with Even’s. It was getting close to the end when they all heard Isak’s snoring and turned to look at him.

Sana smiled and picked up her phone to take a video of him, cuddled up next to Even and sleeping through the movie. “He’s too easy,” she smiled to herself. Soon enough their friends would get a video of a very soft “sweet” Isak he rarely showed. Even smiled at the thought. He didn’t think Isak would be too terribly bothered by it. He leaned down and kissed his hair, rubbing his thumb across the back of Isak’s hand.

None of them moved to wake up Isak for the ending. Even had already shown it to him. He was a little surprised neither Sana or Vilde tried to wake him up. He wondered if they knew how much he needed all the sleep he could get, too. He wondered if they saw the many yawns Isak let out during the day as much as Even did. He wondered if they respectfully avoided commenting on the heavy bags beneath Isak’s eyes like Even did. Then he stopped wondering because both girls were smiling at him, silently communicating that they understood – that they wanted things to be better for Isak, too. Of course they did. 

It was a comforting thought for Even. He held onto it the rest of the night.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So as you might have noticed, this isn't the end of this fic. I think it very well could be, but I've gotten a few comments asking me to keep it going. I'm pretty sure I'm not ready to let it go either. So I'm going to continue with this and end it when it feels right. I'm not sure how many people are still reading with the new season, but I appreciate it a lot! 
> 
> I'm curious which chapters you've enjoyed the most since I've been thinking about where this fic is going, or where I want it to go. Let me know which chapter has been your favorite so far in the comments! I'm definitely planning a trip soon with the boy squad and the girl squad (the trip Noora, Vilde, and Eva were planning way earlier in this fic). I've made a Tumblr for my SKAM pleasure. https://fyfaen-skam.tumblr.com/ You can message me there about SKAM anytime you want. I think in addition to keeping this going a little longer, I'll also be writing some one-shots here and there and I'm TOTALLY open to your suggestions.


	38. Give me your eyes, I need sunshine.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Isak and Even study with Sana

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title from "I'll Believe in Anything" by Wolf Parade. 
> 
> This one's pretty dialogue heavy with a lot of fluff and banter. But would you expect anything less with Sana, Even, and Isak?

“Okay, you can come study with us,” Even conceded. Isak fist pumped the air and began to spin around on his heels, “BUT, Isak. I get Sana privileges, okay?”

Isak nodded, “Yeah, sure, of course. Stats takes priority over Biology today. Got it,” he grinned.

“And you can’t distract me,” Even added.

“Distract you?” Isak laughed, walking up to wrap his arms around Even’s waist. He pressed their groins flush against each other and his hands slid into the back pockets of Even’s brown pants, “How could _I_ possibly distract _you_ , Even?” he teased, lifting his eyebrows in challenge and squeezing Even’s ass gently.

Even fought to keep his arms limp at his sides. He leaned his head back and groaned in what he hoped sounded like irritation. But then Isak’s mouth was on his exposed neck, kissing his skin in the most devastating way, and that irritated groan seamlessly blended into a pleasurable moan.

“Isak..” Even moaned. He could feel his lips smile against his throat, the little shit.

“What?” Isak laughed, pulling his head back to look up at Even, grinning like the devil. Jesus, this boy would be the death of Even.  

“Fuck you,” Even scoffed, resisting the urge to tangle his fingers in Isak’s hair and tug.

Isak leaned forward and kissed Even’s jaw, nibbling gently. “Love you, too,” he then smiled against his cheek. Then he removed himself completely from Even and then tugged his hand, walking them toward the door, “Come on, don’t want to be late for Sana!”

 

 

-

 

 

When they got to the café, Sana was already seated at a table that could fit six people, her books all spread out and her computer opened up. _Shit_ , Even though to himself. He was sure Isak and him would be early, but now he was almost convinced they were late. Sana looked like she’d been there for hours. She sat back in her chair, scrolling through her phone with her face scrunched up in either confusion or irritation – Even couldn’t tell. Nevertheless, she looked beautiful as always.  

“Shit, are we late?” he said, sitting down next to her. Isak sat across from Even and Sana and started pulling his laptop out of his backpack.

Their movements startled Sana, “Oh, no, I’m early. Didn’t feel like being at home,” she shrugged.

“Everything okay?” Isak asked, “At home?”

Sana nodded, “Yeah, it’s chill. My brother was just being his regular asshole self again.”

Isak nodded, offering Sana a small smile like this wasn’t news to him. Even didn’t even know Sana had a brother. “I’m gonna grab a coffee, you guys want anything?” Isak asked both of them.

“The usual,” Even smiled.

“Sana?” Isak asked.

Sana scrunched her nose slightly like she was thinking about it then glanced at her water. She shook her head, “No, you don’t have to get anything for me, I’m fine. Really,” she insisted.

Isak rolled his eyes so fiercely Even thought they would pop out of his head, “Sana, Jesus, I’ll get your green tea, stop begging, okay?” he teased.

Sana gave Isak a glare and a smirk that Even figured Isak probably got daily in Biology. Then Isak walked away to get their drinks. Sana shook her head, “Your boy’s relentless, you know that?”

“Oh, I know,” Even laughed. Sana set her phone down on the table, face-up, and started clearing her other books out of the way to make room for Even’s notebook. “Hey Sana?”

“Yeah?” she replied, still busying herself with putting away her things.

“Is that your brother?” Even asked staring down at the Instagram picture displayed on her phone.

“ _Faen_ ,” Sana muttered under her breath, picking up her phone and clicking it so the screen went dark. “Uhh, no, god no. no, no,” she huffed, “Definitely not. Why?”

“I don’t mean to be nosy, I just, actually, I’m pretty sure I know him, that guy,” Even told her.

“What? Yousef?” she looked baffled, “How?”

“Yousef,” Even mused, “Well, actually, I don’t really know him, or at least, like, I didn’t know his name, but,” he gestured to pick up her phone, “May I?”

Sana looked nervous, but agreed anyway, handing her phone over. Even pulled the picture back up and held it comically close to his face. “Yeah, yeah, I totally went to Bakka with him. I never had any classes with him, but I definitely recognize him,” he decided, handing the phone back.

“Weird,” Sana huffed.

“Huh?” Even was confused. Why was that weird?

“No, sorry, it’s just, crazy, kinda. He’s my brother’s best friend, Yousef is,” Sana explained. “It’s just a small world, huh?”

Even smiled, “Small world, I guess. Wait, Sana, what’s your brother’s name?”

She moved to answer him, but he did it for her, “It’s not Elias is it?”

“Fy faen,” Sana breathed.

“Oh my god, how did I not make that connection?” Even laughed. “Elias is your brother? How the fuck is that even possible?”

“How is what possible?” Sana asked, looking flustered.

“I mean, how it possible that literally half the things I ever heard Elias say were muffled by his foot being in his mouth, but you’re so, like, amazing?” he was legitimately amazed now. He had remembered Elias at Bakka saying some of literally _the dumbest shit_. It was never like cruel or mean or anything, but he just never thought before he said anything.

“I swear to Allah, I am not anything like him, I swear. Even. I’m not like him,” she reasoned.

“Chill, Sana. He’s not a bad guy, just like, pretty dumb sometimes,” he laughed.

She just nodded, turning her head down to look at her phone again.

“So,” Even began, “Yousef? Is he anything like Elias or?”

“Faen! No,” Sana laughed. She wouldn’t actually look at Even, “He’s… I don’t know he’s just,” she couldn’t quite find the words.

Even’s eyes went wide. “Oh, fy faen, no fucking way!” Finally Sana looked up at him, looking scared shitless, “Sana! Oh my god. You fucking like him, don’t you?”

Sana shook her head vehemently, “No, no, Even,” she looked terrified, “It’s not, _shit_.” She buried her face in her hands.

“Sana,” Even consoled her, wrapping his arm around her shoulders, “It’s okay, Sana. I just can’t believe unstoppable Sana fell in the most cliché trap ever,” he laughed kindly.

“Cliché?” she scoffed, looking up at Even.

“Oh come on, falling for your brother’s best friend?” Even raised an eyebrow, “That’s in like every teen sitcom ever,” he teased.

“Don’t tell, Isak, okay?” she pleaded. “I already take enough of his shit in Biology every day.” She held her finger up to him, looking sternly at him, “Don’t fucking tell him, alright?”

“Relax, relax. Your secret’s safe with me,” he winked, hugging her into his side with the arm still wrapped around her shoulders.

Just then Isak set down their cups carefully in front of them and sat opposite Even again. He leaned forward on his elbows, clutching his disposable coffee cup in his hands. “Even,” Isak looked… desperate? “Even, kiss me,” he told him, leaning forward more.

“Uh, what?” Even was confused, shaking his head and laughing.

Isak pushed his coffee cup across the counter so that both Sana and Even could see it written there across the cup. A phone number had been scrawled in Sharpie. “The barista was hitting on me. She asked if I had a girlfriend and I was like, ‘no,’ and then she just went off about how she just _couldn’t_ believe I was single and I couldn’t even explain, she just, like,” he looked nervous, “Okay, just like, very subtly look over at the counter.”

Even was fighting a truly raucous laugh as he just slightly turned his head to see the barista, a pretty girl, looking very intently over at Isak as she was wiping down the counter.

“Is she still looking at me?” Isak asked nervously.

“More like a stare down,” Sana chuckled, nudging away from Even’s embrace.

“Even, shit, do something,” Isak begged, his eyes growing wide.

“Yes, sir,” Even smiled. Then he was leaning across the table and pulling Isak towards him, fisting his hand in the fabric of Isak’s shirt. He brushed their lips together a few times, his tongue teasing Isak’s cupid’s bow. Once he was satisfied, he pulled away, lifting his coffee to his mouth and winking at him.

“Well, I think that did the trick,” Sana assured them, grinning. “Ready for some Stats?” she asked Even.

“Never,” Even replied, “Let’s do it.”

 

 

 

After a couple hours and some torturously slow progress, Even finally hit a wall in his brain. The problems seemed to get harder and they weren’t making sense anymore. “No, you’re thinking about it all wrong,” Sana corrected him. “That’s not actually the information that’s important for what we need to know,” she started.

Even groaned slumping back in his chair. “I just can’t do it anymore,” he huffed.

“Oh come on,” Isak muttered.

It took both Even and Sana by surprise. Isak had been typing away on his computer the whole time working on his essay for Norwegian with his headphones plugged in. They had no idea he was listening. “What was that?” Even asked.

“You’re giving up too fast,” Isak replied.

“Excuse me?” Even scoffed, “You try it, then,” he challenged.

“It’s just like the other problem. The one about the birds in the parks?” Isak suggested.

“How long have you been listening, Isak?” Sana questioned.

“I don’t know, I finished my essay about an hour ago. And it looked interesting so I’ve been reading up on it,” Isak shrugged.

Even sat forward, “Wait, what? You’ve just been learning Stats for fun, for the past hour?”

“Hour, maybe hour and fifteen minutes,” Isak shrugged again.

“Are you kidding me?” Sana and Even asked at the same time. “Isak, what the fuck?” Even added.

“Look, just, here,” he grabbed the pencil and paper out of Sana’s hands. “If you just think of this part of the problem,” he circled the section, “as the same thing as the special arrangement they describe with the birds in the north park, then you can just use the same equation from that one, but then you just have to switch the numbers. Then you have the answer you need for the last part of the problem and from there the math is pretty easy.” He set down the pencil and sat back in his chair and it was the closest thing to a real-life mic drop Even had ever seen.

Even’s jaw dropped. He shook his head, “I don’t know if I want to shove you or kiss you right now?”

Isak smiled and winked at him, fucking winked at him.

“Well, please don’t fight in this café. I may never be able to come back,” Sana teased.

“Fine,” Even settled for crossing his arms across his chest and hooking his long leg around Isak’s calf.

“Are we seriously gonna play footsies, right now, Even?” Isak scoffed.

“We can play handsies in the bathroom instead,” Even suggested casually as if he didn’t just make an innuendo right in front of Sana.

“Even!” Isak whisper-yelled then he looked over nervously at Sana.

She just shrugged, “I would say go for it, but he should probably at least finish this problem set.” Man, Sana was so fucking chill, Even thought to himself.

“Fine, fine, I”ll finish them," Even sighed. 

Just then all three of their phones buzzed. Sana had received a message from Vilde and Isak and Even got a similar one from Magnus. “So apparently there’s a party tonight,” Even spoke first.

“Yeah, that’s what it looks like,” Sana agreed, reading the texts pouring into her group text with Noora, Vilde, Eva and Chris.

“Magnus says, ‘We have to go,’ that it’s ‘gonna be lit’,” Isak laughed.

“We should go,” Even nodded.

Isak seemed a little thrown by that, “Wait, you want to?”

“Yeah, why not?” Even asked.

“Well, just,” Isak bit his lip, “Are you going to want to drink, because I just don’t think that’s a great idea and your mom would probably be pretty disappointed.”

“Yeah, I know,” Even replied. “I wasn’t planning on drinking,” Even told him, smiling at him so he wouldn’t feel so bad for even asking.

“Well, okay, if you want to go, yeah, I won’t drink either then,” Isak agreed.

“Babe, you don’t have to do that,” Even shook his head. “Drink if you wanna drink.” Then another text came through to Even and Isak’s phones.

“Looks like Jonas is looking to get shit-faced,” Even raised his eyebrows, “And something tells me he’s not going to let you get away with not drinking with him.”

Isak bit his lip, “Are you sure?”

Even smiled, leaning forward and taking his hand in his, “Yeah, of course. Plus,” he leaned over toward Sana, “I’ve got my sober buddy. I’ll be fine.”

Sana smiled and nodded, “It’ll be fun to take care of drunk Eva _and_ drunk Jonas,” she joked.

“Yeah, fun,” Isak sniggered. “Okay, maybe I will. I don’t know. I’ll see how I feel.”

Even nodded, “It’s chill. Minute by minute.”

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next chapter will be of the party and may or may not (probably totally will) feature a little drunk Isak.


	39. I just wanted you to watch me dissolve slowly

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Introducing Even's favorite new piece of clothing on Isak followed by a pregame with the boys.  
> Also featuring: peanut butter, sex talk, and plenty of banter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title from "Dissolve" by Absofacto.

“But are you sure you don’t mind if I drink tonight?” Isak asked carefully. They’d been walking from the tram stop back towards Isak’s place with Even’s arm hung casually over Isak’s shoulder and Isak’s arm wrapped around Even’s waist.

Even groaned, “Isak, how many times do you want me to tell you? It doesn’t matter to me. Drink if you want to. Don’t drink if you don’t want to. Don’t think about me,”

“But Even-“ Isak protested.

“No, listen,” Even stopped them, turning Isak to face him. He laced their fingers together and held his hands down their sides. “If I had a peanut allergy, would you stop eating peanut butter?”

Isak didn’t even pause to think, “Uhh, ya,” he answered with a quick, sure nod.

“Wait, what? You wouldn’t eat peanut butter?” This didn’t make sense.

“Yes, Even. I’d stop eating peanut butter,” Isak confirmed.

“But you love peanut butter,” Even objected. “You eat peanut butter every fucking day. Why would you stop eating peanut butter?”

Isak’s mouth popped open in frustration, “I _do not_ eat peanut butter every fucking day, Even. But it doesn’t matter how much I love peanut butter. If you had a peanut allergy and I still ate peanut butter, I’d worry that every time I kissed you, you’d go into anaphylactic shock!”

“Anaph-what?”

“An allergic reaction. I’d rather kiss you and have you not go all puffy than keep eating fucking peanut butter,” Isak scoffed. He gripped Even’s hands tighter and shifted on his feet with annoyance.

“You old sap, Isak Valtersen,” Even laughed, leaning forward to kiss him.

“See,” Isak smiled against his lips, “Fuck peanut butter. This is better.”

Even finally pulled away, “Okay, I get it. But like, if you drink and then kiss me, it’s not going to make me drunk. It’s not the same. So, I don’t see why you think it’s so important to _not_ drink for me?”

“Why should I have fun when you’re not?” Isak questioned back.

“Isak, I can have fun without drinking,” Even rolled his eyes.

Isak nodded, but he wasn’t giving up, “Yeah, I know that. But like, doesn’t it suck to just watch other people drink and get high when you can’t?” He paused, “Don’t you hate feeling left out?”

Even thought about it for a minute, “It feels shitty sometimes, yeah.”

Isak didn’t know how to respond back.

Even explained further though, “Yeah, I mean, sure. I wish I could just drink or smoke whenever I felt like it. Of course, I do. But sometimes it feels even worse when people are purposely not enjoying themselves because of me. I don’t want to make other people feel obligated to abstain, you know? What would really make me happy is knowing that you’ll choose what _you_ want to do.”

Isak nodded, “I see what you’re saying.”

“Besides, it’s not like _everyone_ will be drinking and getting high. I have Sana,” Even smiled.

Isak nodded, staring down at their shoes, “Yeah, okay.”

Even released one of Isak’s hands and lifted it to his chin. “Hey,” he kissed his lips with just a quick peck. “Thanks for thinking of me. But just do what you want to do tonight, okay?” He slid his thumb across Isak’s warm cheek. “The fact that you’d give up peanut butter is enough already, you old sap,” he smiled.

Isak rolled his eyes aggressively. “Old sap? _Old sap?_ That’s the worst pet name I’ve ever heard.”

“I don’t care. It’s true. And you love it. Old sap,” Even grinned, leaning in to Isak’s smiling lips and tangling his fingers in his hair.

They were quickly approaching their record for PDA and Even wondered how long Isak would last before he pulled away shyly. But then both of their phones buzzed in their pockets. Jonas was texting the group offering to host the pregame at his in an hour.

“Are we in?” Isak asked, holding his phone up to reply.

“Sounds good,” Even smiled.

 

 

-

 

 

“Okay, why not this one?” Even asked, picking a shirt from Isak’s wardrobe and holding it up to Isak’s bare chest. Isak was standing next to him in his jeans and socked feet without a shirt. The jeans hung low on Isak’s hips. Even was enjoying himself too much, hoping Isak would never pick a shirt so he could just keep looking at him like this.

“No, that’s Eskild’s too,” Isak declined.

“Isak, why do you have so much of Eskild’s clothes?” Even teased.

“My move out of my parents place was sudden. Took me a while to get all my clothes,” Isak explained as if Even wasn’t asking facetiously.

“Well, I don’t think Eskild will mind if you wear this one,” Even offered, grabbing one he knew wasn’t Isak’s. He held it up to Isak’s chest, the hanger pressed against his throat and collarbone. “Yeah, I wanna see this one on you,” Even decided, nodded and pushing the shirt and hanger harder into Isak’s chest so he would take it.

“Yeah?” Isak asked, looking a little nervous. The shirt wasn’t like a lot of what he owned.

“Yeah, put it on for me?” Even asked, adding, “Please?”

Bingo. He got him. Isak melted and took the shirt off the hanger, unbuttoning it and pulling it on. Even went to sit on the edge of the bed and waited for Isak to button it up all the way. Isak walked over towards him and Even stood up in front of him. “Here, try this,” he said and he started rolling the short sleeve’s shirt’s sleeves in tight folds so it better accented the definition of Isak’s toned biceps and triceps. It was a faded blue button up shirt and when Even rolled the sleeve’s the fabric on the underside was an even lighter blue. “There,” he said when he was done.

Isak eyed the sleeves suspiciously like he didn’t quite know how he felt about it yet. He walked over to the large mirror Noora had left behind to look at himself. He smoothed the shirt down over his chest and pulled at the shoulders to adjust it. He twisted his torso from side to side, taking in the full view, furrowing his eyes in concentration. Isak looked sexy and Even wanted to tell him that. He appeared in the mirror behind him. Isak made eye contact with him in the mirror, asking, “Yeah? What do you think?”

Here was his chance. Even bit his lip, “I think… I think it makes me want to take it off you.”

Isak turned around suddenly, “You don’t like it? You picked it! Jesus, why don’t I just wear a fucking t-shirt,” he huffed.

Even deadpanned, cutting him off mid-complaint and looking right into his eyes, “Isak, it looks sexy. It makes me want to take it off you because it makes me want to get you naked.”

“Oh,” Isak said quietly, his eyes losing that harshness and turning soft. “Sexy?” he asked, the corners of his lips turning upwards.

“Yeah,” Even said lowly, swallowing as he took a step closer, “So sexy, babe.”

“Even,” was all Isak could say before Even’s mouth was on his, tasting him. Even’s hands moved up Isak’s torso, searching for the top button as he kept kissing Isak. One by one he unbuttoned Isak’s shirt with his long fingers, trailing wet kisses down Isak’s neck and chest as he went.

Isak tangled his fingers in Even’s hair, moaning as Even proceeded. Then the door, which wasn’t shut all the way, swung open. It jolted both Even and Isak in surprise and they pulled apart from each other. Eskild leaned against the door frame, looking proud with a devilish grin, “Is that my shirt, Isak?”

Isak groaned, “Eskild!” as he began buttoning the shirt up.

Even looked over at Eskild, “Eskild, please let him wear it. I mean come on,” Even gestured to Isak, trying to say, _can’t you see how hot he looks?_

“You want him looking like that at a party with a bunch of horny, drunk teenagers? Every girl will be after him and guys will be questioning their sexuality. You ready for that?” Eskild asked with a teasing grin.

Even thought about it for a second then turned to Isak, “Don’t wear that shirt.”

Isak laughed, “I’m wearing the shirt.” He looked over at Eskild, “I’m wearing the shirt, right?”

Eskild nodded, “Yeah, yeah, it’s yours.”

It was both the best and worst thing Eskild could have said.

“Isak,” Even complained.

“I’m wearing the shirt for _you_ , Even,” he smiled, pulling in Even for a kiss by wrapping his arms low around the small of his back.

 _That_ , Even decided, he could live with.

 

 

-

 

 

“Wow, Isak, dude, you look hot,” Magnus told him casually as he opened the door to Jonas’ place.

“Thanks, Mags,” Isak laughed, walking over the threshold.

“Don’t get any ideas, Magnus,” Even jokingly warned, walking in behind Isak.

“Aye aye, captain,” Magnus saluted with a big smile. He called out, “Evak is here!”

“Hey! Even, Isak!” Madhi laughed.

“Isak, holy shit, you look good, dude,” Jonas yelled. His face was flushed and his eyes looked red. He’d already gotten started drinking and smoking from what Even could tell.

“That’s it, you’re changing,” Even told Isak. “Jonas, do you have a shirt you Isak could wear?”

“Even stop!” Isak laughed, shoving his shoulder playfully, “It’s fine.” He winked at him. Even was in trouble. There was a constant threat of a very public boner if Isak so much as naturally flexed while in that shirt.

They joined the boys on the couch and Magnus appeared from the kitchen handing them both beers. “I’m good,” Even deferred.

“Oh, shit, right, sorry,” Magnus muttered.

Before things got awkward, Jonas butted in, “Hand it here, Mags,” he insisted as he crushed the freshly finished beer can in his fist.

“How many have you had?” Isak asked Jonas.

“Not enough,” Jonas replied, opening the can and taking a long pull. Even watched as Jonas’ adams apple bobbed as he gulped the Tuborg.

“You okay, man?” Madhi asked Jonas. “Go any faster and you’re not gonna be able to even stand tonight.”

Jonas just shrugged it off. “I feel fucking great, alright?”

Isak just laughed, “Alright, whatever you say, bro.”

The conversation had moved from talk of school toward more personal territory as Magnus, Madhi, Jonas, and Isak continue to drink. At every new beer Isak opened, he carefully looked over at Even as if to check that it was okay. Even just squeezed his shoulder and sipped at his Sprite.

“Okay, but seriously,” Magnus started, then paused for a burp, “I need to get laid tonight.”

“You and Vilde aren’t hooking up?” Isak asked.

“We are, I mean, we were,” Magnus shrugged, “I don’t know.”

“When’s the last time you guys had sex?” Madhi asked casually.

Magnus shrugged again, “Like a month ago? Shit, I don’t know,” he drank some more.

“What’s going on with you guys?” Even asked.

“I don’t even know,” Magnus replied.

“Jesus, what do you know, Mags?” Jonas asked, not having it with Magnus’ evasive answers.

“Fuck, I don’t know! I’m like all in, you know, but she’s like hot and cold, I have no idea. I don’t know what I did wrong,” Magnus sighed.

“You probably didn’t do anything wrong, Magnus,” Even assured him.

“I just don’t know what’s going on. Like, I felt like she liked me. I thought I could be her boyfriend. And we like, we used to cuddle after, and stuff, and it was just really fucking nice, you know?” Magnus explained, “And like sometimes she’ll text me and we hang out and like make out and stuff, but then it’s like she just doesn’t want to do anything else.”

“Well, you’re not pressuring her, right?” Madhi asked. Even smiled. He was just about to ask the same thing.

“NO, no, of course not. I’m not an asshole,” Magnus retorted.

“Debatable,” Isak smirked, drinking some more beer. Everyone but Magnus laughed.

“Hey, fuck you,” Magnus replied, giving Isak the bird. Isak just laughed harder.

Even smiled, tugging Isak in closer to his side. At some point, Isak had pulled his legs up on the couch and bent his legs so his knees were resting on Even’s thighs. The more Isak drank, the closer and closer he got to actually being on Even’s lap. Soon enough, he’d used his free hand that wasn’t clutching the beer to lace his fingers with Even’s. Even certainly wasn’t complaining about any of it and the boys either didn’t give a shit or pretended not to notice the openness to Isak’s affection. It prompted Even to lean over and kiss Isak’s temple. Isak just smiled, not even pulling away.

“How often do you guys have sex?” Magnus then asked, making both Isak and Even turn their heads toward Magnus.

“Excuse me?” Isak scoffed.

“Come on,” Magnus asked, “Is it weird that it’s been a month with me and Vilde?”

“Everybody’s different about that, Magnus,” Even replied, carefully avoiding answering since he wasn’t sure how Isak felt about it.

“Yeah,” Isak agreed, “Even with us, it varies, you know?”

“Varies?” Madhi asked, confused.

Isak didn’t know what to say to that. Even could sense Isak wished he didn’t say anything.

Even just shrugged, “When I’m down, we don’t do it, as I’m sure you probably could have guessed. When I’m on a high…”

“It’s all the time,” Isak finished for him. Then quickly dipping his mouth down to his drink.

Madhi and Magnus laughed. “That’s it,” Jonas joined, “Get it, boys,” he joked.

“So, wait, you’re either never having sex or always having sex?” Magnus asked, still clearly confused and feeling his question was unresolved.

“No, Jesus, Magnus. We fuck when we wanna fuck. A few times a week, sometimes more, sometimes less,” Isak blurted out.

“It doesn’t matter how often it is, Magnus, just that you’re both having a good time. As long as Vilde’s enjoying herself when she’s with you, then you shouldn’t have to worry about how often you guys sleep together,” Even told him.

“Yeah, but the boy’s desperate,” Madhi teased.

“And horny as fuck,” Magnus squealed.

“Jesus, aren’t we all?” Jonas scoffed.

“I think you should talk to her, figure out what’s going on with you two. Just don’t like, put pressure on her. Just like, ask her, like figure out where you two stand. Maybe that’s just what she’s looking for?” Isak suggested.

“Yeah, I think that’s a good idea,” Even agreed.

Magnus thought on it and nodded and the boys fell into a comfortable lull in the conversation as Nas played softly off the speaker. Jonas slammed his (eighth?) can down on the coffee table. “Alright, boys. Let’s go party. But first, shots!”

“Fuck yes, I’m in,” Madhi stood up suddenly to walk toward the kitchen.

Even stood in the door frame of the kitchen as he watched all four of them pull back the harsh liquid. Isak set his glass down. Jonas was already swaying, holding onto the counter. “One more?” Isak suggested, looking over at Even once again for what seemed like permission.

“You do you, babe,” Even smiled. “I’ll take care of you tonight.”

“Aww that’s so sweet I think I’ll just die,” Magnus muttered.

Everybody laughed and then Jonas picked up the bottle of tequila. Even could already tell tonight was going to get interesting.

“Fuck it,” Jonas mumbled. He poured each of them another one.

Isak slammed his shot glass down and Madhi winced, “You’ll chip the glass, dude, watch it!”

“Sorry,” Isak giggled. The boy fucking _giggled_. He walked over toward Even, his face flushed and his lips turned up in a smile. He lifted his arms high above his head in a stretch, exposing a fair amount of skin on his stomach. Even wet his lips as Isak’s arms landed around his neck. “Hey,” he whispered in Even’s ear.

“Hey, baby,” Even replied, resting his hands on Isak’s hips.

“How’re you feeling?” Isak asked, pressing his forehead against Even’s cheek.

Even laughed slightly. “I’m feeling fine, Isak. How are you feeling?”

“I’m feeling goooood,” Isak drew out the last word and ended his sentence with a hiccup. Even’s heart melted.

Isak pressed his body closer to Even’s gripping his neck tighter and pressing a kiss to Even’s jaw. “You’re fucking delicious, you know that?” Even asked rhetorically, settling his hands just a little lower on Isak’s back, fingers tracing the sliver of exposed skin. Isak shuddered.

“It’s the shirt, isn’t it, Ev?” Isak laughed and then hiccupped again.

Even laughed with him, “Nah, it’s all you, baby.” He could feel Isak’s smile against his jaw.

Isak hummed in contentment. “Kiss me?” it sounded more like a command, less like a question.

Even replied with a kiss, leaning down to press his lips against Isak’s. The first kiss soft and gentle, chaste in front of their friends who were gathering their phones, wallets, and keys in the kitchen. But then Isak twisted his fingers in Even’s hair and kissed him open-mouthed, diving his tongue out to lick at Even’s plump bottom lip. Even pulled back to look at him, then glanced over at the boys, who were distracted but obviously noticing them.

“You okay with this?” Even asked.

Isak nodded and glanced at Even’s lips through heavy eyelids, “Let ‘em look.”

That was all it took for Even’s mouth to meet Isak’s once again, tongues dancing with each other, the sound of their lips and tongues smacking drowned out by the music in the living room and whatever Magnus was laughing at.

“Alright, come on, dudes,” Jonas mumbled with a smile as he, Madhi, and Magnus, walked out the kitchen right next to them. “Time to party!” Jonas yelled.

Isak smiled and pulled away from Even, maneuvering to grab his hand. He lead them through the hallway to find their shoes and then they were joining the guys outside the apartment. Even when they reached the street below, Isak still held Even’s hand, dragging him along. Even didn’t mind. He didn’t care. He would let Isak lead him anywhere.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, basically I'm holding off on writing this next chapter of the actual party until Friday's clip is dropped and we (maybe?) get some answers (even though we'll probably end up with more questions). I'm also holding off on writing in Mikael because who knows wtf is up with that. I think I already diverged from canon on how well Even knows Yousef, but like honestly, ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯ . 
> 
> One thing's for sure, Isak's getting more physical and maybe more inebriated next chapter. 
> 
> Thanks for reading, everyone <3


	40. 'Cause you make me feel so alive

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's a party.   
> Isak gets brave.   
> Jonas gets vulnerable.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title from "Alive" by Empire of the Sun.

In the fifteen minutes that it took the guys to walk to the house party, Jonas fell three times.

The first time was on a set of stairs when he lost his footing.

The second time was when he jumped on Magnus’ back, and then Magnus promptly deposited him on the sidewalk.

The third time Jonas dropped his phone while he was walking and when he bent down to pick it, he lost his balance and headbutted Even right in the ass. “Oh fuck,” Jonas muttered as he fell down. Isak, Madhi, and Magnus were hysterical. Even admitted it was funny, but he was more filled with concern than humor. Jonas didn’t look good, but it was too late by then to suggest that they turn back. Plus, Jonas wouldn’t have turned back anyway.

Even helped Jonas to stand up and held onto his arm until he seemed balanced. “Sorry, Even,” he apologized.

“You’re a real pain in the ass, Jonas,” Even joked. That comment elicited even more roaring laughter from the boys.

“Oh shut up,” Jonas rolled his eyes, swaying.

“Whoa there,” Even grabbed his arm again, trying to support him, “Here, I’m gonna walk with you, okay?”

Jonas just nodded looking at the ground.

“Jonas, you here with me?” Even asked.

“Are we spinning?” Jonas asked, blinking furiously. Isak laughed and sidled up next to Jonas on his other side. Both Even and Isak had an arm wrapped around Jonas’ back, their free hands holding Jonas up by his elbows. Magnus and Madhi walked ahead of them. They only had a few more blocks to go.

“You know, maybe I should take you home, Jonas?” Even asked.

Jonas just looked at him incredulously, “What are you talking about? I’m fine,” he stumbled walking with them.

“We’ll just get him to a couch as soon as possible,” Isak decided.

“Couch,” Jonas repeated the word, then his head lulled to the side and it rested on Isak’s shoulder.

“What about you? How are you doing, babe?” Even asked Isak.

“I feel fine,” Isak smiled.

“Good,” Even grinned.

By the time they reached the house, Jonas had regained his balance better and could then walk on his own even though he wavered on the three steps of the walkway. Madhi and Magnus were the first to walk inside and Jonas wandered in after them. Isak and Even stood out on the grass in front of the house. To their left, a girl was lying on top of a guy, making out with him so heavily Even could perfectly see their tongues from seven feet away. Even with their jackets on, they were probably freezing their asses off. From inside, they could hear the whooping holler that sounded like it belonged to Magnus. Not even the pounding house music could drown out Magnus.

Isak slipped his hand into Even’s and immediately started walking toward the house, dragging Even along in tow.

It felt a million degrees hotter inside the house. Okay, not a million, pretty warm due to all of the dancing bodies filling most of the space. Instantly Vilde was in their faces and squealing as she pulled Even in for a hug. She then turned to Isak and hugged him, too. “You look great, Vilde!” Isak complimented her, yelling loudly so she could hear him. Even agreed. She was wearing black jeans with tears at the knees and a beautiful orange and red wool sweater and a delicate gold necklace around her neck. Her lips were pink and glossy and her eyelashes looked incredibly long and wispy, brushing against her glittered cheekbones as she blinked. “You do look beautiful, Vilde,” Even smiled and told her with a loud voice.

“Thank you, you guys!” she smiled hugely, shouting loud enough, her cheeks slightly rosy. “Come on, I’ll show you where you can put your coats!” she insisted, leading Even and Isak through the house.

When Vilde had hugged them, Isak had let go of Even’s hand and he wondered if Isak had been relieved to have an excuse to let go. Those doubts quickly went away though when Vilde started climbing the stairs and Isak started after her. When he reached the second step, he looked over his shoulder and held his hand out for Even to grab. Isak’s smile was so wide Even thought he might be able to see every tooth in his pretty mouth. He grabbed Isak’s hand and let him pull him up the stairs.

At the top of the stairs with fewer people around, not enough people for most of them not to notice Isak holding Even’s hand, Even anticipated Isak would drop his hand. He saw one girl who was talking to another girl look over at them and her gaze fell to where Isak’s hand was joined with Even’s. Even started to pull his hand away, but Isak just looked over at him and squeezed it tighter. He leaned over and spoke in Even’s ear, “I want you to hold my fucking hand, Ev.” 

Even laughed, his head falling forward a little with an agreeing nod, “Whatever you say, baby.”

“That’s right, damn it,” Isak replied with a grin.

“Come on, in here,” Vilde called from down the hallway. Soon Even and Isak were taking off their coats and setting them on the bed. With the door shut, it was quieter and they could talk without yelling at each other.

“Wow, Isak. That shirt looks so good on you,” Vilde eyed him. “Especially the sleeves. Wow,” she smiled, squeezing Isak’s toned arm, “Where have you been hiding these?” she laughed.

“Vilde! Stop it!” Isak laughed. “Or I’ll put my coat back on.”

“No!” Even and Vilde said at the same time.

Isak leaned over and quickly kissed Even on his cheek, lips barely brushing the corner of his mouth. “Oh jeez, you guys are too cute. I’m gonna go find Magnus,” Vilde laughed as she left the room.

“Come here,” Even said, pulling Isak toward him and wrapping his arms around his lower back. Isak’s arms found their way around Even’s neck and their smiling lips met in the middle. After a few soft kisses Even pulled back and rested his forehead against Isak’s. “We’ve been here two minutes and people are already hitting on you,” Even shook his head.

Isak rolled his eyes, his face flushed, “It’s just Vilde. She didn’t mean it. Plus, she was just complimenting these guns,” Isak smiled, pulling one arm away to flex for Even, showing off the toned definition of his arms.

Even groaned, leaning forward to wetly kiss Isak’s bicep. Isak just laughed and pulled his arm away as Even chased it with his lips. “You know, I always thought I was an Isak’s legs kind of guy,” Even told him, moving his hands down to sink into Isak’s back pockets. “I mean, the way you wear these jeans is-“ he leaned in for another quick kiss, “so fucking hot. This shirt though?”

Isak was full on laughing now, “Are you saying you’re an Isak’s arms kind of guy, now?”

Even shook his head, “I’m an Isak’s everything kind of guy.”

Isak smiled wide and shoved Even playfully, separating him, but then he crashing back into Even’s arms, kissing his lips with a new intensity. Then they heard a whistle from the doorway. _Eva_.

“Isak! Even! You’re here!” She stumbled in the room. She had a bottle of wine grasped tightly in her left hand, the other she used to pull each of them into a hug. She was already passed the point of tipsy by now.

“Wow, you look fucking hot, Isak,” she smiled and kissed his cheek.

“You look hot yourself, Eva,” Isak complimented back. It was true. That burgundy dress hugged Eva in all the right ways and the plaid shirt tied around her waist and the red and black striped socks she was wearing were truly Eva trademarks. He wrapped an arm around her shoulder, turning them to face Even. “What about Even?” Isak smiled, leaning his head towards her ear, “Doesn’t he just look delicious?” he grinned. Even couldn’t help the surprised laugh that escaped him.

“Ya,” Eva nodded, “Even walks around every day looking like a damn model. Looks like he’s rubbed off on you,” she teased. Even laughed, and thanked Eva for the compliment.

“He’s rubbed _up_ on me, too,” Isak countered. Even’s jaw dropped. Did Isak really just say that?

“Oi! You’re cheeky tonight!” Eva screamed.

Isak just shrugged, “I just love him,” he said with a big grin. If Even didn’t do something soon they were just going to keep talking about him as if he wasn’t standing right there. “Alright, alright, let’s go find Jonas, yeah? Check up on him?” Even suggested.

“Yes!” Eva agreed, “Jonaaaas!” she shouted as she headed for the door. This time Even took Isak’s hand and lead him.

Isak followed close behind him and Even could feel his breath on his neck. When they reached the bottom of the stairs, Even felt Isak’s hand cup his ass, squeezing gently. “Isak!” Even half yelled, half laughed as he spun around.

“I can’t help it,” Isak grinned, “The way you wear those jeans-“ he started.

“Oh, you little shit,” Even laughed.

“No, old sap,” Isak corrected him.

Even laughed and swung his arm around Isak’s shoulder, “Old sap,” he smiled, kissing his temple quickly and walking them toward the kitchen to follow Eva.

In the kitchen, Jonas was hanging on Sana as she helped him sit in a chair at the bar height counter. As soon as Jonas sat down, his head fell on his arm and he hunched over. He looked like a 6o-year-old drunk in a dive bar. People shuffled in and out of the kitchen, ignoring Jonas.

“Jonas!” Eva shouted, plopping down next to him and playing with his curly mop.

“Hey Sana!” Isak beamed at her. “Cool pants!” he complimented her. The high-waisted white pants were bold and perfectly suited for Sana’s style.

“Thanks, Isak,” she smiled. “You both look nice,” she added.

Even still had an arm slung around Isak’s shoulders. Isak maneuvered his body so that he was pressing his chest into Even’s side and hugging him around his waist. “Even thinks I look too hot,” Isak told her.

Even just laughed, “It’s true.”

“Well, how do you feel?” Sana asked Isak.

“I feel hot!” Isak laughed. “I feel hot!” he repeated.

“You do look hot!” Eva agreed, raising her wine bottle like a toast and then drinking down some more.

“He’s had a little to drink tonight,” Even explained to Sana.

“A little?” she smirked.

“Hey boys!” Chris yelled from behind them. Even shifted them slightly to see Chris holding her phone right in his face. “Having a good time?” she shouted.

“I feel hot!” Isak yelled once again.

“You look hot, Isak!” Chris assured him, bringing the phone right in his face.

Even laughed, rubbing Isak’s back, “What are you doing, Chris?”

“It’s a video!” she explained as she moved around the room shoving the phone in everyone’s face.

“Don’t worry,” Sana told him when she moved over to Jonas and Eva. “She wouldn’t be able to figure out how to put it on YouTube even while sober.”

“Oh good,” Even laughed, “I like to keep that low profile.”

“So you can seem all mysterious and hot?” Isak asked, laying his head on Even’s shoulder.

Even looked down at him, “Oh yeah, gets the hottest guys interested, doesn’t it?”

Isak lifted his head in mock disagreement, shaking his head, “No, what really does the trick is taking all the bathroom tissues.”

“The bathroom tissues?” Sana asked confused, smiling at them.

Before Even could answer, Noora shuffled in with some other people. “Vilde and Magnus are basically doing it on the couch in there,” she gestured out the living room with her thumb.

Chris hopped over to her, putting the phone in her face before disappearing back into the crowd in the living room with a loud laugh. Even thought for sure she was intent on filming Magnus and Vilde. Jonas lifted his head and stood up from the counter, holding onto the back of the chair for balance. Madhi then walked in after Noora, “Magnus and Vilde are seriously ‘bout to fuck in front of everybody,” he announced.

Everyone laughed but Noora who looked concerned. “Don’t worry, Nooooora,” Eva dragged out, “Chris won’t let them get that far.”

“Hey, Jonas, up for a joint?” Madhi asked him.

“Fuck yeah,” Jonas decided. At that Isak shifted his head quickly.

He tightened his grip around Even and looked up at him, “Hey Even?”

“Hey Isak”

“Do you think I could, or, would you mind if, is it okay-“ Isak couldn’t find the right words.

“Isak!” Even cut him off, “You do you, babe.” He nodded toward the boys, “Go on if you want,” he smiled.

Isak smiled and pulled him down for a kiss in front of their friends. Eva whistled again and Noora made an “ow ow” sound and then Isak was smiling against Even’s lips. Even pulled away and gave him one last kiss before shoving him gently towards Madhi. “Don’t let him do anything stupid,” Even joked.

Madhi laughed back, “I couldn’t even promise you that if we were all sober.”

“Fuck off!” Isak yelled at him, but his yell turned into laughter as he wrapped his hand around Jonas’ shoulder and started walking them outside.

When the three boys left the kitchen, Sana said what Even was thinking, “They’re gonna freeze out there.”

“I’ll check on them in 10,” Even decided.

“Let’s go dance!” Eva decided. She started pulling Noora by her arm. “Come on, Noora, please dance with me, please please!”

“Fine, fine,” Noora agreed, “Let’s go.”

The two girls were at the entry way to the living room when Noora turned back, “You two are joining. Come on!” she ordered them with playfulness in her eyes.

Sana looked like she was about to protest as she rolled her eyes, but then Even was grabbing her hand and dragging her towards Eva and Noora. “Yes!” Eva cheered.

It wasn’t really the kind of music you could dance to, more like just jump around to. None of the mass of teenagers crammed in the living room seemed to have any dancing skills, but that didn’t seem to matter. “Come on, Sana, dance with me!” Even encouraged her, bopping around on his feet and swaying his arms in a way that he was sure looked uncoordinated. She just laughed and shook her head but she gave in and started dancing with him. “So Sana?” Even spoke loudly so she could hear him over the music, but quiet enough that only she could hear him.

“So Even,” Sana replied.

“How’s Yousef?”

Sana’s eyes went wide, “We are _not_ talking about this right now, Even.”

Even laughed, putting his hands up in defeat, “Okay, okay. I’m here whenever you do want to, though,” he smiled. Sana just shook her head again.

 Noora and Eva joined them and the four of them danced for two songs, laughing the whole time.

“Even, where're the guys?” Magnus shouted in Even’s ear, surprising him. Vilde had joined Eva and Noora, dancing between them.

“Outside having a smoke!” Even replied, still dancing with Sana.

“Faen! Without me!?” Magnus screamed.

“Yeah!” Even replied, “But they should come inside anyway, it’s fucking freezing out.”

“Let’s go get them, then,” Magnus decided.

“I’ll help you,” Sana joined them.

The three of them had to push their way through a sea of bodies to reach the door that let outside. Even and Magnus were too big and tall not to bump into people on their way, but Sana smoothly maneuvered through it all. She was the first outside.

Madhi, Jonas, and Isak were sitting in Adirondack style chairs in the backyard. Madhi was in the middle of them, holding out his phone out so that all three of them could see whatever video he was playing. All three of them were cracking up laughing, the whites of their eyes clouded with redness. Isak wiped away at the tears pouring from his smiling eyes.

“I can’t believe you guys smoked without me!” Magnus yelled, pulling them out of their bliss.

“You snooze, you lose, bro,” Madhi laughed.

Isak looked up at Even, his already smiling mouth somehow smiling wider. He got up from the chair and jumped over to Even, getting right in his face and nearly tripping over his own feet. Even caught him and held onto Isak’s arms tight. “Hey, you alright?” Even asked.

Isak just kept smiling and nodded.

“Jesus, you’re freezing,” Even noticed, rubbing his hands up and down Isak’s arms. Isak left out a soft moan.

“Uhh, you better get him inside,” Sana suggested. “We’ll get Jonas. There’s a den in the basement with carpet and couches. We’ll meet you there.” She walked off to help Madhi get Jonas up off the chair.

“Yeah, get me inside, Even,” Isak laughed. Isak held his arms close to his side as Even stroked them and leaned into Even, resting his head in the crook of his neck. “Take me inside, Even,” he spoke against Even’s skin, the brush of his lips sending a tingle down Even’s spine. He doesn’t have time to process the innuendo. He just wraps his arms around Isak’s shoulders and starts walking backward into the house.

Inside, Even has to let go of Isak to maneuver him around so they can walk without bumping into everyone. He positions Isak in front of him and rests his hands on Isak’s hips as he steers him through the living room. Isak’s walking fine until at one point he stops abruptly and Even walks right into him, nudging Isak’s ass with his hips. “Sorry,” Even apologizes in Isak’s ear, but Isak just places his own hands on top of Even’s and holds himself back, close against Even’s body. Maybe it’s Even’s imagination, but no, it definitely feels like Isak is just slightly swaying his hips to rub up against Even. Just that sequence of movements is enough to put Even in an awkward situation, his jeans immediately tightening around the zipper. “Fuck, don’t move. Don’t fucking move,” he groans into Isak’s neck.

“Fuck,” Isak laughs, “Sorry,” he teases.

“Come on, let’s get downstairs,” Even counters, pushing Isak forward again.

Chris, Vilde, Eva and Noora have noticed them as they push their way through the crowd of bodies, connected at their waists. Noora slips ahead of them and opens up the door to the basement in the hallway when she sees where Even’s looking. “Shit, shit, shit,” Even mutters into Isak’s hair. He’s still hard and now the girls are about to join them in the basement.

He lets go of Isak and they walk together down the steps. Isak nearly falls and grabs Even’s hand instinctively. He shifts to hold Isak up and they make it to the floor. Even spots the three couches set up on the far right of the massive room. There’s no one sitting there, but there are people sitting on bean bag chairs playing video games on the television on the other side, and there’s a game of beer pong in full swing. Everyone else downstairs is either watching the video game or cheering on the losers of the round of beer pong who seem to be making a comeback.

Even quickly jumps over the back of the couch, landing in the corner and pulling a pillow into his lap, not letting any of the girls see the current situation in his pants. Isak just laughs and walks around, the edge of the couch and pulls the pillow from Even’s hands.

“Isak!” Even shouts, but before he can protest, Isak’s sitting down on his thighs, leaning back against Even’s chest and rubbing his cheek against Even’s. “Oh,” is all Even can think to say. He notices Isak’s at least a little aroused to as he pulls the pillow into his own lap, hugging it into his stomach.

“Is this alright?” Isak asks quietly as the girls take their spots on the couches around them.

Even wraps his arms around Isak’s waist and Isak lays his on top of Even’s like before. Even kisses his cheek and hums, “As long as you’re comfortable.” Isak nods, laughing.

A moment later Sana and Magnus are helping Jonas down the stairs, Madhi in tow. They plop Jonas down next to Isak and Even and his head lulls back on the edge of the sofa. “Man, I feel fucking great,” Jonas smiles.

“Keep rubbing it in, asshole,” Magnus scoffs. Everyone laughs and even Magnus breaks out into a smile. He’s not actually mad at anyone. Magnus takes a seat next to Vilde and she lifts her legs over his knees and scoots closer to him, running her hand soothingly through Magnus’s straight blond hair.

“Okay, okay, can I just say,” that’s Chris talking, “like a year ago, I would never have thought any of this,” she gestures to all of them sitting there, pointedly looking at Vilde and then Isak, “would be a thing.”

Isak laughs the loudest at her comment, shaking his head, “Me neither,” he tightens his grip around Even’s hand, lacing his fingers with Even’s.

Sana nods, “A lot can change in a year,” she says, smiling over at Isak and Even. 

“Yeah, too much sometimes,” Jonas huffed a little too angrily.

That caught everyone’s attention. For split second Even though Jonas was talking about Isak and him, but that made zero sense. “What is up with you, Jonas?” Noora asked, mildly irritated.

“Yeah, why are you so grumpy, dude?” Madhi added.

“Nothing,” Jonas muttered, lifting a beer to his lips.

“Maybe you should ease up on the alcohol?” Noora suggested.

“Maybe you should get off my fucking back, Noora,” Jonas replied instantly.

Okay, Even wasn’t having that. “Whoa man, we’re just looking out for you. Chill out.”

“Whatever,” Jonas just shook his head.

They all fell silently on the couches and Isak shifted awkwardly in Even’s lap. That’s when Even noticed he wasn’t hard anymore, thankfully. He shifted his thighs apart so that Isak fell to sit between them. The group playing beer pong had left and disappeared up the steps and the three guys who were playing video games were nowhere to be found. Now it was just the ten of them in the basement alone.

After about a minute of awkward silence, Vilde piped up, “Oh! I just got the most amazing idea! Let’s play truth or dare!”

“Nei, Vilde,” Eva shook her head, “We’re way too old for that.”

“But Eva, we didn’t all know each other until last year. We never got the chance to play truth or dare at parties with each other like when we were thirteen and fourteen. Come on. It’ll be fun.”

“Fuck it, I’m in,” Madhi decided.

Eva rolled her eyes, “Fine!”

“Yeah, I’m in. But! I don’t want to kiss anyone that’s not Even,” Isak insisted, burrowing his back farther into Even’s chest.

“We’ll respect couples,” Vilde agreed. Magnus grinned at the implication. Even just smiled and ran his fingers through Isak’s hair.

It didn’t take much convincing for everyone to join the game since everyone wanted to quickly forget the tension Jonas and Noora had created.

“Okay, okay, I’m going first,” Chris decided. “Eva, truth or dare.”

Eva only thought about it for a second, “Dare.”

 “I dare you to smell Magnus’ feet,” she grinned.

“Egh!” Eva made a disgusted sound, “That’s so gross, Chris.”

Isak just laughed. “Oh God, he has the worst smelling feet.”

Magnus glared at him, “Yours smell worse!”

Even disagreed, “Actually yours can be pretty bad, Mags.”

Vilde blushed, “It’s true.”

Eva slowly walked over and kneeled in front of Magnus, “Alright, lift ‘em up,” she sighed. Magnus carefully lifted one of his feet and Eva leaned down to take a whiff, “Oh fuck! That’s awful!” Everybody erupted in laughter, even Jonas. This was good. Vilde was on to something.

“Okay, my turn,” Eva sat down next to Jonas. “Isak, truth or dare?”

“Truth.”

“Alright, how far did you go with Sara?” Eva asked. Even already knew the answer to this one.

“Just making out,” Isak shrugged, “And like,” he bit his lip.

Even laughed, “Just say it,” he squeezed his fingers in support.

“I felt her up, under her shirt,” he admitted.

“That’s it?” Magnus scoffed.

Isak just peered over at him, “It wasn’t exactly my favorite thing to do, Mags.” He rolled his eyes. “Chris, truth or dare?”

“Dare,” she decided.

Isak thought, “Shit, I didn’t think of dare..”

“Fine, truth,” Chris changed her mind.

“When was the last time you and Kasper hooked up?” Isak asked.

Chris pulled out her phone, “Uhh, about four hours ago.”

“Damn, Chris!” Madhi jeered.

“Chris gets the most D out of all of us,” Eva shouted loudly causing everyone to laugh.

“Not so sure about that,” Even laughed, hugging Isak tighter. Vilde’s high laugh mixed with Magnus’ in a way only theirs could.

Chris just rolled her eyes, “You wish, Bech Naesheim. Alright, you Even, truth or dare?”

Even didn’t really feel like moving and he definitely didn’t want Isak to move either so he picked, “Truth.”

“Okay, okay, when’s the last time Isak gave you a boner?” she challenged, trying to prove her point. But she was about to fail.

Isak blurted it out for Even, “About five minutes ago.” At that everyone erupted in laughter and Eva was doubled over Jonas’ lap, her face turning red.

“Okay, okay, fine, you win,” Chris laughed, looking at Even.

“My turn?” Even asked. Chris nodded. “Okay, Noora. Truth or dare?”

“Dare,” she decided.

“Okay, I dare you to do your best impression of Eva,” he decided.

“Easy,” Noora huffed, standing up from her couch. She ruffled up her hair and walked over to Eva. “I need this,” she told her, taking away the wine bottle. She stumbled around the room dancing and putting on a Bergen accent she sang Justin Bieber. Jonas thought it was pretty funny and Even had to admit, Noora had the drunken Eva waltz mastered.

“Noora! You’re the one who loves Justin Bieber so much!” Eva objected.

Noora got in her face, repeating her, “Noora! You’re the one who loves Justin Bieber so much!” She winked and handed the bottle back to Eva.

“Okay, Madhi,” Noora turned to him, “Truth or dare?”

“Truth.”

“Who here has the best lips?”

“Definitely me,” Madhi smiled wide, flashing his pearly whites.

“No, no, pick someone who isn’t yourself!” Noora insisted.

“Okay, fine, either Sana or Even,” Madhi looked between Sana and Even, “Yeah, Sana,” he decided with a nod.

“You wound me,” Even feigned insult.

Isak turned to face Even, lifting his fingers to trace his lips, “You’ve got the best lips I’ve ever seen, baby.” He tugged down on Even’s bottom lip with his thumb. Even couldn't resist leaning into kiss Isak’s lips. He tasted of weed, tequila, and bliss.

“Okay, Jonas, truth or dare?” Madhi asked him.

“Truth,” Jonas grunted.

“Fine, what's going on with you, bro?” Madhi wasn’t taking Jonas’ shit any longer.

Jonas pulled his head back, finishing his beer. He looked pointedly over at Noora as if she had asked the question, “William’s dad is a fucking asshole.”

“What the fuck is that supposed to mean?” Noora replied, stabbing Jonas with her eyes.

“It means he’s a fucking asshole,” he replied.

“What the fuck man? Care to elaborate?” Madhi asked him.

Jonas grimaced, “My parents rent our apartment from his dad and he’s upping our rent when the lease is up in June. He knows we can’t pay that much but he doesn’t give a shit. He’s a fucking asshole. He doesn’t need that much money, the rich bastard.”

“Jonas, I didn’t know that. That’s really shitty, but you’re the one being a fucking asshole. Why are you taking it out on me?” Noora replied, crossing her arms.

“I’m not taking it out on you!” Jonas shouted.

Even put a hand on his shoulder, “Whoa, calm down, man.”

“Get the fuck off me,” Jonas yelled at Even, standing up. Then everyone was shouting an incoherent mess of “Jonas!” and “What the fuck?” and “Calm down.” Even just sat stunned.

“Jonas, stop it, bro,” Isak stood up quickly, grabbing Jonas by his shoulders.

Jonas just shrugged him off, “Just leave me alone!” he shouted, walking quickly up the stairs.

“Fy faen!” Eva shouted, running up after him.

“I’m done with this party,” Noora decided, standing up. Sana seemed to agree with her, standing up, too.

Isak just stood there looking embarrassed. They all started moving toward the stairs now. Vilde looked horrified that her game had ended this way. “Come on, let’s go get Eva.”

Sana walked up to Even and Isak, “Noora and I are gonna get the girls to Eva’s. We’re all staying there tonight. I think you should get Jonas and bring him back to your place, Isak.”

Isak nodded, “Seems like he’s not telling us everything.”

“Yeah,” Isak agreed, “We’ll take care of him,” Isak told her, grabbing Even’s hand. He turned to him, “He didn’t mean it. He gets like that when he’s faded sometimes. Do you mind if he crashes at ours tonight?” Isak asked him sincerely.

Even was so proud of Isak, “Of course not. He needs you.”

“He needs us,” Isak corrected him.

 

 

Everybody found their jackets and shoes and were waiting for Even and Jonas outside the house. Even had volunteered to find him. He’d opened almost every closed door in the house, walking in on two different make-out sessions. He finally checked the upstairs bathroom to find Jonas had fallen backward into the tub, his legs hanging off the side.

“Jonas?” Even walked towards him, crouching down. Jonas’ eyes were red and not just from the weed. “Are you crying?”

“No,” Jonas sniffled, wiping his eyes with the back of wrist.

“Okay, come on. You’re coming home with me and Isak,” Even lifted him up by his shoulders.

“Okay,” Jonas agreed, sounding small.

But he wasn’t small, he felt like dead weight. “Jesus, you’re heavy as shit,” Even teased him.

It worked to elicit a small weak laugh from Jonas who found his footing on the floor. “Sorry,” he sighed.

“It’s okay. I’ve been meaning to work out,” Even assured.

“No, I’m sorry for being a dick down there. I fucked up,” Jonas said quietly.

“It’s fine, man. It’s gonna be all fine. Let’s just get you out of here, okay?”

“Okay,” he nodded.

 

Outside, just Madhi, Magnus, and Isak were waiting for them. “They all headed to Eva’s a couple minutes ago,” Isak explained.

Madhi seemed the least wasted of all of them, so he helped Even walk Jonas until they came to Magnus’s house. There they parted ways and Madhi and Magnus shuffled inside.

From there the walk became slower. Even was careful not to let Jonas fall. Jonas kept apologizing for being a dick and Isak kept reassuring him that he wasn’t a dick. The walk should have taken no more than seven minutes while sober, but it was another twenty minutes before they reached the kollektivet.

“Be quiet. Linn’s sleeping,” Isak told Jonas who groaned in the hallway.

“I think I’m gonna be sick,” he hunched over.

“Shit, Even, get him to the bathroom,” Isak panicked.

Even quickly walked Jonas down the hallway. Just in time, Jonas collapsed in front of the toilet, emptying the contents of his stomach. Jonas threw up three times before he groaned, resting his forehead on the seat.

“Do you think you’re done?” Even asked, crouched down to rub his back between his shoulder blades.

“I put a bucket in my room. I think he should sleep in the bed,” Isak whispered from the doorway.

Jonas just moaned. “Okay,” Even told him, “I’m gonna lift you up now, alright Jonas?”

Jonas nodded his head slightly. Even wrapped his arms under Jonas’ armpits and hauled him up. Jonas leaned back against his chest and Even had to basically drag him down the hallway to Isak’s room. Both Isak and Even eased him gently onto the bed. He flopped down on his stomach, limbs sprawled out and head turned the side.

Isak sat down next to him on the bed, “Okay, there’s a bucket right, Jonas.” He put his hand on Jonas’s temple, “Jonas, look at me, dude.”

Jonas groaned and lifted his head to see the bucket. Then he dropped his head back down and closed his eyes. “Do you want your jacket off?” Isak asked him and Jonas nodded, shifting his shoulders. Isak helped him get it off and threw it on the ground. Jonas laid there limply in his t-shirt, jeans, socks.

Even went to the kitchen to fill a glass with water to put on the side table. When he came back in the room Isak was pulling up the covers over Jonas who had already passed out.

Even set the glass down quietly. “Couch?” he whispered.

Isak nodded, “Couch.” He stood up, “But first, I need to change.”

Jonas was snoring on the bed, so Even and Isak just changed quickly into T-shirts, electing to sleep in their boxers. They brushed their teeth and then Isak smiled grabbed Even’s hands and started walking backward out of the bathroom and down the hallway. Isak moved the pillows around on the couch and grabbed a blanket. “Lie down,” Isak whispered.

Even lied down on his back, leaving space for Isak next to him. Isak just pushed Even’s legs apart. He wrapped the blanket around his back like a cape and kneeled carefully at the space he just created between Even’s legs. He then gently lowered himself forward to lie on top of Even, his head resting over Even’s heartbeat. Isak readjusted the blanket to cover more them and hugged Even’s sides. Even loved how intimate it felt. Isak shifted, nuzzling closer and sighed when he felt Even’s arms and hands on his back, big and warm. “I love you so much,” Isak spoke into Even’s shirt.

Even smiled, “I love you, too, Isak.” He ran his fingers through Isak’s hair until they both fell asleep.  

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think this is my longest chapter yet! Let me know your thoughts?


	41. Someone do something bout this heat

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Even and Isak are found in a compromising position.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title from "Do You" by Spoon.

It was a loud snore that caused Even’s eyes to flutter open in the morning. Isak usually snored quietly, quietly enough that Even could sleep through it, even fall asleep _to_ it. But every so often, Isak would let a particularly violent snore escape his body that would shake Even from his sleep. And that’s how it happened that morning. Even was deep in his sleep when a piggish snore jolted him awake.

Of course, and to Even’s relief, Isak was still sleeping. Even still hand his arms wrapped around Isak’s back even though Isak had shifted up his chest since they’d fall asleep the night before, or rather, earlier that morning. Isak had one hand tucked under Even’s shoulder blade and the other resting on his neck, curled fingers tangled in the wild hair at the nape of his neck. Isak’s left leg had hitched up around Even’s right hip and Isak’s foot hand nestled beneath the back of Even’s thigh.  The blanket had fallen, wrapped messily around their shins and ankles.

He looked down at Isak’s face, noticing the way his nose was just slightly squished up against Even’s chest. His eyes were softly shut, ridiculously long eyelashes fanned out on the purple-ish skin of his under eyes. His lips were parted and Even could just barely make out the tip of Isak’s tongue resting against the inside of his pink bottom lip.

Even tilted his head to press his lips gently against Isak’s forehead and closed his eyes, focusing on the way Isak’s breathing had synced up with his own, their exhales and inhales fitting perfectly together. Even thought to himself that if he died like this, just like this, then he’d die the happiest guy in the world. The thought made him smile.

He dragged one hand down Isak’s back, skimming the skin exposed above Isak’s hip where his shirt had ridden up, and settling his hand on Isak’s thigh, hugging him closer. Isak hummed and closed and opened his mouth again, still sleeping. Even’s other hand dipped down to Isak’s lower back. He lost himself in lightly scratching patterns into Isak’s skin with his nails, fingers tracing circles around the two dimples of his lower back.

Even wants Isak to sleep, he always wants Isak to sleep; but he also can’t bear not caressing his skin or pressing kisses into his hair. After a few minutes of drawing mindless patterns, Even feels Isak’s foot twitch under his thigh. He’s not sure when the soft snores turn to light breaths or when Isak’s breathing fell out of sync with his. Isak’s eyes are still closed and Even can’t quite tell if he’s awake or not. He stills his hands and leans back to get a better look at Isak’s profile.

“Mmm, don’t stop,” Isak mutters, rubbing his cheek into Even’s chest.

Even laughs, bringing a hand up to brush Isak’s hair off his forehead, “Good morning, sunshine.”

Isak just groaned, clenching his eyes tight and removing his hand from Even’s neck to find the blanket. He pulled it up around them and covered their heads to block out the sunlight, “No.”

“Isak,” Even pulled the blanket off their heads, laughing.

“No,” Isak repeated, pulling the blanket back up in the same way and trapping Even’s hand with his own, lacing their fingers together and pushing Even’s hand into the cushion.

“Come on,” Even laughed.

“No.”

Okay, so that’s how it was going to be. Even curled his untrapped hand around Isak’s waist and quickly began tickling Isak’s side, under his shirt.

“Ahh, fuck!” Isak screeched. “Even!” he arm jerked suddenly, elbowing Even in the ribs.

Even groaned, “Fuck, ow!”

“Sorry, sorry,” Isak lifted up, “Serves you right, though.”

“Dick,” Even countered.

“Asshole,” Isak replied with a smile. Then he was lowering himself back down to kiss Even’s lips. He slipped down Even’s chest, pushing his shirt up as and went to press a kiss to the new bruise. “Sorry,” he repeated against Even’s skin.

Even reached a hand down to lift Isak’s chin, cupping his cheek. Isak’s eyes were cloudy and sleepy but kind. Isak’s smile turned into a mischievous grin. He lifted the blanket back over his head and it landed at Even’s chest. Even could feel him press another kiss to Even’s fresh bruise, then another one lower. And another one lower. “Isak,” Even warned, lifting up the blanket as Isak’s fingers hooked in the waistband of Even’s boxers and tugged slightly. Isak’s lower legs were hanging over the arm of the couch. Just like that, Even could feel himself getting hard. “Your roommates,” was all Even could say, already breathing heavy.

“Eskild’s at work.” Another kiss. “Noora’s at Eva’s.” Yet another.

“But Linn?” Even asked breathily.

“Where else?” Isak laughed, “She’s sleeping. And Jonas, too. He’s not waking up anytime soon.”

“But-“ Even started. Isak cut him off.

“Come on, Ev. Let me make you feel good, baby. Just be quiet for me, okay?” Isak insisted, tugging his boxers all the way down Even’s thighs.

Even just nodded, biting his lip as Isak stroked him a few times before pressing another warm kiss to Even’s tip. “Oh god,” Even moaned.

Isak shushed him with his mouth way too close to Even’s dick for Even not to react immediately. He was fully hard when Isak took him into his warm mouth, slowly moving his tongue over the sensitive skin. Even couldn’t hold the blanket up with his hand anymore. He fought to keep his whimpers and moans quiet as Isak head bobbed up and down beneath the blanket. Even gripped the edge of the armrest with both of his hands, eyes clenching tight, hips lifting slightly. Isak held him down with both hands firmly on his hip bones as he tortured Even with his tongue. “Isak,” Even moaned. He was so close.

“Even? Where’s Is– holy shit!” Isak stopped immediately. _Fuck_ , was all Even could think. That voice was definitely not Isak and certainly not Linn. His eyes opened in terror just to see the curly brown hair disappear into the hallway, a litany of “Jesus Christ, oh my god, holy shit,” following Jonas down the hallway and ending with the sound of Isak’s bedroom door shutting.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck,” Even groaned, sitting up on his elbows. “Isak, Jonas is up. Fuck.”

Isak pulled Even’s boxers up his hips and pulled the blanket off his head, further messing up his blond mess of hair. “Oh my god,” Isak sat up on his knees between Even’s thighs, burying his face in his hands, “Oh my fucking god.”

Even sat up, too, reaching for Isak’s hands. “Isak,” he tried to coax his hands away from his face, but Isak’s arms were rigid and unmoving.

“No, no, no, no,” Isak resisted.

“Isak, babe,” Even tried again. “Come on, look at me.”

Isak peeked through the gaps between his fingers, trying to avoid Even’s gaze, “I cannot believe that just happened.”

Even readjusted himself on the couch, moving to sit upright against the back of the cushion, “I mean, I kinda told you so.”

“Fuck off!” Isak shouted, shoving Even’s shoulder. Even got a look at Isak’s fully red face.

“Me fuck off? Me? Really Isak?” Even laughed, gesturing to himself. “Babe, this is your fault.”

“How are you fucking laughing right now?” Isak asked incredulously.

Even smiled, still laughing, “It’s kinda funny.”

“Funny? You think this is funny?” Isak screeched.

Even shrugged, “It’s not a big deal.”

Isak’s eyes went wide, “Are you kidding? Not a big deal?”

Even shrugged again.

“Even. Jonas just saw me sucking your dick,” Isak whispered the last three words.

“Oh come on, it’s not like he doesn’t know that we do it,” Even told him.

Isak huffed and sat down next to him, leaning back against the couch. “Can the earth just like swallow me up or something?” Isak whined.

Even put his arm around Isak’s shoulder and tugged him into his side, “It’s gonna be okay, Isak. Jonas is chill.”

Isak sighed.

“It could be worse,” Even tried again, shaking his shoulders.

“How the fuck could that be worse?” Isak groaned.

“Could’ve been Magnus,” Even laughed.

“Oh my god. Wait, shit. Oh my god. Jonas is gonna tell Magnus and Madhi.”

“I don’t think he will, Isak. Plus, it’s not like they don’t already know either.”

Isak was quiet for a minute, fiddling with his thumbs in his lap. “I feel like I should say something to him.”

“Good idea. Just go in there, and, chill. It’s fine.” Even stood up from the couch. “I’m going to take my pills.”

Isak just nodded, still sitting on the couch.

“Do you want me to come with you, Isak?”

Isak nodded again, staring at his knees.

Even laughed again, shaking his head, “Alright, alright. Give me a minute.”

Before he knew it, Even was standing next to Isak at the door to Isak’s room with a glass of water and aspirin in his hand. “Jonas, we need to talk to you.”

There was no answer.

“Jonas?” Even knocked carefully. Still no answer.

Isak grew impatient, “What the fuck? This is my room, why are we knocking?” he scoffed as he pushed the door open.

Jonas was bundled under the duvet on the edge of the bed, curled in on himself. Even could just faintly hear a muffled “sorry” coming from under the blankets.

“Dude, uh, we need to talk,” Isak decided, sitting down on the opposite edge of the bed.

“Uhh, can’t,” Jonas groaned, “Headache.”

Even tore the duvet off of Jonas to present him with the water and aspirin, “Here. You need this.”

Jonas obeyed the command, shifting to sit up. He popped the pill in his mouth and tentatively sipped the water, “Thanks, uhh thanks, Even.”

“You should drink it all,” Even told him, crossing his arms over his chest.

Jonas nodded, drinking down the whole glass.

“So,” Isak started, turning to face Jonas. He wiped his hands on his boxers, sweaty with nervousness, “What you saw, I guess, sorry you saw that.”

Jonas cleared his throat, “Did I see what I think I saw?”

Before Isak could respond, Even cut in, “Isak was blowing me on the couch.”

“Even!” Isak shouted. Jonas winced slightly at the loud noise.

“What?” Even looked at him, “It was obvious!”

Isak groaned, leaning forward to press his face into the duvet, trying to disappear.

“Look, Jonas. We know you know we have sex. We probably shouldn’t have done that in the living room. Sorry, if we made you uncomfortable,” Even told him, “We good?”

Jonas nodded quickly, “Yeah, yeah, we’re good.” Isak lifted his head and Jonas looked over at him, a smile pulling at his lips. “It’s all chill, dude. I shouldn’t have freaked out like that. I’m sorry. I should have just like, left the room quietly. I just wasn’t expecting to see that, I guess.”

Isak nodded back, “It’s fine. Yeah. Jonas?”

“Yeah, Isak?”

“Please don’t tell Madhi or Magnus,” Isak asked him.

Jonas actually laughed, “Dude, I won’t. I promise. Can we just forget about it, yeah? Like, there’s nothing you need to be embarrassed about.”  

“He’s right,” Even interjected, looking down at Isak. “I’m the one who should be embarrassed. It’s not like Jonas saw _your_ ‘I’m about to come’ face.”

At that, both Jonas and Isak started laughing. Good, Even thought to himself – tension resolved.

“Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to shower and take care of my blue balls,” Even continued, walking over to pull a towel from Isak’s wardrobe. Jonas and Isak laughed more. “Yeah, yeah, keep laughing assholes,” Even teased.

When he got into the hallway, he pressed himself against the wall and listened at the door.

“Hey, we’re cool, right?” Jonas asked him.

Isak must have nodded his reply because then soon Jonas was laughing again, “Come on, man. Go get him!”

“Shut up,” Isak laughed. He heard him stand from the bed and walk across the bedroom. Even smiled and quickly padded down the hallway and turned on the shower water as he stripped. He left the door open. He stepped behind the curtain and stepped into the warm water. A second later, he heard Isak step into the bathroom, trying to be quiet as he carefully removed his shirt and boxers after shutting the door softly. Just knowing Isak was on the other side of the bathroom made Even’s dick jump, “Oh my god, Isak, just get in here already!” he shouted.

Isak laughed and pulled the curtain aside, joining Even in the shower.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, it's a short chapter, guys! I'll make sure the next one is longer


	42. a heart beats best in a bed beside the one that it loves

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Isak and Even shower. They nap. They eat.   
> Even gets an idea.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title from "Crane Your Neck" by Lady Lamb.

“Oh fuck, that looks bad,” Isak’s eyebrows scrunched together as he lightly skimmed over the purpling bruise on Even’s abdomen, “I’m really sorry.”

Even pushed his hand away and turned to face the showerhead. He ran his hands through his soaking hair, “It’s fine, babe. My fault,” Even deflected. He hated feeling fragile or breakable. He didn’t want Isak to be careful or worry about him shattering. Isak was good that way.

He felt Isak’s arms snake around his stomach, avoiding the blooming bruise, before Isak’s body was pressed flush against his back. Isak pressed kiss after kiss on his wet skin from Even’s shoulder blade, up his neck, until he finally nibbled at Even’s ear, “You’re right. That’s what you get for tickling me,” Isak whispered low in his ear.

Just like that Isak could turn Even’s discomfort into Even turned on. Even moaned Isak’s name as he began sucking lightly at Even’s pale throat, bruising him even more. Isak’s hand traveled down Even’s stomach, gripping him firmly as he sucked on his neck harder.

“Isak, Isak-“ Even whimpered, one arm wrapped back around Isak’s neck and the other tugging on Isak’s wrist.

Isak pulled his mouth away from his neck, “You don’t want to finish what we started earlier?” He whispered, thrusting his hips forward and seeking friction.

“Of course,” Even told him, turning slightly, “but did you lock the door?”

Isak looked at him confused. “Isak, I don’t want to scar Jonas twice in ten minutes.”

Isak rolled his eyes, “He won’t come in here, Even. He knows we’re, you know...”

“There’s no way he’s not gonna throw up again in the next five minutes. Did you see how pale he looked in your room?” Even urged.

“I think you and I both know it was probably because of something else,” Isak grinned, squeezing Even gently, eliciting a groan.

“Still,” Even breathed heavily, “Lock the door, okay?”

“Ugh, fine,” Isak conceded, stepping out from behind the curtain and carefully walking along the linoleum to lock the door. “There, door’s locked.”

“Now get back in here,” Even laughed.

“Yes, sir,” Isak laughed back. When he stepped back into the shower, he immediately lost his footing and plummeted to the bottom of the tub. His legs had kicked up from under him and hit Even’s shins, knocking him down as well. Isak groaned and Even’s was just glad neither of his knees had fallen on Isak’s soft flesh. His hands were gripping the edge of the tub, holding him up above Isak’s body carefully.

“Shit, Isak. Are you okay?” Even panted.

Isak just groaned, “I can’t move.”

“Seriously?” Even asked, placing a hand on his cheek, “You can’t get up?”

Isak’s arms wrapped back around Even, pulling him down on top of him and startling Even, “No, I just don’t want to. Let’s just lie here and suffer for a bit,” he joked.

Even leaned down and pressed his lips gently against Isak’s smiling ones. “I have a better idea,” Even whispered against his skin.

“Oh yeah?” Isak laughed, “What’s that?”

Even shifted so that one of his knees was on the other side of Isak’s thigh instead of between them. He slowly pressed his length at the juncture of Isak’s hip and his pelvis. Isak moaned, gripping Even tighter and thrusting his hips upward. “Yeah?” Even asked.

“Yeah,” Isak nodded, leaning up to kiss him again. Isak brought a hand up to the back of Even’s neck, finger tangling in his hair. His other hand reached down to Even’s thigh, pulling him impossible closer. “Yeah,” Isak kissed him, “Yeah, like this,” he panted, grinding against his boyfriend.

“Yeah, like this,” Even panted back, thrusting down. He dipped down to suck an identical bruise onto Isak’s neck.

Isak gasped, “Oh god, I love you,” his hand moved from Even’s thigh to his ass.

Even relented from Isak’s neck, lifting up slightly to kiss his boyfriend’s open mouth, “I love you, too, so much.” They kissed hungrily and sloppily as their bodies rocked against each other, creating the friction that was sending Isak’s eyes toward the back of his skull and pulling breathy groans from Even’s throat. Isak came so hard as he gripped Even’s bum. Even thought for sure he would have five small bruises on his skin from the pressure of Isak’s finger tips. It took Even just a little bit longer before he was groaning into Isak’s neck, chest heaving against Isak’s warm skin.

They would have happily lied there for much longer had not the water pouring from the faucet above begun to turn cold. Isak groaned as Even helped him up off the floor of the tub. They made quick work of washing their hair and soaping up until Isak groaned, “Jesus, it’s cold.” He hopped out of the shower and pulled the towel from the rack to start warming up his body. Even quickly followed him, yanking the towel from his hands.

“Hey!” Isak yelled.

“Get your own towel!” Even teased.

“Oh shit,” Isak muttered, standing there, almost shivering.

“You didn’t bring a towel,” Even realized.

Isak shook his head, flicking water across Even’s face and chest, grinning.

Even sighed, untying the towel from his waist and handing it over, “Go get me some clothes, will ya?”

Isak agreed, placing the towel around his waist after running it through his wet locks, “Be right back,” he told Even before disappearing into the hallway. Even tried to wipe off some of the cold droplets of water with a hand towel. After about a minute, he then considered using Noora’s hair dryer to give his body some warmth.

Finally, Isak popped back in the bathroom, dressed in light jeans and a black long sleeve shirt “Took you long enough,” Even huffed, teeth almost chattering.

“Sorry, Jonas is throwing up in the kitchen sink,” Isak replied, tossing Even his jeans, underwear, and one of Isak’s hoodies.

Even quickly pulled the clothes on. “You guys should just turn the heater back on. It’s supposed to be cold until next weekend,” he complained, slightly shivering.

“Oh, come here, you big baby,” Isak laughed, pulling Even into his arms. Isak rubbed up and down his arms and across his back to warm him up. Even sighed into Isak’s neck, giving Isak goosebumps.

“Ugh, your lips are cold,” Isak shrugged.

“Warm them up then, yeah?” Even challenged. Isak understood immediately, nosing his way across Even’s cheek to connect their lips. It was slow and warm and Even went limp in Isak’s arms. When he finally pulled away, he asked, “Can we take a nap?”

“We can do that,” Isak nodded.

When they walked back down the hallway, Isak gave Jonas some of his clothes and ushered him out of his room, “Go sleep on the couch, make food, take a shower, whatever, Jonas.” He’s basically pushing him out of the bedroom.

Jonas stumbled into the hallway, clutching the clothes against his chest, “You know, I’m starting to think you don’t want me here anymore, Isak,” he mocked offense.

“Me? No!” Isak played along. “See ya!” then he shut the door in his face.

They climbed under the covers, even with their jeans on. Isak pulled an extra blanket from the closet and draped it over the duvet. Even settled further into the warm bed as Isak wrapped himself around him from behind, pressing his face into Even’s neck. Even bunched one hand in the blanket, the other holding Isak’s hand against his chest. He leaned down and kissed Isak’s knuckles and he could feel Isak smiling against his neck. Sleep seemed to find Even suddenly.

 

 

 

When Even wakes up, he’s still warm but Isak’s gone from the bed. He rolled onto his back and relished in the sound of the heater working. He stretched out his long limbs, moaning involuntarily in a high pitch in that way that Isak always makes fun of him for.

 

_“You sound like a fucking giraffe when you do that.”_

_“I bet you don’t even know what giraffe’s sound like,” Even had countered back._

_Isak picked up his phone from the bedside table, searching for and finding the first video. He shifts over to hold his phone between them so they can both see. The sound that comes from the speaker on Isak’s phone is almost comically similar to the sounds Even makes when he stretches after waking up._

_“Oh my God,” they laugh in unison._

_“I sound like a fucking giraffe,” Even admits, laughing._

_“You do. You look like one, too,” Isak teases._

_“Hey!” Even objects, shoving him playfully._

_“You’re my giraffe, though,” Isak smiles, leaning over to kiss Even’s lips. Even can’t help but smile into it._

 

“Isak?” Even calls out, sitting up from the bed. He notices the door is no longer shut, but slightly ajar. It is actually quite warm now, so Even tears the sweatshirt from his body, readjusting the t-shirt over his torso.

Isak reenters the room with a groan, shutting the door behind him. He has two glasses of water in his hands. “You okay?” Even laughs.

“Eskild,” Isak rolls his eyes, handing Even the glass. “He’s cooking naked again.”

Even chokes on his water, “Naked? Seriously?”

“Well, he wears an apron, but it _does not_ cover much,” Isak explains.

Even laughs, “What if I cooked for you naked?” he set the glass back down on the bookshelf and laid back against the pillows. Isak mirrored him, setting his glass on the bedside table, “That’d be chill,” he smiles.

“But not in front of my roommates,” he quickly added.

“So never, then?” Even teased.

Isak scoffed, “I didn’t say that.”

“That’s basically what that means,” Even replied.

“Fuck you,” Isak deflected.

Even quickly swung a leg over Isak to straddle him. He pinned Isak’s wrists above his head and leaned down to kiss him wetly, “Okay.”

“Okay?” Isak asked, looking up into his eyes. Even let go of his wrists and Isak’s hands landed at the hem of Even’s t-shirt.

Even nodded, “Okay,” as Isak began pulling up his shirt.

“Good morning, boys!” Eskild burst through the door, “Or should I say good afternoon, boys!”

“Eskild!” Isak groaned from beneath Even.

“What?” Eskild teased. “Lunch is ready. Besides, Jonas says you’ve had plenty of fun already.”

“Get out, Eskild!” Isak yelled.

Even laughed and climbed back off his boyfriend. “What’s for lunch?”

“Even!” Isak yelled.

“What? I’m hungry!” Even yelled back.

“I made crepes!” Eskild told them, leaving the room and giving them a flash of his bare ass.

“Oh my god, you weren’t kidding,” Even laughed.

“Fuck you,” Isak groaned.

“Later, baby,” Even laughed, patting Isak’s thigh as he stood up from the bed.

 

 

“Where’s Jonas?” Isak asked as he walked back into the kitchen to join Even and Eskild.

Eskild laughed, “I told him Noora was headed home and he basically ran out the door. What’s all that about?”

“Oh yeah, Jonas pissed off Noora last night. It was pretty weird actually,” Isak told him.

Even grabbed a few plates from the cupboard and silverware from the drawers, adding “Yeah, he had a pretty rough night.”

“Rough morning, too,” Isak agreed.

“Wow, I miss those days of my youth,” Eskild sighed, sitting down at the table to join them.

“What are you talking about, Eskild? You still get shitfaced every Sunday night,” Isak scoffed, shoving a bite of crepe in his mouth.

Eskild scoffed, “Excuse me, Sunday is my Friday night. Monday is the only day I don’t have work or classes.”

Just then the front door opened and then Noora appeared in the kitchen already looking angry. “Jesus, Eskild, could you please start wearing clothes in the kitchen!”

“That’s what I’m saying!” Isak shouted with a mouthful.

“Fine!” Eskild huffed, standing up to retreat and put on some clothes. Even just laughed.

Noora glared at Isak. “Whoa, what did I do?” Isak asked nervously.

Noora walked over to the fridge to grab some juice, “Nothing,” she shook her head, “I ran into Jonas downstairs.”

“Oh no, did you let him have it?” Even asked.

“No,” Noora sighed, “He ran away so fast I didn’t get the chance.”

Even silently cheered for Jonas’ quick escape.

 

 

Shortly after lunch, Even and Isak joined Noora in the living room to work on homework. The three of them sat there, typing away at their laptops. It was really a multitude of things that gave Even the idea – Jonas interrupting them in the morning, locking the door to the bathroom, Eskild interrupting them, Noora basically living on the couch. It just made sense. He looked over at Isak who was hunched over his laptop next to him on the couch. He rubbed his hand across Isak’s shoulders, trying to help him sit back up. Isak would definitely be asking for a massage later. He treated his back like it was replaceable.

Even lost himself in playing with the curls at the nape of Isak’s neck as he clicked through the PowerPoint he was studying. Isak seemed to be writing an essay about the endocrine system and hormone signaling. When Even’s hand stilled, Isak looked over at him. Even was already grinning.

“What?” Isak asked, looking nervous.

“Nothing,” Even smiled.

Isak narrowed his eyes. He definitely didn’t believe him. “You good?”

Even nodded, “Just thinking.”

Isak halfway shut his laptop and set it on the coffee table. He leaned back, shifting to face Even better. Even’s hand fell to Isak’s thigh and Isak picked it up, lacing their fingers together, “What are you thinking about?”

“Just got an idea, is all,” Even replied.

“Is it a good idea?” Isak asked, smiling.

“Yeah, actually, I think it’s a great one,’ Even smiled back.

“Care to share?”

“Not yet,” Even decided. Isak nodded, playing with Even’s fingers.

“Hey, babe?” Even asked after a few moments of silence.

“Yeah?”

“I think I’m going to stay at my parents tonight, okay?” Even told him.

Isak nodded slowly, “Sure, yeah, I’ve got a lot of work to catch up on anyway. Yeah. Everything okay?”

“Everything’s fine. I just need to talk to them about some stuff.”

“Stuff?” Isak asked.

“Idea stuff,” Even told him.

“Oh, okay. This is big isn’t it?”

“Yeah, yeah I think it is,” Even smiled.

When Even left that evening, Isak kissed him at the door, handing Even his coat, “I’ll see you tomorrow?” he asked.

“Yeah, I’ll text you tonight. Love you,” Even leaned over to kiss him again.

“Love you, too,” Isak replied.

Even heard the door shut softly behind him and made his way back home.

He found his mom sitting at the kitchen table, deep in her grading. He sat down at the table across from her, playing nervously with the place mat. He cleared his throat, “Uhh, Ma?”

“Yeah, sweetie?” she asked, glancing up at him then back down to her papers. Then she glanced back up as if she could see the nervousness in Even’s face.

“I, uhh, I want to talk to you about something,” Even started.

“Are you in trouble?” she asked.

“No, no, I’m fine.”

“Is it the medication?”

“No, Ma, that’s fine, too. I just, okay.” He took a deep breath, staring at his fingers, “I want to move out.” He looked up at her wide eyes and mustered the last of his resolve, “I want to move in with Isak.”  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hopefully, another update will come by the end of this week! And then they should be pretty regular again.


	43. Take it baby, you can have it all.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A talk with Even's mom.   
> A talk with Isak.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title from "You Can Have It All" by Yo La Tengo.

Even’s throat felt dry and swollen, his tongue heavy in his mouth felt like sandpaper against his teeth. “Ma?” he croaked out, “Please say something.” He looked her in the eye, craning his neck to meet her unreadable gaze.

His mom’s eyes blinked furiously as she seemed to be looking for the right thing to say.

“Mama?” Even tried again, voice small and with a slight crack to it.

She set her pen down and rubbed her fingertips on the table. “Honey,” she started, her voice hitching on something like sadness.

That’s when Even knew it. Just hearing the lilt in his mother’s otherwise stable voice ended his world. Images of him and Isak sharing a place together, cooking together, walking to school together, sleeping together, waking up together – they all start to dissolve. His chest seemed to contract in on itself, like every inhale was added pressure on his breaking heart. “Ma,” he barely choked out, wanting to explain, wanting to change her mind even though she hadn’t even rejected the idea verbally yet.

She sighed, lifting her hands to her temple and rubbing her forehead, “Even. Listen. We can’t just send you on your way to live with Isak right now. You know that, don’t you?”

“I _do not_ know that,” Even objected, leaning back in his chair forcefully that the legs scraped harshly against the tile. His blood felt like it was boiling and he prayed to the god he didn’t even believe in that his mother wouldn’t call him out for his anger.

“Don’t get angry with me,” she scolded him softly.

_Thanks for nothing._

“I’m not,” he huffed. He was angry, just not _at_ her. “I just. I don’t understand. You haven’t even thought about it.”

“Honey, you and Isak hardly spend a night apart. You think I haven’t seen this conversation coming?” she asked tiredly. “Please don’t tell me you already asked him to move in together,” she quietly begged.

“No, I haven’t. I wanted to talk to you first,” he admitted. Even chewed the inside of his lip until he made himself wince in pain, “But you’re saying it yourself. I mean, I practically already live with him.”

“That’s not the same, sweetie. You and I both know that. This is a big step to take. I don’t think the timing is right. Even, I don’t think you’re ready.”

Even’s eyes itched. He wouldn’t let himself cry. He wouldn’t let himself break down in front of his mom like this – not when he felt like the most important thing was to change her mind. “But, Mama, I love him.” He inhaled sharply, the sob almost making it to his mouth.

 _Good fucking job, Even_.

“Honey, I know you do. I know.” 

“No, Ma. I just,” he wiped angrily at his eyes, “It’s just the pills,” he sniffled, “I’m just not used to them. They fuck with my emotions.” A tear trickled down next to his nose and he pushed it away, sniffling with a disgustingly sad sound.

“Language,” she told him.

“Sorry,” Even replied. He rubbed at his eyes with the heels of hands until he didn’t think any more tears would fall. He continued with his mission, “Plenty of 20-year-olds live with their boyfriends or on their own.”

She sighed quietly, looking like she was struggling to compose herself, too, “You’re not like plenty of 20-year-olds, Ev.” She didn’t mean for the words to hurt him, but they did.

Of course, they did. And, of course, the tears came back, “I know. Believe me. I _freaking_ know.”

“I didn’t mean it like that,” she corrected, reaching out to grab her son’s trembling hand. Even knew she didn’t. He wasn’t mad at his mom for that. He was just sad, sad that this wasn’t going to work out the way he hoped it would. A part of him knew this was a possibility. He just severely ignored that part of him on his ride home.

“I know, Ma,” Even dropped his head sullenly. 

“You understand why, right?” she asked tentatively.

_Because I’m bipolar. Because my meds are still fucking with me. Because I fucked up at Bakka. Because Isak is only 17. Because neither of us has a job._

Even could think of every reason why he and Isak shouldn’t move in together. There were fewer reasons for why the should, but the biggest one to him kept playing on repeat in his heart – _Because I love him and I want to be with him and we need each other._

“No, not really,” Even lied.

“Well, for one, neither of you have even finished school,” she replied.

_Forgot that one._

“And Isak’s parents might not be comfortable with that?” she guessed.

_That one, too._

“Just say it, Ma,” he answered her, pulling his hand away. No matter what Even did, the further this conversation went on, the more he felt like a child.

His mom steadied herself, looking at her son with love and sadness in her eyes, “I don’t think you’re in a great place in your head right now to taking this next step, Even.”

Even slumped forward, burying his bleary eyes in his hands. “If I wait to be in a great place in my head, then I’m gonna live here until I die.”

His mom’s breath hitched, “Don’t say that.”

“But it’s true!” Even shouted, lifting his head to look at her. It was no use fighting the tears now. “It’s true, Ma.” He lifted his fingers to his head. “This is never going to be a great place. Never. I know that. You know that. Pa knows that. But Isak,” Even couldn’t stop the sob this time, “Isak makes it a good place.” He tried to steady his trembling voice. “With Isak, it’s as good as it gets.”

“I’m really glad you have Isak. Your father and I both are,” she reasoned.

“I’m glad, too,” Even sniffed.

His mom reached across to wipe away one of his tears, cupping his cheek gently, “Could have fooled me,” she joked.

Even was surprised by the sad laugh that took over his sobs. He leaned into her touch.

“Are you sure this isn’t just you trying to get away from me and your pa?” she was relentless.

“No, Ma. I love you. I don’t even have to wonder. I know I have the best fucking parents in the world.”

“I’ll let that one slide. You know we want you to have everything,” she smiled.

It was true. His parents would give him the world if he asked for it. This resistance was new to Even. He wasn’t necessarily used to getting everything he wanted, at least not from the universe, but his parents always obliged. He was trying really hard now to avoid falling in the category of “spoiled kid is told no and throws a fit.” He tried to say his next words calmly.

“Isak is my everything,” was all Even could choke out.

_Pull it together, Even._

More steady now, “He’s everything. He’s so good to me, Ma. He’s so, so good to me. You don’t even know all the ways he takes care of me. Sometimes I completely forget I’m even sick.”

“You’ve got a big heart, honey. So much love in you. Of course, he’s good to you,” she nodded.

“But I want to give him everything. I want him to have everything. I wish he could sleep at night. And I wish he weren’t living in an apartment for three with four other people. I wish he had parents who would hang his good grades on the fridge. And I wish he had a place at home where he could study, uninterrupted. And I wish he never had to spend another morning after a sleepless night waking up alone,” he finally took a moment to breathe. His mom didn’t interrupt him, just looked at him with glassy eyes and a soft smile. “I don’t want to be stuck anymore. I don’t want to feel like my life is being put on hold.”

“Don’t you think his roommates would miss him?” she shook her head.

“Honestly, no.”

“What?” she was perplexed.

“Well, yes. But, Noora’s sleeping on the couch and no one really has privacy and Isak rarely even gets his rent in on time,” he explained. “It’s just, it would be so much better for everyone if he and I moved out.”

“You don’t live there, Ev,” she corrected.

“Technically, no. But I’m there all the time.”

“Why doesn’t he pay his rent on time?” she asked.

“His dad helps him. And he’s not always cooperative. Sometimes he holds it from him to get Isak to do something he doesn’t want to do,” he explained. “But if we moved in together, the rent could be a lot cheaper. And his dad would only have to pay half of it. And I could get a job. And if it’s close enough to UiO, that would make sense. I mean, if I get in,” he scratched the back of his head.

“Of course you’ll get in,” she encouraged him. “But wouldn’t you want to live in the student accommodations?”

“No,” Even replied frankly.

“No? What about making friends?”

“Ma,” he deadpanned. “I know I’m bipolar, but when have I _ever_ had a hard time making friends?”

“Okay, okay, you’re right,” she conceded. “You’re not getting a job. Maybe in the summer. But as long as your taking class, you’re not working, too. Not until your second semester at UiO. _Maybe_ ,” she specified.

Even paused to think about it for a minute. He was feeling less resistance from his mom. Her mood was lifting. His was, too.

“Does this mean you’re thinking about it?” he asked nervously.

“Honey, like I said, I’ve been thinking about it for a long time,” she sighed. “And no, I’m not happy about it, that this is what you want.”

“But?” he prodded.

“No. No, but,” she pointed a finger, “Quit it, Ev. I don’t think it’s a good idea. You’re not ready.”

“I’m not ready or you’re not ready?” Even said quietly.

His mom studied him, “When did you get so clever? Isak’s rubbing off on you.”

“I know,” he said softly, the smallest smile tugging at his lips. It felt like a long time before either of them said more.

“I want to talk with your father about it,” she finally broke the silence.

“Are you serious?” Even jumped from his chair, “Ma, are you serious right now?” his grin was huge. 

She held up her palm, “Stop. Stop. Penalty for early celebration. Sit down,” she ordered.

Even sat quickly, his leg bumping up and down erratically. “I’m not saying anything, honey. But I want to ask you something, okay?” she asked.

“Anything,” Even nodded. “Anything. Go for it.”

“Even, are you sure this is something Isak would want?”

Even wasn’t expecting that question. He didn’t really know what he was expecting, but it wasn’t that. “I can’t speak for him. And I haven’t asked him. But yeah, yeah, I think he wants this, too. I really believe that.”

His mom nodded, breathing out through her nose as she stared down at her papers. “Let me talk to your father,” she said softly.

Even stood up from the table and walked around to hug her from behind her chair. He kissed her cheek, “I love you, Ma. I love you so much.”

“I know, sweetie. I know. I love you, too.”

“I’m gonna go call Isak,” he told her, standing up. Her eyes went wide. “No, not for that. I’m not going to say anything. I promise. I just want to hear his voice, tell him goodnight.”

She smiled, putting her hand on top of Even’s resting on her shoulder. “You ate at Isak’s?”

Even nodded, “Noora made pasta.”

“I want to meet that one,” she laughed. “At least someone’s keeping you fed!”

“I can cook for myself, Ma. I’m nearly better than Pops at this point,” he trailed off, “Just another reason why moving in with-”

“Say another word and I’ll forget we even had this talk, Even, I swear it,” she warned.

He held up his hands and backed out of the room slowly, “Okay, okay.” He pretended to zip his mouth shut with his fingers.

“Go, get out of here, I’ve got reports to grade,” she shooed him away.

 

 

 

-

 

 

 

Isak answered on the second ring, “Hey babe, just give me a sec, I’m in the middle of something,” he said really quickly.

“Nice to talk to you, too,” Even teased.

Isak must have set the phone down but he could just barely hear Isak’s voice. “I don’t know, Noora. Seriously. I’m sorry.” _Pause_. “Oh my god, you’ll have to talk to him. I don’t freaking know.” _Pause._ “Okay, good. You’re great.” _Pause_. “I gotta go, Even’s waiting.”

Isak picked the phone back up, “Okay, what’s up?” he asked.

“Everything good over there?” Even asked, curious.

“Just perfect,” Isak replied.

“Mhm,” Even hummed.

“Just Noora. I worried for Jonas’ well-being. She’s still pretty ticked off.”

“Wouldn’t you be?” Even asked.

Isak didn’t say anything for a bit, “No, well, yeah, actually I don’t know.”

“Isak, you’re still holding a grudge because the girl who works in the canteen forgot to give you your change _once_ like six months ago!” Even laughed.

“Fuck you! I’m poor as fuck!” Isak argued.

Even just laughed. “I’m sure Jonas will be fine. I think we can protect him from Noora.”

Isak didn’t say anything.

“Okay, yeah, maybe we _can’t_ protect him from Noora.”

“Good call,” Isak laughed. They fell into a comfortable silence and Even inched closer under his blankets.

“It’s weird hearing your voice on the phone,” Isak admitted.

“Weird, how?” Even asked.

“I don’t know. It’s you, but it’s not, you know?”

“Uhh, no?”

“Well, of course it’s you. But you just sound a little different. Digital. You sound far away.”

“I am far away,” Even replied.

“Yeah,” Isak said quietly. They were both quiet for a moment.

“Hey,” Even broke the silence.

“Yeah?”

“Where’d you go?” he asked.

“What are you talking about?” Isak asked, “I’m just lying in bed.”

“No, no, I meant in your head. What are you thinking about?”

“You. I’m thinking about you, Even. And biology. And my essay for Norwegian.”

“Okay, okay,” Even laughed. “What about me?”

“Just stuff,” Isak replied.

“Isak,” Even pushed.

“I’m thinking about how I fucking hate sleeping without you. And I feel tired, but I can’t sleep. And I’m about this close from stealingEskild’s body pillow,” he huffed.

“Aww, baby,” Even sighed.

“Shut up.”

“I fucking hate sleeping without you, too.”

“So why do we do it?” Isak asked, almost irritated.

Even so badly wanted to say that, with any luck, soon they wouldn’t have to. It almost pained him to hold it in. He went with, “I don’t know. I just had to talk to my mom.”

“Yeah. I know,” Isak sighed. “Is everything okay?”

“Yeah, yeah, just stuff about therapy and the new meds,” Even replied.

“You don’t want to talk about it do you?” Isak asked.

Even shrugged and shook his head then remembered Isak couldn’t see him. “Not really.”

“Okay,” Isak replied.

“Okay,” Even said back.

“Do you think it’s more likely that aliens will find Earth first or that we’ll find aliens on another planet?” Isak asked casually.

Even smiled. “Mhm, I wanna say aliens will find Earth first because there has to be smarter civilizations out there, but also, it’s not unlike the U.S. to colonize literally everything. They’ll be moving on to other planets to conquer eventually.”

Isak laughed, “Yeah, you’re right. That’s true.”

“Why, have you been thinking about aliens lately?” Even asked.

“No more than usual,” Isak replied.

“Do you think they look like us?” Even asked.

“No, probably not.”

“No?”

“No, I mean, the chances of a planet existing out there with the same conditions as Earth are pretty slim. I bet the first aliens we encounter will be like, slimy invertebrates that don’t speak or like hyper-evolved orbs that communicate through their minds.”

“You’re such a nerd,” Even laughed.

“You love me,” Isak retorted.

“I love you,” Even replied.

There was a beat, “I love you, too, Even.”

They fell quiet. “You think they look like us?”

“I do. But like, not exactly. Like, they probably have three eyes or twelve fingers or something.”

“That’s creepy.”

“That’s the point though! It’s uncanny, you know?” Even explained. “Like, it would make a good movie. Aliens that are just like us, but not quite. And then the lead character played by Jeff Goldblum poses the ‘Are they like us or are we like them?’ existential question.”

“You’re such a nerd,” Isak chuckled.

“You love me,” Even replied, laughing.

“I do,” Isak replied. Then, “Shut up, Eskild!” he yelled.

“Jesus! Right here, Isak,” Even winced.

“Sorry, Eskild’s being a shit.”

“He means well.”

Isak sighed, “I know he does. It’s weird. It’s like having a dad who cares.”

Even didn’t think Isak meant for the words to have such bite or be so melancholy. He had meant it as a joke, but it spoke volumes. Even didn’t think Isak wanted to address the heaviness that suddenly fell between them, so he quickly changed the subject. “So I had this dream last night that you were giving me a blowjob on the couch and Jonas walked in.”

“You suck,” Isak muttered.

“Actually,” Even teased.

“I hate you,” Isak replied, a little angry.

“No, you don’t.”

“No I don’t,” he agreed.

“Hey, baby?” Even asked.

“Yeah?”

“Do you think we’ll ever get used to this?”

“Never,” Isak replied. “I still hasn’t hit me yet.”

“What do you mean?”

“Like, I’m gay. I’m gay and people know it. I’m gay, and I don’t freak out when I say that. I’m gay and I have a great boyfriend. Isn’t that bizarre?”

“Uhh, yeah, the weirdest,” Even replied sarcastically.

“Well, no, I just meant, you know, I never thought I would be here, even six or seven months ago,” he explained.

“But then you met me,” Even smiled.

“But then I met you,” Isak replied. “You’re amazing, you know? Like, I don’t know how you do it. I don’t know how you’ve always been so confident and comfortable.”

“But I haven’t,” Even spoke quietly.

“Well, I don’t mean like that,” Isak explained. Even knew he was referring to his bipolar, not his sexuality.

“Yeah, I know what you mean,” Even replied. Isak didn’t need to know Even’s issues with his sexuality – not yet. That could wait.

He heard what sounded like a yawn come from the speaker on the phone.

“Isak Valtersen, was that a yawn?”

“I know, surprised myself,” Isak told him, yawning again.

“Okay, that’s it. Hang up on me,” Even instructed him.

“Even, what?” Isak was confused.

“Hang up. Go to sleep. Your body wants you to sleep.”

“That’s not all it wants,” Isak replied suggestively.

“Heyyy,” Even groaned. “Stop, you’re not getting away with it. You should sleep.”

“Yeah, okay,” Isak huffed.

“Good. Now hang up,” Even told him.

“No.”

“Isak,” Even urged.

“What, no ‘good night’?” Isak scoffed, “Am I not good enough for that?”

“You’re everything, baby. Good night. I love you.”

“I love you, too, Even. Good night,”

“God, I’ll never get tired of hearing you say that,” Even sighed.

“And you call me the sap,” Isak laughed.

“Good night.”

“Good night.”

Isak hung up the phone and Even put his on the charger. He turned over onto his side, burying his face in his pillow. He fell asleep thinking about what it would be like to wake up next to Isak in their very own bed in their very own apartment.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this was really dialogue heavy but I couldn't imagine it otherwise


	44. tonight is the night that we might fall together

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Even's mom reconsiders.  
> Jonas is still acting weird.  
> Magnus says something stupid and Isak says something surprising.  
> Top Even smut.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title from "Kamikaze" by Susanne Sundfør.
> 
> Explicit smut alert!

 

 

Even woke up to his alarm and seven texts from Isak.

02:49 – _Did you know that elephant seals sexually harass king penguins?_

02:54 – _Holy shit._

02:55 – _Did you know elephant seals have like 50 mates in one mating season?_

03:33 – _Male elephant seals are fucking big._

03:34 – _And ugly._

04:27 – _Why does cereal taste better when it’s dark outside?_

05:56 – _I miss you._

Even typed off a quick good morning text and got up to go to the bathroom and take his pills. In the kitchen, his mom was eating breakfast. He wasn’t expecting her up so early when she did have to teach her lecture until 12:00.

“Hey, Ma,” he said, sitting down with her and peeling a banana.

“Good morning, dear,” she smiled, “Did you sleep well?”

“So so,” Even shrugged. “I don’t think Isak did.”

“What makes you say that?” she asked.

“Well, he was awake at…” he started, pulling out his phone, “02:49, 02:54, 02:55, 03:33, 03:34, 04:27, and 05:56.”

“Poor kid,” she frowned.

“Yeah,” Even muttered, biting his banana. With his mouth still full, he asked her, “Have you talked to Pops yet?”

She sipped her coffee, “No, I was grading pretty late last night.”

“When do you think you’ll talk to him?” Even asked.

“I don’t know, sweetheart.”

“Ma.”

“Even,”

Even sighed, “Ma, this is really important to me. And you know it makes sense. Please.”

“I’ll talk to your father today, but there’s still a lot we need to talk about,” she conceded.

Even nodded.

“Where are you sleeping tonight?” she asked.

“Isak’s?” Even asked.

“Yeah, I think that might be a good idea,” she hummed.

“Yeah?” Even confirmed.

His mom literally rolled her eyes, “You want me to talk to your father, don’t you?”

Even’s eyes opened wide, “Thank you thank you thank you thank you,” he leaped from his chair, wrapping his arms around her and kissed her cheek about six times. “I love you, Ma.”

“I love you, too,” she smiled, “Now get to school will ya?”

“I’m gone!” Even shouted. He quickly put another change of clothes in his backpack, and then he was out the door.

 

 

When Even got to school, Isak was standing in the courtyard with the boys, nodding along to whatever Magnus was saying. Even surprised him by snaking his arms around Isak’s waist and kissing his cheek, “Morning, baby.”

“Hey,” Isak smiled, placing his hands on top of Even’s.

“How’d you sleep?”

“Like shit,” Isak joked. Even didn’t laugh, just rubbed his cheek and gave him that look. 

Isak just rolled his eyes. “I got a couple hours. I’m good.”

Jonas suddenly spoke up, “I gotta go, catch you guys later,” and then he walked quickly into the building.

“What’s that about?” Madhi asked, confused.

Magnus just shrugged, “Jonas is a weird dude.”

Even and Isak watched as Noora walked quickly in the building after Jonas.

“Is she still mad about that stupid shit Jonas said?” Madhi asked, noticing, too.

“Seems so,” Isak nodded.

“He’s an idiot,” Madhi said, “I can’t believe he picked a fight with Noora.”

“Yeah, I would never want to piss her off,” Even agreed.

 

 

Even walked Isak to his first class, holding his hand through the halls. Isak only dropped his hand once when his Maths teacher walked by, but as soon as he was out of the hall, Isak’s fingers were lacing with Even’s again.

“So, I know I said I’m good,” Isak began, as they stood outside his first class, “But any chance we can share a bed tonight?” Isak asked.

Even just smiled, stroking Isak’s cheek and tucking his hair behind his ear, “Of course. I already told my mom I’m staying at yours. Is that okay?”

Isak leaned in, pecking Even’s lips, “That’s so okay.”

“Good,” Even smiled. He pulled Isak into his arms, wrapping him in a hug, “Don’t fall asleep in class.”

“No promises,” Isak mumbled into his shoulder.

Even pulled back just slightly so he could look down at him, his arms still tight around his shoulders. Isak’s arms were resting on the small of Even’s back. “I’ve got to get to class,” Even told him, quickly kissing his cheek.

“Go on,” Isak told him, but his actions spoke differently as his hands fell down to grip Even’s ass.

“Whoa there,” Even laughed.

“Sorry, couldn’t help it,” Isak winked.

“I’ll see you at lunch,” Even smiled, pulling back to walk backwards down the hallway, “Love you.”

“Love you, too,” Isak laughed, shaking his head. A moment later he disappeared inside the classroom.

 

 

 

Even was in such a good mood when he walked into Stats class that Sana was almost concerned.

“You doing okay?” she asked.

“I’m great,” he smiled.

She just grinned back, “Spill.”

“What?”

“You’re always a happy guy, Even, but this is like,” she began.

“Like?” he asked, laughing.

“Like, it’s like you proposed to Isak or something,” she joked.

He bit down on his lip, maybe he was being extra happy, but it was just because he so dearly hoped his parents conversation went well that night.

“Shut the fuck up,” Sana deadpanned, “You did not!”

“I didn’t!” he threw his hands up in the air, “I swear, I didn’t.”

She eyed him carefully after she calmed down, “What gives then?”

He turned in his seat, fully focusing on her. They were almost done with the worksheet anyway. “Okay, I’ll tell you, but you can’t tell anyone, okay?”

Sana rolled her eyes, “Even. I think you and I both know I can keep a secret.”

Even smiled, nodding, “Yeah, I know. Thanks, by the way.”

“No need to thank me. Now spill. What’s going on?” she urged.

“So, it’s not set in stone or anything, at all really, but I think, or my plan is, anyway, dependent on my parents and money and stuff,” he was rambling.

She grabbed his wrist, “Even this sounds a lot like you’re planning to propose.”

“Faen, no, Sana. Not yet at least,” he shook his head, “But I am going to ask him to move in with me.”

“Holy shit,” she gasped.

“Probably.”

“Even!”

“Sana?”

“That’s amazing. Shit, that’s so amazing!” her voice was getting higher. It was making Even a little nervous.

“You think so?” he asked, his cheeks feeling warm.

“I really think so. I think that will be so good for you. So good for both of you,” she responded.

“Thanks, Sana.”

She nodded, “So when’s this happening?”

Even shrugged. “I don’t know. I don’t even want to start looking until I know it’s a for sure thing. My parents still want to think it through. They’re worried, you know, for obvious reasons.”

“Do you blame them?” she asked softly.

“No, I can’t.” Even shook his head, “They mean well, and I know they want the best for me. But I just really need this, you know? I need to get on with my life and take responsibility.”

Sana nodded, listening to what he was saying.

“Also, it is fucking packed in the kollektivet and Noora should have her room back,” Even decided.

“True,” Sana agreed. “I couldn’t imagine sleeping on the couch and not having my own space. I guess that’s what happens when you quit school and follow an asshole to London. I don’t know what she was thinking. We all make mistakes though.”

“Trust me,” Even laughed, “I know.”

“I better be the first to know when you finally ask him,” her eyes narrowed.

“Of course,” Even agreed. “Plus, you’ve gotta help us look for a place, look over our lease, all that,” he smiled.

“What are friends for?” she replied.

 

 

Even buried his nose in Isak’s hair when he sat down at lunch. “Did you use Noora’s shampoo again?”

“Huh?” Magnus screeched, “You use girl shampoo?!”

“Sometimes,” Isak shrugged.

“Dude!” Magnus was smiling so big.

“What?” Isak glared.

His smile somehow got bigger, “You’re like, really coming into your gay.”

Madhi kicked him under the table.

“What the fuck man!” Magnus shouted at him.

“What makes you think that was alright to say?” Madhi questioned.

“It’s okay, man,” Isak offered. It didn’t matter by then.

“What?” Magnus scoffed. “I meant it as a compliment! He like sits on Even’s lap now and uses girls shampoo. He’s like confident now.”

Even just shook his head, lacing his fingers with Isak’s. “Mags, I gotta teach you about stereotypes and gender roles.”

“What about them?” Magnus asked.

Isak answered for him, “Like how they’re total fucking shit.”

At that, Magnus shrunk. “I’m sorry, man. I didn’t mean to be rude.”

Isak just laughed, shaking his head, “I know. It’s fine.”

“I am proud of you though, you know? Being yourself and shit.” Magnus explained.

“And shit” Even laughed.

“Thanks, Mags,” Isak laughed louder, “My gay ass is real proud, too.”

With that Madhi and Even both whipped their heads to look at Isak. Did that really just come out of his mouth?

“Did you really just say that?” Even asked in disbelief.

Isak nodded, “I’m super gay for you, dude.” He smiled big, “If you haven’t noticed,” he added.

Even dove in, kissing him hard on the lips. “I fucking love you.”

“Hate to interrupt the good times over here,” Eva spoke up from behind them, “But have you seen Jonas?”

Even pulled away from Isak. It was weird that Jonas hadn’t been at lunch.

Madhi answered her, “Said he had to talk to his physics teacher or something.”

“Weird,” Eva thought. “Thanks, anyways. See ya!” she walked off.

“Does Jonas need help with physics?” Isak asked the table, no one in particular. “I think I could help him.”

Madhi just shook his head, “I don’t know, man. He seems real stressed out though.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Magnus agreed, “He was texting during Norwegian, kept biting at his fucking nails. I think he made them bleed. And then he left to use the bathroom like three times. Fucking weird.”

Even felt Isak shift uncomfortably under his arm that was draped over his shoulder, “Have you talked to him lately?” Even asked him.

“Yesterday, or this morning, I guess,” Isak thought, “Around 02:30 or something.”

“Did he seem okay, or?” Madhi asked.

“I mean,” Isak shrugged, “Yeah, I think so. Nothing too weird, though. I don’t know.”

Even just tightened his arm around Isak’s shoulder in support.

 

 

“Did I ever tell you you’re the man of my dreams?” Isak asked, lounging on the bed with his phone in his hand. Even had just brought in ~~his~~ their laundry and began folding it on the rug.

Even gestured to himself with a pair of socks, “Who? Me?”

“Shut up,” Isak retorted.

“You’ve definitely told me that before,” Even laughed.

Isak set his phone on the bedside table, “Come here.”

“Let me just finish folding these,” Even said absentmindedly, folding a t-shirt against his chest.

“Even.”

“Yeah?” he asked, looking up.

Isak just sat up straighter from here he was propped on the pillows. He pulled his shirt over his head, slightly tousling his curls, “The laundry can wait.”

Even raised his eyebrows, “And you can’t?”

Isak shook his head vigorously, “I definitely can’t.” He stretched out his arms, “Come here, already.”

“Alright, alright,” Even replied, not even standing up, just crawling up the bed and landing on top of Isak, pinning him down.

Isak was immediately mouthing at Even’s lips, pressing his tongue into his mouth and pulling Even’s t-shirt over his head.

“Wait, wait, baby,” Even said breathlessly. He stood up from the bed, running towards the door.

“Even!” Isak groaned in frustration.

“I’m just locking the door, babe!” he laughed.

“Get back here,” Isak ordered.

“I’m coming, I’m coming,” Even laughed.

From down the hall, he heard Eskild shout, “Not yet!”

“Shut up, Eskild!” Isak yelled over Even’s shoulder as Isak unzipped Even’s pants.

Even leaned down, kissing bruises on Isak’s pale neck.

“Even,” Isak started yanking on his jeans, “Help me get these off.” Even fell over onto his back next to Isak. He started yanking them down his legs as Isak tore his own off until both of them were just in their briefs.

Even leaned back over, kissing Isak as his hand roamed his chest and stomach. Isak fisted his hair and bit down on Even’s plump bottom lip.

“What do you want?” Even asked him.

_I’ll do anything you want._

Isak didn’t reply with words, just swung a leg over Even’s thighs and straddled him, grinding down hard onto Even’s groin. “Fuck,” Even moaned.

“Is this okay?” Isak asked, his fingers clasped together at the nape of Even’s neck as he continued rocking against him.

Even nodded furiously, kissing Isak firmly on the mouth and licking into it.

Isak broke away to grab lube and a condom from the drawer.

“Do you want to lie down?” Even asked him, squirting some onto his fingers.

Isak shook his head, moving awkwardly to get his underwear off. “Just like this.”

“Okay,” Even whispered. He kissed Isak again as his slick hand slid down his back and landed between his cheeks. He pressed in gently with one finger. Isak groaned, rocking back onto it, trying to get the digit in deeper.

“I’m gonna do two okay?” Even asked, searching Isak’s dilated eyes for confirmation.

“Yeah, yeah, just do it,” Isak pleaded.

This time Isak’s breath caught at the intrusion. Both his hands fell firmly onto Even’s chest, his fingernails digging painfully into Even’s skin.  

“Want me to stop?” Even asked.

“Don’t you fucking dare,” Isak warned breathlessly. He leaned down, biting Even’s collarbone.

Even kept one arm around Isak’s back, supporting him while he worked two fingers in Isak. Isak was panting against Even’s neck, moaning and whining so sweetly Even thought he might climax before he even got inside him. That would be okay, but Isak wasn’t having that.

“Do three, baby. Do three,” Isak asked, his sweaty body clinging tightly to Even’s.

Even pushed Isak’s hair out of his eyes, sweeping some behind his ear. He kissed his cheek as he carefully pushed a third finger in. Isak grimaced, biting down hard on his bottom lip.

“You okay?” Even asked, stilling his fingers.

Isak nodded, “Don’t stop.”

Even was careful as he slowly moved his fingers around, stretching him with as much care as possible. When he curled his fingers just right, rubbing firmly on that sweet spot inside, Isak’s arms around his neck turned to jelly and he was whimpering with breathy moans right in Even’s ear.

“You’re so fucking beautiful,” Even praised, leaning down to kiss Isak’s shoulder.

“I’m ready. I’m ready. Come on,” Isak urged pulling back to help Even get his underwear off.

Even slid his fingers out and lifted his hips to help slide the briefs down his legs. Isak threw them behind him with such force that they hit the opposite wall. Even couldn’t help laughing at Isak’s enthusiasm.

Isak shut him up with a firm kiss to the lips, diving his tongue in. He found his way back to Even’s lap, straddling his hips again. He rocked backward so that Even’s erection rubbed against his cheeks. Even moaned, his hands moving instinctively to Isak’s hips.

Isak lifted up, rolled a condom on him, and spread some more lube on Even. He pumped him a few times before positioning himself where he wanted to be. “I’ve been thinking about this all day,” Isak admitted.

Even chuckled, “Those elephant seals really got you turned on, huh?”

Isak groaned, “Oh my god, no. Those things are gross and weird.”

“That’s not very nice,” Even replied.

“Oh shut up,” Isak rolled his eyes. He gently eased himself down and when Even’s tip breached his rim, Isak’s eyes rolled in the back of his head.

Even placed a hand on Isak’s red chest. It was warm and heaving. “Take your time,” he leaned forward and kissed his neck.

Isak moaned as he slowly slid downward, taking in more of him. Even had to concentrate not to thrust upward to meet him. When Isak bottomed out, he spent a solid minute panting and licking his lips, just getting used to the sensation of Even filling him up.

When Isak did finally lift though, that’s when Even lost it. He groaned, gripping Isak’s trembling thighs tightly. Isak leaned in to kiss him as he slowly slid back down and soon they were moaning into each other’s open mouths. Isak found a good rhythm, moving himself up and down, rocking his body forward on the way up.

“You feel so good,” Isak keened, wrapping his arms tighter around Even’s neck and pressing their chests close together.

Even had wrapped his arms around Isak’s waist and kissed hungrily at Isak’s jaw. Isak’s stray, wild hair tickled his forehead and nose. Even lifted one hand up to push the locks out of his way. He tangled his fingers in Isak’s hair, gently tugging at that base of Isak’s neck.

Isak gasped.

“Am I hurting you?” Even asked, hand still wrapped tightly in Isak’s hair.

“No, I like that,” Isak assured him.

Even smiled, tugging Isak’s hair more so that Isak was forced to look upward, exposing his long neck. Isak kept rocking against him as Even sucked bruises onto his skin, his tongue darting over the pulsing vein in his neck. “I love you,” Even spoke between bruises, “I love you so much.”

“I love you, too,” Isak panted. He leaned forward more, angling his hips just right and his whole body tensed in pleasure in Even’s arms. Isak lifted a hand up and slammed it against the wall to steady himself. Isak’s movements were becoming erratic and Even knew he was close.

“Babe, let me help,” Even offered. Isak just nodded, so Even began thrusting upward, meeting Isak’s thrusts.

“Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god,” Isak panted, repeating the mantra.

“I got you,” Even kissed the corner of his mouth. He wrapped a hand around Isak’s straining erection and ran his thumb over the head until Isak was coming on Even’s stomach and chest, his body convulsing, his muscles clenching, and his mouth letting out a litany of pleasured moans.

Isak’s legs were trembling and he buried his head in Even’s neck, Even still fully hard and pulsing inside him.

“I’m gonna pull out, okay?” Even told him, soothing Isak’s thighs with his hands.

Isak shook his head, “You haven’t come yet.”

“It’s okay,” Even told him. But Isak wasn’t having it. He carefully lifted himself up and slid back down, releasing a choked moan and clenching his eyes tight.

Even groaned Isak’s name. Despite Isak being overwhelmed and overstimulated, he rode Even a little longer, whimpering until Even finally came.

When he finally did, Isak completely pulled off and collapsed on the mattress, burying his head in the pillow, his arms limp at his sides and his back rising with each labored breath.

Even reached down to smooth the sweaty hair off Isak’s forehead. He got up from the bed and removed the condom. He wiped off Isak’s come on his chest with a towel from the floor and crawled back into bed with Isak after shutting off the light.

Isak was still trying to catch his breath when Even lied down next to him. Even snuggled close and kissed Isak’s nose as his right hand moved in soothing circles over Isak’s back. Isak hummed as Even curled his fingers to gently graze Isak’s skin with his short nails.

“I’m not getting up. I’m not getting up until it’s the fucking morning,” Isak informed him.

“It’s only like 20:00, Isak.”

Isak shook his head, moving more hair onto his face, “I don’t care. I barely slept at all last night. I’m not getting up.”

“Okay, we can do that,” Even whispered, moving the hair back out of his face.

“I need a haircut,” Isak muttered.

“No!” Even nearly shouted.

Isak’s one eye that wasn't hidden from the pillow popped open and he smiled, “No?”

“I love your hair,” Even said quietly, his fingers becoming tangled in the damp locks.

“I won’t cut it _all_ off,” Isak reasoned.

Even sidled closer, wrapping his arm around Isak’s back, “Well, I wanna be there. I wanna make sure the barber doesn’t take too much off.”

“Deal,” Isak laughed.

Even leaned in to kiss Isak’s lips, soft and slow. When he pulled away, he kept himself close, gently rubbing his nose against Isak’s.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I've been writing an AU called Don't Let Me Go based on Kazuo Ishiguro's Never Let Me Go. It has three chapters so far. If you like reading what I like, you might want to give that fic a go!  
> You can find it here: http://archiveofourown.org/works/10931751/chapters/24318282
> 
> I'll be updating both fics, don't worry! The AU is just something I need to get out of my system.  
> Anyways, let me know what you think!


	45. Just to bring you home with me.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Isak gets a haircut and it isn't the end of the world.  
> Even's parents make a decision, but there are conditions.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title from "Caroline" by Noah Gundersen.
> 
> mostly fluff with a lil bit of angst and some non-explicit smut

 

 

“Stop playing with my hair,” Isak groaned. “You’re making me feel guilty.”

They were lying in Isak’s bed, Even wrapped around Isak’s back, a firm hand holding his boyfriend’s waist, the other tangled in his hair.

“Good, you should feel guilty,” Even snuggled impossibly closer, nuzzling into Isak’s neck, “I love your hair.”

Even would never admit it out loud, but yeah, Isak’s hair was becoming excessively long to the point that Isak couldn’t do anything without it falling in his eyes. Jonas had resorted to calling him Isak 2011. Apparently, when Isak was twelve he had hair just like the Sprouse brothers in their weird, long hair phase.

“I have to cut it, Even,” Isak just huffed.

Even grumbled, “No, you don’t. You don’t have to do anything.”

“So I’ll never blow you again, is that a fair trade?” Isak said with a straight face.

Even pulled back, “What?”

Isak laughed, turning around to face him, sending more hair onto his forehead. “Oh my God, you should have just heard you,” he laughed, mimicking Even, “You were like, ‘what’ you thought you were never gonna get a blowjob again.” He was turning red now, his eyes watering from the laughter.

“Shut up!” Even laughed back, “Why does not cutting your hair equate to no more blowjobs,” he pouted.

“It gets in the way!” Isak shouted, still laughing, “It’s annoying!”

Even shrugged arms wrapped around Isak’s back, “Girls with long hair still give blowjobs.”

Isak’s eyes narrowed, “You dick. You know I’m better than any girl you’ve ever had, you asshole.”

“ _Now_ you are,” Even laughed. Isak just pushed him away, instantly grumpy. He sat up and put his legs over the side of the bed.

Even jumped up and curled around him, wrapping his arms over Isak’s chest. He kissed his neck, “You’re the best I’ve ever had, baby.”

“Ugh! Just for that, I’m cutting my hair _today_ ,” Isak decided, standing up from the bed.

“What!?” Even yelled.

“Yeah,” Isak pulled a towel from the wardrobe, “Today, Even.” He ran his hand through his messy flop of hair, “I’m cutting it today! I don’t care if all the walk-in places are full, I’ll make Eva do it!”

“Baby, wait,” Even pleaded, “Let’s talk about this.”

“Don’t ‘baby’ me,” Isak huffed, “We already talked about this.”

“Yeah, but I thought I’d have a little more time, a week at least!”

“It’s hair, Even! It grows back! And mine grows really fast. Quit whining,” Isak replied.

Even pouted, crossing his arms.

“Hey,” Isak said softer, the grimace disappearing from his face and replaced with something soft and adorable and Isak, “If you stop pouting I’ll let you wash my hair,” he smiled.

‘You’re the worst,” Even grumbled.

Isak scoffed, “I’m the _best_ you’ve ever had, baby.” He pulled Even up from his arms and dragged him to the shower down the hall.

In the shower, Even got carried away, massaging Isak’s head with soapy fingers and scrubbing up and down his back. Despite Isak’s earlier threats, he was on his knees within minutes and Even was moaning and tugging on his hair.

They were nearly late to school so the guys didn’t see them together until lunch. Even was pretending to be sad, barely letting go of Isak’s hair and giving him puppy dog eyes. Isak just rolled his.

“What’s wrong, dude?” Madhi asked as his bit into his sandwich.

“He’s being a baby,” Isak told him nonchalantly.

“Don’t mock me. Let me mourn in peace,” Even teased him back.

“Mourn?” Jonas asked confused.

Isak pushed back from the table, leaning back in his chair, “I’m cutting my hair after school.”

“Finally!” Madhi shouted.

“Yeah, man,” Jonas agreed, “I think this is the longest you’ve gone without cutting it since 2011.”

Isak groaned, “Can you stop bringing up 2011, please?”

“Can you guys please stop encouraging him?” Even complained.

“I’m with you, Even,” Magnus said in solidarity, “Am I the only one who remembers Isak saying he has a kink for hair-pulling?”

“I do not have a kink for hair-pulling,” Isak defended himself.

“Yes, you do, babe. We both do,” Even argued.

“Ayyy,” Madhi teased, bumping Isak’s elbow.

Isak turned to Even, “Keep it up and I’ll cut it _all_ off.”

“No! You promised me I get to be there to make sure they don’t take off too much,” Even replied.

“What?” Magnus shouted, “I want to come!”

“You don’t want to come, Mags,” Isak disagreed.

“Actually, that could be fun to watch Even squirm,” Jonas smiled.

“Yeah, yeah,” Madhi smiled, too, “I’ve never seen the dude crack.”

 

So that’s how the five of them ended up in the barber shop that afternoon, much to Isak’s dismay. “We could just come back another time,” Even suggested.

“You have no shame,” Jonas chuckled.

“He’ll say anything to get me to back out now,” Isak laughed.

Even hugged him close from behind, nibbling Isak’s ear lobe, “I’ll _do_ anything to get you to back out now.”

Isak groaned, “Ugh, guys, restrain him!” He approached the counter, “Hi, I’d like to do a hair cut.”

“Do you have an appointment?” the girl asked, searching through the book. She was pretty with curly black hair and about a hundred freckles across the bridge of her nose. She kept eyeing Jonas.

“No, we were just hoping for a walk-in,” Isak explained, “Is there any availability?”

“We only have room for one once Christian finishes up his client over there,” she explained, looking at all of them.

“Perfect,” Isak smiled.

“But there’s five of you?” she was confused.

Magnus stepped in, “Oh we’re here for emotional support.”

“Emotional support?” She looked at Isak, “Are you nervous to cut your hair.”

“Nah,” Magnus began explaining, “See Isak here doesn’t care.” He hung a hand up on Even’s shoulder, “But his boyfriend’s having a hard time letting go.”

“Shut up, Mags!” Even and Isak groaned together.

She smiled, “So, you’re getting your haircut,” she pointed to Isak, “And you’re his boyfriend who doesn’t want him to,” she continued, pointing to Even, “And you three are here to help the boyfriend?”

“Well, I’m more here to watch the boyfriend suffer,” Madhi laughed.

“Jeez, you’re a good friend, Madhi,” Even scoffed.

“Well, okay, you guys can take a seat over there,” she gestured to the waiting area.

Even spent his last ten minutes combing his fingers through Isak’s hair and trying everything he could to convince him to wait longer, but Isak wasn’t having it.

Christian’s stand was right next to the waiting area, so Isak only had to move a few feet to sit in the barber chair. “Okay, so what are we doing today?” he asked Isak.

“It’s just way too long. I want it out of my eyes off my ears,” he explained.

Even fought back a whimper.

“But not too short,” Isak told him, “Or my boyfriend over there will break up with me.”

Christian looked over at Even, squashed between Madhi and Jonas, “That’s nice of you to think of him. My wife just does whatever she wants to her hair and I can’t say a word about it.”

“See!” Even argued, looking pointedly at Isak.

“I’m not your wife, Ev,” Isak taunted back. Even rolled his eyes.

“Alright alright,” Christian pulled out his scissors. He looked over at the guys, “You might wanna cover up his eyes, boys,” he laughed.

Even groaned and dropped his head into his hands. Jonas rubbed an assuring hand across his back, “It’ll be okay, Even,” he teased.

“Fuck you,” Even retorted.

Madhi gestured to the girl at the counter, “Looks like she wants to.”

She had been eyeing Jonas the entire time they were in the shop. Usually Jonas would have come back with some cocky statement about how he could get any girl he wanted but instead he just shrugged and Even wasn’t the only one to think it was weird.

“You serious, bro?” Magnus looked at Jonas.

“What?” Jonas asked, confused.

“Uhh, she’s totally into you. She hasn’t stopped looking at you like she wants to eat you,” Magnus laughed quietly.

“Whatever,” Jonas brushed him off. “She’s probably a uni student. Way too high maintenance for me.” He turned his attention back to Isak, “Lookin good, Isak.”

Even followed, first spotting all the hair on the ground, “Oh my god.”

Magnus hollered, “You should see your face, man!” He pulled out his phone to start taking a video.

“Relax, babe,” Isak called over from the chair.

Ten minutes later, Isak was done and standing up from the chair. He paid Christian, thanked him, and walked over to the couch where Even was sitting still frozen. “So?” Isak asked, “What do you think?”

There was still quite a bit of length on the top which Even liked. He ran his fingers across the sides of Isak’s head, his fingers bunching up in the short locks. “Not bad,” he whispered.

Isak brought his hand up to set on top of Even’s, curling his fingers around Even’s, “You can still tug,” he winked.

“Okay!” Madhi shouted.

“Yeah, boys, let’s keep it PG, huh?” Jonas laughed.

 

Even calmed down as the five of them went to eat kebabs. Sitting at the table next to Isak, Even couldn’t help admiring the way the cut suited him. He looked older and he seemed more confident. A strand of hair in the front curved over slightly, wanting to curl but not quite long enough. Even brushed it back with his fingers and Isak smiled.

Magnus interrupted them, “Fifa at mine?”

Madhi and Jonas agreed but Isak just shook his head, “Nah, we’ve got stuff to do,” he lied.

“Stuff?” Jonas looked at him confused.

Even nodded, “Stuff,” hoping he and Isak were referring to the same ‘stuff.’

“Oh Jeez, you can just say you’re gonna fuck,” Magnus shook his head.

“Mags,” Madhi and Jonas groaned.

Isak laughed, draping and arm around Even, “He’s not wrong.”

 

By the time they got back to Even’s apartment, George and Liv were finishing up their dinner in the kitchen. “Looking sharp, Isak!” George complimented.

“Wow, look at you!” Liv beamed, “The hair looks great.”

Isak smiled, “Thanks. Even wasn’t too happy about it.”

“Not true. I love it,” Even smiled back.

“Well, if you don’t mind, I’m gonna shower and get all this product out,” Isak kissed Even on the cheek and disappeared down the hallway.

Even stood in the doorway of the kitchen staring at his feet as his parents cleaned up in the kitchen. When they could hear the shower water turn on down the hallway, Even finally spoke, “Soooo.”

“Let’s talk in the living room, huh, son?” his dad gestured to the hallway.

 _Shit_.

Even sat down reluctantly on one couch and his parents sat on the other. “Relax, kiddo. You look like you’re gonna faint,” his mom smiled.

“I take it you talked?” Even sighed.

“We did,” his dad nodded, taking his mom’s hand in his own.

Neither of his parents said anything, like they were just trying to figure out how best to let Even down. “Come on, you’re killing me,” Even pleaded.

“You promise you wanting to move out isn’t about you resenting us?” his dad finally spoke.

“I could never resent you,” Even replied honestly. “It just feels right. He nodded, “I wanna do this. I really wanna do this.”

“Well,” George said.

Liv cut him off, “We think we’re ready to help you do that.”

“What!?” Even yelled, “Are you serious?” He jumped up from the couch. “For real?”

“Even, please sit down,” his mom urged, “We’re not done yet.”

“Okay, yeah, totally,” Even sat back down, his knee jumping.

“Obviously we want to help pick the place and we’ll want to see the lease in advance,” she explained.

“Done, of course,” Even smiled.

_Holy shit._

“And we want you to talk to your psychiatrist about it,” his dad added. “And actually listen to the advice. Don’t just nodded your head.”

“Okay,” Even agreed, fighting the urge to nod.

“And we want weekly dinners,” his mom added, “With you and Isak, or just you if Isak’s busy. We get his schedule is different from yours sometimes.”

Even smiled. “We can do that. This is all really reasonable. Thank you,” he assured them.

“Don’t thank us yet,” his dad warned.

“No?” Even asked.

“No, honey. We thought a lot about this and we know you’ll need to talk to Isak, but before any of this becomes a reality, the two of you need to sit down and talk with Marianne and Terje Valtersen,” she explained.

Even’s face fell, “What? Why? Isak’s already moved out.”

His parents shifted, “Yes, he’s already moved out, but his parents deserve to know where he’s living and who he’s living with. We’re not comfortable letting you two do this unless his parents are on board. He’s still seventeen, Even.”

“But,” Even was at a loss. “You can’t make Isak talk to his parents. That’s not fair. They’re not like you guys. They haven’t been able to take care of him in years.”

“Ev, that’s not fair. They’re still his parents,” George objected.

Even tempered his anger, “Who hanged Isak’s 6 on the fridge, dad?”

Neither of his parents said anything. “It wasn’t Terje,” Even answered for them. “You’re better parents to him than Terje could ever be. And his mom? His mom’s not well. It’s hard for her to take care of him, too. I can take care of him.”

“You don’t have to take care of him,” his mom interjected. “We know Isak, sweetie. He’s not incapable of caring for himself.”

“I know that,” Even nodded. “I know. I’m just saying that I, no we, care for him better than they do. Why should they get a say?”

“They’re his family,” his dad reminded him again.

Even shook his head, “That’s not what family looks like. This,” he gestured between them, “Is what family looks like. The kollektivet, no matter how crowded, is what family looks like. Family means putting others first, being there for each other. Isak’s dad has never put him first.”

“Honey, maybe this time he will?” his mom reasoned, “You have to give him the chance to do right by his son. You have to give him that. And even if it doesn’t go the way you want it, too, we can still talk about you living on your own.”

Even was angry at the prospect of having to force Isak to have a sit-down talk with his parents, but he figured he and his parents could be convincing enough. “Will you talk to them with us? Show them that you support this?”

“If you and Isak want us to be there, we’ll be there,” his dad agreed.

“Okay, okay,” Even nodded. “Anything to make this work.”

Even and his parents heard the water shut off from down the hallway and his parents stood from the couch, “We’re going out with your aunt and uncle to see that new X-Men movie, so the place is yours for the next few hours.”

Even looked up at them and found his smile, “Thanks, Mama.” He hugged her. “Thanks, Papa,” he hugged him, too. “I love you both,” Even assured them.

“We love you, too, son,” his father smiled.

His mom cupped his cheek, “You’re growing up so fast. You used to ask us to stay up late and watch cartoons and now you’re moving out. Where’s my little boy gone?” She looked like she was about to cry.

Even held his hand over hers, “I’m still here. I’m still your little boy,” he smiled down at her.

She wiped quickly at her glassy eyes, “Well, don’t make a mess while we’re gone,” she brushed off her spilling emotions. “If you make food, make sure to do the dishes.”

“We will,” Even promised.

His parents pulled on their coats and headed out the door. As soon as they left, Even quickly walked down the hallway to find Isak in the steamy bathroom, a towel wrapped around his waist. He was looking in the mirror, messing around with his hair with the fresh cut. He saw Even looking at him fondly through the mirror and turned around, “What?” he asked, trying to read his face.

Even walked toward him pulled Isak in by his hips, kissing him firmly on the mouth, “I love you, you know that?”

Isak nodded, “Yeah, yeah,” he rolled his eyes, but he was smiling, “I love you, too.” He grabbed Even’s hand and led him out of the bathroom down the hall to Even’s room.

“Are your parents here?” he asked.

Even shook his head, “No, they just headed out.”

Isak had no intention of getting dressed and he communicated that to Even by pulling his shirt over his head and unbuttoning his pants and pulling the zipper down. He tugged Even by the waistband of his boxers toward the couch beneath his lofted bed.

Isak kissed every inch of Even’s skin. He touched him so softly that Even never wanted him to stop. Isak took his time opening him up until Even was a writhing, moaning mess beneath him. It wasn’t long before Even was gripping tightly in Isak’s short hair as Isak thrusted inside him, steady and deep, setting off every nerve in Even’s body until he was trembling with pleasure.

After, when Even’s chest was still heaving and Isak cleaned him up gently, he couldn’t help dragged Isak back up to his lips for a warm kiss.

Isak smiled and rest his chin on Even’s chest and Even just combed his fingers through the top of Isak’s hair. “What are you thinking about?” Isak asked him.

Even rubbed his hands all over Isak’s back. “I wanna ask you something actually.”

“Oh?” Isak encouraged, lifting up to fold his arms across Even’s chest.

“Yeah,” Even nodded.

“You’re making me nervous, Ev.”

Even shook his head, “No, this is good news, I promise.”

“Okay?” Isak urged.

“I want you to move in with me,” Even finally answered, his heart racing.

“What? Here? With your parents?” Isak was shocked.

Even laughed, “No, no, I want us to move in together. In our own place,” he specified.

“Holy shit,” Isak face lit up. He sat up, “Holy shit!”

Even sat up with him, hanging onto his hips, “Is that a yes?”

“Holy shit, Even,” Isak’s smile was wider than ever before.

“You said that,” Even teased.

Isak jumped back on him, kissing him with everything he had, he kissed all over his face, repeating over and over, “Yes, yes, fuck yes, that’s a yes.”

They wrestled around on the couch, kissing and laughing and touching until they settled down. They put on some clothes and bundled under blankets to look through rental sites on Isak’s computer. Even could wait until tomorrow to tell Isak about his parents' conditions.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> let me know your thoughts! As you can probably tell, there'll soon be a chapter where Isak and Even sit down with each of their parents about the decision to move in together. 
> 
> if you like my writing and want to read more, I'm currently working on another fic which you can find here: http://archiveofourown.org/works/10931751/chapters/24318282 . It's an AU based on Never Let Me Go and I'm having a wild time writing it. The dynamic between Even and Isak is quite different in it and it's told from Isak's POV. It's pretty slow-burn and very angsty so if that's not your cup of tea, then maybe ignore this suggestion. 
> 
> I'm shit at proofreading so if you see any mistakes that just utterly confuse the flow of the chapter, please call me out for my shit! 
> 
> Thanks for all the support and lovely comments over the past few months! 
> 
> If you ever wanna talk about skam or fics or literally anything, hit up my tumblr ask here: https://fyfaen-skam.tumblr.com/ask


	46. Hard to figure hard to bare

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Even knew the longer he dragged this out, the harder it would be to break it to him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title from, "We Grew Up At Midnight" by The Maccabees.

 

 

By Thursday, Isak had created a very comprehensive spreadsheet of the nine apartments they’d found within a reasonable price range and distance from Nissen and Even’s parents’ home. Isak had listed rent prices, deposit fees, square meters, distance to Nissen, distance to the Bech Naesheim’s, distance to the closest tram stop, distance to UiO, things like “appliances included,” whether laundry was available on site, links to each of the housing websites, and earliest dates they could move in. Isak had also compiled a list of things they would need to buy upon moving, like kitchen table, dishes, bed, dresser, shower curtain, regular curtains, etc.. With that list was a list of things they already had, like bed sheets and TV. That one was a short list but Isak had explained to Even that it was an important one and they could just add things from the “We Need” list to the “We Have” list and that it was “obviously the best system for doing this.”

Even was impressed with the amount of effort and planning Isak was putting into this. It was a welcome distraction for Isak and a good enough reason to Even he’d only be up for “about ten more minutes.” Even let him stay up, knowing he preferred Isak to be obsessing over their future than worrying sleeplessly about his past.

The thing was, Even definitely intended to tell Isak Tuesday morning. He meant to tell him right away that they’d have to sit down and have a talk with his parents, both his parents. He had every intention of doing so, but Isak was just _so_ excited. And he was working so hard to make sure the transition would go absolutely smoothly. Even was relieved when Isak told him he didn’t want to tell the kollektivet or the boys about it until they’d signed their lease, until it was official. “Whatever you want,” Even had agreed with a smile and a kiss.

But now that Isak was asking Even to help him narrow down the list to their top three, it really couldn’t be put off any longer. One of Isak’s favorites from the list had an earliest move in date of eight days from then. Eight! Even was starting to panic.

“Babe,” Isak shut his laptop as they sat at the counter facing the street in the Kaffenbrenneriet. He leaned forward over the counter, supporting his head on his hand and looking at Even, “You gonna tell me what’s going on or what?”

Even shifted uncomfortably on his stool, “What do you mean?”

“It’s just,” Isak sighed. He grabbed Even’s hand on the counter, rubbing the back of his hand with his thumb. “I can tell something’s bothering you, and I don’t know if it’s the whole moving thing or?”

“Isak, I uh,” he couldn’t get out the words.

Isak was speaking softer now, leaning further into Even’s space, “You can tell me, Ev. You know. If you don’t want to do this, we can stop looking at places. Nothing has to change,” Isak assured him.

Even was in love. He could tell how much moving in together meant to Isak since Even introduced the concept. He could tell it was what Isak wanted more than anything – what they both wanted more than anything. And yet Isak was ready to let it go if it meant making Even happy. He was putting Even first.

“Of course I want to do this,” Even squeezed his hand back. “I want to do this with you so bad.”

Isak smiled, “Me, too.” He lifted up off his hand to lean forward and kiss Even’s cheek, “So then what’s going on, huh?”

“I need to talk to you about something before we get this all figured out,” Even gestured to the closed laptop.

“Oh, okay?” Isak sat up.

“Yeah,” Even bit his lip.

Isak straightened his back and looked around them in the crowded coffee shop. He let go of Even’s hand and started putting the laptop into his backpack, “Walk and talk?” Isak suggested, smiling softly as he fastened the clasps.

“Yeah,” Even nodded. He exhaled with relief suddenly realizing just how unprepared he was to talk to Isak about this in the KB.

For a while, Isak said nothing, just walked silently next to Even, his hands deep in his jacket pockets. The sun was still out but it was still pretty cold. Even could see Isak’s nose turning pink from the chilled air. Isak didn’t look over at Even too much as they walked, mainly focusing on the cars driving by and the strangers across the street.  

Even knew the longer he dragged this out, the harder it would be to break it to him.

“Hey Even?” Isak asked.

“Yeah?”

“You’re not pregnant, right?” he smiled.

“Fuck off,” Even rolled his eyes at the familiar joke.

Isak nudged his arm with his shoulder. “Come on,” he urged kindly, still grinning at him, “Just talk to me.”

Even nodded, his shoes scuffing against the sidewalk, “So my parents support us, right?” he started.

“Mhm,” Isak nodded.

“And you know how they said they’re okay with us doing this, right?” Even continued.

Isak’s voice was quiet and barely there when he asked, “Are they not anymore?”

“No, of course they are,” Even explained.

“Okay? Then, what?” Isak asked.

“Well they have a couple conditions,” he said.

Isak nodded, “Alright, I’m listening.”

“For one, they want weekly dinners with us, but I’m thinking I can talk them down to twice a month,” Even spoke quickly.

Isak laughed, “Okay, I can agree to that.”

“Ma doesn’t want me to get a job, but I don’t know. I don’t really want to work but I hate the idea of not having the option more,” he said.

Isak smiled and shook his head, “Of course you don’t.”

“Hey,” Even argued, “You’re more stubborn than I am and we both know it.”

Isak rolled his eyes, “I don’t know. What you just said was pretty stubborn.”             

Even stopped in his tracks, glaring jokingly at Isak. “Okay, okay,” Isak conceded, “Come on,” he grabbed Even’s arm and it pulled his hand out of his pocket. “Come on, I’m listening,” Isak assured him as he laced his fingers together with Even’s and started them walking again.

Even gripped Isak’s hand tight, “You’re not gonna like this one.”

Isak shook his head, “I promise. It’s gonna be okay.”

“So, my parents want to read over the lease and approve the place we pick before we sign the lease, but before they do that they’re asking something else,” Even bit his lip.

“You’re making me nervous,” Isak chuckled, “What? Do I have to sell a kidney?”

This was real. This was happening. Even didn’t laugh at Isak’s joke even though he was way off the mark. “No, no kidneys.”

“Even?” Isak stopped this time, turning Even to face him. He searched his eyes and Even could practically see the gears at work in Isak’s brain.

Even sighed, “They want us to sit down with your parents and get their approval.”

Isak swallowed thickly, his tense shoulders dropping, “Oh.”

“Yeah,” Even replied.

Isak looked down at their shoes that were toeing each other’s. “You sure they won’t settle for a kidney?” he joked half-heartedly.

Even’s heart broke. _This boy_. He raised a cold hand to Isak’s cheek, forcing him to look back up at him, “I’m sorry. Really. I didn’t know how to bring it up, I just, I know it-“

“It sucks,” Isak finished the sentence for him.

“Yeah.”

Isak’s eyes watered and he hung his head again.

“No, no, no, baby,” Even pulled him in close, “Please don’t cry. I’m so sorry.”

Isak’s body was trembling, “They’re never gonna go for it.”

“You don’t know that,” Even spoke into his shoulder.

“But I do!” Isak pulled back, shifting on his feet and letting go of Even. “Mama might,” he sniffled, “But my papa’s won’t even think about it before he says no.” Isak wiped at his eyes.

“He might,” Even urged, “Especially if the rent’s cheaper?”

“Why would he do anything good for me?” Isak questioned Even, like the answer was just so obvious. “Sometimes I think he does shit just to put me down.”

“My parents said they’ll come with us,” Even reasoned, “Maybe your father will listen to them? Give them a chance?”

Isak shook his head, “I don’t know. I don’t know.”

“We’ve gotta try,” Even told him. “You wanna try, right?”

“I want this more than anything,” Isak took Even’s hands in his. “I do. I just,” he sniffled, “I can’t believe he can still control me like this. It’s not fucking fair,” he gasped, a tear falling down his cheek.

Even kissed it away, “You’re right. It’s not fucking fair.”

Isak leaned into his embrace, letting Even’s long arms wrap around him.

Finally, Isak took in a deep breath, and on the exhale seemed to give in, “You’re parents will come?” he asked.

Even pulled back and took Isak’s face in both hands, leaning his forehead against his and bumping his cold nose, “Yes, of course.”

Isak wrapped his hands around Even’s wrists, nodding slightly, “Okay. Yeah, okay.”

Even leaned forward and pressed his lips to Isak’s, “I love you.”

“I love you, too,” Isak kissed him back.

 

 

 

They stayed at Even’s that night since it was closest to KB and Isak had left extra clothes there on Tuesday night. With Liv’s help, Isak and Even decided that the best scenario to approach Isak’s parents would be to go out to dinner together – somewhere public but intimate so that Terje couldn’t walk off upset and Marianne wouldn’t get too nervous.

Around 19:00, Isak sent a text to both his parents inviting them to dinner. He decided to tell them it was because he wanted them to meet his boyfriend and Even’s parents and carefully left out the part about possibly moving in with Even. They would reveal that intent at dinner toward the end of the meal.

By 21:30, both of Isak’s parents had agreed. “Wow,” Isak showed Even the phone, “He said, ‘Looking forward to it’.”

“Wow,” Even agreed. “That’s a good sign, yeah?”

Isak looked back at the phone as if to check that the message was real, “I can’t believe we’re doing this.”

“What?” Even asked. “Moving in together or having dinner with your parents?”

Isak shrugged, “Both, I guess.” He pulled off his sweatshirt, his shirt riding up with it and exposing his skin as he strode over the couch beneath Even’s bed. He sat down as Even got the movie ready on his laptop. Isak leaned his head back on the couch, looking up at the bed. “We are definitely not getting a lofted bed,” Isak decided.

“They’re functional!” Even argued. “They create space. It makes the room feel bigger.”

“It makes it hard to fuck,” Isak said, not even moving.

A laugh sputtered from Even’s mouth, “Oh is that right?”

Isak’s eyes peered over at him, “Uhh, yeah,” he said as if it was obvious.

“We’ve done it before,” Even teased. He leaned over and pressed a wet kiss to Isak’s exposed neck, dragging his lips along the smooth skin. He sneaked a hand beneath Isak’s t-shirt.  

“Even, your parents are home,” Isak warned.

Even smiled, “We’ve done it before,” letting his hand become more adventurous as he began sucking a bruise onto Isak’s throat.

“Come on,” Isak urged, panting, “It’s embarrassing. I don’t want them to hear.”

Even retreated, smirking, “It’ll be nice when we can just do it whenever we want.”

Isak nodded, “And you can cook naked like Eskild.”

Even laughed, “We can _actually_ do everything naked.”

Isak sighed, dropping his head onto Even’s shoulder, “I hope this works out tomorrow.”

Before starting the movie, Even grabbed his hand and held it between both of his, “Me, too, baby. Me, too.”

 

 

 

 

In the first moments when Even woke up, he wasn’t sure if he was dreaming or not. Sometimes his body tricks him into thinking he’s still sleeping when he’s awake. It’s like his mind has to play catch up with his body. He couldn’t remember what he was dreaming about, but the shaking and the nudging and the sounds could very well have belonged in a strange dream.

It takes only a few seconds when he wakes up before he realizes that something is wrong. It only takes a few seconds for the fear and the guilt to settle in his bones as Isak’s sleeping form panics beside him. Even immediately lifted and twisted Isak’s body so that Isak was lying half on top of him, damp and trembling.

“Come on, Isak. Wake up,” he speaks into his ear. The short hairs on the back of his head are damp and curled at the nape of his neck. Even kissed his warm and slick temple, “Please baby, wake up for me.” He hugged him tight, rocking him against his chest. With a firm hand on Isak’s lower back and the other gently tangled in the longest hair on his head, Even urged and urged, “Please, please, please.”

Isak was still asleep, tears wet on his cheeks and Even’s shirt. His shoulders felt like they were vibrating as he choked out Even’s own words, “please, please, please.” Even wanted to cry at Isak’s whimpers.

“Baby, wake up,” he urged, patting Isak’s skin. He lifted his head with his hand, kissing his clenched eyes, “Isak, please!” he shouted.

Isak’s eyes fluttered open. It took him a full minute to fully wake, his eyelids heavy and drooping, “Even.” He collapsed back on him, hugging Even back, burying his face in Even’s neck and letting the tears fall, “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry.”

“It’s okay. You’re okay,” Even shushed him. “It’s okay.”

Isak gradually steadied his breathing, letting his grip loosen around Even. His body went limp.

“You’re okay,” Even told him again. He looked over at his bedroom door, finding light spilling in from underneath. They must have woken at least one of his parents.

“I’ve got you. You’re safe,” he promised, rubbing Isak’s shoulders. Even repeated himself, “I’ve got you,” he said, kissing his hair as the light in the hallway shut off.

Even would never say that it ever became easier when the nightmares came for Isak, but he could admit to himself that he was getting better at being there for him when they did.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know I don't post as frequently as I used to.  
> Sorry about that.  
> I'm hoping to have the next chapter up by Friday.
> 
> Also, I've decided to finish this fic off at 50 chapters. Love you all <3


	47. What a place to think things through

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title from "In The Backseat" by Jonas Alaska

 

 

 

When Even woke up before his alarm Friday morning, his brain immediately led him to believe that Isak was having another nightmare. His body had been conditioned to think that waking up without his alarm meant Isak was suffering. So when he realized Isak was sound asleep – chest pressed into the mattress, head sideways on the pillow with his lips slightly parted, and a limp arm strung across Even’s stomach – Even realized how fast his heart was racing. It took him a minute or so to relax his heart and his body to catch up to his brain. Everything was fine.

He looked over at Isak, his back rising and falling with his breath, tiny snores escaping from his nose. Even couldn’t help reaching over to cup his cheek. He leaned in and kissed his forehead. He was too awake now to go back to sleep. Even carefully removed Isak’s arm from his body and slipped out of bed, down the ladder. He could hear Isak shift slightly in bed, but he remained asleep.

Even quickly showered, brushed his teeth, and took his pills in the bathroom. He stared at himself in the mirror, turning his face from side to side, quirking his mouth in strange ways to study his jaw line. He dropped his eyes to where his neck met his shoulder, bringing a hand up to trace over the five small, faint yellowy-green marks clustered there from Tuesday night. In one or two days, they would be completely gone. Even just hoped tonight went well enough that they would readily be replaced.

Walking back into his room, Even noticed Isak had shifted in bed, lying on his side with his back to the door. He was hugging one of the pillows and the blankets had fallen further down his side, exposing the pretty skin of his torso. Something caught Even’s eye right above the waistband of Isak’s briefs. At first glance, it looked like a shadow. He climbed up on the little table in front of his couch and carefully lifted the blanket with his right hand just enough to get a better look. Isak had five marks, too. Five dark purple marks with one slighter bigger and further away from the others.

Even felt the blood drain from his face. He lifted a shaky hand up to Isak’s skin, his fingertips hovering over the bruises perfectly matching the shape of his fingers hand. He let his fingers brush the bruised skin and Isak’s back tensed as he arched away from the touch. Even heard him make a sound that didn’t sound good at all. 

“I’m sorry,” he whispered, but Isak didn’t hear him.

He had hurt him. He bruised him. He inflicted pain on Isak and the thought made him uncomfortably dizzy. Even stepped down from the table and started getting dressed, pulling on his briefs and his jeans. He was looking for a shirt in his closet when he heard Isak move and take in a long breath.

“Hey,” Even heard him speak softly from the bed. Even turned around to see Isak had flipped over to face him.

“Hi,” Even replied, smiling weakly.

“You showered without me?” Isak asked, confused and voice still scratchy with sleep.

“Yeah, my parents are still here I think,” Even answered.

Isak rubbed his eyes with his knuckles and ran his fingers through his short hair, “What time is it?”

Even shrugged and walked over to his phone on the desk, “06:19.”

“Jesus, why am I awake?” Isak groaned.

Even apologized, “Sorry, I didn’t mean to wake you.”

“No, I didn’t mean it like that,” Isak explained.

Even nodded and pulled a t-shirt over his head. He found a blue plaid button up and threw that on, too. He heard Isak getting up from the bed and stepping down the ladder.

“Hey, what are you doing?” Even asked, confused, “You can go back to sleep.”

Isak shook his head, “I rather kiss you good morning.” He gave him a quick, close-mouthed kiss on the lips and grabbed a towel, “I’m gonna shower.”

He was walking out the door and Even could see the bruises on his lower back. “Wait,” he called after him.

Isak stopped and peeked his head around the door, “Yeah?”

“Uh, should I make breakfast?” Even asked, avoiding bringing up the bruises.

“No,” Isak decided, “Let’s take the early tram and stop for coffee, first.”

Even nodded in reply and then Isak was disappearing down the hallway and into the bathroom.

Later that morning after they’d gotten their coffee, Even interrupted the comfortable silence between them.

“How are you feeling?” Even asked as they walked and sipped their coffees.

Isak shrugged, “Kind of low energy.”

Even nodded, walking in step with him, “Are you sore?”

“Sore?” Isak asked, confused.

“Like, does it hurt anywhere?” Even clarified.

“I know what sore is, Even. Why would I be sore?” Isak looked at him like he had two heads.

Even shrugged, avoiding eye contact, “A while ago, Jonas told me about you getting muscle cramps.” What he was really trying to ask was whether or not Isak could feel the bruises Even had left on his skin.

Isak shook his head, “Jonas.”

“He’s just looking out for you,” Even reasoned.

Isak nodded, “Yeah, I know. Look, Even. I’m sorry it happened again last night. I’m just stressed about dinner tonight-.”

“Don’t apologize. You don’t have to be sorry for anything,” Even assured him. He moved his coffee to his other hand so he could grip Isak’s lacing their fingers together.

The action pulled a soft smile from Isak. “If it’s okay,” he started, “I just don’t want to talk about this one.” Even looked at him, “At least not right now. I just want to focus on tonight, not last night. So just this once can we pretend it never happened?” he asked nervously.

“If that’s what you want,” Even agreed, squeezing his hand a little tighter.

Isak answered, “Yes, that’s what I want.”

“Okay,” Even said and the corners of his mouth turned up.

“Are you mad?” he asked.

“What? No. I’m not mad,” Even replied quickly.

“You sure?”

“Isak.” Even tossed his almost empty coffee in the nearby trash and turned to face him. He brought both of his hands up to his face. He stroked Isak’s right cheek with his thumb and his left jaw with the back of his knuckles. “Believe me when I say I’m not mad at you. It’s up to you how you want to handle your nightmares. I’m just glad that you’re not trying to handle it all alone anymore. I’m here for you. Always. Even when you don’t want to talk about it. Alright?”

Isak blinked a few times before answering with, “I love you.”

Even leaned in and kissed him on the mouth, slowly and coaxing with his lips. He pulled away to kiss his cheek and pull him into his chest, “I love you, too. I promise I do.”

 _I’m sorry for hurting you_ went unsaid. He knew they’d talk about it when they were ready. Even hadn’t meant to hurt him. He really hadn’t. He just wanted him to wake up. He was just hugging him too hard. And now. Now he was hugging him too hard, holding him too close.

He loosened his grip and kissed Isak’s forehead.

Isak lifted his chin and whispered exactly what Even needed to hear, “I love it when you hug me like that.”  

Even was so in love with him. It was all he could think about throughout school that day, how much he loved him.

He was glad when lunch finally rolled around that day and he would get to see Isak again. When lunch fifteen minutes passed, Isak still hadn’t shown and he hadn’t replied to Even’s “where are you?” text either.

“Where have you been, man?” Jonas was looking at his phone, “Biology ended like twenty minutes ago.” Even was relieved when he turned around to see Isak striding toward them.

Isak finally sat down to join the boys at lunch, “I had to stay back and to talk to the teacher.”

Even couldn’t help leaning in to kiss him firmly on the mouth. It caught Isak off guard, but Even was glad when he didn’t pull away from him or look around for who had seen.

Isak laughed, “What was that for?”

Even shrugged, “I just love you.”

He scoffed, “Who’s the sap now?”

“What is with you two?” Jonas asked.

“Yeah,” Mahdi agreed, “You’ve been sickeningly cute all week.”

“Did you hear that, Ev?” Isak smiled, “Mahdi thinks we’re cute.”

Even wrapped his arm around his shoulders and kissed his temple, “Can you blame him?”

“Uh, hello?” Magnus asked, “We’re right here you know?”

“What?” Isak asked. “It’s not like we’re gonna get freaky in this crowded cafeteria.”

Jonas shook his head, “Wouldn’t want to see that again.”

“Again!?” Magnus shrieked the same time Mahdi asked, “What the fuck?”

“Jonas!” Isak almost yelled.

“I mean, it was kind of your fault, babe,” Even chimed in.

Isak glared at him, but Even didn’t feel any malice. Just smiled at the way Isak’s eyebrows knitted together.

“No way,” Magnus encouraged. “Okay. Storytime. Now.”

Jonas shook his head, “No, no, no. No more oral lessons, please.”

At that, Magnus’ eyes went wide and Mahdi laughed, “I think we can infer what the story was, Mags.”

Isak slumped forward onto the table and rested his chin on his crossed arms while Even rubbed his back in smooth, soft circles. “Can we be done talking about this already?” Isak pleaded.

Even couldn’t help saying, “That’s a pretty blush you’ve got going, babe.”

Isak turned back to glare at him some more, “Keep it up and you’ll sit between my parents tonight.”

“What?” Jonas asked, “Parents?”

“What’s going on?!” Magnus yelled, still confused by the entire conversation.

Isak leaned back in his chair, slumped his head back, and let out a sigh. “We’re going to dinner with my parents, tonight.”

“You are?” Jonas asked, obviously wanting to hear more.

“Yeah,” Even answered, “I’m finally meeting the parents.”

“Wow, congratulations, man!” Mahdi high-fived him. “Be sure to tell them how you freaked out when Isak cut his hair.” Even’s hand immediately turned into a middle finger, just for Mahdi.

“This is big, man,” Jonas sat forward. “Why the big meet and greet?” he asked. “No offense, Even. It’s just,” he turned to Isak, “Your parents are hard to get together. What’s your dad even doing these days?”

“How come you haven’t met them, yet?” Mahdi asked.

“Isak, how’s your mom?” Magnus asked, then, “Can I come to dinner?”

“Whoa, whoa, guys,” Isak breathed out, “hold on.”

“Me first,” Jonas demanded.

Isak shrugged, “We just talked about it and we think it’s time that Even met them.”

Even and Isak had talked about this. They didn’t want to tell anyone about their plans to move in together until it was a sure thing. Only Sana knew and that was because she knew before Isak even did.

The two of them fielded Magnus, Mahdi, and Jonas’ questions the rest of lunch and Even took their advice in stride.

When Even sat down in Stats, Sana was quick to interrogate him, “I see you and Isak have eased into PDA quite well. Skipping with him last period wasn’t enough? You had to mack on him at lunch, too?”

“What?” Even asked, raising an eyebrow at Sana. What was she talking about?

“Even, don’t play dumb. I saw you guys practically making out in the cafeteria. Everyone did.” 

“Isak wasn’t in Biology?”

She shook her head, “I texted him and he said he was skipping with you. You didn’t skip?”

Even realized Isak had lied to both of them.

“Is everything okay, Even?” she asked.

“Yeah, I think so. I don’t know. Maybe he skipped class to talk to his father. I’m meeting his parents tonight.”

“You are?” she smiled. “That’s awesome, Even. They’re going to love you.”

Even shrugged, “I don’t know. I don’t think Mr. Valtersen is my biggest fan.”

“What makes you say that?” Sana asked.

“Well, during my last episode, I talked to him on the phone before and I said some things I probably shouldn’t have said.”

“Does he know?”

“That I’m bipolar?”

She nodded in confirmation.

Even shook his head, “No, I don’t think so. But I think he knows there’s something wrong with me.”

“Hey,” she grabbed him by the chin and made him look at her, “There’s nothing wrong with you. You hear me?” It felt all too familiar, like Sana had done this before. In reality, he was sure his mother had done the same thing to him early in his diagnosis.

With his chin still in her palm, he smiled, “Thank you, Sana.”

It was enough to settle his nerves for the rest of the school day. Then he just wrestled with confronting Isak about his lie before or after dinner. He could worry about Isak’s parents later.

 

 

-

 

 

Isak was changing in front of Even in his room at the kollektivet. He was wearing a pair of black dress socks with dark brown slacks. “Should I wear the gray or the blue one?” he held them up.

“What color tie are you going to wear?” Even asked from where he was lounging on the bed.

Isak bit his lip, “I think just black.”

“You should borrow one of Eskild’s rainbow ones,” Even replied.

Isak rolled his eyes. “You’re no help.” He turned back around to look at himself in the mirror inside the door of his wardrobe.

Even stood up limberly and strode over to wrap his arms around Isak from behind. He pressed his lips to his neck. Isak tilted his head to the side, giving him better access, and softly shut his eyes as he hummed. “Wear the blue one,” Even spoke against his warm skin. “You look hot in blue.”

“Even. I’m not trying to look hot. I’m trying to look like a capable adult ready to move in with his boyfriend.”

Even shrugged and rested his chin at the junction of Isak’s neck and shoulder, “The blue shirt says both. Here,” he grabbed the shirt from his hand and turned him around to help him into it.

He placed each of Isak’s arms through the sleeves and pulled the back of it up around his shoulders. Even trailed his hands down Isak’s chest and wrapped them around his back. He clutched at his shoulder blades and pulled him into him in an embrace. Even sighed into his neck, “You’re so warm.”

Isak hummed, “You, too,” as he tucked some of Even’s stray hair behind his ear.

They rubbed their cheeks together until their noses were brushing. It was Isak who closed the distance between their lips. Even wanted nothing more than to stay in and lazily kiss Isak beneath the sheets of his bed. He wanted to keep him here forever and get them out of their dress clothes. The last thing he wanted was to face Terje Valtersen.

Isak pulled away, breathing slightly labored and he whispered against Even’s lips, “Are you nervous?”

“A little,” Even lied. Truthfully, it was a lot.

“I’ve been nervous all day, really. But now, I don’t know. I’m pretty excited. Mama’s gonna love you,” Isak assured him, stroking Even’s cheek with his thumb.

“And your father?” Even swallowed.

Isak shook his head, “His opinion doesn’t matter. His presence tonight is only a formality.”

Even nodded. He felt sorry for Isak. If he’d had a relationship with his father like Isak did, Even thought he’d be a lot angrier in general. He pulled back and released Isak so he could button up the shirt.

“I can’t believe you’re dressing me right now,” Isak laughed.

“You rather I was undressing you?” Even smirked.

“Is that a rhetorical question?” Isak teased.

Even finished the last button and smiled. He leaned forward and whispered against Isak’s ear, his lips just brushing the cold skin there, “I can’t wait to take these clothes off you tonight.” Isak moaned. Even slipped his hands down Isak’s back, beginning to tuck in his shirt. He pulled back and swallowed. Even had tucked in almost all of his shirt, leaving out the fabric that hovered over where Even knew the bruises were.

He pulled back and swallowed thickly, “Do you have a belt?”

Isak didn’t answer him, he just put his hand over Even’s on his waist and moved it around his side until Even’s hand was right on top of the marks. Even didn’t know why he was so emotional. It could have been because of his medication. It could have been that he was about to meet the love of his life’s parents. More likely, it was that the love of his life was standing right there with him, showing him that it was okay. He couldn’t stop the apology from spilling out. He tried to ignore the stinging sensation in his eyes, “Isak, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to hurt you. I’m so sorry.”

“Even, you didn’t hurt me,” Isak held Even’s head with his hands, forcing him to look at him.

Despite his best efforts, a tear fell from Even’s eye and Isak brushed it away, “Even.”

“Isak, there’s bruises on your body and I made them,” he felt like sobbing but fought to keep his composure.

“It’s just bruises,” Isak explained, keeping his voice steady. “Look,” he moved his fingers to Even’s neck and pulled his collar out of the way, “I gave you these bruises. Do they hurt?”

Even shook his head.

“Do you wish I hadn’t done it?” Isak pressed.

“No,” Even answered.

“It’s the same, babe. It’s exactly the same. I gave you these because I love you.” He moved Even’s hand back over the back of his hip, “You gave me these because you love me.”

Even nodded, wiping away the tears that were threatening to spill over his lashes.

“You do love me, right?” Isak asked.

Even choked out a laugh mixed with a sob. He was a mess, “Yes, yes, of course I do.” He crashed their lips together, “I love you so much.”

A few minutes later, Isak pulled apart from him and began tying a black tie around his neck. He laughed, “You’re gonna have to do your hair again.” It was a mess. Even could feel it, could see the dislodged strands in his periphery.

He sat down on the edge of the bed and watched Isak tie his tie. “How’d you learn to do that?” he asked.

Isak shrugged, “Papa taught me when I was like twelve or something.”

“Yeah?”

Isak nodded and hummed a yes.

“So there are good memories with him then?” Even asked, hopeful.

He looked at Even through the mirror, smiling softly, “Not enough.” He then added, “It’s okay, though. Leaves more room for me to make good ones with you.”

Even just shook his head, “You old sap.” Isak laughed. He knew the nickname was growing on him. “Isak?” Even asked.

“Yeah?”

“If I ask you something, will you promise to answer me honestly?” the question made Isak turn around, adjusting the tie around his neck.

“Of course,” he answered.

“Why did you tell Sana we skipped class today?” Even bit his lip.

“Oh,” Isak’s face fell, “She blew my cover then, huh?”

“She told me in Stats.”

Isak nodded, making sense of it.

“Did something happen?” Even urged.

“Yes and no. Well, I don’t know. It’s not really a big deal, but I think it’s kind of big.” Isak walked over to his backpack and dug out something Even couldn’t see. It sounded like a pack of tic-tacs. If Even didn’t know better, he would have thought it sounded like a bottle of pills.

When Isak sat down next to him and showed him that it was, in fact, a bottle of pills, Even was really confused.

Isak started, “So, Dr. Skrulle helped me schedule an appointment with a psychiatrist. I missed Biology for it. My teacher knows. Well, it went well, I guess. He prescribed me these, and I went to the pharmacy to fill the prescription and it took longer than I thought it would, so I was late to lunch.”

“Oh,” Even studied the bottle, “Temazepam?”

“It’s a benzodiazepine,” Isak said, as if that explained anything. He realized he wasn’t making sense to Even. “They’re to help me sleep, suppress the night terrors. They help with anxieties, which usually bring on the night terrors or keep me from sleeping.”

“So, like sleeping pills?”

“Yeah, but, like more suited for what I need. Hopefully,” he took the pill bottle from him. He ran his thumb over the “take as needed” label. “I’m just supposed to take one when I feel anxious before I go to sleep. I won’t need them every day. I’m actually not supposed to take them every day. Apparently, people get hooked. And it may not work for me, but I thought it was worth a try. I thought that maybe they could help and then _both_ of us could get some decent sleep sometimes.”

Even leaned forward and kissed him, “I’m so proud of you, but why didn’t you tell me? I mean, between me and my mom, we could have helped you find a psychiatrist.”

“I know,” Isak nodded, “I just wanted to do it on my own. I guess, I wanted to remind myself that I can, you know, do stuff on my own – make decisions on my own.”

Even agreed, “Of course you can. You’re a genius.”

Isak smiled, “Hopefully I won’t need one tonight.” 

“Either way,” Even grabbed his hand, “I’m here for you.”

“I know,” Isak’s grin was toothy and wide, just like Even liked it.

Isak stood up, pulling Even to his feet and tossing the pills on the bed. “Alright, come on,” he ushered him into the hallway, “We’ve got to leave in ten minutes and you still need to fix that hair.”

Even slipped into the bathroom, quickly fixing his hair and washing his hands in the sink. With his damp fingers, he patted at his face, making sure he felt fresh and ready.

Eskild stopped them both before they left the apartment. “Not so fast!” he shouted in his blue silk robe. “Take those coats off right now! I need a picture to commemorate this!”  

Isak groaned, “Eskild, we’re going to be late!”

“Now,” Eskild demanded, “I feel like my baby’s going to prom.”

Isak rolled his eyes, “You watch too many shitty American rom-coms.”

Eskild shrugged, “Maybe so, but you’re gonna let me have this,” he held up his phone. “Now, now, stand together.”

Even laughed and wrapped his arm around Isak’s waist hugging him close to his side. Isak mirrored him, wrapping his arm around Even and settling it on top of his. “Smile!” Eskild ordered.

Isak laughed and shook his head, but he eventually straightened up and stood tall next to Even, smiling brightly. “One, two, three,” Eskild counted down.

Isak turned to put his coat back on, but Eskild stopped him, “No, no, no, I want at least five pictures.”

Isak groaned, “Make it quick.” Even looked down at Isak and kept smiling while Isak smiled at Eskild’s phone.

“Oh, that was great!” Eskild shouted.

Isak unwrapped his arm from Even and grabbed his hand to lace their fingers together between them, holding their hands steady between their hips. The camera sound clicked. Even lifted their still joined hands and brought his hand to Isak’s opposite shoulder in front of him so that Isak’s arm had crossed his own chest. Even pressed his lips to Isak’s temple when the camera sound clicked again.

“One more?” Even asked to Eskild.

“Yes, yes, then I’ll let you leave,” Eskild agreed.

Even let Isak go, just to fit his hands back on his hips and turned him to face him. “I’m gonna kiss you, babe,” he warned Isak.

His boyfriend just rolled his eyes with a teasing grin, “If you insist.”

“Oh, I insist,” Even smiled as he leaned close to his lips.

Their lips met and Isak wrapped his arms around Even’s shoulders. Even thought he heard the camera click at least four more times before Isak pulled away and muttered, “Okay, we’re leaving now, Eskild.”

“Fine, fine. Go on,” Eskild shooed them, “Have a nice dinner.”

“Thanks,” Even smiled.

“Come on,” Isak pulled him by his hand. “We’re going to be late!”

“Isak, the plan is to be twenty minutes early,” he laughed. “I think it’s okay if we’re only fifteen minutes early.”

“You’re right, you’re right,” Isak sighed.

They pulled on their coats and left the apartment quietly. While taking the tram to the restaurant, Isak laced their fingers together once more and leaned in to speak softly, “Thank you.”

Even looked at him. He wasn’t quite sure what Isak was thanking him for, but Isak clarified that for him.

“For everything.”

 

 

 

 


	48. Still I'll be there for you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dinner with the Bech Naesheim's and Valtersen's.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title from "Anyone Who Knows What Love Is (Will Understand)" by Irma Thomas.

 

 

Isak’s hair looked nice, so nice. So Even told him, “Your hair looks so nice, babe.”

He rolled his eyes at Even, “Thanks for doing my hair, Even.”

Even shrugged. He hadn’t done much, just ran a comb through it with some product to tame the wild strands atop his head. “You’re welcome,” he smiled.

“At least papa will be glad to see I didn’t let my hair grow too long,” he replied.

Even tightened his arm around Isak’s shoulders as they walked toward the restaurant, “Your dad doesn’t want you to have long hair?”

Isak shook his head, “No.”

Even felt like there was more to the story, but he wasn’t about to push Isak to trudge up that part of his past when they were going to be breaking bread with Terje in less than 30 minutes. “Well,” Even decided, “I like your long hair and your short hair.”

“Thanks,” Isak smiled, looking over at him. He leaned in to kiss his cheek, “I like you.”

“Wow,” Even through his head back with laughter, “I can’t believe I’m in love with Oslo’s biggest sap.”

Isak rolled his eyes again, “You started all this.”

Even nodded in defeat, looking down at his feet. Isak stopped in his tracks.

“This is it.”

Isak was right. They’d walked right up to the restaurant. It was beautiful, with lights and hanging plants all over the outside. The grand double doors were a deep red wood color adorned with gold accents. “I can’t believe your parents insisted on paying,” Isak said as he leaned forward to look at the menu outside. “There isn’t a single thing on here under 180 kroner.”

“Ma won a prize in the biochemistry department at the university this week or something. She has all this extra money and doesn’t know what to do with it. It’ll be okay. I promise. She wants to do this,” Even assured him.

“Even,” Isak turned to him. His face was pale and his eyes looked clouded with worry, “Is this a bad idea?”

“Hey,” Even cupped Isak’s face with both hands, forcing him to look in his eyes, “I don’t think it’s a bad idea. I want to meet your parents, I do. I want to move in with you, I do. But if you don’t want to do this, if you don’t think you’re ready, then okay. We’ll leave. I can text my parents right now. No problem. All that matters to me is that I get to be with you. Whether we live together or not, I’m still going to be crazy in love with you in the morning.”

Isak laughed and sniffled. He quickly wiped his eye before leaning in to kiss Even. Even closed his eyes and thought of all the different universes out there - the ones where he and Isak were already living together, the ones where Even wasn’t bipolar, the ones where Isak sleeps, the ones where Isak still lived with his parents, the ones where they didn’t know each other yet. He smiled as their lips met and he just knew that all the other Even’s out there lived for this moment just as much as he did. If time were to stop and they were to be suspended in any moment, he would definitely choose this one. The beginning of a kiss was his favorite moment.

Isak broke away and threw his arms over Even’s shoulders, pulling him in for a tight hug until it felt like their two bodies had become one. Even squeezed him tightly around his back. Isak lifted his forehead from Even’s shoulder but didn’t pull away from him to whisper, “I love you so much.”

Even kissed him once more, “Are we doing this?”

Isak let his body separated from Even and held both of his hands between them. “We’re doing this,” he agreed.

Isak opened the large door and lead Even through the foyer of the restaurant. They were there fifteen minutes before the time Isak had told his parents to be there. “Hi, we have a reservation for six,” he told the hostess at her large podium.

“Oh, you must be the Bech Naesheim Valtersen party?” she asked. “Two from your party have already arrived. I’ll lead you to your table.”

Isak turned to Even, “Did your parents come early, too?”

Even would have answered him with “I don’t know” if he wasn’t trying to get a grip after hearing their last names together like that. If he could find his voice, he would be telling Isak how he thought “Even Bech Naesheim Valtersen was a great name, don’t you think, Isak Bech Naesheim Valtersen?” Instead he just shrugged as they followed the waitress.

Even’s parents had gotten there early, also. “Ma?” Even asked as he sat down next to his father, “Why are you guys here so early?”

“We’ve only been here ten minutes,” Liv told him. She leaned over the round table to take Isak’s hand in hers. “Isak, sweetie, you look so sharp.” She was still squeezing his hand when she smiled at Even, “Blue’s his color, don’t you think, Even.”

“Thank you, Liv,” Isak smiled back at her. “You look lovely.”

Even’s dad leaned over and whispered, “Your mother’s a little nervous. She’s already had two glasses of wine.”

“I can hear you, George,” she muttered, releasing Isak’s hand.

“Why are you nervous, Ma?” Even didn’t get it. She was always the epitome of cool and excited, ready for anything.

“I just really want Marianne to like me,” she admitted, sipping her wine.

“Alright,” George took the glass from her and moved it away once she set it back down.

“I’m sure she’s going to love you,” Isak assured her, “Both of you,” he looked to Even’s dad, too.

“So,” Even interjected, “Isak’s mother will probably sit next to him and the Terje will sit next to you, Ma. Is that alright?”

“I can take him,” she winked. “George, honey, hand me my wine, will you?”

 Isak and Even spent a while perusing the menu. Even the paper felt expensive, heavy and bound to a leather board. Even leaned closer, “Do your parents like Italian food?”

He nodded, “Mama really does. Papa it’s anything, really.”

“What are you thinking of having?” Even asked.

“I don’t know. I’m thinking the ravioli with ricotta, but the lasagna sounds good, too,” he bit his lip as he read all the ingredients to himself.

Even put his hand on Isak’s thigh, “I’ll get whichever one you don’t get and then you can have some of mine.”

Isak covered Even’s hand with his own, grasping him firmly, “Yeah? You’d do that for me?”

Even nodded and made a face he hoped would say “Well duh,” then spoke instead, “I’d do anything for you.”

“Make sure you boys save room for dessert. We’re going all out tonight!” Liv smiled.

“Isak?” a small voice came from above them. Isak gripped Even’s hand tighter then let it go as he stood.

“Mama,” he wrapped the woman in his arms. She looked dwarfed in her son’s embrace. Marianne’s blonde hair fit perfectly beneath his chin. “Mama,” he pulled away from her, taking both her hands in his, “You look so beautiful.”

“Thank you, honey. You look very handsome,” she raised a hand up to his cheek and Even’s heart clenched with how perfect and happy they looked together. “I didn’t think it was possible, but you got even taller, didn’t you?” It had only been three months since Isak last saw his mother, but even Even, who spent every day with him, realized he had in fact grown taller.

Even’s body caught up with his brain and he stood from the table to join Isak. Marianne was wearing a deep green dress and had her hair swooped back into a low, loose bun that hung at the nape of her neck. She had the biggest eyes Even had ever seen, round and blue and swimming with kindness. She looked so young, obviously younger than his parents. Everything about her seemed lively and lovely. It was hard to imagine that this woman had ever battled mental illness.

Isak turned to look at him. “Oh, Mama. This is Even,” he smiled.

“Hello,” Even smiled back, he shook her hand, “It’s nice to meet you. I’ve been really looking forward to this.”

“You and me both,” Marianne agreed. “Isak, you didn’t tell me Even was so tall. And so handsome,” she squeezed her son’s cheek as if no one else was there.

To Even’s surprise, Isak didn’t seem to mind. In fact, it looked like he was relishing his mom’s touch, like he knew there was a possibility that it would be a long while before he had this chance again, “Come sit, Mama.”

Isak pulled out the chair next to his, helping his mother sit down. He sat down next to her and introduce his mom to Even’s parents. “This is Liv and George Bech Naesheim. Liv is a professor at the university and George is an artist. Liv teaches biochemistry and she’s great at it. You remember how I always liked biochemistry, don’t you, Mama? And George, he just recently had one of his new paintings hung up at the aquarium. It’s beautiful, Mama. I should take you there so you can see it.” Isak was just so excited. Even couldn’t believe even twenty minutes ago he was a nervous wreck. It made Even sad that they hadn’t decided to meet Isak’s mom sooner. But maybe that had been for the best. Maybe she had needed time to heal.

By the end of Isak’s speech, George was smiling and Liv was laughing. Even couldn’t blame them. Isak was adorable. “It’s very nice to meet you, Marianne,” Liv leaned over to tell her.

“It’s nice to meet you as well, especially since Isak here is such a big fan apparently.”

At that, even Even laughed. Marianne was so much like Isak, charming as hell.

“Would you like some wine, Marianne?” George offered, “It’s Pinot Grigio.”

“Oh, it’s amazing!” Liv clapped her hands together then searched for her wine.

Marianne politely declined, “Oh no thank you, I really shouldn’t.” That was the first hint all night that Marianne had ever had any problems, that there was ever any reason related to her that Isak had moved out. Nevertheless, she had handled the moment with grace and poise and Even couldn’t help admiring her for it.

A comfortable silence fell among them as they continued looking through the menu. “I love this restaurant,” Liv hummed, looking over her menu.

“You’ve been here before?” Even asked.

She nodded, “Isak’s father used to take me here on every anniversary.”

“What? I didn’t know that?” Isak asked.

“It was a long time ago. You were too young to remember, sweetie,” she smiled kindly. “I haven’t been back here in five or six years now.”

“Well, I’m trying to make a decision between the lasagna and the ravioli,” Even told her.

“Hmm,” she hummed, “That is a tough decision.”

Isak grabbed Even’s wrist to look at the time on his watch. “You okay?” Even whispered.

“Papa should have been here by now,” Isak replied as he glanced at the watch.

A waitress came by and refilled Liv’s wine glass. “Is everyone ready to order?”

“We’re actually waiting for one more,” George told her. “I’m sure he’s almost here.”

“Not a problem at all,” the waitress said as she left.

“I’m sorry he’s making us wait,” Isak spoke up to no one in particular, maybe everyone.

“Don’t worry, Isak. Waiting with wine is hardly waiting at all,” she laughed.

“So, you’re in your third year, Even?” Marianne asked him.

“Yes, I am.”

“Almost done, then? How exciting,” she said kindly.

“I am excited,” he agreed. “Ready to be done. Start the next adventure,” he smiled, lacing his fingers together with Isak’s under the table.

“And what’s that?” she asked. “Your next adventure?”

 _Spending the rest of my life with your son_. It was exactly what he wanted to say, but he hadn’t even admitted that to Isak yet. Not in so many words, “Film school, actually. I applied to the Media Studies program at UiO. I should be hearing back from them soon. By May I think.”

“Well, that’s wonderful. I always liked movies. Could never get Isak to sit still through them,” she laughed.

“Not much has changed then,” he smirked, looking over at Isak.

Isak looked offended as he mildly raised his voice, “Hey! I’m getting better.”

“Mhm,” Even nodded, sounding not entirely convinced.

“So sorry I’m late!” Terje interrupted them as he sat down next to Marianne. “Couldn’t find the darn place. Should have just told me the name of the restaurant, Isak. I would have known right away. Should have known better. You’ve never been good at directions,” he laughed, not even looking at Isak.

Isak tensed up immediately.

It was an interesting way for Terje to introduce himself, starting with an insult to Isak. He’d probably thought there was nothing unusual about it, but Even could feel the way it put Isak on edge.

“Hey Papa,” he said quietly.

“Isak, Marianne,” he nodded. “Ah, and you must be Mr. and Mrs. Bech Naesheim.”

“George,” Even’s dad shook Terje’s hand.

“Liv,” his mom repeated the gesture.

Even was sat directly across from him, too far away to shake his hand comfortably. “And you must be Even,” Terje raised his eyebrows. “Nice to finally put a face to the name.”

“Sorry?” Marianne asked, confused.

“Oh, we’ve talked, haven’t we, Even?” he explained to her. It almost felt like he was rubbing it in. Like it was something he could hold above her. Sitting down, Terje looked to be taller than Even, but he was sure when they stood after dinner he would at least match him in height. Most of his stature was in his legs.

Terje picked up the menu, not making any efforts to keep the small talk going. Even leaned back in his chair, released Isak’s hand, and put his arm around Isak’s chair, his hand resting on his shoulder. He leaned over to speak in his ear, “You okay?” he asked once again, quiet enough for only Isak to hear.

Isak nodded, “Fine.”

“Um, how’s work, Papa?” Isak asked. Terje looked up to see Even’s hand on his shoulder and immediately dropped his eyes.

“Oh, nothing special. We’ve got a new client who’s giving us a hard time with their demands. Just like all the others,” he waved his hand in the air like he couldn’t be bothered to talk about it. He still hadn’t looked his son in the eye.

“What kind of work do you do, Terje?” Liv asked, sounding genuinely interested.

Even listened to Terje explain his work with a small advertising firm. His dad asked all the right questions and his mom continued the conversation, trying her best. Terje didn’t even bother to ask Even’s parents what they did, just went on and on about his boring job. Even tried not to become too irritated with him, but it was becoming harder and harder the more Isak tensed.

They were interrupted when the waitress came by to take their orders. Marianne ordered the gnocchi, Isak ordered the raviolis, Even the lasagna, Liv and George each ordered the risotto. Terje bit his lip for a while in a movement that looked all too familiar to Even. He’d seen Isak do the exact same thing. Terje ended up ordering the spaghetti.

By the time the food had arrived, they were fifteen minutes into a long story from George about the pizza shop incident of ’06 and Even had his head hung in his hands. This time however, Even was trying to keep from laughing instead of crying. Marianne thought it was a funny story, perhaps more so than Isak who rubbed a soothing hand across his back.

Even lifted his head, “Honestly, though. What kid doesn’t want to play with the dough and toss his own pizza?”

“I swear, Marianne,” Liv laughed, “I was washing dough out of his hair for days! And his clothes were completely ruined! I just threw them out!”

“I’m just saying, he didn’t have to take my picture and frame it in the shop!” Even argued, cutting into his lasagna.

“That’s why you’re feuding with the manager?” Isak laughed.

“I think he was just impressed. He’d never had a kid manage to climb the barrier like you,” George explained.

“Oh, so you’ve always been the tallest, haven’t you?” Marianne giggled.

“Unfortunately, yes. And it’s gotten me into the worst situations.” Even held up his hand to count off on his fingers, “I always have to sit in the back at the movie theater, Ma always makes me get things from the top shelf, I have to be on the lookout for low doorways –“

Terje cut him off, “Oh I’m sure that’s the worst of your problems,” he said sarcastically.

It made Even lose his words. He wasn’t happy to be spending the dinner with Terje in the first place, but this was a different person that who he talked to on the phone. The man he talked to on the phone seemed remorseful and worried. He’d told Even he could fix it, encouraged him even. It didn’t make sense that he would be speaking so cruelly to him now.

“Are you kidding me?” Isak asked coldly.

“What?” Terje shrugged, not even looking at Isak, looking at Even. “I think being tall is great. I personally have found many advantages.” It wasn’t a good enough save.

“I’m going to use the restroom,” Even announced standing up from the table.

Isak removed his napkin from his lap and stood with him, “Yeah, I’ll come with you.”

“Son, I’m sure he can use the bathroom by himself,” Terje smirked as he twirled spaghetti around his fork.

“Papa stop,” Isak said curtly. Even grabbed his hand and pulled him away from the table. He looked over at his parents, hoping they got the message loud and clear. _Help_.

As soon as Isak was in the bathroom, he let it all out, “I can’t believe him!”

“Isak, it’s okay!”

“No, no! It’s not! He spent almost my whole life pretending Mama’s problems were nothing and he arrives here, _late_ , and the first thing he says to you is a jab at Mama and then he just calls you out like that, like he has any fucking right at all!”

“Isak, calm down,” Even pulled him into him.

“It’s not fair. I can’t stand him, Even. He doesn’t even like me. Why did he show up if he as going to be like this?”

“He loves you, Isak.”

Isak huffed, “You don’t know that.”

“I do. He told me so.”

Isak pulled back, “He what? When?”

“When I called him,” Even explained. “He told me he loves you. And I know he’s being an asshole right now, but when he said it, I believed it.” Isak didn’t say anything for a while and Even almost rolled his eyes at the smooth Italian music playing from the speakers. It just didn’t fit.

“He’s my father. He’s supposed to love me, right?” Isak wiped at his eyes, “But I don’t think he _likes_ me. Maybe he loves me, but he doesn’t like me.”

“Don’t say that.”

“But it’s true! I know it is. I don’t like him either.”

“I love you, Isak. And I like you.” He paused, “Did you ever tell him that I’m bipolar?” he asked.

Isak shook his head.

“And your mama? Does she know?” he craned his neck down to look him in the eye.

“No.”

Even sighed, “I think we need to start there. I think they need to know before we ever bring up moving in. They need to understand me, or at least know about it. If they’re going to hear us out, they have to hear everything.”

“You want to tell them?” Isak asked.

Even shook his head, “No. I never want to tell anyone. It never doesn’t suck. But I know we have to, okay?”

Isak nodded, “Okay. Okay. I’m sorry I freaked out.”

“Relax. It’s not your fault. We’re gonna be okay.”

“Yeah. Even?”

“Mhm?”

“I love you and I like you, too.” 

“Come on,” he smiled. Even grabbed his hand as he led him out of the fancy bathroom, “You’ve got to try my lasagna.”

When they got back to the table, Even’s mom was talking about some insufferable woman from the chemistry and biochemistry department. Truth be told, Ma thought almost all her coworkers were insufferable apart from a select few. He’d lost track of who had “done the stupidest thing.”

They sat down quietly and Even began immediately scooping some of his lasagna onto Isak’s plate. Isak mirrored him by scraping some raviolis onto an empty space on his plate. The raviolis were good, just cheesy enough. Isak’s mom leaned over and whispered something in Isak’s ear, but Even couldn’t hear what she told him. He just saw his eyebrows scrunch together as he looked at her.

“What was that, Marianne?” Terje looked at her, obviously disturbed that she had whispered with him at the table.

“She wants to know how me and Even met, Papa,” Isak told him. Even wasn’t quite sure, but it felt like a lie. “Would you like to hear, Papa?”

“Sure, son,” Terje replied, focusing on getting more spaghetti in his mouth.

“Papa, will you look at me, please?” Isak asked. He kept his voice calm and steady, but Isak could tell he was feeling small.

Terje looked up at him, really looked at his son for the first time the whole night, “I am looking at you, Isak.”

“You haven’t looked me in the eye once all night,” Isak retorted.

Terje laughed and it didn’t comfort Even at all, “What? Would you like to have a staring contest? Isn’t that a bit juvenile?”

“Terje,” Marianna spoke softly.

He cut her off, “I’m listening, Isak. Tell us how you met each other,” he looked at both of them.

“We met in a bathroom, actually,” Even spoke first.

“Yeah,” Isak jumped in, “A mutual friend convinced both of us to go to a revue group meeting at Nissen.”

“A bathroom?” Marianne smiled.

Isak nodded. Even laughed, “I was washing my hands and then Isak was beside me and I panicked. I wanted to talk to him, but I was so nervous.”

“So, he took all the paper towels,” Isak finished.

Even laughed and shook his head, “I must have pulled at least twenty from the damn thing. I kind of feel bad about it. I’ve never so overtly disrespected the environment before.”

Isak grabbed his hand on the table, “I don’t feel bad about it at all.”

“I met your mother at Nissen, too,” Terje spoke up, somewhat softer.

“You did?” Isak asked.

Terje nodded, “Sure. She had Norwegian class with me first year. She read this poem in class one day, you remember Marianne?” he looked to her, “About the clouds? And I just knew we would be together.”

Marianne smiled, but shook her head, “We were young.”

“There’s something I want to tell you, both of you,” Even looked at Marianne and Terje. Isak squeezed his hand tighter, looking to him with a supporting smile. “I’m in love with your son and I want to be a part of his life as long as I can, so I want to be honest with you about who I am.” He gulped and he tried to ignore the worry on Marianne’s face. Terje’s expression was unreadable. “I have bipolar disorder. For the most part, I can live my life unaffected by it, but I promise, it doesn’t affect my feelings for your son.”

“Honey,” Marianne leaned forward place her hand on top of Isak’s on top of Even’s. “I think that’s really kind and brave of you to tell us. I know it can be hard.” Even didn’t know until then that Isak had been holding in his breath.

“Thank you, Mrs. Valtersen. I have great support from my parents, and from Isak,” he looked over at him. Even was overwhelmed with how much love he could feel radiating from his chest. 

“Marianne, please,” she assured him.

Terje said nothing, just bit his lip.

“Papa?” Isak asked. “Will you say something?”

“I don’t know what you want me to say,” his father replied. “I’m not sure why you’ve decided to tell us this, Even. Seems like it should be your business, but thank you for your honesty.”

Somehow that didn’t warm Even’s heart.

“We’ve encouraged Even to be accepting of his condition. It’s part of who he is and we’re always proud when he shares his whole self with someone,” Liv said to Terje.

“Hmm, I understand I suppose,” Terje replied to her.

“Well, I think the boys have some more news to share. Right son?” George asked Even.

A few seconds later, the words were coming out of Isak’s mouth, “We want to move in together.”

“We want to move in to our own place,” Even added.

“I know I haven’t communicated very much with you,” Isak looked to his mother, “But I want to share this with you. I really want to do this, and all I’m asking for is your support. It would mean everything to me.”

“Oh, honey,” she smiled, and gripped his wrist, rubbing a soothing circle on his hand with her thumb.

Isak was positively glowing. He smiled and Even did, too. “We’ve already made a list of apartments, Mama. Our top three are close to the center. I could come visit you more often. And the rent’s less than what I owe at the kollektivet now, so,” he started explaining to his father.

“I’m not sure that’s a good idea, son,” Terje interrupted him.

Isak’s face fell with Even’s heart. “What do you mean?”

“I don’t think you should be moving in with your partner at seventeen. If I were you, I wouldn’t be doing this,” he stated.

“If you were me?” Isak asked, his face looking hysterical. “You were already living with Mama when you were my age, Papa. You were already a father at seventeen. Are you telling me that if I were with a girl and I got her pregnant you would feel differently about this?” Isak was angry. Liv scooted her chair a little closer to George instinctively and poured another glass of wine.

“I don’t care who you love, Isak. I wouldn’t want you to be a teen father either. You think if I were seventeen again I wouldn’t have done things differently?” Terje asked quietly, leveled.

“Are you?” Isak blinked back tears, “You’re saying you wish I hadn’t been born?”

“Don’t pull that shit,” Terje sat back. “If it weren’t for me, you wouldn’t be here.”

“Terje,” Marianne warned.

“No, it’s honesty hour.” He looked to Even, “Right, Even?”

“Uhh,” Even hesitated. Honestly, Terje was scaring him.  

“Tell him, Marianne,” he looked down at her. “Tell him.”

“Tell me what?” Isak’s face was flushed.

“Babe,” Even tried to comfort him.

“No, I need to hear this,” Isak looked to his mother.

“She didn’t want you,” Terje said calmly. “She wanted an abortion. I convinced her to keep you.”

Marianne, who looked the smallest that she had all night, had tears spilling from her eyes, “Isak, honey. I love you. I was scared. I was sixteen and I didn’t think I could be a mom yet. I didn’t know what to do for the longest time. But I love you, honey. I mean it. From the moment you were born, I’ve loved you.”

“Mama,” Isak wiped away her tears.

“Why the postpartum depression, then, huh, Marianne?” Terje pestered, “You loved him so much that you let yourself get depressed.”

Even’s blood was boiling, “I think you need to stop.”

“Excuse me?” Terje was angry, too.

“She’s obviously hurting right now. You need to stop. No one _lets_ themselves get depressed, Mr. Valtersen. In fact, postpartum is usually due to hormonal changes, completely out of the mind’s control.” George put his hand on Even’s shoulder in support.

Terje shook his head, “The point is, Isak, if you’ll listen to me for once – I would have done things differently. I wouldn’t have gotten your mother pregnant, not if I knew she’d develop so many problems later. I don’t think moving in together helped alleviate them at all. In fact, it probably made it worse.”

“Can you stop talking like she isn’t here?!” Isak raised his voice. “She’s right here, Papa. Stop embarrassing yourself. I don’t blame you, Mama. I don’t. I know you love me. I love you, too.” 

“And what happens when his mental illness makes you want to run? Are you going to leave him like you left your mother? Where will you go? Your mother can’t take you in at assisted living. I know for a fact you won’t come running to me.”

“Actually, Terje. The boys have thought a lot about this. In the event that they break up, Even will move back in with us until Isak decides on a new living situation. They’ve been very mature about this whole process,” George spoke up. Even had never felt happier to have his father for his father. He’d never really known how lucky he was.

“So, you both support them on this?” Terje looked to Liv and George.

George nodded as Liv affirmed, “Absolutely. Isak’s already like part of our family.”

Terje shook his head just as his phone began to ring. “I wanted more for you, Isak. You’re still so young. I wanted you to have a better life than this.”

“Don’t you get it?” Isak looked at him, his voice stricken with heartache, “I’m the happiest I’ve ever been, Papa. And you can’t even see it,” his voice choked up.

Terje nodded, but he looked displeased. He glanced at his phone, “It’s work. I’ve got to take this. Look, Isak, do what you want, but I can’t support you financially anymore.” Terje looked to Even’s parents, “Thank you for caring about my son. I never seemed to get it right.” He turned back to Isak, “I know it may not seem like it, but I do love you, son. I’m sorry I don’t know how to be better.” With that, he left the restaurant and didn’t return.

Even pulled Isak into him. It was difficult in the chairs they were in, but they managed and Even held Isak’s head on his shoulder and kissed his hair. He whispered and told him how he loved him and he was so proud of him for standing up to his father.

“I’m sorry for Terje’s behavior,” Marianne spoke softly, to the entire table.

“Oh, pft, you don’t need to apologize for him,” Liv assured her.

“He hasn’t always been so cruel. It’s been hard on all of us, particularly the last few years,” she explained.

Isak pulled away from Even but still held his hand, “Mama, let’s not talk about him anymore? It’s over okay.”

“Isak, I’m sorry for,” she started but Isak cut her off.

“No, I understand. I know it must have been hard for you to have me so young. I’m glad you did, but understand why it wasn’t easy. You don’t need to be sorry. It doesn’t change how much I love you.”

Marianne took his free hand and Isak sat there, anchored by his mother and his Even. “I’ve been helping in the kitchen at the center, making some money. It’s not much, but I can help you with your rent,” she told Isak.

“That won’t be necessary,” George assured her. “We planned to help Even live on his own. We’re happy to pay the full rent for both of them.”

“What?” Even asked. “That was never part of the deal.”

“You’re too young to be worrying about money,” Liv explained. “I just got tenured and it feels right. It’s all working out, baby.”

“Wait, you’re tenured!” Isak exclaimed, “Congratulations, Liv!”

“Thank you, dear,” she smiled, “Now, what do you want for dessert?”

“What does tenured even mean?” Even asked.

“It’s like job security,” Isak informed him.

“It means they’ll have to fight like hell to fire me now!” Liv laughed before she sipped on some more wine.

“Honey,” George leaned over to her.

“Shut it, George. I’m celebrating. My TAs are grading the exams, I’m tenured, Isak and Even are going to move in together. It’s excited times!” She shouted.

Even could feel the eyes from other tables drawn to them.

“Liv, George. I don’t think I can accept your money. It’s too generous,” Isak stated.

“Nonsense. It makes the most sense, dear,” Liv argued.

“You have to at least let me get a job,” Even countered. “Just part time, enough to help out, pay one of the utility bills or something.”

George eyed him carefully, “We’ll talk about it. Maybe give that pizza shop manager a call?”

“Oh my god!” Even dropped his head onto Isak’s shoulder. “I’m never living this down.”

“It’s funny,” George addressed Isak, “He thinks I’m kidding.”

In the end, Liv wouldn’t accept Isak’s protests to dessert and he shared a tiramisu with Even. It was delicious and Even knew Isak regretted not ordering his own.

None of them brought up Terje again that night. It felt right to have just Marianne sitting there with them. When they finished their meal and Liv paid the bill that Even was too scared to look at, the five of them accumulated outside in the cold.

“Well, I better get your mother home,” George smiled, pulling her into his side. Before they walked to their car, Marianne thanked them again for the meal and for “all the love you’ve shown my son.”

Isak and Even walked with Marianne four kilometers to her residence. Before she slipped inside, Isak pulled her in for a hug and kissed her cheek. He told her he loved her.

And Even most definitely did not cry, except he did.

“It was wonderful to meet you, Marianne. I hope to see you again soon,” he said.

“You, too, dear,” she replied. “You better be good to him, Isak,” she told him with a smile.

“I promise, Mama. I’ll see you soon.”

Isak and Even watched her walk in the glass doors and sign in at the front desk. She waved to them once again before disappearing down the hallway.

Even turned to face Isak, pulling him in by his hips. His hands rested gently on Isak’s waist, careful not to apply much pressure. Isak laced his fingers together around Even’s neck.

“Hey,” he smiled.

Even didn’t even reply, just leaned in to kiss his lips tenderly. He moved his hands up to cup his face, fingers dancing on his skin. When he pulled back, Even rested his forehead against Isak’s, “Home?”

Isak nodded, rubbing their noses together, “Home.”

 

 

 

The kollektivet was silent when they arrived back at Isak’s apartment. Isak pulled out his phone to find several texts from Eskild when they walked into the kitchen. “Look,” he smiled. Eskild had sent him all of the photos from earlier, all nine.

“He’s going to be heartbroken when we tell him,” Even decided, loosening his tie.

“Hmm, Mama always told me I would be a heartbreaker,” he teased.

“For my sake, I hope she’s wrong.”

“You’ve got nothing to worry about,” Isak assured him. He leaned up and pressed a kiss to his cheek, his jaw, his neck. He traced his lips over the skin, tantalizing Even. “What do you say I give these a touch up?” he asked, running the pads of his fingers under Even’s shirt.

“If you let me mess up your hair,” Even countered.

Isak grinned mischievously and crashed their lips together. Even wasn’t sure how they managed to get into Isak’s room without running into anything or separating their lips. But there he was, unbuttoning Isak’s shirt faster than he had buttoned it hours earlier. Isak had begun unbuckling Even’s belt. It was Even’s favorite sound, could make him hard in seconds. His stomach tightened at the feeling of Isak’s fingers so intimately close with his lips inseparable from his collarbone.

Within minutes, Even had his lips around Isak, his hands anchoring him by his hipbones.

“Ohhh,” Isak moaned, “Ev, stop. Come up here, I wanna kiss you,”

Even crawled up his body, involuntarily grinding down into Isak’s hips as their tongues met and Even’s fingers tangled in his hair. Isak rolled on top of him, straddling his thighs. He dragged his lips along Even’s neck, biting and teasing. He turned his head to the side with his hand and Even opened his mouth to pull two of Isak’s fingers into his mouth, moaning around them.

Isak’s mouth traveled further, leaving fiery remnants of his touch all down his skin. Isak’s lips met the inside of Even’s thigh, sucking gently, and Even lost it, opening his mouth and releasing Isak’s slick fingers. He arched his back when the pads of Isak’s fingers rubbed at his rim.

Minutes later, after Even had found the lube from the drawer and a condom, had set them down on the bed, he held onto Isak’s hand for dear life as he curled three fingers inside him. “Come kiss me,” Even panted, sounding more demanding than Isak had earlier.

Isak carefully removed his fingers and situated himself on top of Even, licking into his mouth and gripping his hair with his clean hand. He pulled his lips away from Even’s to give his throat more attention. “You ready?” he huffed hotly against his skin.

Even nodded furiously, holding onto Isak’s biceps as he rose above him. He found the condom and ripped it open. Isak slipped it on and lubed himself up some more, stroking himself a few times.

Isak grabbed Even’s leg from behind his knee, pulling it upward to expose Even more. He carefully pushed his fingers inside just to double check before guiding himself into him. Even’s mouth fell open in utter bliss. Isak slowed his initial thrust, to an excruciatingly slow pace.

“Don’t stop,” Even begged.

Isak bottomed out and leaned forward, pressing his chest on top of Even’s and stretching Even’s ridiculously long leg. As a result, he slipped in impossible farther. Even gasped, but his breath was really taken away by Isak’s lips.

Isak’s lips.

Even trailed his hands down Isak’s back, feeling the muscles move under the skin as he thrust into him. Isak groaned into Even’s neck, sloppily kissing him everywhere he could reach, biting down on Even’s shoulder, tugging on Even’s hair.

Even didn’t mind. It was complete bliss. He began to think that maybe there were several moments he’d choose to be suspended in. “I love you,” Even panted. “I love you I love you I love unghhh,” he moaned as Isak picked up his pace. Even turned his head to kiss Isak’s ear, whispering, “I love you so much, baby.”

Isak lifted his body up to grip Even’s hip with one hand, supporting himself with the other. He kissed Even’s swollen lips, “I love you, too, Ev.”

“Uh, uh, uh,” Even moaned as Isak moved inside him just so. It was perfect. “I’m close, Isak. I’m, ahh, ahh.” Isak moved his hand from Even’s hip to touch him, his thumb circling the tip just a few times before Even lost his breath completely, arching his back up as he came. Even hadn’t even come down from his high yet when Isak came inside him, his hips stilling, beads of sweat pooling atop his eyebrows, and eyes clenching shut. Even reached up to brush the hair that stuck with sweat to his forehead away.

Isak collapsed on Even’s chest, the air leaving and entering his lungs at a record pace. Even lifted Isak’s head up and kissed all over his face until his labored breaths turned to laughs. He rolled off of Even and sat up, carefully removing the condom and walking it over to the trash. He pulled a towel from his closet and cleaned off his torso. When he crawled back onto the bed, he cleaned off Even’s stomach and chest, too, then moved the towel gently between Even’s legs to wipe away the excess lube.

Even tore the towel from Isak’s hands and threw it on the ground. Half a second later, he was yanking Isak down next to him. He pulled the covers over them and Isak stretched to shut off his lamp.

Isak’s hands guided Even’s head to rest on his chest. Even’s fingers danced along Isak’s collarbone. “Hey Isak?”

“Yeah?” Isak looked down and brushed Even’s disheveled hair out of his eyes.

“Do you think you need to take one of your pills?”

“No,” Isak decided after a second of thought. “I don’t feel anxious.”

“What do you feel?”

“Hmm,” Isak hummed, pulling Even tighter and rubbing his hands over his back. “I feel happy. Relief, a little, I think. I feel love,” he looked down at him.

 

“I feel free.”

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ugh, this chapter got so long, but there was just so much I needed to write.  
> I hope you liked it. I'm sorry Terje Valtersen's a dick, but Even was never his biggest fan in the first place.  
> As always, I'm dying to hear your thoughts on this chapter!
> 
> I'll be traveling Wednesday through Saturday this week, so I won't be updating this again until probably Sunday or Monday the earliest. Don't Let Me Go will be updated by Wednesday. 
> 
> I can't believe SKAM is ending. I only just found the show six months ago, but I feel like years from now I'm going to look back and remember how big of an impression it left on me and how it made me feel things for fictional characters I've never felt before. 
> 
> Alt er love <3


	49. This is a place where I don't feel alone.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Yeah,” Isak shifted to look at Even over his shoulder. He squeezed Even’s hand tighter and Even’s heart swelled, “This is home.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is technically the last chapter. However, chapter 50 will be an epilogue of sorts from Isak's POV, set sometime in the future. I'm not sure when I'll have that posted, but hopefully within a week. Of course no promises, since I literally fell apart on trying to update this regularly. 
> 
> Chapter title from "To Build A Home" by The Cinematic Orchestra.

 

 

 

Saturday morning, Isak woke up before Even. He was already showered and dressed when he plopped back on the bed, putting his full weight on Even.

Even groaned, keeping his eyes shut, “What are you doing?”

“Wake up!” Isak smiled, leaning into kiss all along Even’s jaw.

Even squirmed away, “Stop, you’re all wet. It tickles!”

“Get up! Get up!” Isak commanded. He sat up on his haunches, straddling Even.

Even finally opened his eyes and let his hands rest on Isak’s thighs. “What are you doing, baby? What time is it?”

“Come on,” Isak grabbed both of his hands, lacing their fingers together, “It’s 8. I’m taking you somewhere.” He climbed off and found his footing, pulling Even into a sitting position. “Go shower. There are waffles in the kitchen. Let’s go! You’re going to waste the day away.”

“8 on a Saturday!? Who are you and what have you done with my boyfriend?” Even narrowed his eyes. “Have you died and been replaced by a look-a-like?”

Isak laughed, “Funny, but it’s not gonna work. Get up!”

Even fell back against the bed with a huff, starfishing on the mattress.

Isak stomped his foot like a literal child. “Come on. If you don’t get up right now, I’ll send Eskild in here to pull you out of bed.”

Even quickly turned his head over to look at him, “No. Isak. I’m completely naked.”

Isak crossed his arms over his chest, “And I’m completely serious.”

“You wouldn’t,” Even challenged.

Isak cleared his throat, then, “Eskild!!!”

“Oh my god!” Even jumped from the bed, wrapping the blanket around his waist, “I’m up! I’m up! Jesus Christ!”

Isak just smirked and handed him a clean towel, “Go shower.”

Even mumbled, dropping the blanket and wrapping the towel around himself instead, “Anything for you, sweetheart,” he said sarcastically.

Isak slapped his ass as he walked by and Even whirled around in surprise. Isak just looked shocked, mocking offense and holding his hand to his heart as if to say, “No, that couldn’t possibly have been me.” He grinned and Even strode back, one hand gripping the towel, the other finding Isak’s neck, his thumb stroking his jaw.  He pressed their lips together gently.

“I love you. Thank you,” Isak said against Even’s lips.

“Anything for you, babe,” Even said, and this time there wasn’t any sarcasm at all.

When Even finally waltzed into the kitchen, freshly showered he’s actually impressed when he sees waffles on a plate. “Did you actually make waffles?”

Eskild answers just as Even realizes the only waffle maker they own are square and these are circular. “Are you kidding? He just stole Linn’s Eggos.”

“I didn’t steal!” Isak argued, throwing up his hands in defense. “I asked Linn and she said it was fine, okay?”

Even laughed, plopping himself down in the seat next to Isak. “I’m sure they’re great anyway,” he smiled.

They’re not. But Even doesn’t have the heart to tell him that Eggo Waffles will never beat the real deal. At least Isak took the time to slice up a few strawberries and place those on top. Even got this sneaky feeling that there would be many more mornings in his future when Isak will wake him up to a breakfast in bed that looks just like this one.

“So, where are we going today?” Even asked after swallowing down a particularly syrupy bite.

“A few places,” Isak smirked.

“Just be back by 16:30, yeah? Family meeting,” Eskild chimed in.

Isak scrunched his eyebrows together, “Why?”

“What do you mean why?” Eskild replied.

“I mean, what’s wrong?” Isak asked, sounding paranoid.

“Oh my God, nothing has to be wrong to have a family meeting!” Eskild threw his hands up in the air, tightening his silk robe around his waist.

“Fine,” Isak agreed, narrowing his eyes to let Eskild know he didn’t quite believe him.

In reality, they had been wondering the best way to tell Eskild since Even asked Isak to move in with him. A family meeting seemed like the perfect occasion and that way they could tell Eskild, Linn, and Noora all in one go.  

“Seriously, where are we going?” Even asked as they climbed onto the tram and he followed Isak to a pair of empty seats across from a mom and her young child. The mom was busy on her phone while the little boy played some kind of simple spelling game on an iPad.

“Okay, so, I know it only became official yesterday,” he started.

Even placed his hand over Isak’s thigh squeezing in a few monkey bites as he pestered, “Tell me, tell me.”

Isak laughed and lifted his knee abruptly, holding in a squeal, “Stop it, Even,” he ordered breathlessly.

“Tell me,” Even demanded, swinging his arm around Isak’s shoulders instead. Isak jabbed his side quickly, causing Even to flinch, “Argh, truce!”

“So, I booked some appointments to see some apartments. We have three appointments and there are two places that just let you walk in and see the place, so if we want to go there, we can,” Isak finally told him.

“Isak,” Even smiled.

“You’re not mad?”

“Mad? Why would I be mad?” he tugged him in closer, nudging his knee under Isak’s thigh.

“Because, I basically chose our top five for us, and you didn’t really get an input,” he explained.

Even made him stop midsentence by kissing him firmly on the mouth, “I couldn’t choose anyway. I’m glad you did it for us.”

Isak sighed and nodded, dropping his head. Even pulled his chin up and kissed him twice more, then once on his cheek.

“Mama!” the boy whispered shouted across from them. He was tugging on her coat sleeve, “Mama!”

“What?” she sighed, looking down at him, “What is it, Sondre?”

He stood up on his knees on the seat to lean into her ear, cupping his little hand around it, “Those boys are kissing!” he told her. He probably thought neither Even or Isak could hear him.

Even smiled and Isak’s face went red as his body went stiff.

“Sorry,” she looked over at them.

Even just shook her head, still smiling. The boy was cute, alright? “It’s okay,” he assured her.

Sondre apparently took his mom and Even’s very short conversation as the okay that he could talk to Even, too. “Are you married?”

Even laughed and he felt Isak relax a little next to him. “No, kiddo.”

“Why do you kiss him?” he asked.

“Sondre,” his mom said it like a warning.

“What?” Sondre threw his hands up in the air like he didn’t realize anything was wrong with asking questions.

“I kiss him because I love him,” Even told the boy. He reached over with his free hand to find Isak’s.

“Oh,” the boy smiled. It was that kind of smile that took over his whole face. He leaned up and kissed his mom’s cheek with a loud smack, “I love her.”

Isak laughed as his mom replied, “I love you, too, sweetie.”

“My name’s Sondre. I’m five.”

“Four,” his mom interrupted him.

“I’m four but soon I’ll be five. This is my mama. She’s eight.”

“Twenty-eight!” his mom laughed.

“This is her iPad,” he held the tablet up, “But she lets me play games on it when I’m good.”

“That’s very nice of your mama,” Even smiled back.

“What’s your name?” the boy asked.

“I’m Even. I’m twenty,” he replied.

“What’s your name?” Sondre asked again, this time clearly looking at Isak who was looking at Even. “Hey,” Sondre tapped Isak on his knee, “What’s your name.”

It startled him, “Oh! I’m Isak,” he reached out his hand to shake Sondre’s.

“Isak!” the boy shouted, “My cousin is Isak! He’s my cousin. We’re going to his house right now! It’s his mama’s birthday!” Sondre was so excited, bouncing on his knees on the seat.

“Shh, Sondre, you’re being loud,” his mom chastised.

The boy apologized in a whisper then was nearly shouting again, “You should come to my cousin’s house! There’s going to be cake and ice cream!” Sondre’s attention was fully on Isak now and Even would be jealous if the sight wasn’t less adorable.

“Sondre,” she warned again. “Sorry,” she smiled, looking over at Even and Isak.

“Thanks, Sondre. But we actually have a lot of errands to do today.” Isak leaned forward to whisper loudly, knowing Even could hear him, “Plus, if Even meets another Isak, I think I’ll get jealous.”

Sondre giggled at that and held the iPad up to hide behind it. Even couldn’t help kissing Isak’s cheek one more time.

They listened to Sondre tell the story of how he and his cousin took swimming lessons together in such excruciating detail that Even wondered how this kid could remember all that. It was easy for simple things like swimming lessons to leave such big impressions on kids. Swimming lessons were equivalent to a great scuba diving adventure.

As cute as Sondre was, Even was more fascinated by the way Isak entertained the boy, asking question after question about swimming and fully engaging in Sondre’s story.

When their stop finally came, Isak started saying goodbye to Sondre and his mom and Sondre excitedly invited Isak to his soccer game. He didn’t give him a time or a place, but he really wanted Isak to be there.

Isak pulled a crumpled gum wrapper from his pocket and wrote down his email to give to Sondre’s mom. “Here,” he said, “Your mom can email me if she wants me to come to your match,” he smiled.

“Thank you,” his mom took the wrapper and smiled.

“Bye Isak! Bye Even!” the boy shouted happily as they stepped off. They both waved goodbye to Sondre through the window.

Even was smiling when Isak finally turned to look at him.

“What?” Isak asked, smile already on his face.

“Let’s adopt a kid,” Even said seriously.

“Oh, shut up,” Isak rolled his eyes and grabbed Even’s hand to pull him along the street.

Even hadn’t really meant it. At least, not right now. But he could easily see himself asking Isak just that for the next six or so years until he finally gave in. He laughed to himself about the prospect as Isak dragged him along.

The first place they saw was about 30 minutes from Nissen by tram, not exactly ideal but doable. It was more spacious than most of the other places that had been on their list. It even had a cupboard in the kitchen with a washing machine and a dryer. The kitchen flowed into the living room nicely and the bedroom was just to the right of double doors leading to a balcony. The landlord stayed in the kitchen while they explored. There was a guest bathroom in the hall, but they would have their own bathroom in the bedroom.

“Look,” Isak pointed out, “A rain shower!”

Even smiled at how excited he was. Isak knew he had been hoping for a rain shower. Satisfied with the bathroom, they went back out into the bedroom. That’s when Isak saw it. And then the apartment feels both too big and too small at the same time. Not only does he feel trapped, he feels lost.

“Is that?” Isak asked, keeping his nervous at bay, but unwilling to say it.

Even stepped forward and opened the single door.

“Ahh, I see you’ve found the walk-in closet. Very popular with our new residents!” the landlord smiled.

Isak smiled weakly.

“Are all units like this?” Even asked.

“Well, some units are flipped, mirrored depending on the position in the building. Some corner units have slightly bigger balconies.”

“I mean, is this the only option?” Even gestured inside the closet.

“Yes, sir.”

Even nodded. He knew it for certain. This wasn’t the place. They couldn’t make this home.

“Well, thank you for taking the time to show us around,” Even decided, joining Isak again. “We’ll be going now, but we’ll get back to you soon.”

Even lead Isak out of the apartment without much more conversation occurring between them and the landlord.

Once on the street, it all came spilling out of Isak.

“I’m sorry. I’m such a baby, Jesus. I don’t know. I’m sorry,” he looked up at Even, folding his arms uncomfortably across his stomach.

“Hey, chill. It’s fine. It’s just not for us.”

“Even,” Isak started, dropping his head. 

“No. Relax. We’ll find a place. We’ll buy a wardrobe just like Noora’s if we have to,” Even argued. “Hey, look at me,” he placed both hands on Isak’s cheeks. “It’s all gonna work out. Don’t worry. We’re only going to live where we’re both comfortable, okay?”

Isak searched Even’s eyes and Even tried desperately to convey that he wasn’t going anywhere. “But the rain shower,” Isak started.

“Fuck the rain shower, baby.”

There it was. That smile Even was looking for. He kissed Isak quickly, “Come on. Where to next?”

The next apartment was a ten-minute walk from Nissen and only fifteen minutes from Even’s parents’ place by tram. Isak and Even walked outside the apartment complex while waiting for their appointment time.

“This one’s smaller than all the other places, but it’s a decent price,” Isak started. 

“Close to Nissen, too,” Even noted. “What time is it?”

“11:15.”

“Can’t we just go in early?”

“I think fifteen minutes is too early. Come on,” Isak started walking away, raising his eyebrows suggestively, “Let’s explore.”

In no time at all, Even had Isak backed up against the side of the building. He rested his arms on either side of Isak’s head. Isak had his arms wrapped tightly around Even’s waist, pulling him in closer to make their kisses last longer.

“Mmm,” Even hummed, “I could get used to this.”

Isak looked at him curiously, laying his head back on the brick. “What? This?” He gestured with his eyes up above him at the trees of the little grove they’d found. Then his arms tightened around Even even more so, diving back in for one more kiss, “Or this.”

“Mmm,” Even replied, “I’ll never be used to this,” he smiled, leaning in to kiss Isak properly, slowly, like they had all the time in the world.

Isak laughed against his lips, “Good answer.”

 

 

The landlady led them up the stairs, explaining how they didn’t have a showroom, but there was a unit with an early vacancy she could show. It was ready to move into and would likely be unavailable soon. Even squeezed Isak’s hand at the thought of the next step in their lives possibly starting so soon.  

Isak was right. The space was small. Maybe half the size of the last place. But it had everything they needed.

Bathroom to the left. No rain shower, but the showerhead was one of those ones that was mounted on the wall and could be taken off. Plus, the height could be adjusted so that it sat, at its highest, about eight feet above the wall. Neither of them would need to worry about crouching. The bathroom sink was massive, a large and deep rectangle cut into the smooth black countertop. Two faucets fed into the basin. Even could easily see them both brushing their teeth there in the morning with plenty of room. The toilet was nothing special, but then again, Even didn’t think he’d ever seen a special toilet before.

The kitchen was straight in from the door. It had everything – stove, fridge, microwave, oven. Almost everything, no dishwasher. That was alright though. They tended to hand wash the dishes at the kollektivet. It just went faster.

To the right of the kitchen was the bedroom. There was a balcony and large windows that would let in lots of light. The wooden floors were a pretty and free of any nicks or scratches. There weren’t any more doors though. Isak seemed to notice the same time Even did.

“No closet?” he asked.

“No, unfortunately not. Most residents use dressers or wardrobes,” she answered.

Isak smiled, nodded as he continued looking around, “That’s not a problem.”

“And the laundry?” Even asked, suddenly realizing it was missing.

“Ahh, all in the basement,” she pointed down at the floor as if they could see through it. Her phone started ringing then. “Well, if you have any other questions, I’ll be downstairs in the leasing office.”

She closed the door softly behind her and left Isak and Even to themselves.

“What do you think?” Even asked, watching as Isak walked around the bedroom.

He paced around a couple times, twisting and turning and looking absolutely focused. He held out his hands, “I think the bed here.” He twisted, “And the TV there.”

Even walked up behind him, grabbing Isak’s hands with his own. He held them up so they were both looking through the same frame their layered hands created. “A dresser here,” Even whispered in his ear. They turned. “A table here.”

Isak lifted their hands higher, “Your drawings here.”

Even smiled and dropped his hands to wrap his arms around Isak’s waist, but Isak’s hands found his again immediately, “I really like it, Even.”

“Me, too,” he kissed his cheek.

“I mean, it’s small, but,” Isak started, trailing off.

“It feels like home.”

Isak scoffed, “There isn’t even anything in here yet.”

“We’re in here.”

Isak rolled his eyes, “It needs furniture.”

“Sure, sure.”

“But I know what you mean,” Isak softened.

“Yeah?”

“Yeah,” Isak shifted to look at Even over his shoulder. He squeezed Even’s hand tighter and Even’s heart swelled. “This is home.”

Even kissed him and hugged him closer to his body, “This is home.”

 

 

 

Things seemed to accelerate quickly from there. Even called his mom to get her down there to approve the new place and an hour later Even was signing the lease. He made Isak sign it too. Isak had rolled his eyes. His signature didn’t mean anything since he was seventeen. But Even wanted it to feel more official. Like they were really doing this together. Isak signed the paper just to shut him up.

On their way home to the kollektivet, Jonas called Isak and invited them over for FIFA and beer at his place with Mahdi and Magnus around 20:00. Isak agreed and told Even, “Guess we can tell the boys tonight, too.”

Even half expected nerves to crawl up when they sat down for the family meeting, but it seemed Isak had done that for him. He kept himself calm and composed while Isak squeezed his thigh.

They sat across from Noora while they waited for Eskild to drag Linn from her room.

“So, where were you two all day?” Noora asked, leaning on both elbows over the table. “Jonas came by looking for you.”

“He did?” Isak asked. Noora just nodded.

Even thought that was strange. As far as he knew, Jonas had only called Isak once about an hour ago.  

“Well, did you tell him off for his comment he made at that party again?” Isak asked, mildly irritated.

“No!” Noora crossed her arms across her chest.

“He told me he apologized to you, Noora. You should give him a break. He felt bad about what he said. But can you really blame him for being upset about William’s shitty father?” Isak said as calmly as possible, but Even knew he was straining in doing so.

“I’m not mad at him anymore. Besides, Mr. Magnusson didn’t even raise the rent that high.”

“He tripled it, didn’t he?” Even asked.

“Yeah, you don’t call that high?” Isak challenged.

“He raised it five percent!” Noora yelled. “I don’t have to explain his financial moves to you. I’m not his secretary, damn it.”

“What?” Isak sputtered.

“Five percent. He added less than 700 kroner to the rent. I’m surprised Jonas hasn’t told you _everything_ yet.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Isak asked quietly.

“Hey, no fighting at family meeting,” Eskild reprimanded them.

“Sorry,” Isak and Noora said at the same time.

“No, really. I am sorry, Noora. I’ll talk to Jonas. We’re going over to his tonight.”

Noora nodded, her red paint lips smoothing into a grin.

“So, what’s the family meeting about?” Even asked, turning to Eskild.

“Ahh, you’re gonna like this one,” Eskild smiled at him.

“I am?”

“Yes! Linn and I,” Eskild said, reaching his arm around Linn’s hoodie-clad shoulders, “Have decided to reinstate movie nights. We never watch movies together anymore and that’s just a disgrace.”

“Seriously, Eskild,” Noora sighed.

“What?”

“You always start movies way too late and then when I want to go to bed, I can’t because I sleep on the couch!” she shouted.

“Plus, we can never decide on a movie,” Isak added.

“And this was all your plan,” Linn chimed in.

Eskild’s jaw dropped. “I cannot believe all of you. I’m honestly feeling attacked right now. Even, baby, help me out.”

“Eskild!” Isak whined. “We talked about this.”

“Sorry!” Eskild threw his hands up in the air, “You know I call everyone baby, baby.”

Isak slumped forward on the table.

Even cleared his throat, “Umm, as much as I love movie night, I motion that we table the issue?”

“Is this for real? What is happening to our family?” Eskild sighed.

“Actually, Pops,” Even smiled at Eskild, then turned to Noora, “Mother.” She stuck her tongue out at him. “Sis,” he nudged Linn with his elbow. “We have some news actually.”

Eskild gasped and reached across the table to grab Isak’s hand from under his head, “Let me see it!”

“See what!?” Isak shouted.

“The ring!” Eskild said as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

“You didn’t!” Noora gasped. Linn covered her ears.

“No!” Isak yelled, “What the fuck!? We’re not engaged. Stop it!”

Even laughed nervously. This was a disaster.

“Well if you’re not getting married, what then?” Eskild threw Isak’s hand back at him. He looked over at Even. “You pregnant?” he joked.

Noora and Isak sputtered at that in laughter. This was chaos.

“You know, that was funny about the first fifty times, but why does everyone keep asking if I’m pregnant!” Even tried to say with a commanding voice. Eskild, Noora, and Isak went silent.

Linn spoke up however, “Am I gonna be an auntie?”

“Oh my god!” Eskild burst out laughing and then Even found himself laughing with him and soon enough all five of them were laughing and Linn’s face turned red from the attention.

As much as Even knew they were doing the right thing by moving out, he realized in that moment how much he would miss this completely wonderful, impossible mess of a family.

Once they’d calmed down and Eskild explained they had their full attention, Even passed the invisible mic to Isak.

Isak sat up straight, looking all of them in the eyes. He grabbed Even’s hand. “We’re moving out.”

No one said anything.

“We signed a lease today.”

Eskild finally spoke up, “Are you fucking kidding me?”

“This isn’t a drill,” Even told him.

“I’m getting my room back,” Noora asked.

“Shut up, Noora,” Eskild pouted.

“Eskild,” Isak chided. “We thought about this and it’s the best thing to do.”

“You’re not moving _for_ me, are you?” Noora asked.

“What?” Isak shook his head, “No.”

“We just want to move in together, to our own place,” Even explained. “Plus, it doesn’t hurt that you won’t be on the couch anymore.”

“Well, fuck movie nights then, am I right?” Eskild said, almost sounding angry.

“Are you actually mad?” Isak asked Eskild, shoulders slumping and head falling.

Even eyed Eskild, trying to explain, _hey, don’t make him feel like shit about this_.

Eskild understood. “No, baby. Of course not. I’m happy for you.”

“Yeah?” Isak looked up.

“Of course,” Eskild smiled.

“You know, I just. I wanted you to know that I’m,” Isak’s voice cracked. Even was suddenly alerted to the fact that maybe Isak wasn’t okay. He continued, “I’m really grateful for everything you’ve done for me.” He looked up at Even with tears in his eyes, “For us.”

Eskild was crying too and Even could’ve sworn he saw Noora’s eyes red-rimmed and watery.

Isak hiccupped. “I thought I only had one shot at a family and that I blew it. But,” he wiped his eyes, “God damn it. I’m just, yeah. Thank you. Really.”

Even saw Noora wipe at her eyes. Linn stood up and walked around Even to tap Isak on the shoulder. Somewhat hesitantly she held her arms out. Isak stood immediately and dwarfed her in a hug, wrapping his arms tightly around her. Noora stood up, too, and Eskild joined her to pulled Linn and Isak into their arms. Even stood back to give them room.

Isak poked his head out from the huddle and reached an arm out toward Even, “What are you doing? Come here. Get in this.”

 

 

Even hugged his family. “I love you,” he said.

He meant it for all of them.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading this story. 
> 
> ALT ER LOVE


	50. Author's Note

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for all the beautiful comments and support for this story that grew to be larger than I ever thought.

What was intended to be an epilogue to this story from Isak's POV has now turned into a separate fic set 5 years later. 

If you'd like to see what Isak and Even are up to in 2022, you can read "I Like Your Genes," the follow-up story to this one (Part 2 of this series).

 

 

 

Isak and Even are starting a new adventure. 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for being gone for so long.


End file.
